Title: Forsaken

Author: Tara Kitaide

genre: romance/angst/tragedy

Pairing: Ichigo/Renji

Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

Warning: Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

Rating: M for possible yaoi scenes

Dedication: To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

Ichigo's eyes cracked open slowly but surely. There wasn't much light shining in from the small window but there was enough to make out the dark figures of the nightstand and other furniture in the room. He let his eyes look around the room a bit before sighing heavily and swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. He winced when the chains around his wrist rubbed painfully over his now cut and swollen skin and craned his head over his shoulder to look down at the offending metal binds. Next to him, Orihime stirred slightly in her sleep before turning over onto her back and continuing to rest.

Ichigo did his best to reach out and pull the covers closer around her before turning back around and sighing heavily, his mind once again spinning with questions and desperately trying to find answers.

Before drifting off to sleep, Orihime had healed his cheek and tried her best to heal the cuts on his wrist, even though the chains only created more. Ichigo's back hurt, having to sleep in such an uncomfortable position with his arms bound as they were. The bed was large enough so Orihime and Ichigo shared it, even though Ichigo offered to sleep on the couch. Orihime insisted every time.

Ichigo sighed again and tried once again to break out of the binds surrounding his hands. He gritted his teeth and bared with the pain of his flesh being torn so roughly before finally he gave up. He tried once more but his attempt was half hearted and even he knew he could do better.

"That isn't gonna work. Those things have a kidou on em'."

Ichigo's head snapped around to fix on the end of the bed and the owner of the voice that had suddenly spoken. It was then, for the first time, that Ichigo noticed the figure at the end of his bed, sitting with it's legs crossed as it leaned against the bed post.

Ichigo stared uncertain for a moment before he registered to voice and figure as the man who called himself Mitsuteru Mitsuji. Renji's look-a-like.

"Why are you so surprised? I told you I'd be back." Mitsuji scoffed, standing and shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Or did you think it was all a nightmare?"

There was a hint of sarcasm as well as a mocking tone in Mitsuji's voice, accompanied by a small smirk that flashed across his face for only a moment.

Ichigo said nothing. Normally he would have come up with a snappy come back or would have been up in someone's face but he just sat there, his eyes traveling from Mitsuji, to the floor, Orihime and back again.

Mitsuji's smirk came back, this time staying as he stood and began to advance towards Ichigo.

"Come on."

Mitsuji grabbed Ichigo by the front of his shihakushō and dragged him towards the door, opening it slowly and quietly as not to wake Orihime.

"W-Wait!" Ichigo gasped out the words. He pulled back with his body, trying to resist being dragged further. He dug his heels into the carpeted floor of the bed room and strained against his color as Mitsuji tugged angrily at it. "Where are you taking me?"

Mitsuji tugged again at Ichigo's color, trying to make him move but the boy wouldn't budge. "I ain't takin' ya no where. Just move your ass and come on!" He growled. "I'll explane later, alright? Just move it!"

Mitsuji tugged again but Ichigo still refused to move. "Now listen, you shinigami brat--!"

"What about Orihime?" Ichigo asked, cutting Mitsuji off. "You're just gonna leave her here? What'll she do when she wakes up all alone?"

Mitsuji sighed and a distasteful frown scorned his lips. His eyes locked with the boys for a moment but didn't stat there long for Mitsuji scoffed and turned his head in aggravation. "She's Ulquiorra's responsibility, not mine. He'll be in to check on her, he always is." Mitsuji said, his voice waning between anger and annoyance. "Now come on!"

He added the last part as almost an after thought and tugged Ichigo again. This time Ichigo complied and was lead out of the room.

The hallways were brightly lit and white. So white you could probably see a pen on the floor from ten feet away. Ichigo's eyes strained as they adjusted to the sudden intensity. He tried to reach a hand up to shield his eyes but he was reminded of the chains around his hands as they rubbed against his skin, opening old wounds.

Ichigo whimpered softly but it was enough to catch Mitsuji's attention, who walked in front of him. Mitsuji glanced over his shoulder and at Ichigo's strained face. His eyes then trailed down to Ichigo's hands where they could barley be seen as the boy struggled with the binds.

