(AN: The chapter song is "Hallelujah" by Paramore. It's on YouTube if you want to find it. Again, I don't own the characters. This is the point in the story where everything starts to stray away from the parallels with the book. From here on out, the books are over. I'm pretending I never read the City of Glass cookies.)
When You Say Forever, Chapter 9
It was two weeks before Magnus realized Alexander was avoiding him. For the first week after the battle, Magnus had understood Alexander's need to be at the Institute with his family. Magnus himself had spent a good amount of time there helping with injured Shadowhunters, but he had never felt welcome. When they paid him, Magnus had looked to Alexander, who had stood several feet behind his mother and stared at the floor.
The following week, Magnus had called him several times, texted him, and tried everything but smoke signals to get him to talk to him, but all of his attempts went without replies.
Magnus had backed off slightly and tried to give Alexander space during the following week, but he was finally fed up with it and called Alexander earlier on this day and to his surprise the boy had answered and agreed to meet with him.
He shifted nervously in his armchair and thought about what he was going to say when Alexander arrived. There was a horrible feeling in his stomach that Alexander was coming to tell him that he didn't want to see him anymore. He didn't know what had spawned this sudden change in him, but Alexander seemed so cautious of being near him.
Magnus knew that something had happened that night on the water, but he didn't know exactly what it had been. He was clueless. Alexander wouldn't talk to him about it, so he couldn't actually try to decipher which level of the spell they were trapped in. If it hadn't been about the spell, what could it have been? Nothing else could explain it.
There was a soft knocking at the door and Magnus sprang out of his chair and all but flew to answer it. When he was a few feet from the door, he slowed down and tried to put on a calm face. He took a deep breath and then pulled the door open.
Alexander stood there, looking the same as ever, but he was looking down at the ground instead of at Magnus. He looked like he was going to fall over at any moment from exhaust.
"Alexander? Are you all right?" Magnus asked, concerned.
--
Alec felt like his head was going to roll off of his shoulders at any moment. He was so tired, so drained, and it had taken most of his energy to get to Magnus's in the first place. Now he was standing there feeling as though he was going to fall asleep at any moment.
Instead of answering Magnus's question honestly, he nodded and walked inside with him. Almost as soon as he walked through the door, he felt as though he was more awake. He paused and looked up at Magnus, who kept walking.
He stood there by the door for a moment before Magnus noticed there were no footsteps behind him and turned.
"Is something wrong?"
As soon as he said the words, Alec felt the familiar dizzying pull in his stomach and the room began to fade. He had almost gotten used to the feeling at the Institute over the past few weeks, but it was so much stranger when it happened around Magnus, because it was so hard to come out of.
It had happened at the Institute when Isabelle had come into the room and told him that their father was going to be fine. Magnus had been in the other room. The feeling had come and he had closed his eyes, expecting the light again, but got nothing. When he opened his eyes, Isabelle didn't look like Isabelle anymore and the room was older. She had explained that Magnus thought it would be best if their father stayed out of the action for a few days but that he would be okay with rest.
The room had snapped back to its normal state when she giggled and told Alec that Magnus was waiting for him in a room down the hall. He didn't go.
It had happened on two other occasions, each time being broken by something that Alec couldn't explain. It was always random. It had been broken when Jace entered the room while he was talking to Isabelle and the other time was when the newly-appointed Inquisitor had interrupted a conversation between Alec and his father about the demons in the city.
But this was the first time it had happened around Magnus since that night on the truck... And the first time that Alec managed to keep his eyes open as it changed.
Magnus was the first part to change and Alec kept his eyes on him instead of watching the rest of the room. His hair seemed to grow at an alarming rate, losing the colors and fading to the dark, natural black, and then pulled back behind his head into a ponytail without aid. His yellow and hunter green fitted t-shirt faded to a dark gray and his makeup seemed to be absorbed into his skin and disappeared.
Alec looked down at himself, though his clothes changed very little. His shoes, standing on an entryway mat that hadn't been there a moment ago, suddenly appeared muddy and there was a small leaf stuck in one of the laces.
