Teardrops in the Sand

Much to Saedra's disappointment, Susan had little information about Priyah, the Princess of Telmar who had written what had seemed to be a strange message to Peter. Susan simply shrugged when Saedra, expecting an interesting amount of information, found her. Susan seemed surprised that Saedra didn't know who Priyah was, but simply suggested Saedra talk to Peter about it. It was a little strange, but it satisfied Saedra that there was not a juicy story like she'd been subconsciously hoping for. It was certainly not intriguing enough to approach Peter about, for she was still wrought with guilt and felt unworthy to speak to him.

Peter's words to Rahai haunted her day and night.

"Ever made a decision that seemed right at the time, based on the information you had, but you later think that it might have been the wrong thing to do?"

There was no question in Saedra's mind that Peter had meant marrying her. What else could it be? Saedra had put him through so much: refusing to share a room with him, demanding that she retain her title of Duchess, and hiding her pregnancy from him so she could go to Tashbaan-though he had never questioned her on that point. Losing Willem had been the last straw, and now Peter saw that he had chosen a wife very poorly.

When Peter brought up the subject of their plans for the winter one dinner, Saedra could not have asked for a more perfect way to solve her and Peter's problems.

"Dearest, we've put this off, but we must decide what we are doing for the winter," Peter said to Saedra as he cut into his meat. "The frost is already here, so we must leave hastily if we are to go back to Cair Paravel this winter."

"Peridan's urging us to come back, and the sooner, the better," Susan said. "The work has really piled up with you lot being gone all summer. Besides, if Per and I are to wed this spring, there are many plans to be made."

Saedra saw a window of opportunity. If Peter went up North, she could stay behind…

Saedra inclined her head, looking concerned. "Yes, yes, you must go soon. My only concern is that I have much to do here, since I was gone from here for almost a year before we came up. I didn't get nearly as much work done as I hoped to do before I became ill, and I was hoping to catch up over the winter months."

She glanced at Talia to see her daughter's reaction to her words, and she saw mixed expressions on the teenager's face. She knew that Talia was very fond of Narnia, but if they stayed in Harden, it was almost certain that they would spend Christmas in Anvard for the Winter Festival…and that meant seeing Corin, Aravis, and Cor.

"Couldn't you do your work over correspondence?" Lucy suggested. "Christmas wouldn't be half as fun if you stayed here!"

"And what about the baby?" Rahai added. "Would she stay here or go North with Peter?"

Saedra was stumped. She knew Peter loved the baby dearly, but she didn't want to be separated from Caulitha either.

"I…don't know. I'm not sure if she's even well enough to travel. And it's colder in Narnia than here…"

"I think the climate up north may be good for her!" Susan said. "Don't you, Ed?"

Edmund had been silent during this whole interchange, watching with veiled interest. When Susan addressed him, he blinked.

"Oh! Yes—of course!"

Susan was satisfied. "See, Sae?"

Saedra was feeling trapped. She couldn't go to Cair Paravel! That meant a whole winter cooped up in the palace for most of the time, sharing a room with a husband who wished they had never married. She was too guilty for Willem's death to look him in the eye most of the time, and a whole winter of awkwardness with him—not to mention her confusion and hurt about how Edmund was avoiding her—would be a living hell.

To Saedra's pleasant...and unpleasant at the same time...surprise, Peter came to her rescue. He spoke carefully.

"Susan, if Saedra really does have work to do, we shouldn't pressure her into putting it off. We all understand the duty we have to our subjects. Saedra's a wise woman. If she has reservations about leaving Harden, we should trust her."

Susan blinked. "But, Peter—surely you don't want to be separated from her all winter! And there's no way you can stay here…you have much work waiting for you—"

"Su," Edmund said in a low voice. "This is Peter and Saedra's business. If they're okay with it, I think we all should be too."

Susan stared at her younger brother, and for a moment it looked like she had a retort to make, but all she did was shake her head and lean against the back of her seat.

She sighed. "What about Tal?"

"Talia can stay with me," Saedra answered quickly.

