Peridan's Ultimatum

Saedra followed Peridan silently through the dark halls of Cair Paravel. Peridan hadn't said a word since he had ordered her to follow him, and she was terrified to break the silence. She pictured Edmund, waiting for her in the place they had agreed to meet, not knowing what was really happening.

She fingered Father Christmas' necklace tensely. Peridan knew? How long had he known? What did he want? And more importantly, who had he told?

"In here," Peridan said, and opened a door.

Saedra followed, swallowing.

Dim firelight lit the room. It was a small conference room, one that appeared rarely used. There was a table in the middle of the room, and three beings sat around it: Stamprin and Moonshackle the Dwarves, and Tumnus the Faun.

Saedra was sickened by the sight of the Dwarves, but the sight of Tumnus made her want to burst into tears. Tumnus was her friend; he was Lucy's best friend. Seeing him look at her with such hurt and condemning eyes was like being stabbed in the heart.

Peridan gestured for her to be seated, and she sat across from the four of them. She felt like she was on trial.

They studied her.

Peridan cleared his throat. "Saedra, as you may have deduced, we all have the same knowledge of your treachery. What you do not know is that we are here to help. We have information that will affect you, and all who are connected to you. Perhaps we should have told you sooner…but Stamprin will begin, for it is his tale more than anything."

Saedra was surprised, and looked at the White Dwarf.

Stamprin spoke. "What I have to tell you, Duchess, you should have never needed to know. But concerning the situation you have put yourself in, I must tell you all. You may think that I dislike you, but that is beside the point. It is true that I have remained suspicious of you, even resorting to prodding Princess Talia for information, but it has only been in the interest of guarding Narnia's interests. I had hoped that my suspicion would act as a guard and a warning against…inappropriate behavior...of any kind. Apparently I was wrong.

"Not long after you were married to the High King, I was approached by a representative of Lord Reine. (Yes, I see your surprise, Duchess. You must hear the whole story before making judgments.) Lord Reine had heard that I was less than enthusiastic about your marriage to High King Peter, and sought to take advantage of me for information about you. I pretended to cooperate, hoping to be able to thwart any designs Lord Reine had against you. It was obvious that he was furious about his expulsion from Harden and was plotting to return some day.

"Thus my relationship with Lord Reine began. I gave him information about you—harmless and pointless information—but information that allowed me to earn his trust. He was living in Telmar, worming his way into the good graces of King Meridian, and acting through Lord Leren and those loyal to him from Archenland. Here freely I admit my folly: I was the one who told Reine that you were with child before the knowledge had become common."

Saedra's eyes flashed; she could guess where this conversation was headed.

"Reine then arranged for Gilda to be killed in Harden by one of his spies to bait you to leave Tashbaan, and poisoned you in Harden. In my defense, I knew nothing of this until afterwards."

Silence followed this.

"Does the High King know this?" Saedra said through clenched teeth. "Does he know that you are the one responsible for his son's death?"

"Calm yourself, Saedra!" Peridan ordered firmly.

"No, he does not know," Stamprin said. "Nor do I intend to tell him."

"But he must know! He must know that one of his own advisors as good as planned the death of his child!" Saedra growled, standing up.

Peridan, Stamprin, and Moonshackle stood up angrily. Tumnus spoke quietly, but it carried over the exclamations of the other three.

"And after we inform him of Stamprin's mistake, shall we inform him of your treachery, Saedra?" Tumnus asked, his troubled eyes meeting hers.

Saedra sat down slowly, having no reply, and the other three did as well.

"Continue, Stamprin," Peridan said.

"I do not tell the High King because I know that he will react in a worse way than you have, Duchess. He will have me killed, regardless of how much he—and you—need me at this moment," Stamprin said.

"How do I need you?" Saedra asked.

"Have you not been listening? I have the ear of Lord Reine, the very man you are fighting this spring over the leadership of Harden. I have insight and information about him that you will not find elsewhere!"

"But why would you help me?" Saedra asked. "I have not forgotten why I am here! I'm a traitor! I don't deserve your help, I deserve to be executed or exiled."

"I do not do this for you, Duchess," Stamprin said. "I do this for the High King, the one who I have pledged to serve until I die, the one who Aslan himself gave charge of Narnia. It is for him that I will help you."

"But we have conditions, Princess," Moonshackle spoke. "We shall not help you if you will not do the right thing."

"The right thing?"

"You must end it with Edmund, Saedra," Peridan said.