He looked back up at Magnus. He was no longer standing in the entryway to the living room, but was now in what Alec assumed was the house they had been in the last time it had happened.
Magnus took a few steps forward when Alec didn't reply, but Alec didn't move toward him or away from him.
"Alexander, what's wrong?"
Alec stood and stared as Magnus moved toward him. He was unsure of what he was supposed to do. He had come to see Magnus to talk about this, about everything that had been going on, but now that he was here, he didn't want to.
"Magnus?" He asked when he was closer.
Magnus raised his eyebrows in question.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said. "But I don't think I care right now."
Magnus looked like he was about to speak but Alec moved faster than Magnus's words and kissed him fiercely.
Alec had noticed a pattern in the last few times that he had been to Magnus's. They seemed to have this habit of kissing without actually being in any room of the place; it was always close to the door or against one of the walls. There had been few times when they had made it into the living room and they had only made it into the bedroom once, aside from the last time, when they had ended up in there without actually intending to.
Now, as they kissed, Alec realized he didn't know where the bedroom was in this new place. He had been there, he assumed, that night in the truck. He thought back to what he had seen through the door and realized that the bedroom must have been through the living room and to the left. Maybe.
Magnus pulled away from him and Alec reluctantly let the kiss break, but he kept a hold on Magnus.
"You're tired," Magnus noted.
"So are you," Alec replied, leaning forward and letting their foreheads touch. It was true, he was tired. But he could tell that Magnus was, as well.
"We could lie down," Magnus suggested, staring into Alec's eyes.
Alec nodded, wondering if he could actually just lie down with Magnus right now.
As Magnus walked a few steps ahead of him toward the bedroom, pulling his hand gently, Alec wondered why Magnus never said anything about the strange change of scenery. A part of him wanted to ask about it, but it was pushed into the back of his mind when they entered the familiar-yet-not room.
Magnus bent over and removed his boots and Alec realized he should do the same, since they were muddied and leaf-infested. When he thought about it, he thought that it would have been polite to remove them at the door, but he realized that Magnus probably didn't care.
He looked back at Magnus, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at Alec with unsure eyes. Alec approached the bed, but Magnus stopped him by grabbing his waist. Alec looked down at realized that he was wearing a weapons belt. He had one, of course, but he hardly ever wore it. Jace usually had enough weapons tucked into his pants for the both of them.
For a brief moment, Alec smiled at the irony of the thought that had just passed through his mind, and then he started to unbuckle the belt, which was what he was assuming Magnus wanted him to do.
"Wouldn't want to poke yourself now would you?" Magnus asked.
"Or you," he replied, placing the belt on side table next to the bed.
Alec had a strange feeling of deja vu as he crawled onto the bed, followed a moment later by Magnus. Each laid on his side, looking at the other closely.
"It's been some time since I last saw you," Magnus said, bringing his hand up and touching Alec's face.
"I've been--"
"I understand. The life of a Shadowhunter is rather trying," Magnus replied, scooting slightly closer.
Alec swallowed and touched Magnus's side, just above his waist.
He was processing his words in his mind, trying to figure out why Magnus sounded and looked so different. He was definitely the same Magnus, there was no doubt about it, but he was so different at the same time.
Alec wondered if this was what it was like to love someone. Of course he had never loved anyone before, so he couldn't be sure, but this had to be close. Here he was, unsure of where he actually was or what was going on, fading between here and where he was used to being, and he didn't care because he was still with Magnus.
That, and, well he still was a teenage boy... But here he was, lying in a bed, unchaperoned, with someone he usually didn't want to keep his hands off of in times like these. The fact that he could just lie there like that and be comfortable with it had to mean it was something else, didn't it?
"Magnus?"
"Mmm..." Magnus touched his hair gently.
"How would you describe being in love with someone?" Alec asked. His voice was barely a whisper, but he knew that Magnus understood his question.
Magnus was silent for several moments, simply looking at him the same way he had been before. Alec wondered if Magnus was going to tell him he didn't believe in love or had never been in love, which would have crushed the boy's soul right there, but Magnus got closer to him and rested their foreheads together on the pillow.