She didn't want Talia to be put in a position to choose between her parents, but she had no doubt that Talia would be more comfortable with her mother after the conversation they had had about Talia's insecurities.

"Father can visit for Christmas," Talia added hopefully, "can't you, Father?"

"I'll do my best," Peter promised, bestowing a smile on his step-daughter.

"And the baby?"

Saedra hesitated, her mouth slightly open. She looked to Peter.

Peter looked pained, but he said, "Caulitha should stay with Saedra. She's weak, and Saedra was right: I don't think travelling would be good for her. Her nursemaid is here too. I'll leave a company of guards here to keep Saedra, Talia, and Caulitha safe, and I can come down by horseback to visit when I can."

Saedra was glad that Peter was agreeing with her, but it only confirmed what she had already suspected—he didn't want to be around her any more than she wanted to be around him.

As the Narnians packed their things and made final arrangements for departure, Saedra found the castle stifling. The castle was usually quiet, peaceful, even a bit eerie, but now every room was crawling with soldiers, servants, and her family going about their business. There was a rumor that a blizzard was coming through Archenland, and they were rushed to be gone before it hit.

Wanting to get away from the madness, Saedra threw on her cloak and went out of the castle, through the deserted marketplace, and through the only gate to the castle, which was on the north-western side. She went out onto the rocky, sloping hill that led down to the forest. The sky was white and bleak, and the air chilly.

She headed towards the left, towards the Winding Arrow River. The river was very low, and there were sand islands in the delta where the river met the sea. Saedra had visions of her younger self hopping from sand island to sand island, pretending she was an adventurer on a great quest. She would talk to herself, imagining she had companions with her, making up for the lack of playmates.

Suddenly, Saedra started running down the hill towards the river, running around boulders and jumping over smaller rocks. Within seconds she was breathing hard from the exertion, because she had not exercised in such a way since her illness, but she kept running. The cold air stung her throat, but it was a pain that she appreciated. For a moment, she was a seven-year-old girl, carefree and innocent, running around Harden.

When she reached the river's edge, she didn't stop. She kept going, leaping onto the nearest sand bar. She finally stopped when she was in the middle of the wide delta. She stared out that the sea, the wind billowing her dress and cloak, and making her nose red and runny. The waves were choppy, with white wave crests crashing against the base of the cliff on which rested the ancient castle. The cliff loomed high to her left, and beyond it, part of the Narnian fleet, looking imposing and noble.

The world is so much bigger than my little problems, Saedra thought, getting caught up in the moment. Her troubles seemed so far away.

A voice floated on the wind. "Saedra!"

Saedra turned to the left and saw a woman coming down the slope. At first Saedra wasn't sure who it was because she was so small, but then she noticed the length of the black hair and the tan face. It was Rahai.

Saedra didn't move from her spot. She didn't want her moment of innocence to end. She just watched her cousin as she walked down the steep slope, her hair blowing wildly in the wind.

When Rahai reached the river's edge, she put her hands on her hips.

"Are you really going to make me come out there?" she hollered, smiling.

Saedra raised her eyebrows. Rahai was sounding an awful lot like Susan these days. "What if I said yes?" she called back.

Rahai threw her hands up, and Saedra's mouth almost curled into a smile as she watched the Tarkheena hop from spot to spot, skirts hiked up. Rahai had started wearing Narnian clothing since her wedding to Edmund, though her style was a bit more colorful and she tended to wear more jewelry.

Rahai finally reached her, huffing from the exertion.

"My feet are wet!" she exclaimed in her melodious accent. "Anyway, I came out here because I'm supposed to tell you that we're leaving soon."

"You didn't have to come out here to tell me that! You could've yelled it to me."

Rahai smiled. "I know. I felt like coming out here. I'm trying to be more spontaneous like you and Susan." She looked around. "This is nice. I feel like we're the only people in the world!"

Rahai looked out over the sea, but Saedra watched her cousin. Rahai was so innocent, trusting. Would she be so friendly to Saedra if she had known how Edmund had kissed her as she died? Would Rahai smile in such a way if she knew how much Edmund loved Saedra, and that he still pined for his first love even after their wedding?

