AN: Hey, I like writing Twilight fanfiction - the reviews, they come quickly. Calm down, I mean no personal offense through my bashing of Twilight (heck, I even bash the fandoms I love). I certainly understand the appeal of these books. That's the "love" part of the whole love/hate thing. I am addicted against my will, as it were.

There will probably be two more parts to this and they will probably go up by Tuesday night. Enjoy.

PART II

I wasn't completely sure why I wanted these motorcycles. I just knew I needed them in order to hear my angel's voice again. Something about a promise I had to break. Whatever. I vaguely remembered that kid from the first book who sold me my truck – maybe he could fix the bikes. So I immediately drove to his house, even though I hadn't spoken to him in almost a year, and I only thought of him now because I wanted to use him.

(Reader: Yeah. Shocking how she's never managed to connect with people.)

Of course Jacob was totally willing to fix the motorcycles and become my new BFF while he was at it. Because no one ever has any other friends or commitments before I come into their life, and apparently every guy I meet in Forks falls instantly in love with me. Not that I cared. I still wasn't special enough for Edward.

I spent all my free time with Jacob for the next two weeks. I started to feel a lot better and was proud of myself for handling my horrible situation so well, even though actually all I was doing was becoming dependent on another man.

(Feminist readers: GAAAHHH!!! throw book across the room)

(Jacob: would actually be a good character if he weren't inexplicably in love with Bella just like everyone else)

We fixed the bikes and I got hurt a lot, but I also heard my angel's voice so I didn't care. There was some stuff about this gang that Jacob was worried about, but I honestly didn't pay a lot of attention because it didn't have anything to do with vampires. I went to the movies with Jacob and this boy from school whose name I could never remember, and Jacob confessed his feelings for me. But I was a broken person and I had nothing to give him.

"It's okay, Bella," Jacob said. "I won't give up on you." I let him hold my hand, even though I shouldn't lead him on. Oh, why was my life so complicated and difficult?

Jacob got sick, and after that he started avoiding me! How could he leave me after two weeks of meaningful friendship? Even though I'd totally ignored him for an entire year after we met? I felt like I was falling to pieces all over again.

(Feminist readers: throw book across the room, again)

The only logical thing to do was call him every ten minutes for three days straight, until his father told me he was going to get a restraining order. I was so upset that I decided to go for a hike to find Edward's sparkly meadow. Surprisingly, I found it after only falling down five times.

Oh, the pain! This was the place where Edward and I had first confessed our love, where he had somehow compared me to both heroin and a lamb. I did not feel the comfort of Edward's past presence...only the devastating pain of his present absence.

Suddenly, someone stepped out into the meadow! A vampire! Was it Edward?!

No. Only what's-his-name, the friend of that other vampire who almost killed me before darling Edward came to my rescue. "Oh hiiiii!" I said.

Then Laurent almost killed me, too. And there was no Edward to save me now. Luckily some giant wolves showed up just in time and chased him off.

I went home and told Charlie about the scary wolves, but he was just worried about some friend of his who was having heart trouble. I didn't care about this as there was no way it was ever going to affect me.

Suddenly, I realized why Jacob was avoiding me! His behavior fit exactly with what he'd told me about the La Push gang! If only I'd been less self-absorbed, I might have realized sooner. I had to save Jacob, because if Jacob weren't my friend then I would spiral into a black hole of depression and be completely miserable forever. Again.

Now determined, I resumed my stalking by driving to Jacob's house right away and demanding to see him.

"I can't be your friend anymore, Bella," Jacob said. "And everything is the Cullens' fault. Because they're VAMPIRES, and I HATE them."

I cunningly pretended not to know what he was talking about, and then I went home and ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream to fill the hole that Jacob had punched through my chest.

But that night, Jacob snuck into my room through the window. Now he was being much nicer, and he wanted to be my friend again! His bipolarism and occasional fits of rage reminded me of my own dear Edward. Anyway, he told me that I would be able to guess his secret if only I could remember what he'd said the first time we met.

It was super hard because I'd only paid attention to him when he was talking about vampires. Luckily my subconscious mind was much smarter than my actual mind, and when I woke up the next morning I had the answer –

"ZOMG! Werewolves!"