"I'm unsure of how I'd describe being in love with someone," he said, looking into Alec's eyes.
Alec felt his heart drop.
"I've only ever been in love with one person, and he most certainly wasn't any old 'someone,'" Magnus continued.
Dropped farther. Alec closed his eyes, regretting saying a word, and thought about excusing himself to the bathroom, if only to get away from him for a few minutes.
"I think I'd describe it as being a feeling of happiness and warmth that flows through you every time you see the person you love. Being in love with someone means that you'd be willing to do almost anything just to see him smile, even if it means your own sacrifice. It's being able to talk about anything at all, even when you don't know if you want to hear with he has to say," Magnus kissed his forehead. "Especially when you ask him about love and you think he's not talking about you."
Alec opened his eyes and stared at Magnus for a moment as his heart seemed to stop beating under his gaze.
"When you love someone," Magnus whispered, getting closer to Alec and all but whispering in his ear. "You realize that you've been waiting for him your entire life." He placed a soft kiss on the side of Alec's neck, making him shiver. "You realize that everything you've ever thought you may have felt about anyone else was nothing." Another kiss and Alec's stomach fluttered and he acknowledged with a gentle nod of his head that Magnus was right about that. Jace was nothing compared to how Alec's emotions were soaring at that moment.
"You realize that you feel empty when he isn't around," Magnus said, his hands slipping under Alec's sweater as he kissed him again.
"And when you love someone," Magnus said, running one of his hands up Alec's stomach to his chest and the other reached around him and followed the same trail up his back, resting just above and behind his heart. "When you truly love someone," he whispered into Alec's ear now, "You can be trusted to hold his heart in your hands and never break it."
Alec's entire body shook with a shiver that followed Magnus's words from his ear all the way down to the tips of his toes.
Without a word, Alec gripped both of Magnus's arms and kissed him for all he was worth. He discovered that it was slightly strange to kiss when they were in that position, so he pushed Magnus backwards and crawled on top of him, straddling his waist. Magnus, who had his hands under Alec's sweater already, started to push it up over his head as they kissed. Alec raised his hands and, briefly breaking their kiss, pulled his sweater off by the sleeves and tossed it across the room. Alec leaned forward and claimed Magnus's mouth in another loving kiss.
"Let me sit up a bit," Magnus said a few moments later, breaking away from their kiss. He was breathless, something so rare for Magnus Bane, and his cheeks and lips were flushed. Alec, who was used to Magnus wearing makeup that hid his true skin, thought Magnus looked amazing without the glamourous shades and colors.
They adjusted and put pillows behind Magnus, who was now sitting up against the bedframe with Alec in his lap. Alec had to admit that it was more comfortable than having to be hunched over to kiss him. He also felt like it gave Magnus more freedom to move his head now that he wasn't being shoved into the mattress.
Alec kissed him again and started to unbutton Magnus's shirt. Why did he always have buttons? At least Alec wore sweaters that took seconds to remove.
Once he had gotten the buttons undone and was trying to push the shirt off Magnus's shoulders, he realized that the buttons on the wrists were still buttoned. He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and reached for Magnus's hands on his waist. Magnus pulled back with a smirk.
"Did you just growl?"
Alec glared at him and tried to get the buttons on the wrist undone, but Magnus just snapped his fingers and they were finished.
"You couldn't have done that a few minutes ago when I was practically ripping your shirt?"
Magnus shrugged and assisted Alec in tossing the shirt to the side.
Alec kissed Magnus's throat, finding a spot just below the collarbone that was particularly sensitive and making Magnus squirm for several moments.
Alec wasn't used to having longer hair and was surprised when he felt the leather band that held his hair back was untied, bringing the hair into his view. It was only shoulder length, but it was strange. His brief thoughts about his hair disappeared as Magnus began to run his fingers through it, down to his neck, and then back through his hair again.
