Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the wonderful works of Marilyn Manson

AN: Longer chapter! Thank you for reviewing guys! Also I personally rarely read lyrics(I know I'm horrible) in most fanfictions, just because i want to get on with the story, but I encourage you to read the ones in this chapter! Enjoy :)

I guessed Atticus told everyone not to bother me for a bit which I was grateful for. I read dozens of books in the past couple of hours. Vampire speed allowed me to do that.

My research proved to be helpful. I knew that I could have just asked Atticus about how we were going to go about my coming out into the society but I wanted to stop relying on people. This might have been a futile attempt but it was an attempt nevertheless.

I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't have to go through any extremes. It seemed that only a big celebration was mandatory. I wasn't as reluctant for that as I used to be during my human days.

Some details were included like serving human blood. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. I'd have to discuss this with the others.

There was also a detailed description of how everything was to be decorated which just made it easier for me.

I grabbed the books and put them back onto the shelves. The silence in the library was starting to get to me and I decided to return to the others.

They were waiting for me outside. I forced myself to keep my eyes up.

Deidre ran up to me, her face now happy.

"Bella! I knew you'd change your mind! This is so much better I can't wait to start the planning! Your party will be remembered for centuries."

I winced involuntarily. At that moment she reminded me of Alice too much, but she didn't seem to notice my reaction.

"I'm going to start writing the guest list. There's so much to do!" happily she almost skipped out of the room.

Blaise gave her a scornful look and glanced at me. He shook his head in his arrogant manner and muttered something about women. That brought a smirk to my face.

I took the brief silence as a chance to ask a couple of questions.

"Atticus, I read something about serving blood at the event. What exactly does that mean?"

Atticus's beautiful face turned foul, "It's one of the traditions that personally, I find unnecessary. What that means is that we're going to have to drain humans for their blood beforehand and store it somewhere. It's supposed to test the strength of the guardians, see if they can stop drinking once they've started," he gave Blaise a pointed look which send shivers down my back. Now that I've thought about it I could see Blaise being extremely cruel to the helpless humans he killed.

"Bella, you have yet to try human blood. We put it off long enough already. You and Deidre should go to the city sometime soon," Atticus looked back at me.

I nodded in understanding but couldn't help the bitter feeling that crawled into my mind.

"Anyways, I and Blaise have things to take care of. I'll see you later," Atticus gave a discreet look at Tyr but I caught it and realised that this was planned. He wanted to talk to me alone and so did I.

As the two males left I also got up. Tyr looked like he was about to stop me but I motioned for him to follow me.

We entered the living room and I took a seat. Tyr sat down across from me.

After a second of silence we both opened our mouths to speak at the same time. I let out an uncomfortable laugh, "Go first."

He nodded gracefully and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella," his voice was tense, "answer me honestly. Were you seriously involved with Edward?"

He knew the answer but he wanted to hear it directly from me.

I tried not to show emotion, "Yes."

He signed something I've rarely seen him do and I misunderstood the gesture.

"Tyr, it's in the past. I'm sorry I ran out on you, but I'm better now. I thought about it for a while. I'm over him."

He shook his head sadly, "The feeling is not mutual, Bella. I've never seen a man more broken before."

My heart clenched painfully at his words, "What do you mean?" I whispered.

His beautiful eyes were clouded with an emotion I could not decipher even when I tried to feel it.

"Bella, if only you've seen him. It was painful to watch. He looks like a ghost. When I looked into his recent past all I could see was chaos. He didn't know what to do with himself. For the most part he stayed in his empty room, alone."

My chest squeezed and I tried to compose myself. Imagining him like that was hard, even if I didn't love him.

Tyr's quiet voice started again, "As I looked deeper I saw you. The image of you was strong it almost hid everything else. The only memory that was painfully clear was when he left you. I saw your face as he said the words. You have no idea what he felt—what he feels right now. I couldn't even feel any anger towards him for taking your heart."

I shook the sadness for him off, "No, he doesn't deserve your pity. I don't want to hear it. He chose to do this himself. If he regrets his decision this much then why didn't he try to find me? Find me while I was still human, thinking of him every second of my life? No, he wanted to leave me and eventually he'll get over it, just like I did."

Tyr studied my expression, "And what if he doesn't?"

I frowned, "Then that's too bad for him."

Suddenly Tyr's face turned cold, "You've changed, Bella. You're not the Bella I saw in his memories."

