Chapter 3

It had been hours since she had finally drifted off to sleep. Bela lay there holding Jade and listening to the steady rhythm of her breathing, unable to fall asleep. Usually this was a balm to him, but not today. Sighing quietly in defeat, he placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder and slipped out of bed without waking her. His steps took him down the hall and before he realized it he was standing in front of the back door. Looking up into the night sky he wondered again how he had let himself get mired in the business he was in.

He always came back to one thing when he asked himself this question. Shortly before he had graduated from basic training he had become friends with someone he shouldn't have. He had been rebellious and looking for some fun, when he suddenly found himself in over his head. Khromi had talked him into trying spice. Leaning his head against the cool glass he shuddered when he thought of those days. Half of them he couldn't even remember and the ones he did, he wished he couldn't.

Not only was Khromi into spice, but he had also had a dark secret that he finally revealed to his friend. The seedy underbelly of his friend's home planet had sucked him in without a second thought. And he had went willingly.

Doped up on spice and harboring a need to prove himself, he dove right in and didn't realize what it would cost him until it was too late. The spice addiction he got over, the other addiction was still going on. It was one that you didn't break yourself from unless you killed everyone in power above you or you died. Those were the only two options and neither one appealed to him.

Realizing there was no out, he worked to make a name for himself and outshone all his competitors. He pushed the horror of his job aside and made himself numb to it. It was the only way he could function. Sometimes he felt like two people, one good and one evil. The worst part was that with the flick of a switch he could move between the two and it didn't bother him. He closed himself off from his emotions and it only made him better. Made him stronger.

Until he met her. Everything changed that day. Oh he could still do his job, but his conscious rattled him constantly. It made him sleepless most nights, not because he wasn't tired. He stayed awake to keep the nightmares away. Horrible images that wreaked havoc on his psyche and threatened to bring him down. But he refused to let them. He would not be broken by this. He would not let it touch Jade.

She thought he was an honorable man. Trustworthy. He loved her more than anything in the galaxy and he knew that if she found out about him it would be over. Everything. His life would cease to be important. The money wouldn't matter. Nothing would. So he kept it hidden. Before he had met her, he had become quite good at hiding his nefarious activities and had only improved in the past years. But it still ate at him.

Giving the night sky one last look, he walked back down the hall and climbed into bed. She turned over to snuggle closer to his warmth and he couldn't help the smile that came to his face. He would end this for her.

/____________________________________\

A few days later...

"Surely you must be joking, Ambassador." One of the senators asked her incredulously. Jade was able to keep from rolling her eyes at the man sitting across from her but it was not possible for her to hold her tongue.

"Have you ever known me to joke about something like this?" She asked calmly, with a small bite to her question.

"No." he answered hesitantly.

"Then why would you think this was any different?"

The man fidgeted in his seat and she threw him a look that said "well?". In her head she knew that she had him. He couldn't argue with her at this point, at least not with something legitimate. Looking at the other people seated at the table, she found most of them avoiding her gaze. Bela owed her. Originally he had scheduled this meeting himself, but his latest trip had taken longer than he had thought and, being the good wife that she was, she had offered to take his place. She could argue his points almost as well as he could, so it really wasn't an issue. She just hated dealing with most of the particular senators that were in the room at the moment.

Waiting to see if any one had the gall to try and argue with her any further, she said nothing for a moment, then stood. "Gentlemen, if there's no other objections I believe we are done here." Grumbling greeted her ears and she allowed a corner of her mouth to turn upwards. Picking up the datapad in front of her she nodded to the Chief of State then left the room. Jade closed her eyes as she waited for the next turbo lift and took a deep breath.

"Your husband knew what he was doing when he sent you." A voice from behind her broke her from her thoughts and she smiled. Turning slightly, she dipped her head in thanks at the compliment and waited for him to continue. This particular senator never said anything if it wasn't worth saying and he always had something to say.

"Thank you Senator Calrissian. Coming from you that's a compliment." She told him impudently as she walked into the now waiting turbo lift. He followed her and she chuckled. Jade genuinely liked Lando and loved his wife. Bela had invited the pair over to dinner every few months and she and Tendra had gotten to be friends.

"Have you thought any further about my suggestion?" He asked her as they rode the lift down.

"About becoming a senator?" He nodded at her question and she laughed.

"I'm not sure the senate is quite ready for that Lando. Hell, I don't think I'm ready for that myself."

Lando laughed and motioned for her to preceed him out of the lift. "You might be right about that Jade, but you have to agree it would be interesting."

"Interesting might be your word for it. I'm sure the other senators would find some not so nice words to use."

"Too true." He told her as he flashed her his famous grin.

"Good night, Lando. Give my love to Tendra." She told him over her shoulder as she walked down the senate steps. She reached the bottom and was just about to hail an air taxi when a voice stopped her.