She wasn't surprised in the least, but it still hurt her immensely. She studied him, hoping there was some way out of this. Could she bluff?

"How do you know I have something with Edmund?" she asked. "What proof do you have?"

"There is no one piece of proof, Saedra, just those who have eyes unbiased enough to see," Peridan said. "Once one starts to doubt your allegiance to your husband, the truth is quite obvious."

"And who planted these doubts in your head?" Saedra asked.

"I did," Tumnus said in a low voice.

Saedra blinked. "You?"

"I was not a child the first time you came to Narnia, Princess. I was a full-grown Faun. I do not forget the affection that Kind Edmund had for you even then, the way his siblings have forgotten as they grew up. I was keen enough to see it at the time, while their child's minds could not. I know how he loved you, and how he has suffered.

"I approached Peridan because he was the only one in the family that I could trust to keep a cool head about this," Tumnus said. "And I do not regret this, Saedra, as much as this hurts you. You knew better."

Saedra pursed her lips. Seeing Tumnus so disappointed in her was staggering; how much more would the disappointment—and hatred and anger—of her family affect her! How would Peter look at her...and Talia?

"You must end it now, Saedra," Peridan said firmly. "Do not tarry."

Saedra nodded, feeling desperate. At this moment, she would do anything to keep her family from knowing.

"But you must really end it. There must be no hope of a reunion in either your mind or Edmund's."

"I understand, Peridan," she said.

"I don't think you do," he said. "You must hurt him."

She blinked. "Hurt?"

"Even if the physical," here Peridan looked supremely disgusted, "affair has ended, the emotional one will continue for the rest of your lives. Edmund must not love you anymore."

"How am I to make sure of that!"

"Hurt him," he repeated. "Tell him that you love another. You cheated on Peter, why should Edmund expect any different treatment? Tell him you are in love with another besides him or Peter. That way his anger shall not be directed at Peter for taking you back, but at you for you inconstancy."

Saedra was horrified. "I—can't!"

"You can. And you will."

She looked at the Faun. "Tumnus, tell them I can't do this! I can't do this to Edmund!" she pleaded.

"It's the only way, Princess. King Edmund will never be able to move on otherwise. This is for his own good."

"But it won't work!" she pressed.

"Of course it will," Peridan said. "You're a good liar. How else do you think Peter doesn't yet know of the affair?"

"But Edmund won't believe me!" she said. "He knows me better than that!"

"He thinks he knows you. You will prove otherwise."

"Duchess," Stamprin said, "I must press on you the importance of ending your treachery. If you do not get the information I have about Lord Reine, you will not win the case. On top of that, I will tell High King Peter about your affair."

Saedra paled even further. "You wouldn't dare! It'll destroy Narnia!"

Stamprin continued. "I will tell him, because he must know before Lord Reine does. For I will also tell Lord Reine, ensuring that you lose your rulership of Harden."

"I don't believe you," Saedra said. "I don't. You would never destroy Narnia this way!"

"I am not destroying anything that had not already been destroyed by your own hand, Duchess," Stamprin countered. "I do not wish to do this, but if you will not attempt to make things right—as small a chance as there is that things could ever be made right—then I will have to step in and make sure that Narnia is rid of you."

Silence followed as they watched her. Saedra was overwhelmed; this was too big for her! She had had no idea that her relationship with Edmund could affect so much! She believed that Stamprin meant what he said.

She took in a shaky breath. "I'll do it. But we have to do it my way."

They started to protest, but she held up her hand to silence them.

She said, "Trust me. I know Edmund more than any of you do. He won't believe what you want me to tell him."

"Then how are you going to make sure he doesn't love you?"

Tears filled her eyes, and she shrugged weakly. "Like you said: I hurt him."

And she was the only person who knew exactly how to.

Saedra paced the library, shaking. It wasn't from the cold, even though it was cold in the tall tower. It was because she knew what she was about to do...and was terrified.

High above her in the tower, Peridan was hiding. He had not trusted her to complete her task, and so had insisted that he witness it. He would be there the whole time, hearing as Saedra destroyed Edmund.

For, she was about to destroy Edmund. As much as Saedra had come to hate herself during the affair, nothing she had done in her life was as terrible as what she was about to do.

The only consolation she had—and it was miniscule indeed—was that what she was going to do would help him in the long-term. Hopefully he could forget her, and have a normal relationship with Peter and Rahai. If she didn't do this, his life was definitely going to be destroyed, whether through civil war or whatever might result from Peter, Susan, and Lucy finding out about their evil.

