Title: Forsaken

Author: Tara Kitaide

genre: romance/angst/tragedy

Pairing: Ichigo/Renji

Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

Warning: Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

Rating: M for possible yaoi scenes

Dedication: To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

Another scream, another dodge, another explosion of energy and Ichigo was on the ground again, scrambling quickly to his feet before the next swift attack could hit him. He gripped Zangetsu tightly in his hand, swinging wildly through the cloud of dust in hopes of his blade making contact with the target. It was no use.

Before Ichigo could blink, there was a blade to his neck and a body at his back. He immediately tensed, his breathing becoming erratic and his heart beat quickening.

"You've gotten slower."

Ichigo scoffed and a scowl replaced his surprised and tense look. "Whatever. You've just gotten faster, idiot."

The other person chuckled and slowly began to retreat their blade. "I guess you're right."

Ichigo's body relaxed out of his fighting stance as he swung Zangetsu over his shoulder and turned to face his comrade. "Let's take a break. I'm starting to get tired."

"Aw! Already? Geez, maybe you are falling behind."

"Shut up! Am not!"

Ichigo sat down slowly on one of the many boulders that littered the recreational waist land. It wasn't too long after that Renji sat next to him and took off his head band.

"What's up with you today? You seem kindda out of it." Renji said, using his headband to dab away the sweat dripping off his face. "Something wrong?"

Ichigo slumped his body forward, his head resting loosely in the palm of one hand while the other played with the bits of dirt and dust that stuck to his shihakushō. "I've just... had a lot on my mind is all." He said dryly. "It's just this whole Arrancar thing and on top of everything else just a bunch of other problems that have been gettin' to me."

Ichigo picked up a small stone and threw it, not particularly aiming at anything. He let out a frustrated sigh and once again put his head in his hands.

"Other problems?" Renji asked, his ears perking. "Like what?"

Again, Ichigo sighed and put a hand to his forehead. "There's... this person I like..."

"Oh?" Renji's ear's perked. "Do they know you like them?"

Ichigo glanced momentarily at Renji out of the corner of his eye and felt a faint blush coming which he tried to will down. "No. I don't think so..."

"And why the hell not?"

"I'm... not sure they'd return my feelings..." Ichigo said with a twinge of sorrow as he continued to stare down at his feet.

"Well that's stupid."

Ichigo's head snapped up at Renji, the pain on his face now replaced by frustration. "What the hell's so stupid about my feelings, you jerk!! I'm trying to be open!"

He stopped when Renji turned to him, his face calm and straight, not holding a bit of amusement. Ichigo's eyes widened slightly as the air around them tensed, obviously a result of Renji's reiatsu.

"Ichigo..." Renji called, shocking Ichigo. "Ichigo, anyone who wouldn't return your feelings is stupid. Any one would be lucky to have you, and I mean that."

Ichigo felt his heart skip a beat and his blush deepened. He had to tear his eyes away from Renji and scowl to keep himself from blurting out how he felt or maybe worse.

"Geez, what's with you all of a sudden?"

Renji's reaction was a chuckle which ended with deafening silence that lasted for several moments between the two until Renji stood.

"I'm gonna go ask Urahara for something, I'll be right back." Renji said before turning his back to Ichigo and walking through the recreation wasteland.

Ichigo said nothing and instead watched Renji walk off.

"Yeah..." He sighed. "Real lucky..."

-/-/-/-

Mitsuji's eyes cracked open slowly to the morning sun. It had been three days sense the incident with Ichigo and as time went by the dreams became more frequent.

They were always the same, or at least about the same thing.

For one, Ichigo was always in them and two, there was that infamous Renji he had come to disgust. He had to admit, the man did look like him, and they had many of the same mannerisms, but there was no way it was him. He knew who he was. He didn't need some brat telling him other wise.

Mitsuji continued to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling, thinking of his newest dream. Ichigo seemed so sad after words, that it made him cringe just thinking about it. The way he looked at this Renji... the way he spoke to him... it was all quite apparent the brat loved him. Why couldn't that idiot Renji realize it then? Then the brat might not pester him as much. Then he might not feel so guilty...

"PAH!" Mitsuji spat, sitting up. "Why should I feel guilty? It's not my fault the fuckin' brat thinks I'm him! The idiot just wont listen!"

Mitsuji sighed in irritation and swung his legs over the side of the bed, dressing quickly before leaving.

He walked out into the white hallway and shut his door behind him, locking it, not that he needed to. He adjusted the blade at his side and cringed when he felt a sharp pain in his head.

He didn't know why, but it was like this whenever he touched the blade. He had heard about zanpakutō relaying their feelings and emotions to their owners but that only happened to Shinigami, right? Arrancar zanpakutō weren't like shinigami's. They weren't alive, so why did he feel like someone was standing next to him?

"Fuckin' Shinigami Brat..." He grumbled for the up tenth time. "Messin' with my head... I swear I'll--"

"You're talkin' to yourself again, Red."

