Despite her exhaustion, Spade had a plan a stewing.
It was the kind of plan that kept one wide awake even though her body was crying for rest. It kept her mind bustling over the details and obscurities of her little scheme while she waited for phase one of her plan that Spade had deemed-
"Brilliant Execution of Reclaiming Bounty and Shoving it up Stranger Ass Hole until it Pokes his Brain:"
She was rather fond of the name for her plan.
Phase one was waiting for the target BASTARD aka Stranger to fall into a false sense of security and to let down his defensives to their all time low.
So she waited for him to sleep.
This took a long unbearable time though. Stupid butt wipe refused to catch some Z's for such a long time that Spade began to count the freaking stars to pass the time.
She got to somewhere over 3,752 stars before Spade heard the rasping burble of Strangers sleep sounds.
Spade peeked over her shoulder to glance at stranger through slitted eyes, disguising the motion as a bumbling attempt to wipe her nose in her "sleep".
Stranger had his hat tipped over his hairy worm-vomit face, his arms were folded over his chest leaving his absurd little fanny pack exposed.
Good
Satisfied that Stranger was dead to the world, Spade crouched near to the glowing remains of the fire. Her stomach whimpered, betraying Spades ambitions.
Grrrrrrriiiiiiiillllllll iiiiiiiiisssssssss aawwwwwwwaaaaaaakkkkkkkeeeeee.
Spade thought her traitorous paunch groaned. She froze, trying to be still. Her thighs began to squeal from the strain of the holding the position for so long as she waited for Stranger to jump up and impale her with a varmint.
Nothing. Stranger stayed still, only murmuring to himself. The soft glow of ember light played across his snout giving him exaggerated features.
He looked like he had fangs but it was only some tufts of hair, His tiny ears seemed to be little pointy devil horns, and Strangers poncho gave her the strange expression of elaborate leather wings folded close to his body.
Overall all Stranger looked very much like a Diablo. The childhood boogey men of Spade's younger years.
She shook her head of that image, as a young outlaw she was easily spooked.
Spade stretched up as quietly as she could, her boots making grating sounds on the sand. This made her even more cautious as she tiptoed over to stranger. Taking minute long rests of silence after a foot crunch on sand. Phase two was complete.
The last and final phase would be the trickiest. She would have to pilfer Strangers fanny pack and haul ass to the next town. Technically this should be two phases but Spade enjoyed simple straight forward Strategies. She found remembering things less complicated if they were divided into three phases or less.
Squatting fully within Stranger's rank smell bubble, she lightly touched the smooth material of his bum pack. Stranger didn't respond.
Gathering courage she began to reach around Strangers waist trying to disturb the air around him as slightly as possible.
She found the clip right above where Stranger ass crack would be, grimacing she began to fumble with the leather pull system.
This was much to suggestive for Spade and she hoped to the Gods that Stranger wouldn't wake up.
But the clippy thing wouldn't be undone. It was much to difficult from her positioning. She would have to lean farther over him.
The contours of Strangers wiry body were tight and lean. The muscle bulge slightly under his poncho. Spade has repelled that she was close enough to stranger to notice this, but she was drawn in from how much his body was like hers. His long straight proud structure so similar to Spades with the exception of his face and fur.
Spade had to lean only a little closer till she was able to free the fanny pack.
Only a tiny weensy bit more.
THUD
She accidentally kicked him, all this time she was afraid of falling on him that she didn't pay any attention to her feet. DANM. Though this frighten Spade into falling on him though
Spade franticly lost her balance and was sprawled across Stranger.
He awoke with a start, sitting straight up like something bit him in the butt cheek.
Surprise was soon replaced with anger as he gazed down on Spade who didn't have the presents of mind to get out of his lap.
"Wat ter HELL AR YER DOING"
Jolted back to reality Spade rolled off of him and stood abashed.
"Noting" she murmured looking anywhere else then Stranger. She was grateful that her bandana hid the rushing blood in her face.
" Were yer tring ter rape me" He accused.
"WAT?" she shrieked a little too loudly. "Looky 'ere bub, doncha flatter yerself. I was trying ter take wats rightfully mine" Spade added trying to constipate for her embarrassing situation.
" MY virginity" He questioned. Stranger wasn't serious though, Spade could detect a slight tone of amusement that infuriated her.
"Na, infact I was trying ter take my god dang 'ounty. I'll leave yer virgin hood to the whores." Spade hissed turning on her toe to her sleeping spot on the opposite side of the fire pit.