The door opened, and Edmund entered, looking hopeful. She turned to him, but didn't go to meet him.

He shut the door and locked it. "Are we alone?"

"Of course," she said, but without happiness.

She took in a deep breath as he walked to her. She had to stay calm.

"Why didn't you meet me last night?" he asked.

She held her head high and cleared her throat. "That's why I asked you to meet me here. We need to talk."

"Talk now or later?" he asked, smiling. He reached out to take her in his arms, but she stepped back and evaded him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, brow furrowing.

She wished she could stop trembling!

"I don't know any other way to say it, so I will just...tell you," she said, then paused.

He nodded earnestly, kindly waiting to hear what was troubling her.

She spoke coldly and with finality: "It's over."

He froze. "What's over?"

"Us. You and me. We're done."

She couldn't believe she was doing this. Her voice sounded foreign, as if it wasn't coming from her. It sounded so cold and uncaring!

"What's wrong, Sae?" he asked. "Tell me."

He moved to touch her again.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped, her voice echoing in the tower.

He looked like she'd slapped him.

"Sae, whatever is wrong, we can fix it," he assured her.

"You think so?" she said, raising her eyebrows with an almost amused expression on her face. "Can you make me love you?"

He gaped at her, his brown eyes shocked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I say, Edmund. Can you make me love you?"

"I—you do! You do love me, Sae."

She threw her head back and laughed maniacally. He watched her with a horrified expression. He finally seemed to understand that something dreadfully serious was happening.

When she recovered, she said, "Do I? Then why am I ending this?"

His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before: "You can't end this!"

"Oh, but I can!" She snapped her finger. "There! It's ended. Just like magic."

"What happened to you, Sae? Is something wrong?"

She grinned. "Wrong? Hardly. I just have gotten bored with you, that's all."

"Bored?"

"Bored. You're a sweet boy, Edmund, but I'm looking for a real lover now. And you just aren't a real man yet. Yes, you were a good way to get back at Peter for hurting my feelings, but now I've moved on. "

His horrified expression only allowed her to continue. She put on a crying face, "'Oh, Edmund! Peter's broken my heart! Will you be my lover?' Really, now! Did you ever think I was in this affair for you? Peter's my first love. You know that. The only reason I've been with you is to get him mad. But he hasn't reacted the way I've wanted, so I intend to take a different lover and see if that makes him pay attention to me."

"Wha—who are you? Saedra, are you bewitched?"

She smiled compassionately as if he was a small child. "Hardly. Haven't you noticed that I've been less enthusiastic recently?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"But what? You thought I was feeling guilty?" She giggled.

He took a step back. "You aren't Saedra. You aren't the Saedra I love."

"The Saedra you love doesn't exist. She's a phantom. She's a woman who used you to make her husband mad, that's all. She's heartless, cruel, and an adulterer, and that is who I am.

Edmund stared at her, and she could see the rage building up in him.

"I don't believe this!"

She smirked. "Believe it. It's over. Now go back to my cousin and make her a good husband."

"I risked everything for you!" he exploded, stepping towards her. "I risked my family, my wife, the security of my country. I deluded myself into thinking that Aslan allowed us to be together—and this is what I get?"

Saedra was frightened of him, but she tried not to show it. "Yes. See? No harm done."

"No harm done? Are you insane?"

"Perhaps," she shrugged. "You're probably more insane for loving me, however."

His face was deathly pale, and he moved like he was going to slap her.

She tilted her cheek up. "Go ahead. Hit me. It'll make everything so much better."

She almost hoped she would; she deserved it. However, he stepped back, looking like he was going to break down. He was seeing her for the first time, and found her hideous.

Saedra could feel herself losing control of herself, but she said cheekily, "Do you hate me now, Eddykins?"

He looked like he had a lot more to say, but he threw her a fierce look before he swerved around and almost ran out of the room. After clumsily opening the lock, he slammed the door behind him.

Saedra immediately lost control—and vomited onto the ground continuously. She felt like every part of her being was disgusted with what she'd done and was trying to be free. She sank to the ground weakly, in a daze, unable to believe what had taken place.

She had forgotten Peridan was there, but he passed her on his way to the door with a disturbed, yet awed, look on his face.

"You were right, Saedra. You do know how to hurt him. Well done."

She sank onto her elbows as she watched the Lord's retreating back.

He paused before he left. "Be sure you clean that up before you leave."

After he closed the door, Saedra vomited again.

