2nd Place – ICE COLD HEART By: Carly Alice McCarty

Contest Host Review:

What I loved about this fic, aside from its uniqueness and its beautiful writing, was how Irina's emotions were expressed. The anger, the pain, the loneliness—it all blended together so beautifully. It really was touching. And the description of the landscape, and the metaphors used to describe it were just breathtaking. Amazing job.

Congratulations Carly Alice McCarty!

(Btw, her entry, too, had a title in Edwardian Script font ;P Yay!)

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Ice Cold Heart

Irina's P.O.V

Breaking Dawn: pages – end of 534 to 537

Irina comes to apologize to the Cullens and sees Jacob and Renesmee.

By: Carly Alice McCarty

The snow meandered down from the skies above, little white crystals, looking as if they were in no hurry to reach their destination on the ground, but knowing that they would get there eventually. I felt like a snowflake. Moving north towards the Cullens, I knew that I would eventually get there and have to make my apologies, it was my choice to do so, but I wasn't particularly looking forward to the moment I arrived.

I could imagine each and every one of their reactions, knowing them so well. "Well dear, everyone makes their mistakes and you are a part of everyone; you're still human, literally speaking of course," would be Esme's reaction. Carlisle would go "There is nothing to forgive, we were never mad at you. As long as we are one family once more," I knew though that he was mad, but he, being the peacemaker he was, would never admit it. Alice would just say she saw it coming, Edward would also know, having seen Alice's vision as well and hearing my thoughts as I arrived. Emmett, on the other hand, would take this chance and say in order to gain his forgiveness, I would have to battle a bear with a cake smashed on my face and wearing a clown suit with a tutu, or who knows what else Emmett would make me do, having his power to think of such crazy abnormalities. Still, even though they will claim to forgive me, there will always be that cold look in their eyes, never again would it be the inviting warmth that was there every time they used to greet me.

As always, when something you're dreading lies ahead, it seems that the time just goes faster, especially, it seemed, today, as a punishment for what I have done and I found myself on the cliff overlooking the Cullen house much to soon. The scenery was exquisite, the snow coating everything like the top layer of sugar on a cake, in a color no human eye could see, for it was eighth in the rainbow. Finding that beauty didn't mingle well with the anxiety, I began to scan the forest, the snow-covered trees shivering slightly with the wind, like dancers at a ball, each wearing its own lovely gown of pure white silk.

A flash of reddish brown caught my eye, a color that stood out in the sea of white, a head full of beautiful curls, bouncing as a little girl gently jumped high in the air, caught a snowflake, and showed it to the ones around her, a women and an overlarge, gangly-looking boy. The women must have been Edward's Bella, the one who caused so much trouble and discord in their family, and in ours too. She was the reason I was standing here, dreading the next moments, the reason our family was broken, the reason for me losing my husband, the reason for everything gone wrong. Laurent… I thought, and acute pain jabbed through my heart, hurt, anger, and loss erupting within me like a flame that has found purchase. The hole in my heart grew larger, the hole I had been attempting to stitch together, unsuccessfully, from the moment my dear mother had died, and now Laurent has joined her as well. My eyes burned; I knew if I was human that I would be crying. It seemed that as soon as my love became too strong, it had to be taken from me, ripped apart, torn from my heart, without bothering to heal the remaining puncture and pain. Knowing I would forever live without them stabbed at me, piercing whatever was left of my broken heart; there was no reason to live on, now that sorrow and my own grief dragged me beneath the waters and refused to let me resurface, laughing I struggled and screamed with anguish and loss, playing with me, hurting me until I could no longer bear the agony, until what was left of me became nothing, worse then nothing. Sadly, I realized I was losing at this game.

Suddenly, the big boy beside her transformed, erupting into a large rusty brown wolf. Realization hit me hard in the face as I realized this might be the one who had killed Laurent, who had made me miserable and unwholesome. The little girl leaped ran ahead in the forest, hunting, without a doubt, and the wolf tore after her. Suddenly, fire raged through me, anger throbbed within me, spreading through my veins, and I could almost feel the snow around me melting from the heat. She was immortal. Together, they both were the reasons that the ones I loved were death: The wolf could've have been the one to rip open the neck of my husband, and the baby…the immortal child…it wasn't right that my mother was killed for this reason, but she can get away with it. I stood paralyzed on the spot. I couldn't be me anymore; never before could I not stand to be within my body. On the outside I stood still, frozen, a mask covering what I felt, on the inside I was raging, the fire spreading and burning within me. I felt as though I could be able to tear down the whole forest and hurl it at them, enough so it hurt, even killed. My hands ached to injure, damage, throw, destroy, cause pain, anything to allow the anger out. The monster brought me deeper underneath the water, still playing with me, showing me I was losing. No words, no actions, nothing could describe what I was feeling. Everything Isabella -I thought the name with pure loathing and revulsion -had was taken away from me, dead, as cold as a marble, never again talking, moving, thinking, playing, loving me as I had loved them; yet she, that dreadful, horrid vampire, could have it all. A red haze covered my vision, the hatred bouncing off my body. The pain and anguish inside me ripped to get out, a lion desperate to cause agony and discord, fighting to escape its cage. I had to spread my misery and pain, cause others sorrow, everything that I felt inside. I felt myself drowning further and further into the water, deeper, deeper, like a magnet at the bottom attracted to my anguish. The monster laughed as I burned in my fire…he was winning, I was dying on the inside. She, the vile and horrendous girl, waved feebly towards me.Was I really here to forgive them? What I had done seemed like a single star of wrong in the whole galaxy, they making up the rest of the stars. Forgive? Not anymore, I was here for revenge. A growl escaped my lips. I couldn't stand seeing them happy, her heart whole while she slowly tore mine, leaving nothing, nothing but ice and bitterness. The fire consumed me, the water surrounding me and taking all my breath from me. I wasn't fair that she could have everything I lost: My husband… my mother.…

I always thought that anger and hurt were hot, and even as the fire raged throughout me, I realized it was cold, bitter cold, even for a vampire, and as the flames of fury and despair engulfed my ice cold heart, I turned around and ran, having no sense of direction and just letting my feet carry me, carry me away as what pieces left in my heart became ashes. I had finally lost; the monster had finally drowned me in my own pain and sorrow.

~Fin~

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