He left the spot at his collarbone and looked at Magnus for a moment before deciding that he wanted to try something. Without a word, he kissed his way down Magnus's chest, taking pleasure in the way Magnus's breath hitched when he got to his naval.
There was no indentation there, no belly button, just smooth skin that stopped moving when Alec placed a kiss to it. Magnus had stopped breathing.
He put his hands on Magnus's sides and Magnus spread his legs slightly to let Alec sit there and kiss his stomach as the warlock continued to hold his breath. Alec touched his tongue to what he assumed would be the exact place his belly button would have been and Magnus lost his fight with himself.
"Alec!" He cried, gasping. Apparently it was a very sensitive patch of skin.
Alec, who had closed his eyes for only a moment, looked up at Magnus to see that he was suddenly the Magnus Alec was used to. His hair, his makeup... Everything. And they were no longer in the rustic wooden bedroom, but the colorful bedroom with the canary comforter.
Alec stared for a moment, wondering what had triggered the change.
Alec reached up and touched his own hair, which was short again. Well, not short, but it's normal length.
He looked over to the dresser he had put the weapon belt on and saw nothing but Magnus's makeup jars and a single seraph blade.
Magnus's hand touched his face and turned him back to him. "What's wrong?" He asked.
Alec, deciding that this mind trick problem was becoming the biggest mood breaker ever, wondered if he should say anything about it to Magnus. Maybe he would know what was going on with him. He swallowed hard and moved back up to straddle Magnus's lap. Despite the fact that they were each wearing thick denim, it was an oddly comfortable seating arrangement.
"I don't know how to say this—"
"Alexander, it's okay, we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with," Magnus said, reaching up and cupping Alec's face in one of his hands.
The room faded again and this time, Alec watched Magnus's transformation from up close. He looked at the hand that was touching his face and Magnus's nails seemed to grow back into his hands and lose their perfectly manicured shape. He looked back at Magnus and watched the makeup fade into his skin as if someone was applying a thick layer of caramel foundation to him. He looked the same way he had a few moments ago with his flushed cheeks and full lips.
Whatever Alec had been ready to say left his mind as though someone had wiped it away with an eraser when Magnus kissed him again. Alec felt his other hand moving up his back, cupping the back of his neck and tilting his head slightly to the side as their mouths opened to each other.
Magnus gently nibbled at Alec's lower lip, causing the Shadowhunter to gasp slightly, and Alec placed his own hands in the center of Magnus's chest, his fingers splayed out over the skin he found there.
He could feel Magnus's heartbeat under his fingers and remembered what Magnus had said about holding the heart of the person you loved.
Alec broke the kiss and looked at his hands as they rose and fall with Magnus's breath.
"What is it?"
He looked up at Magnus and met his eyes. "You have a heartbeat."
Magnus's eyes opened slightly wider and he raised his eyebrows. "Did you think I was heartless?" He smiled.
"But you're... Well, you're..."
"Immortal."
"Yes."
"You knew that, Alexander, I don't see how it's a revelation," Magnus said, kissing him softly.
Alec, who had told himself a million times that Magnus was a warlock, a Downworlder, and that he would never be able to truly be with him because of it, had forgotten it all tonight in return for what he had been feeling since he arrived.
He suddenly felt the painful realization closing in on him and he balled his palms against Magnus, closing his eyes tightly.
"Alexander, what's wrong?" Magnus shifted slightly, sounding concerned.
"I'm in love with you," Alec breathed the words like they were a secret he shouldn't have been telling anyone.
He opened his eyes and looked at Magnus, who was looking back at him, confused.
"Don't you understand? I love you. I can't love you, I shouldn't, but I do, and it scares me to death," Alec said, getting up from the bed and walking across the room. He saw himself in the mirror and hardly recognized himself. His body was so much more toned than it normally was, like he fought more than he actually did.
He stared into the mirror and watched as Magnus got out of the bed behind him and walked over to him, concerned again.
"Alexander, you don't need to be afraid—"
"Why?" Alec asked, talking to Magnus's reflection. "I could be stripped of my Marks if anyone knew where I was." Alec closed his eyes tightly when he realized that that wasn't what he was afraid of. He wished he could use that as the cover excuse, but he knew Magnus was going to see through it.
