Kagome's been too quiet lately. Even now she's too quite. Usually when she studies she mumbles the words to herself, or gives little frustrated sighs when she gets tired of reading but keeps going. Right now, I don't even think she's reading. Her scents wrong, and she just stares at the page for a few minutes before flipping the page. Why is she so quite damn it! What the hell's wrong with the wench? And why won't she tell me?
Of course she doesn't talk to me. The last time she tried to talk to me about what was bothering her, I bit her head off. Turns out that she was worried about me, but no, I just had to be my stupid stubborn jackass self and send her crying.
Flashback
"Inuyasha? Will you come down?" She called up to my perch high in the tree. I had been up there since we had stopped for the afternoon. I had inhaled lunch so I could go back to my tree to think. I was trying to think about how to tell Kikyo that I wasn't going to hell with her anymore. That I was staying with Kagome, if she wanted me, and to take her as my mate. That I loved her. How would she take it? Would she hate me? Hate Kagome? The endless questions circled my head constantly for the past three days since I had made the decision, with Miroku's help (beating me with his staff until I listened), so I wasn't in the best of moods.
"Forget it wench, I'm fine up here." I snarled at her, trying to hide my confusion and urges. Why the hell did she have to smell so good?! Warm, lilacs, water, sunshine, home...DAMN IT! Stop thinking like that. You can't ask her or even tell her anything 'till you talk to Kikyo. I owe them both that much. "Go back to camp stupid, it's dangerous out here." Oh yes, that was brilliant.
"Please Inuyasha?" She's pouting. Shit, I can't say no to her now. Just don't look down, then you won't see the 'puppy dog' eyes she does along with it "Ow!"
She's hurt! I'm beside her before I even get the chance to scent the area to find out what had hurt her. "What? Where's the youkai?" I spin around in a circle, sword in hand to kill the damn thing. No one hurts my Kagome!
"It wasn't a youkai Inuyasha, I just cut my leg on a rock." The smell of her blood permits the air. With a growl of annoyance and relief, I sheath my sword and knelt on the ground in front of her. "It's not a big deal, it just surprised me is all."
"I'll be the judge of that wench, sit on that rock and let me have a look. I can't have you collapsing on me, can I?" I picked her leg up gently and sat it in my lap. Already I could feel the flush start to creep up my neck. Ok, just focus, she's hurt and she needs your help. "Not a bid deal?! Fuck wench, you've got blood pouring down your leg." This was not an exaggeration. The slice was long and deep, curving around the back side of her knee to the front of her ankle. "What the hell where you thinking?" I growled, dismayed that she had been hurt. And I couldn't kill anything to make it go away.
"Oh yeah, Inuyasha, I did this on purpose! I was thinking that if I sliced my leg open you'd- OW, stop poking it!" Sorry Kagome, that wasn't an accident. I just wanted you to shut up. "What's wrong with you anyway? Why are you so moody?"
"I'm not moody wench! I just want to be left alone to think!" I picked her up roughly into a bridal style carry and took off for camp. It wasn't life threatening, but she was in pain, even if she tried to hide it. And the amount of blood coming out of the cut would make her dizzy if it was left untreated for a long time.
"Yes you are, you haven't said two words since we left the village! All you've done is hit people and yell at me!"
"If I'm yelling at you then you deserve it stupid! Always getting in the way and falling all over! You even cut yourself on a stupid rock! It's amazing you haven't died yet! Kikyo was never this fucking stupid!" As soon as the last statement left my mouth and was in the air, I wanted to take them back. I didn't mean them, I was just so damn mad and confused.
"That's what it always comes down to isn't it?" She spat bitterly, going from resting against my chest as I ran, which I didn't mind at all, and went ridge, leaning as far away as possible. We had come to a stop right next to camp, with the others staring at us. I didn't know which was worse, me being nice and stared at, or them glaring at me for hurting Kagome again. "Let me down Inuyasha, I think I can walk the three feet to Sango so she can take care of my 'stupid' wound." She yanked myself from my grasp and stalked over to Sango, which was ruined by the painful yelps and limping she did on the way there.