Saedra was sick for days. It seemed all she could do was eat and vomit. She had never felt more wretched in her life. Peter, Talia, Susan, and Lucy would try to visit, but Saedra would pretend to be sleeping whenever they came. She overheard them muttering that Edmund was ill too, and that there must be an illness going around.

One day a couple of weeks after her final conversation with Edmund, someone came to visit her again. Thinking it was one of her family, she pretended to be asleep. The figure approached her bed, and she kept her face still with a steady calm.

"I know you're awake...daughter."

Saedra's eyes snapped open. It was Abrastan, in all his Tarkaan glory. She sat up in shock.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed, but shut up quickly when she realized that it was not the most proper thing to say to your long-lost father who has just come to visit you.

"I came as soon as I could," he said, pulling up a chair. "Your letter was quite...intriguing to say the least."

She just stared at him. He had called her "daughter"!

"But that doesn't tell me why you're here!" she pressed.

"You need my help. I don't know how much of my information will be useful to you, but you're welcome to it."

"Then...you're not upset about...you know...?"

"Upset that I'm a father?" he smiled. "It's probably the best news I've heard in a long time."

The smile looked unnatural on his tan face. His hair and beard were greying, and there were wrinkles around his eyes—the eyes that looked so much like Saedra's, as Sadris had once accidentally observed.

Saedra smiled in relief. "I—I wasn't sure. I didn't want to disrupt your life."

"I needed a disruption," he said. "With Cradish in prison and Rahai up here, there's nothing to occupy me but business." He smiled sheepishly. "I'm not the most outgoing of men. I have few friends, for most have died in battle long ago."

"This truly means the world to me, Abrastan—I mean..." she paused. "What shall I call you?"

"'Abrastan' is fine," he said. "I've not earned the title of 'Father.' But I hope to. I will help you win this battle."

"Your information will be vital, I'm sure. I also will have the information of one who has Lord Reine's—the man who is challenging me—ear. I'm sure the three of us can mount a good case."

"I'm sure we can, but we can save that for later. When do I get to be formally introduced to your husband and daughter with my new title?"

Peter and Talia were brought in to be reintroduced to Abrastan. The three of them had a lively conversation while Saedra lay on the bed, weak from not eating. She watched Peter closely; they hadn't spoken alone since that time in the rain. What was going through his mind at this moment?

Talia offered to show Abrastan around the castle, and he delightedly accepted the offer. Peter declined to join them, saying he would stay with Saedra. Talia and Abrastan left, leaving the two of them alone.

Peter stood next to the bed, looking awkward.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better. But it comes and goes."

He nodded. "So, you'll be leaving soon, won't you?"

"As soon as I'm better. I should be in Harden right now, showing what a good leader I am," she half-laughed. "We should leave soon."

"Stamprin tells me he wants to go with you to help. I guess you managed to make him like you after all."

"Oh, have I? You never know with those Dwarves..."

Saedra stayed in Narnia longer than she would have liked to. Escaping Narnia meant escaping everything having to do with Peter and Edmund. Peter was being so kind to her, it made her sick. He would come and read to her, or bring Caulitha to visit her. They wouldn't talk about anything important, but he was being so caring...

Saedra finally got over whatever was ailing her, and prepared to leave Narnia with Stamprin and Abrastan. Talia and Caulitha were to stay behind so Saedra could focus on the task ahead, but would meet her in Anvard for the court date that spring.

As Saedra finished the final packing and scanned her bedroom for anything she'd missed, she was hit with a sense of nostalgia. It was the strangest feeling, but she felt like it was the last time she would ever be in Cair Paravel. She walked around the room, taking everything in.

She walked through the bathroom, taking in the ornate tiles and tub, then came to Peter's room. The door was slightly open, so she entered hesitantly. It was empty. She walked around the room, touching the bedspread and his cloak, feeling a sense of loneliness.

"Mother?"

Saedra turned to see Talia standing in the doorway to the bathroom. She must have come through Saedra's bedroom.

"Abrastan sent me to tell you that everything's ready to go."

Saedra nodded. "Thanks. I'll be down in a minute."

Talia skipped off. Saedra slowly wandered back through the bathroom and into her own room. She put on her cloak and mittens in front of the mirror, taking her time.

"Sae?"

Now Peter had come through the bathroom from his room.

"Talia told me," she said, shooing him away with her hands. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

"That's not what I'm here for."

She went to her last bags and picked them up. "Then what are you here for?"

"To say goodbye."

