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Chapter 4

Ben made his way into the training room of the Jedi Temple feeling contemptuous. Ben left Jacen meditating in their sparsely furnished living room after he had ventured out of his bedroom that morning. He didn't really want to talk to his cousin. He was still reeling from the fact that he had been out until way past midnight and possibly later with, no doubt, Jysella. He had gone out after he finished unpacking and decided that he wanted to see if Jycella would accompany him to diner; however she wasn't at her room when he want to look for her. He went on to the dining room figuring he'd see her there, but when he didn't see her or Jacen, for that matter, he assumed they were together.

He shook the thought of them together from his mind. He really needed to work out his frustration before his parents noticed it. He knew that they considered Ben too willful, too impatient and if they saw him in his current state they would insist on sitting him down and demand that he explain the problem and want to help him fix it. He knew they meant well and he appreciated their concern when he was seven and really needed it, but he was seventeen now. He no longer needed them to solve his problems.

He made it to a mat near the back of the room, he was eternally grateful he was alone, but then it was still early. He sat down cross-legged and stretched his long arms over his head, pulling his back muscles as well as his arms. Then he lowered them and closed his eyes. Reaching out into the Force he found his center and breathed in all life, reveling in its richness, its flavor.

He had long ago come to terms with the Force, excepting his destiny as a Skywalker. He sometimes didn't like the idea of who he was, but he had learned to find peace with it. He knew he was strong in the Force, that the ability to do great things was there, as well as bad, terrible things like his grandfather had. It was this realization that caused him to decide, when the first of the memories Jacen had erased started to return to him, that he would begin his own journey to find his reason for being, and who he was.

Ben sensed her long before she entered the room but he stayed focused and deep in his meditation. Ben kept his eyes closed, but he felt Jysella walking closer, then sit down near him on the mat. He felt the Force swirl around her as she fell into her own meditation. He then let his mind wonder behind his iron tight shields.

He knew he didn't want to alienate her from himself but being this close to her and not knowing her feelings cut him deeply, but it wasn't just because he feared she held no feelings for him, it was because she did, just not he one he wished she did. She treated him with the friendship that they found anew after so many years and he wanted her friendship, but it hurt knowing that he may never have her love.

Love? Was that what he felt for her? Ever since that first moment he saw her for the first time again before the mission, he knew she had done something to him. All of his childhood feelings of friendship, of wanting to protect her came rushing back to him. Besides, she was so beautiful and she had a quick wit that he enjoyed. She had done something to Ben and in that instant he knew that he no longer was a kid. He knew what he felt wasn't just infatuation, a crush, nor was it just friendship. Sometime during those long, sometimes silly talks and watching her deal with the Kuati, Ben had fallen in love with her.

But had Jacen also? A nagging voice spoke in the back of his mind. However, he swallowed and ignored it. He couldn't think of that now.

He thought back over the years past, years ago when they were on Ossus together, before he went off with Jacen and she apprenticed to her father. He remembered them sitting in classes together, she sat in front of him then later beside him, as they learned history and math and all aspects of the well-rounded education a modern Jedi needed. They had been friends then, two misfits in a way that found strength with each other. They protected each other from the sometimes cruelty of children their age who saw them as flawed—because she lacked telekinesis and because he refused to touch the Force. In the eyes of the young students they were birds-of-a-feather.

Could they be that again? Even if she loves Jacen and he loves her back? Could they just be friends? Ben wondered if he could just stand in the shadows and painfully watch her with his cousin. As he opened his eyes to steal a glance at her, he felt his heart skip a beat and he suddenly hoped that he knew what he was about to do.

Jysella opened her eyes and turned towards him smiling, "Hello, Ben. I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I came in to work with some remotes," she glanced away and swallowed, "I need to work some cobwebs out before I meet with my father." After a pause she turned back to him with a very mischievous grin, "But since you're here; would you like to spar with me?"

Ben swallowed everything he was feeling, he had to because if he didn't he felt that he'd drown in her gaze. He smiled back, "Yeah, umm—that sounds great. I actually came here for the same reason, but I wanted to get my morning meditation in as well."

She narrowed her eyes and asked, "I would have figured you'd do that in your apartment. I know it's big enough. I can't even turn around in my room."

"I usually do but today I decided to get a—a different perspective," He knew it wasn't really the truth but it really wasn't a lie either. Giving her his most charming smile, he stood up and held out his hand to her, "About quarter size, what can I say. If you moved to Coruscant you'd get better living space."

"But that would mean I'd have to put up with you, Bennie," she snickered as she took his hand, but instead of letting him help her up she jerked on his hand, hard, pulling him down. Leaping to her feet in one graceful move, she laughed, "And he still falls for me every chance he gets."

Ben played along and glared at her but the irony wasn't lost on him even if she had no idea how true her statement was. He leaped up grabbing his saber in a single swift move, "You are going to pay for that, Jyssie." He grinned lopsidedly, an expression more Solo than Skywalker, at her scowl at the childhood nickname. "Get ready to be beaten."

She smirked at this, "And what makes you so sure I won't beat you?" She circled him and ignited her saber at the same time as he did his.

He followed her as she circled his stance at the ready, his saber in a mid guard position. As he watched her and gave himself to the Force he inquired with a raised dark brow and grin in place, "Because I can almost beat both my father and my Master, and if I am not mistaken they've been considered the best duelists the Jedi have to offer."

Ben enjoyed the stubbornness his boasting brought to her face, "Ben Skywalker, you are far too arrogant and really need brought down a peg or two." Then she lunged earning a quick and somewhat clumsy parry.

She snickered, "I thought you were nearly the best? Hells, I've fought beginners with more—"

She never got to finish the verbal jab, Ben attacked and Jysella suddenly was becoming very aware that Ben Skywalker was truly a force to be reckoned with, but more importantly Ben realized she was tremendously more.

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