Seeing me staring, she snapped, "Why don't you go back to your tree Inuyasha, I wouldn't bother you again!" Her anger was also ruined by the tears that flowed down her cheeks, not from the pain from her leg, but the pain from my words.
Kami, I'm such an ass.
End Flashback
Returning from my revere, I shot a glare at the fireplace. Of course that night I had went of to find Kikyo. I had found her, leaving the others in the camp. Kagome had already forgiven me, at least with words. I could smell her pain and disappointment. I hated when she smelt like that. Still, saying my goodbyes to Kikyo hadn't been easy either.
Flashback
"Kikyo." I stated, wondering where to start. I face raging youkai on a regular basis but put an angry Kagome or Kikyo in front of me and I'll turn tail and run in the other direction. I knew better than to mess with a bitch. Especially one capable of purifying me. "We need to talk."
"You are in love with my reincarnation, is that correct?" She said, her cold voice giving away nothing.
"Kikyo, I loved you. I love you still, but it's not the same anymore. I can't go to hell anymore. I will not leave Kagome." I made myself look into her eyes, so cold and dead to the ones that I remembered. She wasn't the same anymore. "I want to make her my mate. I can't leave her if I wanted to, and I don't. I love her deeply. I'm sorry Kikyo, I will avenge you, but that is where I have to stop." (for clarification, this is where Kagome takes off.)
She nodded, but didn't look upset or surprised. "I understand. Four years of traveling this earth after my death has taught me that I was wrong. The girl, Kagome, does more than I can ever have hoped to. She does not view her duties as a burden, nor does she see you as one. I" she flinched as she remembered something long since past, "did. I wanted you only to escape from my life. I loved the idea of you so much, that I would change you to fit that view. It was wrong, and less than you deserved. I loved you in my own way, but had let my own shortcomings cloud this. She will make you a fine mate, better than I have ever hoped to be."
"Kikyo, thank you. You don't know how much your blessing means to me." I stepped forward to embrace her. She was not warm, or living, but she was Kikyo, and deserved a goodbye.
"Inuyasha, after the Jewel is complete and Naraku dead, there is no reason for me to be here. It is past my time. If I do not die in the attempt to finish, I would like for you to end my existence."
"Kikyo! You're asking me to kill you?!" I drew back in shock.
"No Inuyasha. To kill you must take life; I do not have one. All I ask is that you give me peace, and that of my reincarnation. Promise me Inuyasha, as my last request." She stared up at me with such determination it took everything I had to nod.
"Alright Kikyo, I promise." I kissed her forehead gently before disengaging myself from her embrace. We watched each other for a few passing minutes, both trying to hold on to the moment. Finally, I asked her of news about the jewel shards or of Naraku, and having neither, we parted ways.
I arrived back at camp soaked to the skin. It had started to rain while we spoke of Naraku, and the smell of wet dog hung around me like an old coat. Unzipping the 'te-ent' thing, I stepped in carefully to not wake up Kagome or Shippo. My bowl of ramen, long since cold, sat next to the door. Scenting the air carefully, I sighed in relief when I was assured that there was no salt or sadness on the air. She had not seen me, but that doesn't mean I won't tell her. Just not yet.
End Flashback
I had noticed her scent had changed the next day. Fool I was, I dismissed it. She didn't eat, said she wasn't hungry. Fine, whatever. I was too distracted to take up the fight. Then things started to blatantly flaunt themselves in front of me. She didn't eat, her spiritual powers seemed to be dwindling, and she seemed…paler. And those were just the physical signs.
She didn't talk to me unless I spoke to her. Didn't ask to go home, or complain at all. Even when I forgot to stop, it was easy to with my strength, she didn't say a word, just kept walking. It wasn't until way after dark did Miroku dare to approach me, saying that maybe we should stop for the night. Shocked, I sought out Kagome and said I was sorry for pushing her. She waved it off and sit up camp without a word.
