Saedra's Peculiar Affliction

After only a minute of walking, Saedra thought better of bothering Edmund; instead of disturbing his first night at Cair Paravel in half a year, she headed up, up, up. She climbed stairs as if she was racing the rising sun to see who could get higher. At last, completely out of breath and with a blast of freezing air to welcome her, she came upon the roof that connected the bases of the four highest turrets of the castle, one for each direction of the compass. The cold air gave her a bit more energy, as it was refreshingly cold and clean.

She walked past the doorways to the southern and western towers, headed for the eastern tower. She entered that and climbed it, higher and higher. She was in an exhausted daze, too tired to be mad at Peter for his secrecy, but needing to be away from him and feeling that the higher she went, the safer she was. As far as she knew, no one had any reason to be up here.

At the top of the tower was a round room with a balcony all the way around it. It had a door in the back and front of the room, one leading to the stairs and the other to the balcony. She'd never been up this high in Cair Paravel, and she looked around with mild interest. There were two cots, a chamber pot, some weapons hanging on the walls, and trunks beneath them. There were small stained-glass windows all the way around letting light in.

This must be for lookouts in times of war, she figured. They had similar towers at Harden Castle, though they weren't nearly as high as this one.

She strode across the room and through the other door, and the brightness of the sun blinded her. She put her hands up to block the sun so her eyes could adjust from the darkness of the tower to the bright outdoors.

When her eyes adjusted, she had a wonderful view of the ocean and the eastern part of Cair Paravel. The snow-covered land contrasted sharply with the dark blue ocean and its white-caps. She inhaled the cold air, allowing it to fill her and clear her mind.

She was quite proud of the way she'd handled Peter; she'd been angry but rational, and she hadn't tried to insult him. She'd simply expressed her displeasure and left before things could get ugly.

She still couldn't understand what Peter had been thinking, keeping those letters from her.

No, I do understand, she thought. He explained it perfectly. It's just infuriating that he did it with such good intentions, as idiotic as he was. He didn't know that Grandmother would actually die. All he knew from the letter he read was that Rahai wanted me to visit and that Grandmother was sick, and she was sick even when she came up for our wedding.

The cold of the outdoors became too much for her, and she went back into the tower. She closed the door behind her and studied the cots. The thought of climbing all the way down to her bedroom after staying up all night didn't seem appealing, neither did the image of climbing into bed next to the man she was still angry with, so she decided then and there to stay. She searched through the trunks and found some blankets, then settled down on the not-so-comfortable cots and fell asleep instantly.

"Saedra!"

Saedra jerked upright, her eyes still trying to stay closed. She blinked furiously and looked around. Where was she?

She looked around to find that she was still up in the tower under layers of rough blankets, and the sky through the windows had darkened already. Edmund stood in front of her, looking very surprised.

"What on earth are you doing up here?" he asked.

Saedra grunted and pushed the blankets back, feeling cold without their warmth. "Trying to get some sleep."

"In this cold? Are you crazy?"

"The blankets are surprisingly warm," she replied, feeling the cold already invade her skin.

"We've been looking all over for you!" he said. "Peter was worried sick that you'd done something rash like going back to Harden."

"Hm, I wish I'd thought of that," she said with a hint of grumpiness. She wished she was still asleep.

"So what'd he do now?" Edmund said with a slightly amused expression.

"Pardon me?"

"He's acting extremely guilty and panicked that you'll never look at him again. What'd he do? I mean, if it's not my place…"

"He's been intercepting my mail."

Edmund raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything.

Did he not understand the seriousness of Peter's crime? She'd been hoping for a little more of a reaction. "The letters from Rahai that you were talking about last night-or this morning-or whatever."

"I figured as much."

"Wha-what?"

"It's hard to explain, but…it just seemed like something he'd do…I mean, I can see how much he cares about you, and how far you've come…I can't deny that I know what you two were up to in the southern passage…"

Saedra felt embarrassed at the last part. "Er, yeah."

"And had you gone down to Tashbaan, this closeness wouldn't have happened, am I right?"

"Well, maybe not so soon, but…"

"It's not just that. It's the timing of the thing."

"What does that mean?"

"There were no…er…distractions." He was blushing.

Realization slowly dawned on her. "You think he knows about us-I mean, how we feel-felt…?"

Edmund was as red as she felt, but his voice was level. "No, no, but the timing was perfect, don't you think?"

"I don't understand what you're saying. How would Peter know about the timing?"

"He wouldn't. Aslan would. Maybe he used Peter's pig-headed selfishness to bring you two closer."

She stared at him. "You're crazy."