She studied him, and slowly put down the bags. He was looking her openly, and it made her heart ache. All she knew is that she wanted him back so badly. She had been so wrong to be with Edmund. It didn't matter what she felt about Edmund; Peter was her husband. No matter what he'd done, he didn't deserve what she'd done to him.

She wanted him, but she couldn't let herself have him. She was unworthy. Her lips had kissed Edmund's; how could they belong to Peter again?

He said, "I spoke rashly that time before Susan's wedding. I—I reacted badly to... I see now that, once again, I was wrong. It wasn't your fault. I should have been there for you, Sae, and I wasn't. I just don't seem to learn." He shrugged. "I guess I'm saying...I hope that when this is all over, things can...be better. Once and for all."

He walked over, and wiped the tears away the tears that were falling down Saedra's face. She hadn't even noticed she'd been crying.

"Would you like that?"

Saedra smiled tearfully and gasped, "I would. So much."

"We have a lot to talk about when this is over. A lot. I don't care what's in the past. I just want things to be right between us." He paused. "I haven't been happy either. Far from it."

She stared up into his blue eyes, not wanting to dare to hope. "Do you really think we'll be all right?"

"Aslan brought us together for a reason, Sae. And I love you."

The dam broke: Saedra burst into tears. She sobbed uncontrollably, wretchedly. Peter would never say such a thing if he knew the truth!

He wrapped his arms around her, and she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm—I'm so so—sorry, Peter!"

"I am too," he said, rubbing her back. He sounded like he might have some tears too.

"No, no: I really am!" she protested.

"I am too," he half-laughed.

Saedra continued to mumble incoherent words and ball until her tears were gone. Peter continued to hold her while she hiccupped like a baby. Finally, she pulled back.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You don't need to apologize so much, dearest," he said, grinning.

She tried to smile back. Dearest. How could she ever be worthy of such a title again?

Before she knew it, he was kissing her. It was the most wonderful and horrible feeling in the world. They hadn't kissed since Willem's death—or since her affair...

Talia ran in, and then stopped short.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, looking both embarrassed and happy. "Stamprin's getting anxious to leave now, but I can come back."

"No, come here!" Saedra said, motioning her over. "We were just saying goodbye."

Talia grinned hugely and joined their circle. As the three of them hugged, Saedra wondered how long it would be before the three of them would be like this again.

After kissing baby Caulitha goodbye, hugging Susan and Lucy, and shaking hands with Rahai (who seemed rather out of sorts over Edmund's continued illness), Saedra left on horseback with Abrastan and Stamprin.

They travelled through the freezing, snowless forests of Narnia and into Archenland. Stamprin didn't say much, but Saedra and Abrastan spoke about topics that they didn't mind being overheard.

When they arrived in Harden, the place seemed as it always was. Lord Darrin was there to meet them, and was very sympathetic to Saedra and offered to give a good word for her in the trial. She thanked him profusely for his help that year, and they got caught up.

Talking to him was strange, for it reminded her of an older, more innocent time in her life when they had courted. How different would her life be now if she had married the kind, but seemingly boring at the time, Lord? What would her life have been with just her, Darrin, and Talia in Harden if Lune had matched her up with the Lord instead of the High King?

After she and Darrin ended their conversation, Saedra sought out Mrs. Quigley; there had been something pressing in her mind that she needed to see her about. She found her in the kitchen talking to Nina.

"Mrs. Quigley?" Saedra asked apprehensively. "May I speak to you a moment—in private?"

"Of course, my Lady! Nina, could we have a moment?"

Nina curtseyed to Saedra and left. Saedra sat down at the table and took a deep breath.

"Mrs. Quigley, I've been having...questions. It's absolutely crazy, but it's so much like last time...But it couldn't be, because you assured me that I could never, you know..."

The older woman's eyebrows shot up excitedly. "What are your symptoms, my Lady?"

She explained how she had been sick for a long time, on top of other symptoms that she'd had.

"I was so sure that you would never conceive again, my Lady! But what do your instincts tell you? They're usually the best way to tell if one is with child."

"I...I'm pregnant," Saedra stuttered. "I didn't—couldn't—believe it, but...I'm sure of it now."

"Aslan must have blessed you with the chance to have more children, my Lady!" She clapped her hands excitedly. "The High King will be so excited!"

Excited? Excited was the last thing that Peter would be when he found out.

Saedra gazed straight ahead unbelievingly. Just when things were finally—finally—going to possibly go well, this had to happen.

Not only would Edmund never speak to her again, but neither would Peter.