When You Say Forever, Chapter 5
Magnus was laying on his bed, trying to convince himself that Alexander would start to remember things soon. He already seemed to be picking up on his own instincts, didn't he? He had opened his eyes during their kiss... Then Magnus had made the mistake of opening his own, making Alexander self-conscious...
He sighed and waved his hand, sending a stream of sparks toward the ceiling with no intention other than to entertain himself. There was little to do other than wait for Alexander to show up on his doorstep again, hopefully with full remembrance of his previous life and throw himself into Magnus's arms.
As the sparks subsided, Magnus stretched out. It was probably nearing noon based on the way the sun was coming through the open creases in his curtains.
He needed something to occupy his time. It had been a while since he had thrown a party (two whole days!), but he wasn't feeling in the mood to plan one. He could clean, but that idea didn't really appeal to him at that point in time, either.
Magnus rolled over on his bed, catching a whiff of Alexander's hair on his pillow. Ever since the boy had come back into his life, there was nothing else he could think of. He knew it was pathetic and that his entire existence shouldn't be based on one person, but that was what it had come down to. He had spent so much time thinking about everything he had never said, never done, never felt... Now all he wanted to do was say, do, and feel everything he had dreamed of since he performed the spell.
Instead he was being forced to live through the awkward beginning of his relationship with Alexander all over again. The glances, the sneaking around, the breakdowns, the nervous kisses that never truly gave him what he needed.
Magnus smirked to himself. He was, afterall, a man. Albeit not a mortal man, but a man nonetheless. After going through the months and months it had taken him to get Alexander to come to his bed all those years ago, he had a hard time believing he'd be able to be quite as patient now, especially when he knew exactly what he was missing.
He traced his fingers over the curve of the pillow, remembering the first time he and Alexander had made love. It hadn't exactly been the most fulfilling or romantic of their trysts, but Magnus still cherished it. Until then, Magnus had never been with a living human... His partners were usually the fey or vampires, both of which were always very self-centered and quick to leave afterwards, which he had always been fine with.
But with Alexander it had been different... They had been lovers for so long before that night that it was something new for Magnus entirely. He wasn't used to being invested in the coupling on an emotional level, as sad as that was. He had never been in love with the person he was with. All through the beginning of his relationship with Alexander, he had been convinced that he was only feeling the flutter in his chest and the weakness in his knees because it was the thrill of being with a Shadowhunter; someone forbidden. But even when he justified it like that, he couldn't do anything other than think that he'd be able to walk away once he got the ultimate prize: The Shadowhunter's virtue.
Nope, didn't end. After that night, it just meant that he couldn't stay away from him. They met more frequently, even if they weren't necessarily doing anything other than holding each other and talking about the different things that would keep them apart.
Magnus rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, remembering the night he had asked Alexander to let him make him immortal. He had proposed it after they had finished making love one night... He had tried to be casual about asking him, but he was terrified that Alexander would be afraid and would turn him away.
Alexander, bless his soul, had simply looked at Magnus as though he didn't understand if he was joking or serious.
"You... What?" He'd asked.
"I don't want to have to live without you, Alexander," Magnus explained, threading their fingers together. "Whenever you walk out the door, I'm fearful of what might happen to you on your way back to the Institute or when you're out fighting demons. I've never been afraid of anything."
Alexander had just looked at him.
"I think I know a spell which will let me make you immortal, like me. Of course, there are still some things that could kill one or both of us... But... Well... We could be together, Alexander. Forever."
"Magnus--"
"No," Magnus had said. "Don't answer me now... You can think about it. Don't say yes or no until you've thought about everything."
Alexander had thought about it for a few good months. Looking back on it now, Magnus was sure that Alexander really had thought about everything. He had weighed every one of his options, looked at the situation from every angle... And then the day that he decided he'd go through with it, he was ripped from Magnus by a demon.
But I don't need to worry about that now... Magnus thought, sitting up in his bed and trying to think about the bright side. Jace is there to keep him safe... That's the only reason that boy has the strength he's got... I asked for a protector.
He heard a sound from his right, in his fireplace, and looked over to see it flare up in a blaze of green. He looked at it curiously and then, as it subsided, noticed the small piece of paper folded in the middle of the logs.
"I don't do housecalls," he said, opening his hand and watching the paper as it floated toward him. He casually opened the folded page, looking down at the words written in black ink in a hurried script.
It was only a matter of moments before Magnus was out the door.
--
"Magnus!" Isabelle exclaimed when he burst into the room.
"What happened?" He demanded, looking at Alexander lying on the bed. The scene was all too familiar and he felt his heart shattering.
"A Greater Demon," Isabelle said as she stood, "Hodge said that his antidotes weren't--"
"Obviously," Magnus said, getting closer to Alexander and trying to sense how much damage had been done.
"Do you think you can--"
"Get out."
"What?"
"You need to get out. Close the door."
Magnus didn't watch her go, but he heard the door close. He locked the door with a wave of his hand and without looking away from Alexander.
He was lying there so still, barely breathing, and Magnus couldn't help but wonder if he was going to lose him again... If he was going to have to make the choice between keeping him and trying the spell to start them over again in the future.
"No," he said aloud. "I'm not letting you get away from me again..."
He rolled up his sleeves, feeling uncomfortably similar to a doctor in a lab coat, and went to work.
First he did what Hodge seemed to have forgotten to do and cleaned the wound as best he could without causing Alexander further pain. He knew he was hurting him whenever the unconscious form in his hands would lurch forward or cough violently. But there was nothing he could do to ease his pain... The poison had been in his system for far too long already and Magnus didn't have any time to do magic that wouldn't save the boy. Alexander's comfort wasn't as important as his life at this point, and even though it was killing Magnus to know that his lover was in pain, he had no other choice.
