Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. The brilliant and talented SM does!
"It was cold – sleeping all by myself," I said, sitting up in my bed watching as Edward's agile body gracefully climbed through my window. He smiled at me before crawling into my bed and scooping me up into his arms.
"I'm sorry, love. I was not gone long, I needed to hunt; you were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to disturb you and I didn't want to have to leave your side for even the briefest moment today, so I figured it would be best to hunt while you were sleeping. And I'm certain that sleeping with me next to you leaves you far colder then sleeping without me, considering I'm – what was the word you used – oh yes, impossibly cold." He grinned as he pulled my body closer to his, placing a gentle kiss atop my head. I buried my head in the crook of his neck in response and allowed one of my hands to rest on his cheek.
"No need to apologize. I completely forgot how hungry you looked yesterday. I sometimes forget that food isn't as accessible to you as it is to me. I'm just glad that you won't be having me as a snack and that you intend to spend the entire day with me" I smiled up at him. Slowly, trying to gauge his mood, I began to place gentle kisses along his neck, moving my lips across the incredibly soft, yet cold, skin of his neck. I felt him stiffen in response, as he lifted his neck slightly, allowing my lips to glide more easily across his neck. It was not long before I began to work my way up, moving closer to his lips with each tender kiss. The closer I came to his mouth, the more overwhelming his scent became; until I was close enough that the intoxicating scent overpowered me, and my lips crashed against his, signifying my loss of control.
I allowed my hands to outline every crevice of his upper body, although I made sure to never venture anywhere below his hips – that was off limits. My hands glided over his firm chest and stomach, and I lifted his shirt. I heard a low moan that I immediately recognized as belonging to me when my hand made contact with the exposed skin of his chest. His ability to overwhelm me without even touching me still caught me unaware every time. And when his hand moved to my neck, and deepened our kiss, I was certain that I had lost my control beyond all salvation.
I was eager, passionate and fervent as we kissed. Apparently, I was also disillusioned if I had the slightest hope that the kiss would lead to anything, as it was not long before I felt his familiar firm grasp on my arms, pushing my body further away from his, forcing my lips to an untimely release from his.
"Bella…" his voice was tender yet cautioning. I could not hide the obvious hurt that was unmistakably visible on my face.
"Love," he began again, placing one of his hands in mine "it's not as though I don't want to do these things with you, because I truly do – it's just too-"
"Too dangerous – I know! But what makes you think that the danger bothers me? Have I ever ran for the woods in the face of danger?" I questioned, my voice clearly conveying my frustration.
"This is different. I could kill you, Bella."
"I have no doubt that physically, yes, you could kill me. But I do have my doubts about whether or not you would be able to. According to you, I was in serious danger the very first day of biology, when my scent was so overwhelming that you nearly lost control. Every night you hold me in your arms and share the same bed with me, and I'm certain that my scent hasn't changed. And yet, you still resist." I paused, as I turned onto my side, so that I was able to look into his eyes. I flirted with the idea of placing my hand on his cheek, but at the last moment, decided against it. I wasn't certain that after this, I would be able to handle anymore rejection.
"Edward, is the reason for your carefulness and your incessant rules really because you're afraid of hurting me?" His eyes narrowed, and he looked truly confused.
"I don't think I follow…"
"Sometimes I wonder… I know that you are genuinely afraid of hurting me, I just wonder if sometimes, your hesitation is because… you don't think you'll… enjoy it. If that is the case, Edward, I completely understand. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to constantly treat me as though I'm a… a- a china doll, afraid of hurting me. I'm sure that having to hold back must make our intimate moments less - less enjoyable." I averted my eyes from his, and glanced down at our intertwined hands, taking notice of the ring that sat on my delicate finger. Delicate. That's what I was. Delicate. Breakable. Fragile… mortal. I felt the familiar twinge of pain in my stomach, pain and guilt. It pained me to know that alongside Edward I was completely average.
I knew that I could never measure up to who he was, or what he was. It was in moments like these when I felt eternally grateful that he couldn't hear my thoughts. This was the part of me that I never wanted to reveal to him; it was the part of me that questioned why he chose me. He could have anyone in the world, and yet, he chose me. I was startled when I felt him sitting up and pulling my body into his lap in one fluid motion.
