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Chapter 7

Tenel Ka watched him with Allana from the doorway of the little girl's bedroom. Jacen was sitting on the edge of the princess's bed with a beautiful graphic holobook in his hands. He was reading her a story from the collection of old Alderaanian and Corellian children's stories. It had been his gift to her for her lifeday.

As she watched the scene before her, her heart ached. She wished that she could tell Allana about Jacen—that Jacen was her father. Allana never asked about her father or lack there of, but Tenel Ka knew that she was beginning to realize there was someone missing in her life. Allana's grandfather, Prince Isolder tried to fill the gaps in the girl's life, but Tenel Ka knew there would come a time when she would want to know. Not only that, Isolder himself was suspicious of just who Allana's father was. He wasn't buying Tenel Ka's story that she didn't know.

Allana already was showing an incredible ability for the Force, which wasn't really that all surprising, because Tenel Ka came from a long line of strong Force wielders, but Allana was exceptionally strong. At age eight she already could do things and had insights that Tenel Ka knew came from Jacen. And she knew that it would be that insight that would probably clue the girl in on just who her father really was, regardless of the fact Tenel Ka hadn't seen Jacen for an entire year before her birth nor had any indication of his true identity ever given to the princess.

Jacen finished the story and closed down the pad and then he patted the girl on her shoulder softly saying; for, Allana was all but asleep, "Good night, my Princesss. Sweet dreams." Tenel Ka swallowed, she could hear the love in his voice and the pain at not being able to be the father to his daughter that he wished he could.

Jacen went to stand when Allana whispered, "Master Solo," Jacen stopped and gazed down at her; she went on, "thank you for coming to my party today. I'm so glad that you could make it. You made everything perfect."

Tenel Ka could see that the quiet, sleepy words affected Jacen profoundly. He was struggling at keep his emotions hidden. Finally, he whispered as he bent to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, "I wouldn't have missed it for the galaxy." But it was doubtful that Allana heard him, she had already fallen to sleep.

Jacen watched her for a few moments as she slept, eventually, he laid the datapad on the nightstand by the bed and turned off the lamp. He turned back to Allana and tucked the comforter under her chin. He then whispered, "I love you, Allana."

Tenel Ka moved away from the door and Jacen followed her out and into her bed chamber. Finally, she turned to him and said, "She looks up to you, Jacen."

He met her eyes and swallowed. After a moment he smiled, but Tenel Ka could see the sadness, the longing in his deep, dark eyes, then he said trying to lighten his mood, "She thinks I'm a hero who will always save the day."

Tenel Ka stepped over to him and grasped his hand, squeezing it reassuringly she smiled and countered, "I think she considers you more than that. Sometimes I think she knows somehow and that frightens me. I know that it hurts you to not be more to her than her mother's Jedi friend."

Jacen took her into his arms and pulled her close. She loved being here held by him, it was one of the few places she felt safe, where she felt whole. He gazed into her eyes and for a moment she thought she saw something there, an emotion that she had never seen before. But his voice held nothing but the resignation it always did when their conversations would turn to Jacen's role in Allana's life, "Tenel Ka, as much as it does hurts me to not be able to be her father, I know I cannot be. If she ever questions me about it when she is older I will not lie, but please be assured that I understand the consequences of that admission now. Besides," he forced a smile, "she is so much like you that I doubt she would ever ask."

Tenel Ka smiled too, a small one, "That is a fact, my friend." Then she leaned up and captured his lips. This was their last night together before he left to go back to Coruscant. She knew that he would leave before morning and she often wondered how he was able to leave her bed without her knowing, but somehow she never saw him leave. She would waken to only an empty bed with an impression of Jacen sending her his love through the Force.

X

Tenel Ka listened to Jacen's deep rhythmic breathing and the strong beating of his heart as she lay with her head resting on his bare chest, wrapped in his arms. She wished she knew what was bothering him. She had assumed it was Allana but she wasn't so sure. In the two days that they had been together, she had noticed a change in him; it was subtle and probably wouldn't even be noticeable if she wasn't so attuned to him and if she hadn't known him for nearly twenty years. Something was different, especially when they made love.

She shifted and looked up into his handsome face, he looked peaceful and perfect in the dim moon light that was coming through the window. She traced that all too familiar face with her eyes and wondered yet again how long it would be before Jacen decided that he wanted more than what she was capable of giving him. When would he want to realize the dream of having a family, a wife? That thought cut her to the core. She never asked him if he was faithful only to her, she knew in her heart that he was, just as she had been faithful to him. Regardless of the story she had supplied to her father and encouraged her nobles to speculate upon for the circumstance of Allana's being, she had never been with anyone other than Jacen.

But she wasn't truly happy either, if she was totally honest with herself. It broke her heart every time she thought of it, but she knew she and Jacen could never be more than they were now. Their lives could never be more than stolen moments and borrowed time—a lie. She could never admit that Jacen was her lover and he could never be her consort. Sure, Hapans speculated and Jacen Solo's picture had graced more than one tabloid datachip, but she could never admit to him being more than just her childhood Academy friend.

She sometimes fantasized about being his wife, mother to his children, a normal person with regular responsibilities that had nothing to do with being a queen. However, those thoughts were only a passing fancy that her all too rational mind reminded her as being illogical and impossible. She gave up that privilege when her father placed her mother's crown upon her head.

Oh, Allana, my heart, your father likes to tell you fantasy stories of royal princesses and their dashing knights who always save the day, but I'm afraid being a real princess is nothing like that. Sometimes the princess can't ride away with the knight, she needs to stay behind and serve her people. The same people who hates the very knight that you love so much.

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