"Alexander, no one can do anything to you that you don't let them do. No one knows about us except your sister and no one else needs to know." Magnus put a hand in the center of Alec's back, like he was touching his heart.
"What about when I get older?" Alec asked the mirror. "You're going to be seventeen for the rest of your life. You'll always look like this. You'll never be expected to do anything. I'm to carry on the worthy name of Lightwood and pass it on to generations of Shadowhunters."
Magnus looked at him in silence, like he had something to say but was afraid to say it.
"What is it?" Alec asked, turning around to face him.
"Alec—"
Alec fell forward into Magnus as the room began to change again. Magnus caught him in surprise and Alec looked up at him.
"You called me Alec," Alec said. He backed away quickly and stared at him. "You—The last time, when you—I... The room. It's because you called me Alec."
Magnus looked at Alec in confusion, unsure of what he was talking about.
"The room! It keeps changing back and forth. You don't see it? It.... Changes. It changes between your room and a little wooden room. It's like..." Alec was frustrated, trying to remember what the room looked like but drawing a blank. "You change, too. Your makeup goes away and—and your hair is longer."
Magnus swallowed but said nothing.
"Magnus, please tell me I'm not losing my mind," Alec pleaded, taking a step toward him and outstretching his hand.
--
Magnus had noticed the parallels between past and present but hadn't thought that Alexander was actually swtiching between the two physically. But that was the only way to explain it. He was being switched between the two and the spell was being broken each time something from the present was different from the past. Magnus had never called Alexander "Alec" but tonight he had done it twice.
"You're not losing your mind, Alec," Magnus said, careful to use the nickname so that Alexander wasn't warped back into the old cabin. He wished he could tell him everything, but he knew that if he did, the spell would basically be null and void. He had to remember everything on his own.
"I don't understand," Alexander replied as Magnus took his hand within his own.
"Alec, I love you, but I have no explanation for you. Just understand that everything will be clear in time."
Alexander looked down at their hands and Magnus looked at him.
"Are you all right?" Magnus questioned.
Alexander was silent for a long moment before he took a step forward and looked at Magnus with sad eyes.
"What will happen when I'm older?"
Magnus felt like an arrow had been shot through his heart with the question. What would happen? Would Magnus be able to convince this Alexander that he should give up his marks, his life, his glory as a Shadowhunter and live his life as an immortal just so they could be together?
"Alec," Magnus said, touching their foreheads together and looking into the unsure eyes that were only centimeters from his own. "There are several options that could be looked out. I don't know how open you would be to any of them, but there are things that could be done."
Alexander's eyes seemed to light up with Magnus's words. Magnus was apprehensive about saying anything else on the subject, but he knew Alexander wouldn't let the subject rest.
"It all depends on how long you'd be willing to put up with me," Magnus said lightly with a kiss to Alexander's lips that was just as light.
"Forever."
Magnus felt blood rushing through him and could hear it flowing past his eardrums, his heartbeat drowning out every other sound. When he realized that the room was changing around him and turning into his bedroom in the old cabin, he understood what Alexander had been going through. He remembered this moment—he remembered it well—and looked at Alexander, who was looking at him in the same way he had each other time the room must have been changing.
"I can give you forever," Magnus said. "But it will not be simple."
"I don't care," Alexander replied.
Magnus touched Alexander's face. It had been so long since he had seen the Alexander he had fallen in love with so many years ago. It was a face that he never hoped to see again, but now that he was looking at Alexander, he realized that he wasn't in love with him anymore. He had fallen in love with Alec, who was slightly smaller and didn't look anywhere near as confident.
He leaned forward and kissed him once, just to feel it once more before he let him go.
"I love you," he whispered when they parted. "Alec, I do."
The room changed back and standing before him again wasn't the warrior he had fallen in love with, but Alec Lightwood, the slightly awkward and loyal Shadowhunter he was in love with. The one he'd be with forever.