"Bella, I enjoy every moment that I spend with you. I enjoy the countless hours I spend watching you sleep, listening to you breath, listening to your heart beat. I enjoy holding you, touching you, standing next to you, standing beside you, behind you, with you, near you. And there aren't any appropriate words to describe how I feel when your lips are pressed against mine, when my hands are on your body – those private, intimate moments we share. Yes, I do have to hold back, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest. There was a time in my life when I didn't have to hold back because I didn't have you. You're delusional if you think that having to show a bit of restraint bothers me. As long as I can be with you," with these words he took my hands in his "and spend eternity with you, I'm happy."
"I am so lucky to have you" was all I could manage to say. His face was only inches away from mine, and as usual, his words, and his appearance had me positively dazzled.
"It's funny, I was just thinking the exact same thing." He released my hands, and relocated his hands to my face, gently holding my face in his hands.
"I would… I would like to kiss you. I promise that if you allow me to, I will behave" I breathed, turning my body so that my body was parallel to his, and wrapped my legs around his hips. Smiling, he responded.
"I would like that. I would also like it if you behaved" I chuckled inwardly. I could sense that he was trying to sound authoritative to conceal his nerves, but it was clear that our bodies touching in such an intimate gesture left him just as breathless as it left me. Granted, he couldn't breathe, but nonetheless, I knew it was affecting him just as profoundly as it affected me.
Quickly, I pulled his hands from my face and placed them just above my waist, as I leaned in and leisurely pressed my lips to his. Slowly, I increased our pace, urging him to emulate my passion. He did not disappoint me. Every moment my lips made against his, he mirrored with heightened enthusiasm and superb skill. His hands moved from my waist to the small of my back. He raised the back of my nightshirt slightly, allowing just enough room to gain access to my skin. He traced small, soothing circles along my back, as his teeth gently pulled at my bottom lip. I moaned in response.
Suddenly, Edward's hands came out from under my shirt, and his lips left mine. He swiftly kissed my cheek, and just as swiftly, he pulled away, gently placing me off of his lap. I looked at him, personally affronted. I had maintained my composure, and miraculously, I had stayed in control. But before I could say a single word in protest, he spoke.
"Charlie just pulled in," he explained, leaning over to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind my ears.
"Just so you know, I didn't want to end that. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was impressed with how well you behaved yourself." I smiled, and placed a rushed kiss on his cheek.
"Why is Charlie home? It's only eight o'clock and he only arrives to work at seven thirty" I questioned aloud, hoping that Charlie was close enough for Edward to hear his thoughts. Edward paused momentarily, gazing off into the distance.
"He forgot to get his badge from his nightstand drawer. He's planning on checking on you to make sure I'm not here" Edward grinned widely "I should stick around, just for the show" I scoffed at him and quickly stood up, rushing around my room, gathering my clothing, and tossing my hair up into a ponytail.
"Look away" I warned, before pulling my clothing on. Like a gentleman, Edward turned his head without question. He stood up and walked toward the window.
"Bella, what are you doing?" he pulled the window open, and briefly looked outside, his hair slightly glossy from the wet of the rain. Again, I was in awe, dazzled.
"I'm coming with you. You said you were going to spend the entire day with me, and I'm not letting you off the hook that easily." I stated simply, pulling a sweater on over my shirt. Edward nodded, and grinned, his smile warming my heart. Nothing made me happier then to see him happy.
"Hop on, my love, and hang on. Of course, you know I would never let you fall, but it just seems anti-climactic to not have you hang on" he chuckled inwardly as I hopped onto his back, and without hesitation we were out the window, and on our way to the Cullen's.
"Nobody's home?" I asked Edward as he led me through the front door of his house. The house was unusually quiet, and normally Alice was waiting at the door to greet me.
"No, but they aren't far. They've just finished hunting," he clarified, hanging on to my hand as he led me into the kitchen.
"Everybody went?" I said, following closely behind, appreciating that Edward was walking at the pace of an average human leaving me able to keep up.