This went on for a week, but I was more careful not to push her too hard. Kagome seemed to realize that we were catching on to her, because she began to paste on her emotions, but underneath something didn't seem right.
The fish were still in the fire. She didn't eat again. "Kagome." I sidled up to her side, taking in her little movement of reaction. She flinched away, small and unnoticeable to her human companions. Too fucking bad I ain't human.
"Yes Inuyasha?" She chirped in a false cheery screech that made my ears twitch back and my nerves grate. The smell of nothing came off her, Who does she thinks she's kidding? I know her like she knows me.
Ignore it. Make her eat. "Aren't you hungry?" I jabbed a claw at the two fish sitting there, waiting for someone to eat them.
She stared at me, like she was trying to work out what I had just asked her. Where was my Kagome? What had happened to make her into this shell, this puppet thing? "No, thank you Inuyasha, perhaps you or Shippo would like them." She's been saying that for the last week.
Catching Shippo before he could devour the fish, I threw him across camp. I'd talk to him about that, Kagome needed to eat more than he did. "Listen wench," I growled, tired of her worrying me, of her not eating and I not being able to figure out why. "I'm not going to listen to your belly aching tomorrow when you're hungry. Eat the fish so ya won't. You need your energy for the shard hunting." Wait, she wasn't going to be here tomorrow, she was going home. Maybe that was best, maybe her mother would know what was wrong.
Something flickered in her eyes, sadness I think. Then it was gone, reviling Kikyo's cold gaze as she studied me. "Don't worry Inuyasha, I'll be fine." She closed her book and shoved it into her overflowing bag. "I'm going to bed, night guys." She stood and stretched, raising her shirt. For a moment I was struck at the skin, and then I saw the ribs. Kagome, what are you doing to yourself?
Wait a second. She thinks she's going to bed!? I don't think so. She's going to eat those damn fish if I have to shove them down her throat. I grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her back beside me. "I didn't say go to bed, I said eat the fish bitch." The term slipped out, and I knew I was in for a sitting. I just…to me she was my mate and the term was an endearment, most of the time. I knew what it meant in her time, but I just wanted her to listen to me.
Grabbing the fish, I shoved them into her face. I was done going easy on her. She would eat the fish, even if it cost me a thousand sits, or if she hated me. It was my job to take vare of her, and with the amount of weight she had lost, I wasn't doing a very good job of it.
Her scent changed again, to anger and sorrow. I didn't know why she did. I knew I shouldn't call her that name, not without explaining it, but why did she smell of sorrow? She sighed, and her body slumped in defeat. "Alright Inuyasha." She started to pick at it, slowly and seemed to be forcing the meat down her throat.
Miroku looked over at me with a glare, asking with his eyes what I had done. Shaking my head, I showed that I didn't know. It had to be me, no one else was capable of making her this sad.
I watched as the others prepared for bed, Miroku and Sango curling into the larger bedroll that Kagome had gotten for them, and Shippo snuggled into Kagome's pillow. He was getting too big for that. I'd have to talk to her about getting him his own, or he'd learn to sleep by the fire. Sighing, I watched as Miroku pulled Sango into his arms and snuggled into her hair. I wish I was brave enough to do that with Kagome, to show her how I felt. I wish I could pull her to me for a kiss, or for a hug. I wish I could just walk hand in hand with her.
A heavy sigh drew my attention to my side. Kagome having finished her fish and cleaned up, was sitting next to me, watching me out of the corner of her eyes. Dark circles hung under her eyes, and they seemed unfocused. Did she want to talk? How did I ask her? "Wench, I thought you were going to bed." I don't think that's how. Damnit, think before you open your mouth baka!
Kagome stiffened, but didn't leave. Instead, she spoke so softly I had to strain to hear her. "Didn't think I was allowed to; you didn't tell me to." The words held bitterness. But anything was better than the fake cheerfulness.