Spade knew perfectly well that she went too far. It was only a little bit though, for she knew Stranger only as a acquaint. If Spade and Stranger were more of friends she could have really rip him a new one.
But thankfully they weren't and Spade was perfectly content with her response. She relished how much the words would sting. The bastard had it coming.
She dropped to the most comfortable spot on the dirt facing stranger to watch his reaction. She was disappointed though to find that he already seemed asleep. Sighing Spade felt her self fall into a slumber with one eye open, as her Ma taught her to.
--
The morning light forced Spades eyes open as usual. She couldn't abide sleeping with glaring lights illuminating the inside of her lids. So she grumbled herself awake rubbing her eyes groggily, spitting out grit in her mouth from sleeping on the sand.
Yawning she poked the ashes of the fire with her boot, absented mindedly scanning the camp.
Which was missing something.
It took her a moment to register with horrifying realization that Stranger took off.
With her Bounty.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Spade screamed, she jumped up ignoring her soreness. She stomped, kicked, and tore up the outlaw camp into a even more of a mess then it already was. Every action was accompanied by a loud limitless stream of curses Spade had herself a right little tantrum until she shook when she breathed. She finally flopped down feeling her rage dissipate with the rising sun. She tried to calm herself with deep lungfulls of dry air.
No need ter get yerself in a tissy She thought to herself despite the fact that she already did.
Ya jest needs ter track tat calico king down and demand yer 'ounty back and if he doesn't yer canput his sorry ittle arse on the wanted list. Spade plotted to herself, chuckling as she imagined Strangers maw on a outlaw poster.
She picked herself up and started to the next town, jogging and walking when she needed. Soon even strolling became excruciating under the burning sun. Spade was sweating bullets, regretting her choice in wearing an idiotic trench coat. She hoped that Stranger did the logical thing and went to the next town to cash his pinched bounty, because it would be a pain in the ass if he didn't.
After a miserable climb up a god forsaken hill Spade was face to face with an opple farm. She utter a joyful squeal at the unexpected surprise that startled some nearby Clackers.
Food!
Glorious delicious opples to fill her yawning tummy. Stranger was pushed to the side of her mind as a more important concept occupied her attention.
Waltzing into the small valley that made up the opple farm, she pilfer opples every time she passed a crate of them. She was so practiced at this that she was able to steal multiple fruits at a time under the typical startle look of the Clackers. The yellow bulging bird eyes gaze at her with a stupid trance of scrutiny as they followed her around.
"Are ya with ter Security Guard?" One of them questioned after Spade had stolen an impressive amount of opples and her trench coat sagged with them.
"What?" Spade replied quite startle that an little pocket thief that she was would have been mistaken as a sheriff or some sort of authority figure.
"Ya know, that big fury bloke with a piñata" The Clacker said waving his wings around as to illustrate how fury the "Security Guard" was.
"Wit ter Poncho" Spade corrected with a growing sense of joy.
The Clacker nodded excitedly, his purple grubby eye bags wiggling.
"YA Ya, see yer with him, aint cha!"
Spade copied the Claker grinning, her head bobbing in the most moronic naïve way.
She had found that hair ball of a pain, and she was getting her bounty back.
"Soooo uh where tis my uh partner?" Spade inquired, looking shiftly around.
The Clacker suddenly gained more interest as he glanced at the large Farm building that dominated the valley.
"Over there" He said pointing. "Gone ter collect the mulahh before any outlaws get to it"
He then sighed wistfully "Tat farmer got a duaghter who I'd like to……." He then snickered nasally making crude thrustings of his pelvis. "If ya know wat I mean" He finished.
" ha ha" Spade laughed weakly, thoroughly done interacting with this Clacker. Who reminded her to much of Billy. Maybe they were related. It wouldn't be surprising to Spade if Billy's pappy screwed some Clacker and he was the result of that union.
But the Clacker went on and on for a few minutes about his innermost sick fantasy's to Spade Who couldn't budge in fear of moving too hastily and spilling some opples from her trench coat. Why oh why did she got soooo many opples?
"But I hear tat security guards get it gowd" The Clacker finished looking expectant of a answer.
"You'd be surprised" Spade murmured sarcastically. Trying to inch away from the clacker. " Well anywho I's got ter find me's part'er" She turned around carefully to the big farm house.
Stranger suddenly came bowling out a window with a screaming Clacker Shooting wildly behind him. Stranger was doing his manic all fours run so fast that he almost knocked over Spade as he sped past.
Soon the whole settlement had their guns out and were shooting bright little laser beams at him and at Spade.
Spade cursed galloping after Stranger losing half her opples as she tried to doge bullets.