"Yes. Confrontation and conflict… well, it makes us thirsty. I'm sure Emmett will enjoy himself – he loves hunting in the rain. Something about the added hazard excites him." Edward guided me to granite counter-top and swiftly placed me on top of it. His hands rested on my knees as he pushed my legs slightly apart and wedged his body in between. I found the gesture to be extremely sexy and I didn't even attempt to conceal the blush that was creeping up to my cheeks – I knew my efforts would be fruitless. I inhaled sharply as he leaned forward and abruptly, but softly, placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. Then, he placed his lips very near my ear, allowing his cold but miraculously smooth lips to just barely touch my ear.
"Breath Bella" he whispered, smiling. I was sure that he loved the effect he had on me, and I could almost sense a slight cockiness shining through at his words.
"I swear, Bella, you must hold the world record for the number of times you've forgotten to breathe! Do you thinks it's caused any brain damage?" Emmett laughed. I looked over, and was acutely aware that the blush that had settled on my cheeks had grown darker, and had spread. I pushed Edward out from between my legs, and closed them tightly before jumping down from the counter.
"Edward, she wouldn't have any trouble remembering to breathe if you just changed her already. Vampires don't need to breathe." Rosalie said, walking through the kitchen door. Edward's eyes narrowed in the direction of Rosalie, as he gave her a severe glare.
"Edward!" I hissed, pulling him by the collar closer to my face "why didn't you tell me they were home?" I whispered in his ear, before pushing him away from me and casually leaning against the counter.
"I think it's because he enjoys watching you blush, Bella" I recognized the voice to belong to Alice, who, followed by Esme and Carlisle also entered the kitchen. Every member of the Cullen family, save for Edward and Jasper who was nowhere in sight, was drenched from head to toe. Miraculously, the effect of the water only made them look more attractive, if possible.
"Wow. You really weren't kidding when you said there were no secrets in this family," I mused, walking over to Alice and Esme, greeting them both with a hug.
"Get used to it and get over it." Rosalie said, absently twirling a strand of hair in her fingers "You'll learn soon enough" she stated matter-of-factly, settling herself in Emmett's lap.
"Be nice Rose" Carlisle alleged, his voice calm and collected "I'm headed to the hospital. We made great timing, Esme. I've made it back just in time to start my shift. Bella, it was lovely seeing you again, and I do hope to see you again soon." Carlisle nodded in my direction and smiled, leaving the room hand in hand with Esme. Shortly after, Emmett and Rosalie followed. Alice was not sitting at their breakfast table, inattentively skimming through a book.
"Alright Bella, it's time for a human moment" Edward said, grinning at the blush that had not yet left my face.
"What would you like for breakfast?" He asked, opening a drawer and pulling a frying pan from within its confines. I hopped up on the opposite counter, and glared at Edward.
"I can make my own breakfast, Edward. I would even dare to say that I'm probably a more accomplished cook then you can claim to be." I folded my arms across my chest and sighed. Edward flashed me a toothy smile, and before long, I was smiling back at him. It was not the first time his beauty weakened my resolve.
"That's much better, love. Now, I would like to make you breakfast, and if you would tell me what you would like, it would make it much easier for me" I rolled my eyes in response.
"I think that she wouldn't mind having you for breakfast, Edward." Alice laughed, winking at me clasping her hands in front of her on the table.
"I don't have to be Jasper to detect the unresolved sexual tension between you two." Alice commented, smiling sweetly in my direction before standing and leaving the room. I ignored her question, as my mind began recalling the questions I had of my own, questions I had been too exhausted to ask Edward yesterday, but promised myself to ask today.
"Okay, I'll bite. You can make me pancakes" Edward glared at my choice of words, and began dashing through the kitchen, looking for appropriate ingredients. I watched in awe as Edward collected the ingredients for the pancakes and began preparing them. In the kitchen, he gave completely new meaning to the term fast food.
"Where's Jasper?" I asked, still watching his hands make quick work of my breakfast.
"He came in through the front door. He's not feeling himself, and didn't really want to interact with any company," Edward explained, carefully pouring the pancake batter into the pan.