I scowled, "Then what kind of Bella am I now?"

I felt his anger and pity, "A cruel shell of what you were."

His words struck a cord somewhere deep down inside of me and I repelled, "Me, cruel?! Don't you think he was cruel?! He gave me everything and tore it away from me in a second! I was left alone, with no hope left! And now I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?! For what? He brought this onto himself, he had a choice! I didn't have a choice!"

I was sobbing, begging for tears to come but I knew they wouldn't. Tyr was holding me in his strong arms whispering soothing words in my ear, and I just felt so horrible. I told him I was over Edward, so why did this affect me so much? I sobbed into his cold shoulder, clenching onto his clothes. I begged silently in my mind for him not leave me. I couldn't be alone right now.

His hands moved rhythmically over my back slowly calming me down. I don't know for how long we sat there, on the floor but it felt like forever. As my sobs stopped his breath tickled my ear.

"Don't worry Bella, it's alright. I'm sorry for making you feel guilty. It was not my place to meddle in things I know nothing of."

I nodded in acceptance of his apology and whispered with my hoarse voice, "I'm sorry too…for being so confusing. I know you might not believe me especially after this but I really do not love him anymore. And I still want to give us a chance if you allow it."

He pulled back to look me in the eyes and was silent for a second.

"You're right, I don't believe you Bella."

Sobs were threatening to erupt again.

"But maybe it will turn into the truth soon," he smiled showing his beautiful teeth as he watched my hopeful expression.

My stomach fluttered as he leaned in and pressed his soft lips against mine.

A week passed but it seemed like much less. Now my days were constantly busy. I've never planned anything really, and only now I was starting to appreciate people who loved doing this.

The celebration's grandeur was hard to process. According to Deidre our place was too insignificant for the party. So she picked out a wonderful castle in France that had a ballroom twice the size of ours, fifteen bedrooms, two libraries, a huge basement and even a secret passage that led to another castle near by. I didn't bother asking about the historical significance of it, or how on earth she managed to book it.

The boys were there already and I and Dee were getting ready to leave tomorrow. She reminded me of Alice more and more everyday but it didn't bother me.

Her excitement for shopping and wondering the streets of Paris was infectious. I even agreed to accompany her to the most expensive boutiques. I had to shop for a gown anyway.

We followed the traditional decorating plan which turned out pretty complicated. Dee was in charge of ordering and finding everything we needed that ranged from gold candle holders to banners centuries old that were stashed in one of the numerous storage rooms of our house.

The good thing was that we didn't need to order any food, except for the blood which would act as the main meal served in crystal glasses. This was one of the main reasons for Atticus, Blaise and Tyr leaving early. They wanted to get a head start.

I packed my scarce belongings in one suitcase while Deidre insisted on bringing half of her closet resulting in us having to drive to the small airport. We parked and were greeted by an irritated Blaise. Deidre made him fly back here to pick us up. Because, god forbid we took a public airplane, I thought sarcastically just to correct myself a second later. I didn't even want to think about being surrounded by dozens of humans for a couple of hours.

During the plane ride she wanted to discuss the freshly written guest list.

"So the Abrahams should be able to make it if we send out the invitation soon. Obviously The Volturi, they wouldn't miss this for the world. Hmm…The Shevlins, Taggarts, The Jayne coven and The Crowley family. That covers the most important groups of vampires. Oh and the Denali of course."

I raised my head in recognition but Deidre was too preoccupied to notice. Quickly I added, "Don't forget the Cullens."

She hesitated and seemed like she was about to say something but changed her mind and quietly wrote the name down.

Her chatter resumed and she listed more names that didn't mean anything to me. I simply nodded to show her that I was still listening.

The time it took to get to France was much shorter then that to Forks and before I knew it we were getting of the plane. Blaise already had a car but rented us another one so that we could stay in Paris for a couple of days while he went back to the castle. It was an hour or two away in a small town.

We got into a relatively new black BMW. Deidre insisted on driving and grudgingly I let her. She turned on the stereo and laughed as she heard the first eerie notes. I gave her a questioning look but she remained silent. I listened to the lyrics.

6 AM, Christmas morning
No shadows
No reflections here
Lie cheek to cheek in your cold embrace.

It started so tragic as a slaughterhouse
She pressed the knife against your heart
And say that 'I love you' so much you must kill me now.
I love you so much you must kill me now...