Mitsuji looked over his shoulder at the owner of the comment in mild surprise, not expecting anyone for quite some time. He immediately recognized the short teal blue hair and the hand that had subconsciously gripped the hilt of his blade relaxed. "Oh, it's just you, Grimmjow. Though Noritora was comin' to pick a fight again."

Grimmjow chuckled ever so slightly and walked to Mitsuji's side, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "So he's been pickin' on you again? Why don't you ever fight back? I mean, I know you can kick his ass!"

Mitsuji sighed as they began walking and rest his arm lazily over his blade while the other sunk into his pocket. "Shut up. Ya know I could if I would but--"

"Yeah, I know. Your Zampakuto is different then ours."

Mitsuji looked down at his blade for a moment, his eyes following the red scabbard and resting on the hilt before turning back to watch where he was walking. "I donno. Sometimes I hear these voices in my head. Like an old man and some punk. They always say 'What are you doing Idiot' or 'I can't believe you' or some other insulting shit." He paused and sighed once again, a momentary silence between them.

Grimmjow looked over at Mitsuji, an eyebrow slightly raised. The crimson haired man's face was contorted in confusion and pain and it made him equally confused. Never had he seen such a look on that normally aloof and smug face.

"Maybe I'm going crazy." Mitsuji said, catching Grimmjow's attention once again. "I really donno what it is but I do know it started a couple of days before that brat came here. And now it's even worse."

For the first time sense they began walking, Mitsuji looked up at Grimmjow, a now heavy, painful look in his eyes. He attempted a grin or a smirk but it was half hearted as he addressed the Arrancar. "Enough about me. How are your injures? Are they getting any better?"

Grimmjow was the one to sigh now, running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again, he looked up at the ceiling as if in deep thought and responded. "They're almost completely healed up. They said to give in a few more days and I'll have all my strength back."

"That's good." Mitsuji said a little too emotionless. "I'm sure that'll make you happy."

"Yeah." Grimmjow nodded, stopping suddenly. Mitsuji walked a few steps ahead before noticing the sudden stop and turning around, a now curious look on his face. "Eh? Grimm, what's wro--"

Before Mitsuji could finish his sentence, Grimmjow had him pinned against the wall, his hand on ether side of his head as he latched on to his neck.

This was nothing new to Mitsuji. He and Grimmjow had screwed around before. So many in fact that he forgotten just how many times. But as Grimmjow licked and sucked his way up his neck, now latching onto his ear, he couldn't help but feel slightly guilty. But... why?

"We've both been having a hard time lately." Grimmjow whispered in the other man's ear. "Lets just skip out on duties today and have some fun, eh? It's been awhile sense we've had the chance to."

Normally, Mitsuji would have been all over the invitation but now he felt his stomach sink and a disturbing sickness creep up from his bowls as Grimmjow groaped him through the thin material. He sighed, resting his now free hands on Grimmjow's shoulders and pushing him back with little resistance. "Sorry Grimm." He said, the same half hearted grin on his face as before. "But I can't right now. I have to watch the brat today but maybe later, okay?"

Grimmjow looked slightly surprised for a moment when Mitsuji had denied him but his normal scowl returned as he buried his hands in his pockets once again and muttered a "whatever". Mitsuji gave another slight apology and continued walking again, leaving Grimmjow to lean against the white marble all and sigh in frustration.

Mitsuji was acting strange ever sense Ichigo had come around, always turning Grimmjow away and locking himself in his room for hours on end doing god knows what. He even turned him away for sex, a dead turn on in Grimmjow's mind. He sighed again and grumbled before kicking the floor with a screech of his shoes across the marble and walking the opposite direction Mitsuji had gone.

"Damn Shinigami brat." He growled to himself. "He won't beat me a second time."

-/-/-/-

Ichigo sat up in bed, his hands folded neatly on his lap as the covers still draped over his pale legs. His eyes focused on his hands and occasionally would fiddle his thumbs but not often. This is how he sat and what he did for the past three days.

Ichigo's time was now spent, counting the ticking second on the clock, both towards Mitsuji's arrival and his departure. The man was late today, a subject that allowed Ichigo's mind to think partially of another subject before returning to tick of the wall clock across the room. Just as he had felt nothing, he was now nothing.

When Mitsuji would arrive, they said nothing but and occasional word to each other and sat through the silence, both battling their own personal demons. The day after Mitsuji declared he hated him, Ichigo was shocked to see him walk through the door. Mitsuji said it was his responsibility to watch him now and nothing more, resulting in this Seventy-Two hour long stalemate they seemed to be caught in.

Now Ichigo listened intently as the muffled sound of foot step could be heard, no doubt belonging to the object of his desire and torture. There was the clicking and sound of gears cranking before the door opened.

It was but of course Mitsuji. Ichigo knew so he didn't bother to look but instead made a small feeble noise that resembled a "hi" and fiddled his thumbs again.

