Chapter 4

My heart stopped. If you haven't guessed yet, it was Christian who was all over some little female dog in a not so private area. Considering that this was high school and it was mostly high school students in the area, no one really cared. Of course, that is, no one cared but me. This couldn't be happening. I just left him. We were just… he said…what the… UGH! Why did I even care? He was just like all the others. I turned around when I realized that I was staring. I went back to my seat and sat down with the brownies. I didn't want any of them to notice my sudden anger, especially not Brian. I took my position back against his chest and handed him one of the brownies. He thanked me and kissed my fore head. I gave the other one to Drake.

After that irritatingly disgusting display of….affection, I really wasn't that hungry, and me turning down chocolate is a serious thing. It's truly a miracle that I'm still as small as I am. It really doesn't make any sense to me, but I'm not complaining. I love my coke bottle shape. But that's really beside the point. I looked up at the entrance to the gym in time to see them sit down a few rows down from me. That was a big mistake. The second that Brian stood up to go to the bathroom, I took my half-eaten brownie and threw it at the back of his head. It was an easy shot and it made both him and his 'girlfriend' jump. I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrow when he looked back.

Drake had watched the whole thing, but I didn't care. I didn't move and neither did Christian. He didn't need to. His expression was enough. He was completely shocked. I stood up, and I could tell by the sudden pounding on the bleachers that he was following me. I sped up a little bit and could see him out of the corner of my eye. Brian had perfect timing. I smiled his smile and pushed him up against the very same wall that Christian had been on earlier.

"I missed you," I whispered in his ear, trying to make it seem like a big deal before kissing him. I could be a pretty good actress when I wanted to be and Brian was definitely not objecting. I put my hands in his hair and made sure that my tongue could be seen, really making a show out of it. I cracked my eye a little bit to see if Christian was still there. He was walking away. This hurt me a lot more than I thought it would.

"So, what was his name," Brian asked me once we were back in his car.

"Who?"

"I know how you are about P.D.A. There was no way you would do all that unless you had a reason. So, what was his name?"

I sighed. What was the point in lying?

"His name is Christian. I was with him before you called."

"Do you like him?"

"I don't know… maybe."

This was not the kind of conversation I ever expected to have with my…would you call him my boyfriend? I guess you would. We've been together for two years; I would guess that that would still be his title at this point. He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"What would you call whatever it is that we're doing right now?"

He was perfectly calm.

"I'd call it riding in a car."

He laughed, but it wasn't very comforting.

"That's not what I was talking about. I meant, what is this? Are we still together? 'Cause, I mean, you know about my flings, and you know that I love you, but I don't know about you. I don't want you to tell me that you love me; I know you don't, but I need to know that this is at least going somewhere."

We were at his house, and I knew that his dad wasn't home. His dad was never home. To put it simply, Brian had never really been on good terms with his father and for clear reason.

His dad hated him.

To his dad, Brian was just another mouth to feed. He had loved Brian's mom, but after she got pregnant, that 'love' was suddenly gone and so was Brian's dad. The only reason he came back was the sad fact that Brian's mom was dying and Brian was only twelve. Brian was stuck with his deadbeat dad. True, his dad never beat him, but his forms of abuse were just as bad. This story truly broke what had been growing of my cold, little heart.

Even with my multiple guys that I would most likely be getting rid of very soon, I knew I needed Brian. There was no denying that. I know that I had thought about breaking up with him just earlier that day, but it wasn't under these circumstances. Everything was different now. Christian had made my decision for me. I had been confused about which one I would have to get rid of and now I knew. But UGH…why did it have to bother me so much?! He had been kissing that chick the same way he had been kissing me only a few hours before. But why would that bother me now? I've been doing the same thing for over two years now.

Maybe this was what was going through Jack's mind before he went ballistic. Maybe there actually was something more to this and I was just ignoring it.

"Layla, are you going to say anything?"

Brian's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked at him for the first time during the entire car ride.

"I…I'm…sorry."

This was when the waterworks started. They were slow, but it still bothered me that tears were coming out period. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried at such a weird time, but all of the stuff that had been building up for years was coming up and coming fast. He got out of the car, just as shocked as I was, and led me to the front door. He hesitated at the living room. He was probably thinking that there was a chance that his dad would suddenly appear. He finally decided that his room would be better. I hadn't realized how cold I was until his arms were around me. I started crying even harder. My face was in his chest and I knew that his shirt would be soaked soon. It all made me think of what had made me keep him in the first place instead of leaving him.

Back when we had first met, we were best friends. I needed him. Whenever something would go wrong, it would be him that I would talk to. If I didn't talk to him, I would break down, even if we just talked about school. It didn't matter. I just needed to communicate with him in some way. It was really thanks to him that I was still alive. The others guys didn't matter. Christian didn't matter. I just needed Brian and Brian needed me.