"Hey, squirt." He said before he picked her up from behind and swung her around. A small squeal of delight escaped her as he put her down and she turned to launch herself at him.

"Jake! You're home!" He chuckled as she gave him a hug and realized how much he had missed her. "When did you get back?" She asked as she pulled back to look at him. He had been gone for two months this time. She hated it when he was gone that long and knew he wasn't too fond of it either. But it was part of the job.

"Just a few hours ago. Jared told me you were down here so I talked him into letting me pick you up. It's not like you need a guard when you have a Rogue to keep watch over you." He joked. "You hungry?"

"Of course. My treat." She told him as they turned to walk arm in arm down the sidewalk. He talked briefly about his trip as they walked to a nearby restaurant. When they were seated, he looked over at her while she perused the menu.

"So how are you?" He asked. She met his eyes and he saw confusion.

"I'm fine. Why?"

"Just making sure. Jared didn't say why you were in the senate building, but that's not usually your normal hideout. Is everything ok?" He asked, concern lacing his voice. Jade smiled at that. Jake was very overprotective of her and while it had annoyed her to no end while she was growing up, now it was one of the things that made him her brother. He took his older brother role very seriously.

"Everything is fine. Bela just got delayed with something and asked me to do it for him. No big deal."

Jake nodded and she could see the relief flood his eyes. Smiling to herself, she went back to her menu.

"Have you talked to mom and dad lately?" He asked, after the waiter had come to take their orders.

She nodded as she swallowed the sip of wine she had just taken. "Yep. Just yesterday. Dad's been crazy busy with the mayors lately. You know how they are, questioning everything he does. Like he's made bad decisions or something. I don't know how he keeps his sanity around them."

Jake chuckled and nodded his agreement. "Yeah, I think I would have spaced some of them a long time ago."

"Which is why you're not a governor or hold any other office." She threw at him. They laughed and she continued. "He did say he was hoping to be here in a few weeks. He has some business with the senate and wants to have dinner with us, if you're on planet."

"I can only hope. It's so hard coordinating all of our stupid schedules. Guess that's what happens when you have too many important people in the family."

She gave him a dubious look. "You're important?" He laughed and kicked her lightly under the table.

"Smart ass."

/____________________________________\

There was nothing that Jag liked more than sitting on the balcony and enjoying a cold ale. Well, there were probably a few things, but right now he could argue the point. He had graduated his Wanpa class today and he wasn't sure if it was relief he felt or dismay. For someone who didn't form attachments easy, he was finding it more and more difficult to not connect with his students on a personal level. This particular group of 15 year olds had tested him especially hard though, but he had finally brought them around to his way of thinking.

Taking a sip, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Kyp would be home from his meeting with Coran soon, so he wanted to enjoy the silence as long as possible. Not that he didn't like having Kyp for a roommate. The master was probably one of the only people he felt comfortable enough with to share living quarters.

No, the problem was the conversation from a few nights ago. The question had been bouncing around in his head and he had answered his friend honestly. His pride had been the issue at first. How many times could a man get shot down by the same woman before he finally realized it was time to stop. Apparently a lot. Who was he kidding. He fought the urge to do just as Kyp had suggested at least once a week and it wasn't his pride that was in the way now. He didn't think he had anything left to give, at least not if it was going to be thrown back into his face. But he didn't know if he could settle for less than Jaina. Sure, Jag dated but it seemed that every time he met someone they were compared to her. Which really wasn't fair to either him or his date, so he had stopped.

Sighing, he drained the bottle and stood up. Maybe it was time to take Iella up on her offer to set him up. He had to find a way to move on.

/____________________________________\

Jade closed her eyes as she felt another wave of nausea course through her. The images wouldn't leave her head, no matter how hard she tried to scrub them out. Concentrating on making her breathing more even, she tried to find what her brother referred to as her "happy place". It wasn't working. She leapt up from her chair and ran to the fresher, barely making it there before her stomach convulsed. Not that there was anything left to empty. Dry heaves had been the only thing she had left at this point. Her sides already ached from vomiting so much and if there was one thing she hated, it was throwing up.

When her stomach finally stopped protesting, she leaned back against the wall and pulled her legs up to her chest. Her head plopped down on her knees and the air suddenly felt oppressive as she struggled to gain control of her emotions.

She wasn't going to waste her time wishing this hadn't happened, or try to convince herself it hadn't. That was utterly useless and Jade had learned a long time ago to stop doing that. She might not be able to control what he had done, but she could sure as Sith do something to keep it from continuing.

Jade took a deep breath and steadied her hands against the wall to stand. Determinedly she walked back into her office and walked over to the comm station, careful to keep her eyes off the screen of her computer.

/____________________________________\