If I was your vampire
Slim as the moon
Instead of killing time
We'll have each other till the sun.

If I was your vampire
Death waits for no one.
Put my hands across your face
Because I think our time has come.

After thirty seconds I forced a laugh, "Was Blaise trying to be funny?"

Deidre shrugged and smiled, "He has a strange sense of humor. If I was your vampire..."

She looked back at the road as I continued listening but the song wasn't funny to me. It reminded me of…

Digging your smile apart with my spade tongue
And the hole is where the heart is
We built this tomb together
I will fill it alone.

Beyond the pale
Everything's black no turning back…

I gulped. This was bringing too many memories back as I thought of the hole that I've felt in my heart after he left. What scared me was that I wasn't sure if it healed or if I just grew accustomed to it.

We were getting closer to the city but it was almost night time. Our excursions would have to wait until tomorrow. The ride was only supposed to take half an hour but suddenly Deidre pulled over.

I looked at her confused, "What's wrong?"

She turned of the ignition and pulled out the key, "Bella, we're going to be staying in a hotel."

I nodded, where was she going with this?

She looked at me like I was stupid, "Bella, you have to eat! I don't want you jumping the receptionist!"

"Oh," I added lamely. I could feel myself getting nervous.

She got out of the car and motioned me to follow. I hurried after her. She was heading towards a bar a bit ahead of us. I gulped, "Dee, this is too close to the city! What if someone sees us and then tells the police our description?"

She gave me a funny look, "We? I'm fine, I ate before we left and I can control myself pretty well."

I continued, "Alright, but what about me—,"

"Bella, what's wrong with you today! Have you forgotten about your powers?" she gave me a scolding look.

I really did feel stupid at the moment but I haven't changed my appearance in a while. We neared the bar and Deidre stopped, "Okay I'll wait for you here. You should change now."

She looked at me expectantly as I started to morph. I turned my hair blonde, added straight bangs, made my eyes green and forced my body to grow longer. Then I lengthened my nose and made my lips a bit fuller.

Deidre whistled, "You look like you walked out of a magazine. Go get them," she winked but I didn't share her good mood. She called back after me, "Don't do it in public!"

I nodded lightly and continued walking.

The bar was surprisingly crowded and that was all I noticed before I was hit with the smells.

I could smell the blood and I knew that if my eyes weren't turned green they would be pitch black. I felt drunk as I struggled not to wobble. The smells were all a bit different but still the same. The salty, coppery smell that I used to hate was now giving me unreal pleasure.

Some unlucky bloke came from behind of me and put his hand around my shoulder. I could smell the alcohol of him.

"Hey girlie, wanna dance? Or do you want me to buy you a drink first?" he said with a heavy French accent.

I growled feeling my animal instincts kick in, "I think I'd like a drink first."

He hiccupped and laughed as I pulled him towards the corner of the joint. It was dark and secluded; everyone else was either at the bar or dancing on the dance floor. I pushed him up against the wall.

"Oooh, I like my women fies--,"

He didn't finish the sentence.

I hurried out of the place trying to wipe all of the blood of my mouth. It turned out messier then I've thought and my clothes had blood stains on them.

I saw Deidre in the distance and walked towards her. She looked at me and clucked at my clothes.

"Don't worry you'll get better."

I barely registered her words or the clean clothes she gave me. My mind was in a daze, I couldn't see straight. Human blood was nothing like that of an animal. I found myself appreciating Carlisle even more. The strength it took him to resist it... I don't think I could.

The feeling didn't compare to anything.

I climbed into the car and changed my shirt. My features turned back to normal. Deidre kept her quiet, probably knowing that it was useless talking to me now.

We reached the hotel just as my drunken state faded. I felt rested and strong. Possibly stronger then I've ever been.

The receptionist emitted a pleasant smell but it was much easier to ignore it now that my stomach was full. We took the elevator up to our suite on the top floor. The place was roomy and light. I plopped down on the bed.

"So what are we doing?"

Deidre gave me a mischievous smile, "Going out of course!"

I rolled my eyes, "Dee it's almost eleven, all of the stores are closed."

She laughed, "No silly! Come on, look where we live, in the middle of nowhere! Now that we're finally in a big city, we're not passing up a chance to party! Paris never sleeps, didn't you know that?"

I signed in defeat. This was not going to turn out well.