"What was Aslan like?" Rahai asked, shattering Saedra's thoughts.

"Huge," Saedra replied. "Scary. I was terrified. I saw him in Anvard, but he seemed so much more real in that other place."

Rahai nodded, still staring off into the East.

Saedra continued. "I was afraid he would devour me. I felt like every sin was laid bare before him. It was horrible at first."

Rahai laughed. "Sins? What sins? You're perfect—or as perfect as a person can be!"

"Perfect? Hardly!"

"Oh please, Sae; you're compassionate, strong, funny, pretty, smart. You put others' needs before your own—you're even willing to be apart from your husband so you can be a good leader here at Harden! If that isn't perfect, I don't know what is!"

That early evening, Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, and Rahai left Harden. The goodbyes were heartfelt among the women, and dull between Saedra and the brothers. Peter kissed the air next to her hair, but it was obvious his heart wasn't in it. Edmund patted her on the back and tried to look pleasant, but he just looked like he had a headache. Peter gave Talia a big hug, and then held Caulitha a long time, whispering to her and kissing her. He finally handed the baby back over to the maid Tina when it was time to go.

Saedra, holding a whimpering Caulitha, and Talia watched from Saedra's office as most of the Narnian fleet let down their sails and slowly headed north. It was similar to how they had said goodbye to their family members when they were dropped off in Harden only two months before, but Peter wasn't staying with them this time. This time it was more final. Winter was setting in, separating the family.

The days grew shorter, but time grew longer. The castle felt dull and lifeless. Talia continued her studies, and Caulitha slowly improved health-wise. She began to follow Saedra and Talia's face with her eyes when they were near, and towards Christmas she started making noises besides the pathetic whimpering cries she used to make.

Saedra was starting to bond with the baby, as was Talia. If Talia was bored, she would hold Caulitha and talk to her, showing her things in the castle. The baby actually smiled occasionally, which would make the whole castle buzz with excitement-

"Did you hear that the Baby Princess smiled today?"

"Did she? That poor child. She's terribly slow at developing. I wonder if she'll be a little off when she'd older…"

Saedra started to practice sword-fighting again, and this time Talia was the trainer. Talia would read books on fighting in her spare time, and now she knew more than Saedra did. If it was nice out, they would go out into the snow to practice.

"Let's have a break, Tal," Saedra huffed one day during practice, hobbling over to a log and sitting on it gingerly. "I have a stitch in my side."

Talia lowered her practice sword and followed her to the log. "That may be enough for today, Mum. Your face is red."

Saedra waved her hand. "No, no, I just need a break. I want to get as much practice as I can before Christmas since we won't be able to practice as much when Father comes."

After a moment, Talia asked, "Mum, I've been wondering something."

"What is it?"

"Why did you want to be to be good at fighting so much? I mean, I know Aunt Lucy and Aunt Susan are good, but it's not something that many Ladies at Anvard care about much."

Saedra studied her daughter, trying to decide how she should approach the subject. Talia waited for the answer, her thoughtful dark eyes interested.

"Well, you know I grew up like a boy in a lot of respects. My father always wanted a boy, so he would teach me to ride horses and to spar."

Talia nodded.

"And it's useful, such as when Rabadash was attacking Anvard and I was able to help. But two summers ago, when you were staying with Aravis in Anvard, I had an incident in Narrowhaven that taught me that I should never, ever be unprepared to defend myself."

"What happened?" Talia asked seriously.

"Edmund and I went undercover to find out information about the Governor of Narrowhaven to see if he was loyal to Narnia or not. We went to a pub, which in hindsight was probably a foolish thing to do. I was mistaken for a courtesan, and grabbed by a man."

Talia's eyes widened.

"I barely escaped being violated. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. Edmund came just in time."

Neither said anything for a moment. Talia was processing this information, and Saedra was reminiscing. She was pleased to find that, however painful a memory it was, she could speak about it freely.

Saedra continued. "And ever since then, I've been determined that I—and you, and someday Caulitha—will be able and ready to fight should you ever be in any danger of any kind. That's why I'm pushing myself so hard, and it's why I made sure you were trained."