Now I knew. I calmed my breathing long enough to whisper, "I love you."

His body tensed. I didn't need to see his face to know that he had heard me. I felt his head move above mine as he kissed my forehead. This all just seemed so weird, but I wasn't ready to wake up from this dream just yet. I moved my head to his shoulder so that I could breathe easier. I hated crying. It always made me cough and now I really wanted to sleep. My eyelids started to get heavy and Brian leaned back, taking me with him. I was too comfortable to move. He kept his arms around me and I kept my head under his chin.

I woke up the next morning and Brian was gone. I turned over and looked around his room. I could hear him running up the stairs and then the opening and closing of the door.

"Good, you're up. My dad came back last night. We have to go."

After my emotional episode last night, I was feeling a little bit devilish.

"I'm curious."

I balanced myself on my knees and started bouncing, making sure to make a lot of noise. He watched me.

"What are you doing?"

"You honestly don't get it?"

I screamed. He understood.

"So, are you going to help me, or do I have to do this by myself," I asked, smiling at him. I moaned, trying to make it sound convincing. Like I said before, I could be a pretty good actress when I wanted to be. He finally joined in and stomped the floor a few times. We kept this up for a few minutes and then for our finale, I pushed him up against the door and said in the fakest voice that I could muster, "Oh my gosh! Where's my bra?"

We waited another few minutes and then ran to the front door.

"If she comes back pregnant, you better go ahead and find some place else to stay, 'cause you won't be bringing no baby in here!" his dad called after us as we ran to Brian's car.

He stopped in front of my house.

"I love you," he said when I took off my seat belt. I kissed him quickly on the cheek.

"I love you too."

He smiled and I got out. I had to get used to saying it, but it felt right, so that's a start. A familiar '04 Toyota Tundra was parked beside mine in the driveway. It couldn't be him. Why would he be here now? I ran in. No, it couldn't be him. I walked into the dining room and beside my mom sat the absolute most gorgeous guy that it has ever been my pleasure to know. There was no way that those perfect hazel eyes were really looking at me right now.

"Mike?"

I had said this so low that I was surprised that he had even heard me, but he stood up and smiled that amazing smile of his. I had to still be asleep. He was supposed to be in college. He walked over to me, wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up just like he used to.

"Hey Lala. Did you miss me?"

He was the only person that had ever called me that. I screamed and wrapped my arms and legs around him.

"No, I didn't miss you at all. You abandoned me," I said, pretending to sound angry. He put me down and kept smiling.

"It's not my fault that I'm a year older than you."

I took his hand and ran up to my room. There were some parts of our relationship that I didn't want my mom hearing about. I had met Mike at a football game when I was in the eighth grade and we started dating a little while after I started high school. He was in a completely different category than all of the others and even though I had met Brian while I was still with him, it wasn't the same thing. I was in love with this guy and there was no questioning it. When he left, we broke up. I didn't believe in long-distance relationships and neither did he. I was depressed and there was Brian. For all he knew, Mike was my best friend. What he didn't know was that I almost ended up sleeping with him…twice. I was perfectly sober when both incidents almost occurred and I don't regret either one of them. Of course, that's pretty easy to say considering that what could have happened didn't happen.

But, I won't go into details, I was just glad to see him.

"You're not a full year older than me and you know it."

"It might as well be."

"Six months is not a full year. It's exactly half."

"I'm still older."

"Whatever, why are you here?"

I was bouncing on my bed like a three year old. He moved my desk chair in front of me.

"I came here to see you."

"I know that. Why aren't you in college?"

"I got a job."

"And what does this job involve?"

"I'm going to be a professional artist. I've already sold some of my work."

"Are you serious?! That's amazing!"

Next to football and me, art was his main interest. He was an amazing artist and I was pretty jealous of him for that.

"I know. I'm going to be traveling a bit to show off my work, but I'll be dropping in from time to time. Are there any surprises that I should know about?"

"What kind of surprises?"

"Are there any new boyfriends that I should look out for?"

I tensed up a little bit. He smiled and asked, "What's his name?"

"Brian."

"Do you love him?"

"I might."

"Have you told him that?"

"I did last night actually."

"Then I bet this is all pretty awkward for you."

"You have no idea," I said, rolling my eyes. He laughed.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad to see you. How about you? Are there any lucky ladies who I'll have to interrogate?"

He smiled.

"Ha, I missed that. No, there isn't. The whole traveling thing doesn't really leave much room for a personal life."

"How long are you going to be here?"

"A week, maybe longer."

"Where are you staying?"