"What you mean to say is that he didn't want to see me, right?"
"Bella, please don't take it personally. Jasper is having some difficulty controlling his thirst. The hunt wasn't satisfying enough for him today; he just doesn't want to be tempted. He's found your… blood… to be especially… appealing lately." I nodded in understanding.
"That kind of reminds me of a question I wanted to ask you…"
"Anything, love" he said sweetly, dropping three pancakes onto a plate, bringing them to the breakfast table. I joined him at the table, and delightedly began eating.
"Do things often… change, for vampires?" I asked, taking another bite of the pancakes.
"Is this about yesterday?" he questioned, looking reluctant. I nodded, unable to look into his eyes.
"Sometimes they do. I take it you noticed then, that Jane's power is growing?" He asked, his eyes fixated on me as I gracelessly took another bite of my pancakes. I wasn't the slightest but hungry now that we had began talking about yesterday, but I ate anyway, knowing that Edward would insist I ate, hungry or not.
"Yeah. In Italy… when she – she tortured you, you didn't cry out in pain like you did yesterday. You were also perfectly fine afterwards in Italy but yesterday Carlisle had to practically carry you upstairs." I gulped loudly, yesterday's events playing in my mind. It made me uneasy to think of how much pain he had been in… because of me.
"Yes. What happened yesterday with Jane was considerably more painful. I endured in silence in Italy, and I attempted to do so yesterday, but it was as though I did not have any control over my impulses – I could not stop myself from screaming. Afterwards I felt so weak and tired. I tried to get up on my own, but again, I felt as though I had lost control." Throughout his entire speech, he had an impartial look on his face; it was as though he was trying to distance himself from the memory. I wasn't certain if it was because he didn't want to remember the pain, or if it was because the subject matter worried him. In any case, his lack of emotion was what frightened me this time.
"Bella, you don't need to worry about this, not right now. I know that Carlisle is doing his best to figure out what is going on with Jane, and Alice is keeping watch as well. Nothing is going to happen to you." He rested his hand on mine, as clasped it tightly.
"I'm not worried about myself, Edward. It's you and the rest of your family that I'm worried about." I explained, pushing my plate away from me, keeping my hand locked in Edward's.
"You honestly need to re-evaluate your priorities, love. It worries me that you are not more concerned with your own safety."
"You are my priority…" I said softly, briefly glancing up on him to watch a smile appear on his face.
"And you are mine" he replied, a very genuine and serious look on his face. I smiled, carefully analyzing every agonizingly gorgeous feature of his perfectly constructed face. I looked at his face every day, and never was I able to find a flaw – even in his anger, he remained absolutely flawless. I was so intrigued by his beauty that I almost missed the glint of concern that momentarily flashed through his eyes – almost. And then I remembered the night before, and Rosalie asking if he had told me yet. He hadn't, but he would now.
"What was Rosalie referring to last night, when she asked you if you had asked me yet?" I saw his jaw flex, and I felt his grip on my hand tighten. This was obviously a very delicate subject, but I needed to know. I couldn't stand not knowing, especially if Rosalie thought it was important enough to mention to me.
"Edward, please tell me" I pleaded. He merely nodded.
"Yesterday, during my confrontation with Jane, I was able to read her thoughts. It was difficult, it appears as though she is intentionally trying to be deceptive, and block me out. Still, I managed. Jane's motivations for wanting to harm you are… two-fold, Bella. As I already predicted, she does not like the idea of allowing someone to live that is immune to her gift. The more pressing issue, however, is that Jane is convinced that with you dea-" He hesitated in trying to say dead. I could empathize with how difficult it was to say that word in the same sentence as the name of the person you are madly in love with. In response, I scooted my chair closer to his, and placed my free hand on his knee, and stroked softly, urging him to continue.
"She's convinced that with you dead, I will come and join the Volturi. It seems as though Jane is considering planning a uprising, she wants to gain the ultimate status within her ranks, and she is trying to recruit an allegiance of followers." Edward looked deeply disturbed by his own words, while I tried to remain neutral and impartial. Although it was difficult to hear, and frightening, I had already devised a plan to make the situation with Jane less burdensome to Edward.
