A/N: If this idea hasn't already been done, I'll be surprised. But it was just such an intriguing idea that I couldn't pass it up. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. I wish I did, but, then again, Eiichiro Oda wouldn't be my God if that was true, now would he?
Rating: PG-13 … around that area anyway. Rated for language, situations, etc.
The Boys Will Play
"So what if there's a spa?"
"So, that's where we're going."
And that was that.
The Strawhat Crew had been sailing for a few days when Nami had spotted an intriguing island on her map. While not the biggest island, and a bit out of their way, the promise of safety, supplies, and a spa had caught the attention of the ship's navigator.
With protests from many, and agreements from the remaining few, the Thousand Sunny turned off it's set course and headed for the island with, and what could be more important, a spa.
"This is idiotic," Zoro huffed, arms folded behind his head as he rocked back and forth in his chair, waiting for dinner to be served.
"Oh, c'mon, Zoro," Nami laughed, excited at the prospect of being able to relax for a bit, "Don't be such a sour-puss about it."
Zoro merely huffed in response as Luffy took his side in the matter. "Grah!! I want to go the island of the mermaids, and I wanna go NOW!" Though juvenile and no way to make a point, the captain kept his face stern as he demanded that the newfound plans be changed.
"Stop acting like a little kid," Nami responded, becoming angry, "It'll just be for one day. What the hell does it matter if we stop there?"
"'Cause that's one more day lost!" Luffy proclaimed, pounding his fists on the table. But Nami was in no mood to argue.
"Just sit down, shut up, and deal with it."
Of course, Zoro and Luffy weren't the only ones opposed to the idea. "I agree with Luffy and Zoro," Usopp added, twirling his fork around, "Think of all the great things we could miss if we even take one day off to relax. I mean, what if something awesome happens and we miss it?!"
"Like what? What so awesome could happen in one day?" Nami emphasized the last words with a hint of skepticism. Usopp, for his part, started elaborating on all sorts of things that could happen over the course of one day.
" … or we might run into some powerful fighters, or the world may explode before we even get to see the island, and then there's the possibility of a meteor hitting us because we just didn't take the route we were gonna take. Then, you know, this island might be farther than we think it is and then it will take way, way, way longer to get back on track. Also, there's the fact that you may not want to leave after just one day, and –"
"All right, shut up!" Nami raged, clasping her hands to her head, "God, Usopp."
"Longnose has a point … in there … somewhere," Franky began, trying to defend the sharpshooter, "Well, ok, he may have not made the point like I would have, but listen: We're all pumped up after leaving Thriller Bark, and this whole spa thing would just weaken our resolve." Franky concluded, striking a pose.
"That's exactly why we need to go to this spa!" Nami continued to argue, shaking the table when she slammed her hands on it suddenly, "This is the perfect way to recover after such a terrifying adventure."
"I agree with her," Robin interjected, "It would be a nice change from our usual hustle and bustle life."
"Stupid," was the one word Zoro offered to Robin's explanation.
"You're stupid!" Nami roared, throwing her plate at him.
Ducking just in the nick of time, Zoro's featured hardened as he hissed, "Crazy bitch."
"Don't wanna go!" Luffy screamed in the chaos of the smashed plate.
"Settle down and stop breaking my silverware," Sanji sneered, slamming the food on the table, "If the ladies think it's a good idea, then we should all think the same way."
"Awwww! Sanji?!" Luffy whined, hoping to get all the men on his side.
"Just because not all of us are slaves to our hormones," Zoro whispered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"What did you say, Marimo?"
"I don't believe I said anything," Zoro scoffed, ignoring Sanji's anger. And right before a fight was about to erupt between the two, Brooke decided to offer his two-cents: "I think it's a splendid idea!"
"You hear that?" Nami asked becoming excited again, "Brooke thinks it's a splendid idea!"
"So what? I'm the captain and I think it's a stupid idea!" Luffy argued, bringing his glaring face to stop only a few inches from Nami's.
"He just wants to sneak into the girl's spa and see them naked," Usopp snarked, giving Brooke an exasperated glare.
"Yohoho! I would never!"
"Ok, so he wants to sneak into where they change and see their panties instead."
"I am offended by such an accusation," Brooke continued, setting his tea cup down, "For, I have no eyes … with which to see!" Pointing at the empty holes where eyes should be, Brooke gave a large cry: "Skull JOKE!!"
"Oi," the crew responded to blatant trap of Brooke's skull joke.
"Argh! So we're four against four," Nami responded, knocking Luffy out of her vicinity, "That means …"
"That Chopper gets to make the decision!" Usopp screeched, rejoining the argument.
Chopper, already quite scared, was visibly a wreck when all eyes, angry and promising death, turned to him. Screaming, Chopper cried, "No! Nononononono!! I don't want to, please!!"
"You gotta make a decision, Chopper," Sanji prodded, inching ever closer to the doctor with a chief knife clutched in his fist.
"No one will be mad," Nami tried to say sweetly, as her face held a stern glare of "if you don't go my way, I'll kill you."