"I was going to get a hotel room, but your mom insisted that I stay here."

"Then this should be fun."

How was it possible that the love of my life would suddenly appear the very day after I realize that I'm in love with my current boyfriend? And then there's Christian. Ugh, Christian. That freaking butt face! How could he sit there and make out with some girl when we had just been together only a few hours before that?! Yeah, yeah, I know that sounds bad coming from me of all people, but what would you do in my situation? Why did it have to be so hard? If I could combine these guys into one, I would in a heartbeat, but that's not the case at all.

Strangely enough, nearly ten minutes later I found myself lying with Mike on my bed while I got a text from Christian.

Hey. I'm sry bout last nite. I still want 2 get 2 kno u bttr if ull give me the chance

"Boyfriend troubles," Mike asked me. It was no surprise that he had been reading right along with me. I shook my head.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"It sounds like he is. Or is he a friend with benefits, because if he is then my feelings are officially hurt. You know that I wanted to be your first."

I hit him hard in the stomach. He laughed at the fact that he had gotten to me and smiled his huge, devilish grin.

"No he is not my boyfriend and he is far from being my friend with benefits. I currently despise him."

"If I'm remembering this correctly, you despised me too and look where it got us."

"That's not the same thing."

"How is it different?"

"You never cheated on me."

"Isn't that what you're doing to him?"

I stopped and just stared at him for a second. I had thought about this a million times, but it seemed completely different coming from him.

"Yeah, but it's not the same thing; he knew. I didn't. He told me that he wasn't dating anyone."

"Does that really make it right?"

We both jumped at the sound of the front door slamming. I jumped up and grabbed my dad's bat from underneath my bed. My mom screamed and Mike was out the door before I was. We rushed down the stairs and there was my mom on the ground lying in an unnatural position. I had to look away. I had to find him. We walked slowly through the living room and jumped at the sound of a shot going off. My eyes were wide. We didn't need to find where the shot had come from to know what had happened. This was all just a bad dream, right? It had to be. Before I realized what I was doing, I started to walk further into the living room. I could feel Mike's eyes on me, but he didn't say a word. I could see the red stain in the carpet before I turned the corner.

There he was. My step father was lying there motionless with the gun only a few inches away from him. I dropped the bat. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from beating him with it again. I turned back around and walked over to my mom. I whispered her name, waiting for her to wake up. I knelt down beside her and put my ear to her chest. There was no sound, no thump, no heartbeat…no life. I let out a strange sound that sounded like a mix between a moan, a sigh, and a whine. I touched my middle and index finger to her neck near her ear and jerked my hand back, letting out a scream. Seconds later, Mike's arms were around me, pulling me away.

"He broke her neck!" I screamed, starting to hyperventilate. He held me tighter. I put my face into his chest, trying to make myself breathe. This wasn't happening. She wasn't dead. He didn't kill her. She's going to wake up. I couldn't look at her. Her eyes were still open and her expression was one that was impossible for me to shake. Terror was etched into her young complexion and I couldn't get over that. I screamed again. How could he do this to her? How could he do this to me?! I tried to get out of Mike's grip, but with a simple flex of his arms, there was no way I was getting away from him. I didn't stop trying though.

"LET ME GO! HE KILLED HER! HE KILLED HER!"

I kept thrashing around. He had me off of the ground now and I could feel him walking. His heart was pounding nearly as hard as mine was as it beat against my ear. This made me calm down a little bit, or at least enough to stop kicking.

"Calm down…calm down. It's going to be okay," he whispered in my ear. His voice was shaky and unstable, but he tried to hide it. He walked a little farther and he waited until I was completely still before balancing me in his left arm so that he could pick something up with his right hand. I was trembling now and perfectly silent with the exception of my heavy breathing and random noises that managed to slip through my lips. I could hear him pushing buttons and that was when I realized that he had picked up the phone.

We sat in my room once the police were done questioning us. Mike was still holding me and I was still crying. My phone vibrated beside me. I didn't bother to check it. They didn't matter right now, no matter who it was. My mother was dead and I didn't care about whatever bull it was that they had to say. My breathing finally started to even out and by how steady Mike's breathing had become, I was pretty sure that he was asleep. I looked up at him for the first time. He was fighting to stay awake.

"Go ahead and go to sleep. I'm fine." I whispered. I sat up slowly and my cheek brushed against his. He shivered a little bit and finally stopped gave up. He snored quietly with his head against the backboard of my bed. My phone vibrated in my hand again and I saw that I had five missed calls and three text messages. I got off of my bed carefully and stood there. Where could I possibly go? The cops and investigators were surely still down there and I couldn't stand to see that room anyway. I couldn't live in this house. I couldn't afford it on my own even if I wanted to.