Talia and Saedra stared out into the white forest for a moment in silence. Talia suddenly patted Saedra's shoulder and hopped up. "Then shall we begin again, Mum?"

Snow fell, and the days dragged by. Saedra found herself scrounging around her father's library, desperate for something new to read. She came across old notebooks of her father's, which were not at all interesting like her mother's had been, since they were mostly financial records from when Saedra was a baby. After flipping through select notebooks in that bunch, she abandoned that area all together and searched for some more interesting books to occupy her.

As Saedra was searching, Talia entered the study.

"Mum?"

"Mm?" Saedra replied, lips pursed, turning to her daughter.

Talia was holding a letter, looking disappointed. "Father can't come for Christmas."

Saedra climbed down the ladder she had been on. "Did he say why?"

"He says he's still trying to catch up with work, but he sends his love."

Saedra nodded, turning away from Talia. She was disappointed too. Even an awkward Christmas with her estranged husband with the distant hope of reconciliation would be better than the monotone, silent, grey days at Harden.

The funny thing was, the silence of Harden had never bothered Saedra until now. Maybe it was because she wasn't writing letters directly to Peter or Edmund, which made her more disconnected with the family, or maybe it was because Saedra had taken for granted how lonely a relatively empty castle could be. Either way, she was desperate for something—anything—to divert her.

When Saedra didn't say anything, Talia continued hesitantly. "Mum…does this mean we can go to Anvard?"

Saedra shook her head, running her finger over the books in the bookshelf absentmindedly. "Mrs. Quigley said Caulitha might not be able to handle travelling in this cold. And there's no safe way to transport her. We can't use a wagon because the snow's too deep, and I can't risk riding a horse with her—if she fell or was dropped…"

"Then—Mum, could I go to Anvard?"

Saedra studied her daughter. "By yourself?"

"I've gotten ahead in my schoolwork," she said hopefully. "And I haven't seen my friends since my birthday, and that was cut short because of-" She faltered here, looking uncertain.

"Because of me," Saedra finished.

Talia looked frightened. "I didn't mean to sound like I'm blaming you, Mother-"

"I understand, Tal," Saedra nodded. "It's all right." She paused. "Yes, you can go. But you're taking a detachment of guards with you."

Talia clapped her hands, hopping on the balls of her feet. "Really? You'll let me go alone?"

Saedra's lips curled into a small smile. "Yes. And we'll have to make you some new dresses."

It would stretch their budget a bit, because wintertime was always tighter because of the lack of income from the market, but Saedra would simply refrain from getting new dresses for herself. There was no one to impress this year, anyway.

Talia screeched with excitement—startling Saedra immensely—and threw her arms around her mother. "You're the best, Mum!"

If possible, the castle was duller with the absence of Talia. It was just Saedra, Caulitha, and the servants that Christmas. Saedra found herself wandering aimlessly through the forests, pining for the old days when she used to be close to both Peter and Edmund. Her life had changed so much, had deteriorated so rapidly…and yet she felt ungrateful to be so—ungrateful.

I am a Princess of Narnia…the wife of High King Peter! I shouldn't be miserable like this!

But yet, she couldn't shake the loneliness, the sadness that followed her wherever she went.

When Talia returned, gushing about her exploits with Corin, Aravis, and Cor, Saedra was deeply relieved. She had been worried for her safety travelling to and from Anvard, even with the Narnian guard. If someone had tried to kill Saedra, it was possible that they might make an attempt on Talia's life. But no such event had occurred.

Spring came slowly. The months passed, and it seemed like everyone in the castle was itching to be outdoors. Even Caulitha became antsier, whining and crying a lot. When the snow finally melted after a late snowstorm, it meant one thing: returning to Narnia for Susan's wedding with Peridan.

It was with mixed feelings—the foremost of which hope and excitement that she and Peter could reconcile—that Saedra packed up their belongings and travelled up to Narnia aboard the last boats of the Navy that Peter had left for them. Lord Darin had, as a favor to Saedra, agreed to act as Regent in Harden during their visit north, since Saedra wasn't sure how long they would be gone. Caulitha's nursemaid and Saedra's assistant Tina accompanied Saedra and her daughters.