He grinned. "Not as crazy as someone who holds conversations while shivering in freezing temperatures."

"What are you doing up here?"

"I come up here all the time."

"I didn't know that!" she said, suddenly interested.

He looked sheepish. "That was the…um…idea."

"Oh-" Saedra said, pausing. "Was the idea that everyone not know or especially me?"

He looked sideways at her. "Both."

"Ah."

Silence followed. Edmund looked embarrassed, and Saedra felt like she'd intruded on his little sanctuary away from her.

Edmund spoke. "I used to come up here a lot when…you know…the wedding and everything was going on."

"Ah."

More silence.

"If it makes you feel better, I won't come up here again," Saedra said, standing up. "Though it is a nice little hideaway."

Pause.

"Well, should we be getting down?" she asked, going over to the door and looking back at him expectantly. "If people are worried, we shouldn't keep them waiting any longer."

No one, not Peter, Susan, Lucy, nor Peridan said anything when Edmund and Saedra returned. It was as if there was a silent pact of silence for Talia's sake, as she seemed to be the only person that hadn't been made aware that Peter had been panicking that Saedra had fled Cair Paravel. The tension between Saedra and Peter was ignored as the group convened with Peter's advisors to address the situation that Edmund had brought to their attention, namely the conspiracy within the government of Calormen to sabotage Narnia's power.

After long debate that lasted long into the night and would be tweaked over the course of the weeks, the group developed a strategy to deal with the threat, however small it may seem, quickly and decisively. Most of the group agreed when Saedra pointed out that while the Tisroc may not have been directly involved in the conspiracy, it was highly unlikely that he was unaware of it (similarly to how he had denied involvement on the raids in her province when she was a girl). That turned the conversation in the direction of not only stopping the conspiracy, but also of how to make a point to the Tisroc.

In the end, it was finally decided that Peter, Edmund, and Lucy would lead the naval fleet down to Tashbaan to confront the Tisroc as soon as weather permitted. It would be a grand display of power, and the Tisroc would be forced to meet with them with the fear that the Narnians may invade Tashbaan. There Peter would confront the Tisroc, hopefully putting an end to the feeble-though potentially successful-attempts to undermine Narnia.

It was also decided that the navy needed to be supplemented. New ships were going to be built, and the old ones would be refurbished in order to appear most impressive. The work would go on during the winter months so that the Kings and Queen could leave as soon as possible.

All of this meant that Susan and Peridan's wedding plans were once again put on hold because of the reallocation of resources, but Susan covered up her deep disappointment with a brave, but watery, smile.

After the initial meeting was ended long past midnight, Saedra slipped out of the room as quickly as she could. She didn't want to see Peter; she didn't feel ready to have a reasonable conversation with him. During the conference he had been all business, but at odd moments she would catch him watching her with eyes that begged her to forgive him. At other times she would lock eyes with Edmund, whose shadowed looks she couldn't decipher across the room.

She maneuvered her way to the library tower (knowing that at this hour there'd be no one around) with one thought in mind: she had to read Sadris' note. She sat herself at the base of the winding staircase that wound inside the tower of books and broke the seal. Inside the envelope was a small, crudely-written note written by a shaky hand. A tiny key slipped out of the note as she unfolded it and fell to the floor with a small clink. She picked up the key and read the note.

O Saedra, Daughter of my Beloved Lalevis:

It is a common proverb that those who carry secrets to their graves will be tormented by them for eternity. As I lay here dying, there is but one secret that I hold within my breast that would have the power to do so, and before the gods carry me away to the afterlife I would like to avoid the misery of such a torment by relating to you what you should have known a long time ago.

With irony I think of how such knowledge would have drastically changed your life, O daughter of my daughter. You would not have been a raised in the Barbarian North but would have been a great Tarkheena, known for your beauty and wit. (Though I criticized you for your looks, I must confess that you have the good looks of both of your parents in you. It's within my nature to be critical, something I never mastered).

The information I have for you cannot be written here, for as well-intentioned as Rahai is, she isn't the smartest of girls. There is a great chance this will be intercepted, and thus all I have to give you is this: the key, and the reminder of what Lalevis did best.

What you do with such knowledge is your burden.

Saedra lowered the unsigned letter and looked around the chamber. She sat in silence for minutes, glancing back down at the letter at moments, other times her eyes darting about the room as she thought.

She stood up and strode out of the library. She stalked through the dark castle, the light from the torches illuminating her way with flickering light. She went straight to her and Peter's bedroom and threw open the door.