What did she mean by them? Did she think that I was her boss or something? Yeah, I was the alpha male, but I didn't want to hear that from her. "What the fuck are you blathering about wench?" I snarled, trying to get any kind of reaction. Fear and pain raced through me, what did I do? How did I help her?
Instead of sitting at me, or even crying, she sighed, lowered her head, and went to her sleeping bag, leaving me staring after her. FUCK! Why can't I just ask her what's wrong?! She curled into a ball away from me, and I could tell by her breathing she hadn't fallen asleep. Resisting the urge to thump the ground in frustration, I jumped into a near by tree to keep watch.
I didn't get any sleep. I was too wrapped up in whatever the hell was wrong with Kagome. It was my job to take care of her and from the way things were going, it didn't look like I was doing a very good job right now. She doesn't eat, she lets me order her around, and then the whole thing with her scent! The only thing that I could even compare that to was Kanna, and she had no scent. It was similar, the only thing she was putting off was her own natural scent, the one her body had, but there was no emotions, pain, or warmth from it. And she smelled almost sick. But her body was healthy…ish.
She didn't sleep much either. Her body slowed down, but I could tell she was awake. She got maybe a few hours before dawn, and then she was up and making breakfast. That wasn't right. She usually slept in. I let out a whimper. Damn it! What the hell is wrong with my mate!?
"What are you doing wench?" I jumped from my perch to land beside her, taking in the things in her hands. Something was missing…
"Making breakfast, what's it look like?" She gave me a look, though still blank, clearly asked if I had brain damage.
"That's what it looks like, but something's missing." I glared at her, watching as her eyes skittered away from me to the others.
"Nonsense, Sango and Miroku like the oatmeal, Shippo likes the rice, and your ramen is sitting right there." She plucked a cup from beside the fire, placing it carefully into my hands without touching me.
Trying to buy me off with ramen was low. Using it to try and get out of breakfast was worse. Ignoring it, I figured out what was wrong. "And where's yours?" I glared at her, trying to figure out why she was avoiding me.
Panic filled her eyes, and then she looked away. "I'm not feeling all that well, I don't feel like eating."
Not feeling well? Sick? I frowned and leaned forward, scenting her to see what was wrong. She smelled darker, tainted almost. Like a hurt so deep it scared her heart. Sickness clung to her, from the lack of food and the lack of sleep. She was dieing, for whatever reason, and I couldn't stop it. "Are you ok?" I placed one hand on her forehead, feeling the slight change in temperature. "You feel slightly warm, can you walk?" It didn't matter, I was taking her home right now.
She pulled away, leaving my hand to fall to my side. "I'll be fine Inuyasha, just a little nauseous." Liar, why is she lying to me? "I can still walk just fine, and I can still sense the shards. There isn't any reason to worry." I'll be the judge of that.
What the fuck was she talking about? Shards? I hadn't said anything about shards! "Shards? Who said anything about shards? You're going home today." She said that it was important for her to be home today, and she couldn't be late.
Confusion laced her scent, and then resignation. "No, it's nothing too important. It can wait."
Damn it all, stop lying to me! Why did she feel the need to lie to me anyway? What did I do to make her stop trusting me? "You've been telling me that this is something you have to go home for." I stepped closer, inhaling deeper. "You're sick." I said, but unsure how or why. "And you're hurt." I got in her face, forcing her to meet my eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"
"I'm not hurt Inuyasha, I'm fine." Relief flooded her features when she saw that Miroku and Sango where awake, though Shippo still slept soundly. Shooting them a glare, I warned them to stay out of this. "Really, just eat breakfast and we can head out, I think I sensed a jewel shard over to the west a few hours ago."
Again with the shards! "It can wait, you and me are going to the well." Sitting down my uneaten ramen, I picked Kagome up into a bridal carry. "Miroku, Sango, take care of Shippo. We'll meet you back at the village in a few days."
"My stuff!" She tried, wiggling in my grasp.
"They can take care of that too. Stop moving Kagome, or I'll drop you." Not a threat, but a warning. She was lighter than she should be.