"WAH! I don't care!!" Chopper sobbed, scampering away from the dinner table and backing against the wall, seemingly forgetting where the door was to make his escape.
"A-HA!!" Nami declared, pointing a finger in the air, "He doesn't care, which means he wants to go to the spa!"
"And how the hell did you come to that conclusion?!" Zoro questioned, pushing Sanji out of the way with a small shove. However, this prompted Sanji to demand that he never question Nami-san's reasons and a fight ensued.
"This is soooo un-super," Franky sighed, holding a wildly kicking Sanji at bay.
"Yohohohoho!" Brooke just laughed from his "safe" place on top on the table.
"FINE!" Luffy declared, smashing the struggling Zoro in his arms all that much tighter to him, "We'll go to the stupid island and do stupid spa like things. But we are leaving the day AFTER! And that's just the way it's gonna be!"
"Aw, man," Usopp deflated, "Our side could've so won that argument."
"Luffy made the right decision," Nami smiled, looking absolutely pleased with herself.
"Uh, Luffy?" Chopper interjected, poking him lightly.
"What? WHAT?! Are you going to reference how whipped I am that I actually gave in to what Nami wanted even though it wasn't fair? Are you gonna tell me that I shouldn't have given in even if she started to torture me? Maybe you'll just tell me that I've gone soft 'cause we've had sex a few times? Huh?! Is that it?!"
"Uhh …," Chopper just stared at Luffy as the rest of the crew went silent, "No."
"Oh … then what?" Luffy asked, calming down.
"Zoro's turning blue."
Looking down, Luffy came face to face with a very distressed Zoro. Sometime in his rage, Luffy had managed to wrap his arm tightly around Zoro's body, and neck sadly, and hadn't realized that he had been choking his first mate.
"Hehehe, sorry Zoro," Luffy laughed sheepishly, releasing his hold on the swordsman.
Zoro's body fell heavily to the floor. And for the next few minutes, the crew just stood in silence.
"Hmmm, that foaming doesn't look too healthy."
"Nope, it sure doesn't."
"Welp, he's dead. Let's toss him overboard."
"No wait! He's twitching! See?"
"Hmm, oh yeah. So he is."
"Well, that's good."
"Yes, good."
"All right. Good night."
"Good night."
The door opened quickly and everyone went through just as fast. First power-walking, and then running when they heard heavy footsteps in the galley.
"Bastards!" Zoro roared, slamming the galley door open.
And that night, the Strawhat's had a less than peaceful night's sleep as screams and pounding feet could be heard echoing through the Thousand Sunny for a good long while.
When the crew woke from the little sleep they had managed to gain the night before, they were pleasantly surprised to learn from Nami that the island was only a few hours away.
"See Luffy," Nami cooed, drinking her coffee, "It was barely a detour."
"Yeah, yeah," Luffy slumped, still aggravated from losing the argument the night previous, "Whatever."
Sanji, who seemed nothing short of ecstatic at the prospect of getting to soak in a spa with both Nami and Robin, twirled and floated happily about the ship as he prepared food and served it.
"Too happy," Zoro scoffed, still settling down from chasing eight of his crew mates around from the night before.
"Aw, poor Zoro," Nami squeaked, annoying Zoro further, "A nice soak in the spa will cheer you right up."
"I'd rather die."
"You're a bigger baby than Luffy," Usopp sighed, sitting as far away from Zoro as possible. The reason: Usopp had been the first unfortunate victim of Zoro's wrath last night. But with only a few bruises and a slightly throbbing nose to show for it all wasn't so bad.
"I guess it might be kinda nice to relax," Franky laughed, opening up his stomach, grabbing a cola, and downing it.
"Indeed," Robin smiled.
"I'm just glad that no one's fighting anymore," Chopper piped in, jumping on his chair in order to get ready for breakfast.
"That is the important thing," Brooke responded, sitting at the end of the table, "It warms my heart when I see the bond between everyone. But wait -! Skull JO-!"
"Give it a rest," Nami interjected, punching Brooke to the floor.
"So, how much longer?" Luffy asked, still visibly disappointed.
"Not much longer now," Nami smiled.
For such a small, unknown island, it sure had lots of great stuff to stock up on.
Immediately upon entering the city they resided in, Usopp spotted the nearest gadget shop and made a beeline for it. Hastily grabbing the allowance Nami had so graciously given him as well.
Chopper, upon discovering from the locals that they had an enormous library, detoured from the group with Robin to check it out and see if it was as impressive as the rumors said.
Luffy steered right into a butcher shop, now bothering the poor butcher rather than his fellow nakama for a few hours.
Sanji took this time to gather supplies and other unneeded but still delicious treats for their trip to the next island.
Franky looked around for some good cola shops, and then turned right to a magazine cart where he saw a particularly interesting ship that he simply had to dismantle with his mind and compare it with the Sunny in terms of how that one was by comparison.