The lights were off, but Peter was lying in bed awake, the back if his head resting on his interlocked palms. He jerked upright in surprise as she strode over to him, threw the note down on his lap, and declared, "I'm going to Tashbaan with you."

Peter looked from her to the note, then took the letter and swung out of bed. He turned on an oil lamp and leaned into it to read the letter while Saedra stood above him with her arms crossed.

After finishing, he looked up at her and stood upright. He seemed hesitant to say what was on his mind. He opened and closed his mouth several times, then licked his lips.

Saedra spoke. "Before you say no, Peter, I want to make it clear that you owe this to me. Were it not for your intrusion into my privacy, I would have been able to go down to Tashbaan and hear this from Sadris myself. As it is, it seems that there is some information that she felt important enough to share with me just before she died. I need to find out what it is."

"Sae, it's dangerous. We aren't going on a pleasure trip. There is a chance that fighting could break out."

"It's either I go with you with the whole Narnian Navy to protect me or I go down myself on horseback."

Peter's eyes bulged, and he studied her determined face. "What about Tal? Are you prepared to leave her for a whole season again?"

"As prepared as you appear to be," she said callously, and he winced. "Actually, I was thinking that she could come with. It'd be good experience for her."

"But it's too dangerous, Sae. I can't stop you, but it's better that she be here than in harm's way."

"It could be said that she's safer with the Navy than unprotected here."

Peter was uncharacteristically quiet.

"Have it your way," he said in a quiet voice. He gave her the note, then walked past her and climbed into bed again.

Saedra watched him curiously. "Peter."

He looked at her, his blue eyes dark and strained.

She had been intending to ask him what was wrong, then she realized that was a stupid thing to ask. Narnia was about to confront the largest country on earth; there was no reason for the tired King to be happy. What he needed was rest-and comfort. And up 'til now she hadn't been any help.

She turned off the lamp and walked forward, leaned over him, cupped his face in her hands, and lightly kissed him. She climbed over her surprised husband and settled under the covers next to him, leaning up against him.

It was amazing how the old anger seemed trivial at this moment. Peter had more important things going on in his life than her, and he needed support.

She couldn't see his relieved smile in the dark, but she could feel it in the way he wrapped his arms around her.

"Per and I were supposed to be married by now!" lamented Susan as she and Saedra followed Talia through the mainland forest near Cair Paravel. Talia was joking with some Nyads a distance off, and Saedra and Susan were strolling arm and arm, bundled warmly against the chilly winter wind.

Susan had not been happy with the decision to postpone her wedding even longer in order to focus on the confrontation ahead. She had argued that going on with the wedding would distract from any suspicion when the Narnian Navy strengthened itself. She pointed out that, however hard the Navy worked to be secretive, word was bound to spread about what they were doing. The others hadn't disagreed with her point (and Saedra had silently sympathized with her), but they said that the strain on their resources by building during the winter months would be hard enough without adding the wedding plans.

"The nerve of Peter to hint that I could have a small wedding right away! He knows as much as anyone how much I want to have a grand, memorable wedding," Susan fumed.

Saedra remained silent and allowed Susan to vent her feelings.

"I mean," the Queen continued, "Per and I have waited this long to make sure the wedding would be perfect, so of course we're going to wait a few months more. But it's just so hard always being pushed aside like this…like I'm not allowed to live the life I like just because I'm a Queen."

"What other life would you prefer?" Saedra smiled.

Susan paused, tilting her head to one side. She turned to Saedra with an abashed grin on her beautiful face. "I suppose you've caught me."

They were strolling past the dwellings of some Dwarf families, and the smell of food wafted into their noses.

"Mmm, doesn't that sausage smell divine?" Susan said. "It must be lunchtime."

Saedra was about to agree when suddenly a wave of nausea overcame her. She clapped her hand to her mouth and looked about frantically to find a non-speaking tree. Spotting one (for anyone how has lived any amount of time in Narnia can tell the difference between Trees and trees), she raced over and vomited her breakfast against the trunk, staining the white snow.

"Saedra?" Susan said, rushing after her. "Are you okay?"

Saedra stood up, wiping her mouth. Perhaps she did so too fast, for she lost her bearings and stumbled backwards.

Fortunately, Susan caught her, hollering, "Talia! Quick! Saedra's ill!"

Talia ran over, the Nymphs in tow, and Saedra protested in garbled language, "Na, na…I'm f-f-fine." She concluded her protests by vomiting spectacularly.

Susan's nose was wrinkled with the foul smell as she supported her sister-in-law. "Let's get her up to the palace."

"Allow us, your Majesty!" the Nymphs said eagerly, jumping in to support Saedra.