"Shouldn't Kagome eat something first?" Miroku asked.
"She didn't make anything for her to eat, I'll make her eat when we get back to her time." With that I leaped into the nearest tree, dragging a protesting Kagome with me. She finally gave up, but remained stiff and didn't relax as I ran.
How did I help her? I could not force her to talk to me, nor could I force her to get better. Looking down at the girl, I was struck at the smell of pain and fear from her. Gods, she was afraid of me. I tightened my grasp on her minutely. I never wanted her to be afraid of me. I was the one to protect her, to provide for her, to love her…
What if she doesn't want those things from me? I had asked Sota what a woman from their era wanted from their mates, or husbands, and he told me. Did she not love me that way? Yes, she cared for me, but what if it was nothing more than family love? What if she didn't love enough to consider taking me as a mate? What if she laughed at me when I told her? Or worse, threw me out of her life all together? Yeah, she was caring enough to love a hanyou like me, but did she love me?
Thinking that if she did reject me, or worse, told me to leave, I'd die. I can't live without her, how do I tell her that? She didn't realize that without her there, I was useless. I couldn't think straight without her there, I hated everything and everyone around me for reminding me of her, and lashed out violently. Shippo didn't kid much about me being 'mean'.
Jumping down the well, I decided not to tell her until she got better. She needed her family to take care of her, and by the way her scent was changing, I wasn't going to help. That hurt. But if it helped Kagome, I'd stay away.
Putting her down on the bed, I went looking for her mom. I passed Sota in the hallway, who was excited to see me, to say the least. After fighting off the hero worship, I ran off to the kitchen to find Mrs. Higurashi. She's making breakfast too.
"Inuyasha! Would you like to stay for breakfast?" She looks behind me, searching. "Where's Kagome?" Her voice takes on a worried note when she sees my expression.
"Kagome is sick. I don't know what's wrong with her." I rushed, avoiding her eyes. "She ain't eating, she ain't sleeping, she's loosing weight, and she has a temperature. What's wrong with her? How do I help her?" I was begging. Damn it all.
"Slow down Inuyasha, tell me exactly what's wrong with her and then maybe I can help. Oh, I hope she doesn't have a feudal era disease."
"Deezeez?" I repeat, wondering what the word meant. Whatever it was, it was bad.
"A disease is when someone gets really sick, and sometimes there isn't a cure for it. If she got one that they have in the past, but not now, there isn't much anyone can do for her."
"She'd die?" No, Kagome couldn't die! I wouldn't let that happen.
"Maybe. We aren't sure yet though, so let's not get ahead of ourselves. Either way she can't go back until we know."
"Of course." I sat down at the table and explained to her what had happened for the last week. I skipped last night's little comments, but nothing else.
"Inuyasha, I'm not sure. We'll have to take her to the doctor, but it sounds like she's depressed." Kagome's mother studied me, taking in my nervous twitches and confused look. "Depressed can mean a lot of different things, but mostly it's when someone gives up hope. The mental sickness affects the body, and it makes them sick. Basically, they stop wanting to live."
"Kagome's not like that! She's one of the happiest people I know! She'd never willingly die!"
"Except for the last week yes? Maybe the stress got to her, or she saw or heard something that scared her, either way, she might not go back for a long time. Look Inuyasha, maybe you can talk to her, she knows you best." Mrs. Higurashi poured herself another cup of tea.
"She won't. She's afraid of me." I whimpered, hiding my eyes behind my bangs. "I don't know why, but all I can smell from her when I was bringing her up was fear. I didn't do anything to her, but she's afraid of me."
"Then maybe her illness comes from you. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it would be best if she spent sometime away from you." She rested her hand on my shoulder, forcing me to look at her. "Inuyasha, you're her best friend, I'm sure she isn't afraid of you."
"I'll go tell her I'm leaving. I'll be back in a few weeks, maybe around the new moon. If she is just depressed, you can help her right?"