When they arrived in Narnia, they saw that Narnia's trees and flowers were already blooming.

"How is this possible, my Lady?" Tina asked with wonder. She had never been to Narnia. "The flowers are blooming here, and we have barely left winter in Harden!"

Saedra just shook her head. "Magic, I suppose. Aslan must be doing this for Queen Susan. After her long betrothal, she deserves the most beautiful wedding in the world."

As usual, Peter was there to meet them as they approached Cair Paravel's gates. With him were Lucy and a host of other nobles of Narnia and royalty from other countries who were merely curious to see the arrival of the High King's wife. Besides that, the Crown Princess Caulitha was arriving in Narnia for the first time, and all were eager to see her.

Saedra looked into Peter's face as she dismounted from the horse that she had ridden up on from the steep climb from the dock. She hadn't seen her husband in almost half a year, with hardly any contact over mail. It was strange—she felt he was a stranger, and yet she felt she had known him so well, and surely he had to be the same. Surely the long winter had rekindled his affections for her, and things could go back to normal: they could have a happy relationship again.

Peter stared back at her, his eyes revealing nothing. He bowed gracefully, and took her hand to kiss it. "Welcome, my Princess," he said.

"Thank you, your Majesty," she curtsied, searching his face for a clue whether he was still angry with her.

Lucy stepped forward and embraced Saedra as Talia and Peter enthusiastically hugged. When the sisters-in-law pulled back, they studied each other.

"It's wonderful to see you so healthy, Sae," Lucy smiled. "Narnia wouldn't be the same without you."

"It's kind of you to say that, Lu," Saedra replied, feeling unworthy.

"It's true! Now come; everyone else is inside socializing with our foreign guests. Already half the Archenlander court has arrived, along with some Telmarines and Islanders."

Saedra glanced toward Talia and Caulitha to make sure they were looked after. Talia was excitedly conversing with Peter, and Caulitha was being oohed and aahed by all, and under the watch of Peter and Talia who were nearby, as well as the Narnian guards and the nursemaid. She wasn't needed, and so she entered the castle.

When they entered the great hall, Saedra could see that a great reception was being held. Lucy led her to Susan, who was the glowing center of attention. Peridan, the proud groom, never looked better in his life as he stood at his wife-to-be's side. When Susan spotted Saedra, she did what she always did, suffocating her brother's wife in a crushing hug, going on and on about this and that. Peridan greeted Saedra as well, and Susan exclaimed, "Edmund, brother, do come here!"

Edmund, who had been talking to a Satyr, came over, smiling. "What is it sister?"

"Have you taken leave of your senses?" Susan laughed. "Look who is here!"

Edmund followed Susan's gaze, and froze when he saw Saedra. He quickly recovered and bowed. "My sister."

Saedra curtsied in kind. "Brother."

"Oh, don't be so stiff, Ed!" Susan chided with amusement. "Do act like you know her and give her a kiss!"

Edmund locked eyes with Saedra, and leaned in to brush a kiss against her cheek. The brushing of his face against hers immobilized her. His scent filled her nose, giving her visions of their closeness at her deathbed.

"Do excuse me, sisters," Edmund said. "I have more guests to greet."

After a good time of catching up with Susan and Peridan (during which Saedra's thoughts were still on a certain King), Lucy and Saedra went to find Rahai. After perusing the room and stopping to chat with those who wished to speak with either the Queen or the Princess, Saedra spotted her.

"Lu, I see Rahai," Saedra said. "She's over there with that other Lady by the wine bowl."

"Which wine bowl?" Lucy laughed. "I'm too short to see as well as you do. Lead me!"

The women made their way through the crowd, finally reaching Saedra's cousin. Rahai spotted Saedra, saying something to the short, strawberry-blonde woman next to her and gesturing that she should follow her. Rahai and the woman met them half-way.