He tried everything he knew, but it was so rare for someone to survive an attack on a Greater Demon to begin with that he had treated so few... He didn't make housecalls, afterall, and this was usually something that the Silent Brothers would have been called for. If the Silent Brothers couldn't come, you and your family generally started planning the funeral and saying goodbyes.
But Magnus was here and he was going to save Alexander, even if it killed him.
It was nearly six hours before Magnus felt confident enough that he had gotten every ounce of poison out of Alexander's system that he stopped. While trying to keep from falling over but still staying close enough to Alexander that he could feel his pulse, Magnus pulled a chair up as close as he could get it to the infirmary bed and sat down.
His entire body ached with exhaustion. His hands were throbbing and his head was pounding so hard that the sound of his own thoughts were hurting him, and this wasn't even including the pain in his chest whenever the thought that Alexander wouldn't wake up crossed his mind.
Of course the chance remained... Magnus knew that the poison of a Greater Demon could be removed after much effort, which he had done, but that didn't mean that the person would wake up the same. It didn't even mean that the person would wake up.
He couldn't fix everything about Alexander... He had been able to do everything he could, but there were still some superficial injuries, and perhaps a broken or sprained ankle, that would have to be addressed later. For now, Magnus just wanted to see Alexander open his eyes and remember him... Remember everything.
"Just open your eyes for me," Magnus whispered, brushing a strand of the boy's dark hair away from his face. "Just let me know I haven't lost you again."
Magnus sat there staring at Alexander for what felt like hours... There was no light coming into the room, because there were no windows, so Magnus had no idea what time it was or how much more time could be expected to go by before the boy would wake up.
But he did know that he was going to go insane if something didn't happen soon.
Just when he felt like hope was fading, there was a deep intake of breath from the bed, breaking his concentration within his own mind, and Alexander's eyes slowly began to open.
It was all Magnus could do to restrain himself from jumping on the bed and throwing his arms around him.
Alexander blinked a few times and then tried to move, but then grimaced noticeably and stopped.
"You were attacked by a Greater Demon," Magnus explained.
As if he hadn't previously noticed Magnus in the room, Alec turned his head sharply and then groaned in pain. It pained Magnus to see him like this, but there wasn't much he could do for the pain in his own state of weakness.
"Where is Jace?" Alexander asked.
Magnus felt like he had been stabbed through the heart.
"I don't know..." Magnus said, looking down at his hands. There was dried blood on his previously perfectly-manicured fingernails and the tips of his fingers were still tingling... All that effort, and the first thing Alexander asked him was about the blonde. "He wasn't around when I arrived."
"How... Why did you come?"
"Does it matter?"
"How did you know to come?"
"Again, Alexander, does it matter? I came, I saved you, the end." Magnus winced at the harshness of his own words.
"Thank you," Alexander said, his blue eyes meeting Magnus's.
Magnus could see the thanks in the depths of the blue, but he didn't see the adoration and love that he so desperately needed to see. Every moment that he didn't see it sent him further into the belief that his spell hadn't worked a century ago and he was going to have to try to win the boy over all over again.
--
Alec stared into Magnus's eyes for several moments before averting his gaze. He looked down at Magnus's hands, folded in his lap, and then reached out faintly and took one of them before he realized exactly what he was doing.
He could see blood on his hands, Alec's own blood, and felt an unfamiliar stirring in his stomach.
Magnus met his eyes again and Alec couldn't help but feel terrible, though he didn't know why he felt horrible. The stirring in his stomach was replaced by a feeling of dread, like something terrible was supposed to happen.
Alec blinked several times and then took a moment to regain his thoughts. He felt tired and overwhelmed, but there was something else he couldn't place. He was trying to come up with words to express his thanks to Magnus, but it was as though he couldn't form the sentences to say them.
Magnus squeezed his hand gently and Alec looked at their hands, fingers now entwined, and realized he could feel Magnus's pulse synched with his own. Magnus's hand felt warm and it was at that moment that Alec realized exactly how cold he was. He had always seemed unable to stay warm when other people were... Even now, in the middle of August, he felt chilled, though that could have been from blood loss.
He tore his eyes away from their hands and scanned the room, looking for a blanket.
"What's wrong?" Magnus asked, concern apparent in his voice.
"I'm... Well, I'm kind of cold," Alec admitted, not seeing any and wondering where on earth they all were.
In your room, he told himself. You took them all last night...
Magnus looked around and saw the same lack of blankets that Alec did. He looked back at Alec and then seemed to hesitate for a moment.
Alec, wondering what had given Magnus pause, let his mind wander to where he assumed Magnus's mind had gone. He swallowed air and then, being mindful of which parts of his body were more sore than the other, shuffled sideways on the small bed, still holding Magnus's hand.
After a moment of surprise, Magnus accepted Alec's silent invitation and got into the bed next to him. Carefully helping Alec curl into him without causing him any pain, Magnus wrapped his arms around the boy and just held him.
--
When Magnus woke up in the morning, he felt light and warm in a way he wasn't used to. When he opened his eyes, he found himself in the bleak infirmary of the Institute, a place he most certainly had never woken up before.
He blinked a few times and realized exactly where he was and who he was with.
Behind him, he could feel Alexander pressed into his back, his arms wrapped around him. Magnus took a deep breath and then held it, waiting to feel Alexander breathing against him. He was rewarded a moment later by a warm breath passing over his neck, causing his stomach to flutter and his hair to stand on end.
Content, Magnus closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep, entwining his fingers with one of Alexander's hands as he did.