Mitsuji gave a "Hn" and sat down in his normal seat next to the door, his arms crossed, his face watching Ichigo intently although he already knew the boy would do nothing.

This is how their greetings went for the past three day so Ichigo didn't think anything of it but as the seconds turned to minutes, Ichigo felt a strong emotion pulsing through Mitsuji's reiatsu. It wasn't only that feeling. It was as if something was calling to him, trying to reach out to him. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply, trying to reach out to the feeling with his own drained reiatsu. There was a twinge at his heart and his mind before he felt himself relax against the pillows, his eyes closed. If anyone didn't know any better, they would have thought he was sleeping but he was far from it.

Ichigo heard and felt his name being called out to him. The first thoughts that ran through his head was the possibility of it being Zangetsu but it in no way sounded like the old man. No, this voice was indeed an old man but unlike Zangetsu was like that of a wise monk. There was another voice too. It hissed like a snake and seemed to be the one of the two that was fixed on insulting him to get his attention.

Ichigo reached out with his reiatsu again, his heart and mind once again twinging painfully. It was so close... He was almost there! If only...

"Kurosaki Ichigo!"

Yes! There it was! He'd reached it, he got it! Yes! I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, who is this?!

There was a momentary silence and Ichigo had thought he'd lost it again before...

"Kurosaki Ichigo, we need your help." The voices said in unison.

Yes, but who are you? Ichigo asked again.

"We are Zabimaru." The old man said, answering Ichigo's question. "Yeah, the good for nothing's zanpakutou." That time it was the punk who had spoken.

Zabimaru...? So that means--!

"Yes." Zabimaru (the old man) answered, cutting Ichigo off. "The one you now know as Mitsuteru Mitsuji is indeed a result of tampering with Renji's soul body."

Ichigo felt his heart leap in his chest. He knew Renji was in there somewhere but to hear it confirmed made a surge of hope spread throughout. So Renji... His memories... What happened?

"It seems they have been suppressed. He remembers nothing about being Abarai Renji or you or Soul Society. He's completely convened he's an Arrancar and that this is where he belongs." Zabimaru paused, feeling Ichigo's sudden wave of sorrow. "Don't worry. There's still hope. Renji is still in there."

Ichigo would have sighed in relief and put a hand to his chest but he remembered that Mitsuji was watching him so continued to settle against the pillows as if nothing had changed. You said you needed help. Ichigo said, remembering the nue's previous words. What do you need me for?

"If I'm not mistaken, you were very close to Renji, were you not?"

Ichigo gulped and nodded mentally. Y-Yeah but--

"We're doing all we can do here. It seems we still can't reach him though, he's too damn stubborn. We've tried to reach him and even return his memories but it's no use. You're the only one who can reach him now, Berry boy." Ichigo recognized that voice as the punk but even the nick name didn't get to him.

Renji was still alive. There was still hope. Ichigo let those thoughts play over in his mind a few times before once again nodding mentally and gulping once again, his resolve steeling. Okay. He continued to nod. I'll try my best to bring Renji back. I'll help you out.

"Thank you." Zabimaru said and then was gone.

Ichigo opened his eyes slowly, pulling out of his trance. He breathed deeply and slowly for a few moments, his head suddenly feeling light. His heart beat in his chest and without caring about the watching eyes upon him, gripped his chest. He sighed, a slight smile on his lips.

It was the best he'd felt in weeks. He had hope now, he had purpose. Renji was alive and now so was he. He thanked Zabimaru subconsciously although the nue had long gone and turned towards Mitsuji, not expecting what he saw.

Mitsuji was slumped over in his chair, his arms crossed, his head tilted to the side. His eyes were closed and the heavy breathing of the man told Ichigo he was asleep.

Ichigo smiled and slowly, carefully, quietly swung his legs off the bed and out from under the covers. He stood slowly, his body weak from lack of exercise and made his way to the sleeping man, a sheet in hand. He lifted Mitsuji's head into a less painful position and wrapped the blanket around him, tucking it behind his back to keep it in place and under the man's legs.

Mitsuji muttered and groaned but never awoke. When he was settled in, Ichigo moved in front of Mitsuji and cupped his cheek in his hand, stroking ever so lightly with his thumb.

"I'll get you back, Renji. I promise."

Then Ichigo leaned in very slowly and softly kissed Mitsuji's lips, sealing the promise to Renji and himself. He continued to hold Mitsuji's face for a while longer before hugging him lightly and settling down on the floor against the man's legs, holding his hand in his.

I promise...

-/-/-/-

A/N: Yay! I did it! Sorry it took so long, guys! I've been bust with life, ya know? Well, I was gonna write more but I'll save it for the beginning of the next chapter.

If you guys think I'm mean to Ichigo now, just you wait! Torture and rape and molestation... mwahahaha...

If it possible I'm a little TOO mean to the fagot? eh... NAH! XD Sorry but Ichigo just ticks me off! Freakin' emo...

Well, I'll try to write and update more and sooner! I'm not dead, just Lazy!!