"We can try." Was all she said, then turned to the sink and began to rinse her cup. I could already smell the salt coming, so I ran up to Kagome's room.
She was staring at the wall, exactly as I left her. No smile or hello, just staring. Did I really do that to her? "Kagome?" I knelt in front of her, forcing her to look me in the eye. Her eyes were so distant. "I'm going back, you need to stay here." I plucked the jewel shards from her neck so she wouldn't be able to follow me back until she was well again. "Your mom is going to take care of you." Even though I wish it were me. It's my job to take care of you Kagome.
"You're leaving?" She squeaked, and the fear and panic rose to a higher level. She rocked back a little, the blood leaving her face.
"Yes." Her reaction confused me. I thought she'd be relieved. If she was afraid of me, wouldn't she be happy I was leaving.
"Why?" She whimpered, pulling away from me to wrap her arms around her knees. Tears started to gather.
"Why?" I repeated, stunned. "Kagome, you're sick, you need to stay here. I'm going back to the others. What more to that is there?" Really, what more was there?
"I'm not sick!" She snarled, forcing my hand away when I had tried to draw her hands away from her face. "I'm perfectly fine! Let me go back!" She was almost pleading. "I can still hunt for shards, if that's what you're worried about."
I snapped my hand away from her. Staring at her, I asked, "Shards?" My other hand hovered an inch away from her shoulder, but I made no attempt to touch. "Kagome, is that what you think I'm worried about, wither you can hunt shards or not?" I plopped back on the ground, shell shocked. Sticking my hands into my haori sleeves so she wouldn't see them shaking, I bowed my head. Fuck, what have I done?
"What else would you be worried about?" She muttered. She sounds foreign, no warmth, just cold forlornness.
"Am I that big of an asshole?" I asked, not really wanting an answer. "Kagome, I'm worried about you; you haven't been eating for the past week, you don't smile or laugh as much anymore, you smell wrong," That was the only way I could think to put it. "and you've been acting like a servant to our friends, to me." I spat the words out, jumping up to sit beside her on the bed. "What's wrong Kagome? You can tell me." Please tell me! I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong.
Her scent changed, from pain to pure rage. "That's what I am right? A servant? Or would you rather call me the 'shard detector' or 'replacement miko'? Wait," She threw her hand into my face when I went to object. "I got a better one." Her beautiful mouth twisted into a sneer. "'The stupid ugly useless weak wench who's only use is to find the jewel shards so I can live my life the way I want to.'" Her voice was a mockery of mine, did I really sound like that to her? "'Never mind that it totally ruins her life, why should I care? She ain't Kikyo, so she ain't as good." No, I haven't really compared you to her for years. You are so much more. "'Hell, its laughable how fucking stupid the bitch is. I've had her going for the last four years.'" Her voice snapped into a gasp when a sudden blast of pain and anger rocked through her.
"I can't believe that for four years I wasted my life on someone who cares so little for me." She had tears streaming down her cheeks as she told me what was bothering her. How could I have been this fucking clueless? "What, am I finally taking notice? Or are you shocked that I didn't want to take your abuse anymore? Hmph, poor weak Kagome, what good is she?" She shoved me, harder than I thought she could, off the bed and onto the floor. "I'm tired Inuyasha, tired of everything. Tired of being dragged around and being in danger every minute. Tired of being second best at everything I do to a dead woman" I flinched, trying to draw myself into a smaller target. I should have told her that night. Then none of this would have happened. "But most of all," She looked away, finding interest in the cover. "I'm tired of you."
"You're…tired of me?" I stared up at her, feeling my heart ripped out all over again. She couldn't leave, I couldn't loose someone I loved again.
"Yes, Inuyasha, I'm tired of you. Who wouldn't get tied of the insults and the looks and the hurt?" She laughed, a horribly bitter and unKagome laugh. "You know what I see when I look at you? Broken promises and a broken heart."
No. "Kagome-I-"
"I can't listen anymore Inuyasha." She closed her eyes, turning away. "Just go."