"Change me, Edward. Change me now so you won't have to worry about Jane hurting me" Edward abruptly pulled his hand from mine and stood up from the table, grabbing my plate and taking it to the sink. I stood as well, and nervously began biting my bottom lip as I walked towards him.
"We've already discussed this. I will change you, but only under the circumstances we discussed" he turned on the tap, and at human speed began scrubbing the dishes. He had a serious look on his face as his pace increased slightly.
"Dun, dun, dun dun, dun, dun, dun dun" I hummed the tune of a wedding organ, and rolled my eyes in response, and in an attempt to lighten the mood, I even smiled slightly. I stood beside him and began drying the dishes he placed into the sink. Even at human pace he was considerably faster, and it wasn't long before I fell behind.
"Bella, this isn't funny. It's not something I care to joke about"
"Then reconsider. It won't be long before we're married, and I would feel much safer knowing that I can protect myself" in an instant Edward had pulled the drying towel from my hands, and pulled me onto his back. In an instant, he was running out the door, and gliding through the thick of the woods.
It was a matter of minutes before we arrived in our meadow, and Edward was carefully removing me from his back and placing me on the ground. I looked up at him, completely confused.
"My family is still home, and I could hear Alice listening to us. It's clear that we need to talk, and I really don't feel comfortable doing it with an audience." he clarified, leaning casually against a tree. Again, I bit my lip nervously. I began having flashbacks of my days of watching teen dramas and after-school specials. The four words 'we need to talk' were always followed with devastating results.
"Okay… what do we need to talk about?" I stood at least two metres away from him, and I began to feel incredibly isolated and painfully alone. Normally, in stressful situations, I always confided in Edward, but given that he was currently the cause of my stress, that option didn't seem feasible.
"About us." My heart fluttered at his words, and I could feel a dizzy haze washing over me. Immediately, he was standing by my side, grasping my arms, supporting my weight.
"Bella, what's wrong?" he demanded, evidently concerned. In an attempt at appearing nonchalant, I shook my head, trying to convey that I was fine.
"You aren't fine, love. You're paler then you normally are. In fact, your complexion rival's my own at the moment."
"It's just… the last time we ran off into the woods together mid-conversation it was because you were… leaving." I couldn't disguise the obvious pain present in my voice. Edward's brow furrowed, before he pulled me into his chest, and tightly hugged me, placing swift and soft kisses on my head.
"I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I'm so sorry I was so thoughtless, I truly am. I just know that this is a discussion we need some clarification on, and I didn't want to do that with Alice and the rest of my family listening. I had a momentary lapse of reason, and I forgot how painful the reminders of a situation like this would be." I revelled in being wrapped up in his arms. I felt safe, I felt comforted.
"Edward, could you do something for me?" I questioned, running my hands up and down his back, in a safe, but intimate gesture.
"Of course."
"Can we postpone this talk until later? The past few days have been so stressful and hectic. I just want to spend time with you, forgetting all other complications – even if it's just for one night."
His response surprised me, and left me completely breathless – but for rational reasons this time. He pulled me into his arms and wrapped my legs around his legs and began moving backward until there was a tree behind him to lean on. He placed his hands on the back of my head, and pulled my face closer to his before his lips collided against mine, his tongue tracing along my bottom lip.
I could sense his urgency and his passion. Although he was still temperate, this kiss was unlike any other. This time, I could feel his control slipping, not unlike my own.
I knew what was coming. Edward was close, close to giving in, and losing complete control. His hand tightened against my back, as his intoxicating scent overwhelmed me.
We had both lost control.
A/N: Thank you to everyone for reviewing. As promised, here is a bit of lemony fluff.
Thank you to my wonderful beta, Addie W. for being so patient, and being my 'trampoline'!
Thanks to: octoberland (Tori is wonderful, isn't she?!), lionfellwithlamb, ren-san, kissinconcern, Caitlin, tribbadawn
The next chapter should be posted faster then this one was. I was having some computer troubles - sorry!