Susan didn't argue, and she and Talia led them back to the palace.

Half-way back, however, Saedra protested again, this time clearly: "I'm fine, really. I can walk on my own. I feel much better."

She did feel much better. As fast as the spell had come over her, it was gone.

Susan didn't believe her. "Don't listen to her. We need to get her up to her chambers as fast as possible."

Before Saedra knew it, she was tucked into bed, thanking the Nymphs, and trying to assure a hovering Peter that she was fine.

"I want you to stay in bed for the rest of the day," Peter ordered, rubbing her hand.

Despite her protests, she did as he ordered. She rested, sleeping soundly all day. She woke up in the middle of the night to see Peter sleeping soundly next to her and a warm fire in the fireplace. She got up for an hour to read a book, then started feeling drowsy again, and slept the rest of the night away.

The next day, she felt completely well. She accompanied Peter to breakfast, feeling very aware of aromas (perhaps because she was afraid that another smell would trigger sickness). She made it all the way down to the entrance hall, but as soon as the smell of eggs and bacon met her nose-she became sick again.

Back in her room, Peter ordered another day's rest, which she agreed to with an amused smile. The poor man had never seen her this sick before, and he looked positively green. It was rather adorable.

After three days in a row of vomiting triggered by smells, the nurse Remanda started to be puzzled.

"Could I have some peculiar disease that hasn't been recorded?" Saedra asked the Dwarf when they were alone.

"Well the symptoms are extremely common, your Highness, but it's unusual that you'd feel fine one moment and ill the next," she said. "I'm going to do some reading…"

Two days after that (in which Saedra had had varying levels of illness continue), Remanda came into her bedroom smiling.

"I have the answer, Princess!" she squeaked, sounding more like a Mouse than a Dwarf in her excitement.

Saedra sat up eagerly. "What is it? And why in the world are you smiling? I'm supposed to be dying here, at least according to my husband!"

Remanda chuckled and hauled a thick medical book onto the bed. She flipped through the pages past How to Safely Polish Your Teeth: A Guide for Beavers and Tell-Tale Signs Your Child Has Rabies and pointed to one that read: Symptommes of Pregnancie in Human Females.

Saedra looked up at Remanda. "You jest. I suppose there must be a Symptommes of Pregnancie in Human Males as well."

"Read, your Highness."

Symptommes of Pregnancie in Human Females

by Deerileek the Mouse, Heade Physician to Queen Swanwhite, and Rymon the Centaur, Former Heade of Healthe at Cair Paravelle

"Isn't this a bit outdated?" Saedra said cynically. "This dates back to Swanwhite!"

"There were more humans in Narnia back then, your Highness, so they had more experience, and I hardly think child-bearing has changed at all since then."

Saedra scanned the article. They covered symptoms from dizziness to cravings all the way to the symptoms she'd been experiencing.

"It's all coincidental," Saedra said when she had thoroughly examined the article. "It's impossible…I'm not…I can't be…"

"Whatever your Highness says," Remanda smirked knowingly.

Remanda was right. It took over a month for Saedra to acknowledge it, but she was indeed with child.

When she finally admitted it to the Dwarf, it was shocking to hear the words come out of her mouth. Having her own biological child hadn't even entered her mind when she'd started sleeping with Peter; the subject hadn't come up since she'd refused to have a child before they were married.

Truth was, it scared her. Her own mother had died from giving birth to her, and there were countless widowers in Anvard left with children. Was she mere months from dying? The thought was sobering and scary.

"You're completely healthy, your Highness," Remanda assured her. "Just don't over-exert yourself, and all should be fine."

"When-when will it…he…she…whoever—be born?" she asked, feeling completely awkward at this type of conversation.

"From what you've told me, I'd say you have about seven months, just over. The beginning of fall you'll have a little Prince or Princess."

The beginning of fall. That was still plenty of time to go to Tashbaan…

"And when are you going to tell the High King?" Remanda asked eagerly.

Saedra had already made up her mind. If Peter knew now, there was no question he would ban her from stepping one foot out of the castle. If she told him a month later while they were on the way down to Tashbaan, he couldn't do anything about it, right?

"Not yet. I'm not telling him yet," Saedra said firmly.

"Princess?" the nurse asked confusedly. "Why…?"

"He can't know. No one can know. I forbid you from telling anyone. When the High King knows, I will be the one to tell him, and no one else."

It was a gamble whether Remanda could hold her tongue for a whole month while Saedra hid the symptoms…It was a risk, but nothing was keeping Saedra from finding out Sadris' secret. Not even a baby.