She's telling me to go away, to leave. I already promised I wouldn't. But I would, after I told her. "No." I stood up, approaching her.
"Inuyasha-"
"You got your turn, Kagome, now it's mine." I sighed, sitting in front of her to take her hands away from her face. Holding them in one hand, I wiped the tears away with the other. Opening her eyes as I stroked her cheek, trying to pour my feelings into it. "I was never good with words, huh?" I chuckled sadly, thinking about all the moments I had purposefully squished flat to make her draw away. Keeping a hold of her hands, I stood to drag her into my chest.
She struggled, lashing out with weak fists to strike my chest. I didn't let go, pulling her closer with my arms around her, resting my chin on top of her head. She gave up a few minutes later, only to start bawling. Instead of feeling like I should run or even awkward, I hugged her tighter and picked her up to sit down on the bed. Cradling her carefully, I tucked her head under my chin and began to rub circles on her back. Instinctively, I started to hum, and that turned to a soothing purr. All I wanted to do was comfort her, make her pain go away. The knowledge that I had done this to her was just as painful. Finally, her sobs stopped, leaving her to sniffle occasionally into my haori.
"Kagome, I want to know if you saw me with Kikyo last week?" She had to, this must be what triggered her 'depression' thing. "And how much you heard."
"Yes, I heard you tell her you lover her, and something about your mate." She sounded so sad, and bitter, even though her voice was almost gone. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you meant. Please leave." She sobbed, trying to fidget out of my grasp.
"I'm not leaving Kagome, now or ever." I groused at her, running my fingers through her hair and down to her back. "You didn't hear all of it, so I'll repeat myself." I didn't want to, I didn't want to drag up the memories, but it seemed I had to. "I told Kikyo I had loved her, and that I would avenge her, but I wasn't going to hell with her. That I was staying with my mate, who I love, who is you, you silly wench." I was beginning to get frustrated. I had wanted to do this another way, more 'romantic' or whatever, like Miroku did with Sango when he asked her to be his wife. He had even given me a few tips, and none of them had anything to do with a crying Kagome. "I've always loved you, since you set me free from that damned tree. I tried to kiss you, a few days afterward, but you freaked out." I remember that so well, all I could think about that day was how sweet she smelled, and how she had appealed to my youkai. Myouga had said that my youkai would recognize my mate long before I did. "Understandable, since I had tried to kill you, but it still hurt. I would have tried it again too, but everything just kept piling up. Kikyo resurrected, the Jewel, meeting everybody, Naraku; it was one pile of shit after another, and I just couldn't deal. I lashed out at the only thing I could control, and was angry at myself for loosing that control.
"I called you names every chance I got, made you feel like shit, compared you to Kikyo, all to make you seem farther away. At first, I told myself that the further away you were, the least likely it'd hurt when you left. It's amazing how stupid I can get, you'd think I'd learn." Sometimes, I was happy when she sat me, and this is something I would never admit, when I hurt her. "I was so wrong, every time you left I couldn't breath, every time I made you cry or you cried for me my heart ripped in two." If she rejected me after this, I didn't think I could ever show my face again. I think I'll have to find a cave to curl up in and die.
"Kagome, I know I haven't got much. I know you deserve better, but I still want you. I love you with every fiber of my being, and I want you to stay with me. Please Koishii," The name, 'my beloved' was the perfect term for her. "stay with me. Let me love you."
"I love you Inuyasha, always have and I always will."
Her words sent even more fear through me, but it was a new type of fear. I wanted to kiss her, I just didn't know how. What if I screwed it up? Gods, what if I accidentally bit her? Sure, we'd kissed before, but those weren't the kinds of kiss I wanted at the moment. I wanted to show her everything I had kept inside for the past four years, but I didn't want to scare her. She left her diary open one too many times and I found out she didn't have much experience. Well, at least she couldn't compare me to anyone else.
Leaning forward, I watched her chocolate eyes drift away from mine to focus on my mouth. Ok, just focus. It can't be that hard…