After all the excited greetings and comments on how well Saedra appeared, Rahai said, "Cousin, I don't believe you've met Princess Priyah of Telmar. We were just talking about how excited she was to be in Narnia again, as she wasn't able to be here for you and Peter's wedding."

"Oh?" Saedra asked politely, recognizing the name of the woman she had asked Susan about last fall. "I'm sorry we haven't been able to meet before today, Princess."

"I feel the same way," the woman smiled. "Unfortunately, I was ill at the time of your wedding to the High King, and my doctors advised me against travelling."

She had hazel eyes and a bright smile. She was perhaps a couple of years older than Saedra, but had the cheery disposition of someone younger.

"Well, I am glad that you recuperated and are able to be here today," Saedra smiled.

"I would say the same thing to you, oh Princess," Priyah nodded. "I have heard of the trials you have faced of late. It is a miracle that you have survived. Marrina Felcar is a poison than no one in the past has ever survived."

The woman's pale cheeks reddened; perhaps she felt it was impolite to speak of such dark things at a party.

"You're quite right," Saedra reassured her. "I have been most fortunate."

"Ah, look!" Lucy said. "The dancing is starting-and here comes Peter!"

As tradition, Peter had come to ask his wife to dance. After a quick bow to Princess Priyah and a few comments with Lucy, he led Saedra to the dance floor. He might as well have been a brick wall for all of the emotion he showed. The dancing commenced-Peter and Saedra, Susan and Peridan, Edmund and Rahai, Lucy and Tumnus, and after a minute, other royalty joined in. Peter had carefully avoided Saedra's gaze, and she was unsure whether she had the right to start a conversation.

Just as she was finally getting the courage to speak, reminding herself that she was his wife and therefore should have the right to speak no matter what, the song ended, and Peter pulled back. He kissed her hand, and finally locked eyes with her as he lifted his head. But as soon as he did so, he looked away in such a manner that he seemed disgusted-with her or with himself, she couldn't tell.

Feeling tired and lonely from the journey, Saedra left the party early. After stopping by Caulitha's nursery to check up on her (Saedra had had to ask a guard where the nursery was located), she went to her bedroom. Two minotaurs were guarding each side of the door. They bowed and opened the door for her. After thanking them, she entered. She looked around the familiar room. Perhaps it had been the year since she had been in here, but...something was off.

She slowly circled the room, but then she caught it: none of Peter's belongings, dressers, or wardrobes were in there. She went to her own closet to see if her belongings that she had left were still there, and they were. So, Peter hadn't moved both of their things out. With a sinking heart, she left the room, crossed the bathroom that connected her bedroom with Peter's old one, and entered his. Sure enough, all of his belongings were in there.

The significance of this arrangement could not have been more obvious: just as Saedra had refused to share a room with him at the beginning of their marriage, so was Peter now making that declaration. Had it hurt Peter as much back then as it did to her now?

Just then, the door opened. Peter entered the room, and stopped short at the sight of her.

Saedra blushed, feeling as if she had been intruding on his personal space. "I was just...taking in the new-uh-arrangements."

Pause.

She couldn't bear the silence. "They're-"

"Can you blame me?" he cut her off in a low voice.

The question stabbed Saedra in the heart. It was the final nail in the coffin that was her hope that maybe Peter didn't despise her for the death of Willem. A small sob escaped just before she whispered torturously, "No."

Her shallow breaths were the only sound that could be heard.

"Peter, I know what you think of me-"

His smoldering eyes bore into hers.

She continued. "I know what I've done. Considering everything, it's the most charitable punishment you could have given me."

He studied her, his face hard. The mention of her crimes had stirred up pent-up anger that had lain dormant the whole winter. "I'm glad we're in agreement." He strode over to the dresser and opened it, fishing for his sleeping garments. She had been dismissed.

Saedra swallowed, unable to comprehend that the conversation was over. "This is it, then?"

"What other way should it be? You were the one who chose this fate, not I." His voice was dripping with fury.

She didn't move from her spot. He stopped in front of the mirror and made to remove his crown. He caught her expression in the reflection. He whirled around furiously.

"Don't give me that look!"