Nami headed straight for the spa to determine just how great said spa was going to be. Brooke went with her just to determine if everything would be "hygienic" enough. Of course, on the way, he asked approximately thirty women to show him their panties. Consequently, Nami
ended up dragging him the rest of the way after she had smashed his face into the nearest wall after each attempt.
And, like usual, Zoro stayed behind to guard the ship and get in a little shut eye before everyone came back and, inevitably, woke him up.
When everyone re-gathered at the ship, the general consensus was that this island wasn't half bad.
"Yeah, I saw this ship that was totally unsuper. It had nowhere near the recreational capabilities of the Sunny. Plus, the wood they used was low class. Really, the only thing they had going for them was the paint job … which was terrible, I might add," Franky discussed with Sanji as he helped him hoist some of the heavier boxes on the ship.
"And they had this."
"Ohh! What is it, Usopp?" Chopper asked excitedly, carrying a few books in his arms, watching Usopp wave his new trinket around.
"This, my friend, will help me make two slingshots in one!"
"Wow! So cool!!"
"Yuogh vere wrighth, Namith!" Luffy chirped through a mouthful of food, "Thisth plaght ain't thath bad!"
"Didn't catch a word," Nami looked at Luffy, disgusted.
"I believe he said that you were right, Miss Navigator," Robin smiled, passing the two and walking onto the ship.
Luffy merely nodded happily in response.
"See? I'm always right," Nami laughed, patting Luffy on the back.
As it drew later in the day, the crew was getting ready to head out to the spa that had brought them there in the first place.
But then an unfortunate little piece of realization hit them: Who was going to watch the ship?
Of course, the answers were only fortunate for the ones issuing the answer in the first place. Because, as much as the men didn't want to admit it, a spa would feel pretty damn good.
"Oh, stop fighting. You're all going to be guarding the Sunny."
All fighting stopped and heads turned to Nami.
"What?" Usopp question, slight derangement in his voice.
"What do you mean we're "all" going to be guarding the Sunny?" Zoro asked, fearing this kind of deceivement from the start.
"Oh' c'mon guys," Nami giggled, "You didn't really think you'd all get to enjoy it, did you?"
"Na-Nami-san?" Sanji seemed broken, a tear slipping from his eye.
"Well, I mean, really, Sanji," Nami sighed understandingly, "Did you think we'd let you join us? It's a girl's only thing."
"So, Nico Robin, you were in on this too?" Franky sneered, folding his arms sadly.
"Guilty," Robin responded, raising her hands slightly.
"Figures," Luffy sighed, obviously realizing this kind of thing was bound to happen.
"You guys can just keep each other company, all right? It's only for one night," Nami chuckled walking down the ramp into town with Robin. "Just don't break anything, or you're dead."
The Thousand Sunny seemed awfully forlorn over the next hour or so.
"I was so excited," Chopper sniffled, hurt that he didn't get to enjoy the splendors of a spa.
"After I got mad for losing the argument," Usopp added, patting Chopper on the head, "I was too."
"Well, guess we'll just have to entertain ourselves for the remainder of the day," Franky said, trying to figure out something to keep everyone occupied.
"Nami-san … Robin-swan," Sanji kept repeating, unable to accept the fact that he had been utterly rejected. Brooke wasn't faring much better, but he was, at least, not crying over it.
"Should've guessed so earlier," Zoro scoffed, eyes closed as he sat in the corner and waited for something to happen.
"Hey!" Luffy slammed his fist into his hand, apparently getting an idea, "Let's go turn on the shower and get naked and then stand in it together and pretend it's a spa!!"
"Worst idea ever," Franky was quick to add, speaking for everyone.
"Well, what should we do then?"
"It's getting late," Zoro spoke up, "Maybe we should all just go to sleep."
No one really wanted to concede defeat like that, but all other options just seemed pointless and boring. Sleep was the best way to make this disappointment leave them faster.
But then, Brooke spoke up: "What about a sort of "boy's night out"?"
"Boys night out?" Usopp asked, "What do you mean?"
"Why should we have to sit around and not enjoy this lovely little island? I say, since they made this a girl's only thing of sorts, that we have a boys only night and really let loose and have some fun!"
"That sounds sort of intriguing," Sanji replied, wiping the dramatic tears from his eyes, "But what do you have in mind?"
"Like who can eat the most meat?" Luffy yelled, obviously happy again, rejuvenated by the sheer fact that this detour wasn't a total waste.
"Or who can make the best remedy to poison?"
"Go to a strip club?"
"Sing karaoke?!"
"Yohohohoho! I've got something much better in mind," Brooke related to the group.
It was going to be a boy's night out. While the girls rested and soaked peacefully in their spa, the men of the Thousand Sunny were planning to put some excitement into what could've been a potentially uneventful night.
End of Chapter One
A/N: Yay! I'm excited! This will be fun, I can tell. Oh, and sorry. I'm a little Skull Joke crazy. I sincerely hoped you like it so far! Reviews are greatly appreciated, and thank you so much for reading!