Mitsuji stopped suddenly. Ichigo, focusing all his concentration on his hands, didn't notice and bumped into Mitsuji, almost losing his balance.

"W-What? Why'd you stop?"

Mitsuji turned as suddenly as he had stopped. He waisted no time and in seconds turned Ichigo around and was reaching out towards the boy's cuffed hands. Ichigo gasped slightly as Mitsuji's fingers grazed over the cut and bruised skin. "Just hold still." Mitsuji ordered. Ichigo did as he was told.

Ichigo winced and even wined as Mitsuji fumbled with the chains but soon they were off and Ichigo was free to rub his wrists in an attempt to sooth the pain. There was a rattling of the chains as Mitsuji tossed them carelessly into the hallway.

"Ah... thank you." Ichigo said as he began to turn back around to face Mitsuji. "But... why did you-- Augh!"

Ichigo didn't get to finish or even fully turn around before he was grabbed by the arm and tossed into a nearby room. Ichigo immediately scrambled to his feet once his body made contact with the carpeted floor. Without thinking, he bolted for the door only to be pushed back in the room by Mitsuji. Mitsuji followed after Ichigo, slamming the door behind him and, much to Ichigo's horror, locking it.

Ichigo tried to bolt for the door again but this time was pushed to his back onto the double bed in the room. Soon his hands were being pinned above his head and a hot body was being pressed against his. Ichigo gasped and breathed heavily, his heart racing and his head pounding.

"What... what are you--"

"Who the hell are you?"

Ichigo blinked up at Mitsuji, confused. "What do you mean?"

Mitsuji growled and tightened his grip on Ichigo's hands, gripping dangerously close to the boy's bruised and torn skin.

"Who are you? What the hell was this Renji guy to you?" Mitsuji asked, his eyes narrowing into a glare. A few strands of his crimson hair spilled over his shoulder and tickled Ichigo's cheek and neck. Ichigo didn't answer immediately. His mind seemed to go blank and his breath short. This man was so close, he could feel his breath on his lips. Ichigo gulped and tried to work past the lump in his throat but all that came out were small groans and whispered half-words.

Mitsuji growled, his patience growing thin. "I asked you who the hell he was to you!" His voice level raised now as he gripped Ichigo's hurt wrists and squeezed tightly, slamming them down above the boy's head in a fit of rage. "Who the hell was Renji? What do you think I'm him? Tell me, damn it!"

Ichigo whined and felt an unbearable pain settle in his chest. He looked up into Mitsuji's enraged eyes, his own narrowed in grief. "R-Renji was..." Ichigo paused, his voice rough and cracked. "He was a friend and..."

Ichigo stopped, uncertain of what to say. Renji was his friend but there were so many times when Ichigo wanted to be so much more. How could he explane it to this man? How could he make him understand that he loved him, even though they had never met, never spoken until yesterday, never been close. Ichigo was a stranger in Mitsuji's mind and Ichigo had to remember that in this mans mind, he wasn't Renji. He wasn't the Abarai Renji he knew. He was Mitsuteru Mitsuji, an Arrancar, a killer, a villain.

"'And'?!" Mitsuji demanded. "And what? What else?"

"And..." Again Ichigo hesitated. His heart throbbed and ached worse then ever. He felt his face flush and become hot but not out of embarrassment but frustration and nervousness. "I... I love him..." Ichigo said, staring up into Mitsuji's dark red eyes. "I... I love you..."

Mitsuji's eyes widened for a moment, his grip on Ichigo's wrists loosening slightly. He felt his face flush and his heart begin to beat rapidly in his chest just by looking into Ichigo's eyes. His head pounded, he began to sweat and once again he was feeling strange emotions brought up just by looking at this boy's face.

"I'm not... him..." Mitsuji muttered, his face drawing subconsciously closer.

Ichigo let out a shaky breath and tried to shake his head but it only moved very very slightly. "No." Ichigo said, his voice barely a whisper. Mitsuji didn't lash out or yell although he knew Ichigo was denying his statement. Instead, he closed the gap between them and crushed their lips together.