"What look?"

"This is not like our fights of the past. We will not be reconciled within a few days!"

"Can we not talk, Peter? Can you never forgive me? It has already been half a year. Has not the time eased your hatred of me?"

"There are some sins that time cannot eradicate. I swear to you, Saedra, that were I not a more benevolent man, I would have annulled this marriage months ago! Because I did love you once, and for the peace of our family, I'm willing to spare you the humiliation. But I never wish to speak to you again. Were it not for my strong desire to be with my daughters, I would order you to return to Harden as soon as the wedding is over. As it is, I must bear your presence as best I can."

Saedra felt like she was collapsing. Sobs threatened to attack her, but she gathered whatever dignity she could. She held her head high, curtsied, and said, "I completely understand, your Majesty. It will be as you say."

She restrained herself from running as she left his chambers. She maintained a straight face as she marched past the guards in the hallway, but as soon as she was out of sight, she broke into a run. She ran, tears silently streaming down her face, out of the castle and to the dark beach below. After all of the festivities, the castle was quiet from a sweet wine-induced sleep. She threw herself onto the white sand, and burst into anguished tears. The crashing of the waves against the rocks from the high tide was the only sound to mask her miserable gasps of agony.

She was worthless. She had been rejected by her husband. For all intents and purposes, her marriage was over. Her stubbornness of all these years had finally done her in, gotten her in trouble too deep to get out of...and now she had no man who loved her. Peter would surely keep Talia and Caulitha at the palace, and Saedra would return to Harden solo. She was doomed to be utterly alone. Edmund could never bring himself to betray his wife.

The waves seemed especially powerful this night. One particularly large wave splashed her, soaking her from the knees down. She barely even noticed it. She curled into the fetal position, half her face in the sand. She shivered with misery, and from the cold water and cool night.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

An alarmed voice asked, "Are you all right, dear Lady?

Saedra sat up instantly, her back to the stranger. Mortified to be seen this way, she shook her head. Her long, sand-filled hair shielded her face.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" the male voice pressed. "Please, come with me into the castle so I may assist you."

She recognized that voice-

Saedra jumped to her feet, facing the man, and backed up.

Edmund's concerned face melted into one of absolute shock. "Sae-"

She shook her head and covered her mouth with her hands to suppress the sobs that wanted to erupt at the sight of him. Did Aslan send him to torture her?

Horrified pity crossed his face. "What's wrong, Sae? Tell me!"

"I can't! I can't talk-to you-You ignored me, pretending nothing-"

He didn't respond, but watched her helplessly.

"It's over, Ed. It's over. Peter and I-he wants nothing to do with me, ever! I have nothing-It's over." Tears streamed down her face, but she turned away. "Go ahead," she said, her voice dripping with bitterness, "leave me before you begin your brother act! You're so very experienced at it after all these years. I don't want your false pity when you know you're-"

Suddenly, strong arms were gripping her upper-arms and turning her around. Before she knew what was happening, his mouth was pressed against hers, kissing passionately. Shocked out of her tears, she kissed him back, intertwining her fingers in his dark hair. His hands pressed her body against his, running along her curves. Time, duty was lost. It was only them: pathetic, wet, sandy Saedra and her Edmund.

It too much-it was so intense. They suddenly broke apart, breathing hard, shaking. Edmund cupped her face in his hands.

Saedra saw the battle within him, but she chose to ignore it. She abandoned all duty to Rahai, overcome with her own need for the touch of a man and her long-held desire for Edmund.

"Don't leave me, Edmund," she begged, her whispered voice quaking. "Please."

"I need to think about this," he said, swallowing.

She feared how his ponderings might seem different in the light of day, when passion was not clouding his mind. She was being despicably selfish and knew she would hate herself for it one day, but she needed him.

"Trust me, my love," he said, brushing his lips against hers. "Trust me. I want this more than you do."

And then he was gone from her, rushing up to the castle. It didn't matter. A faint hope had been lit in Saedra's heart that maybe, just maybe things would get better.

Little did she know that she had started down a path that would irreparably mar her life forever.