Ichigo sighed and let a small sound of pleasure escape him as Mitsuji's tounge poked past his lips and darted out to met his eager and waiting tounge. They licked and sucked desperately at each other, their hands now preoccupied with the task of exploring as much of the other as they could. They pulled away but only for air before smashing their mouths back together and continuing.

Ichigo felt as hot hands traveled under the folds of his shihakushō and searched every inch of his body. Ichigo's own hands shot up and ran through Mitsuji's crimson hair, pushing the man further into his mouth and moaning at every touch.

"Renji..."

Mitsuji snorted and quickly retreated his tounge from Ichigo's mouth and pulled away, despite Ichigo's protests. Ichigo held onto Mitsuji's face and tried to drag him back down into another kiss but Mitsuji removed the boys hands by force and stood up off the bed and away from Ichigo.

Ichigo huffed, his eyes wide they fixed on Mitsuji, his face scrunched in confusion. "Why... Why did you stop...?"

Mitsuji turned his head away and his normal scowl adorned his features. He sighed heavily, aggravation apparent in his tone. "I told you I'm not him." He growled, his eyes flashing to Ichigo a moment before once again averting his gaze. "You don't love me, you love him. I only look like him. So stop being so stupid and open your eyes. I. Don't. Love. You."

The pain in Ichigo's heart was no longer pain. It was beyond that. It was nothingness. Ichigo's stomach flopped and his head spun. He couldn't tell if he was breathing but he must have been because he hadn't passed out yet. He sat up, his eyes still fixed on Mitsuji, stinging with tears.

Mitsuji looked at Ichigo again and this time, he didn't avert his gaze again. Their eyes locked again and for the second time sense meeting this boy, felt his heart crumble and ache.

Ichigo stood, not quite sure what to do or say. Mitsuji was staring at him now with equally saddened eyes and an uncertain look. Ichigo took a step forward and reached out slowly, not quite sure what he was reaching for. His hand rested on Mitsuji's arm, making the man jump and his eyes widen more (if that was possible).

Without thinking or even stopping, Ichigo reached out and wrapped his arms around Mitsuji, burrowing his face in his chest. "Renji..." He called, breathing deeply, shakily. For the first time in days, tears fell freely down Ichigo's cheeks. Ichigo gripped the Arrancar uniform and bunched it tightly in his fists, his body shaking. "Renji..." He called again.

Mitsuji's eyes narrowed. He didn't embrace the boy or comfort him or kiss his head or anything. He just stood there and let Ichigo cry against him.

"Renji, I'm so sorry... so sorry Renji..." Ichigo sobbed. "I let you die... It's all my fault... I couldn't save you... and now you... you're..." Ichigo's broken and sad voice turned into a sob. He whimpered and cried against Mitsuji's chest, apologizing over and over.

"I just wanna love you Renji... I just wanna be with with you but... I couldn't tell you and you died without knowing... I'm such a coward, so pathetic... I can't do anything for you and now..." Ichigo looked up at Mitsuji, tears still streaming down his face, his breathing still irregular. "Now you're like this... and... it's all my fault..."

Ichigo brought a hand up to the side of Mitsuji's unmasked face and touched his cheek softly. "I'm so sorry... please forgive me..."

Mitsuji stared down at Ichigo, his eyes emotionless and unmoving, fixed on Ichigo's chocolate brown orbs. He once again removed Ichigo's hand from his face and peeled away the boy's arm that still wound tightly around him. "I already told you a million times already." Mitsuji said, turning his back on the boy. "I'm not him. My name is Mitsuteru Mitsuji. I'm an Arrancar not a shinigami and I certainly don't love you."

Mitsuji unlocked the door and walked through without looking back or acknowledging Ichigo as he fell to his knees. He stood in silence for a moment, not even the sound of Ichigo's hics and sobs breaking the tension between them.

"I hate you."

And then he was gone, the door was closed and locked and Ichigo was left to cry alone, doubled over and clenching his chest where the nothingness once again engulfed him.

-/-/-/-

A/N: Once again, I'm unsatisfied with a chappy. I didn't proof read or anything or put much effort into it but Whatever. It's late and I did this all in one day because I have other shit to work on and I'm a total procrastinator. Well, I already have this all planed out in my head, I just needa get it down. All I can say is, yall are gonna freakin' hate me.