Vince returned half an hour later to find Howard still slumped against the wall by the front door, hugging his knees to his chest, his cheeks glistening with drying tears.

"Howard." he breathed, crouching down to throw his arms around the older man's neck.

"Don't touch me." Howard snapped, pushing Vince away roughly so that he fell on to the hard floor.

"You're angry with me." Vince sighed, pushing himself back up onto his knees.

"…"

"Howard?" Vince continued gently. "Say something, please. I'm sorry. I know I probably shouldn't have said anything about Alice but I was upset, she was lying to you."

"I'm not angry about that. I mean you should have told me sooner but…"

"I didn't want to wreck yours and Alice's relationship." Vince interrupted. "I think she does care about you, even if she does it in a weird way."

"Don't stick up for her." winced Howard, remembering how mean she'd been about Vince. "And I'm not angry about you for telling me or not telling me."

"Then what?" frowned Vince

"Why did you run off?" Howard asked, suddenly looking Vince right in the eye. "I needed you Vince. I needed you to support me when I threw my sister out of my life, when I chose you over her."

"Sorry." he mumbled.

"Maybe Alice was right."

"About what?"

"You, being an attention seeker."

"Well, that's no secret." smiled Vince, cheekily.

"But she said that if you don't get attention from me, you'll get it from somewhere else."

"Well then ignore her."

"But, it's hard to ignore, when everywhere I go people are saying the same thing. I mean… where have you been?"

"Well, I went for a quickie with a groupie or two." Vince said angrily, standing up and punching the wall with the base of his fist. Howard glared at him, he knew Vince was being facetious and stupid but it didn't stop Howard's stomach twisting into a furious, jealous knot.

"I'm being serious Vince."

"So am I!" Vince cried, throwing his arms around dramatically.

"Vince." the older man warned. "Don't react like this."

"I'm sorry Howard!" Vince scorned. "What exactly is the proper reaction for being accused of cheating virtually everyday by your boyfriend who you thought loved you?"

"I do love you."

"But you don't trust me?"

"No, no. I do." Howard reassured him. "I'm sorry, I do trust you."

"Good, because I know I didn't tell you about Alice but I've always been honest about our relationship. You know it's only ever been you. I mean I've never been… oh I don't know… married."

Howard fell suddenly quiet and looked at the floor. "You heard that?" he whispered.

"Yeah, yeah. I heard that. But I don't understand. I mean, why didn't you tell me?"

"It was a long time ago. I was a young man. I was a different man. I didn't think it mattered."

"Didn't matter? You know all about my non-existent past relationships and you told me about that weird Austrian bloke you dated but you never thought to mention your wife?!"

"Ex-wife." Howard corrected him. "Look Vince, I was twenty. I'd been going out with this girl for four years. I was confused and terrified because I had this crush on a guy that I didn't understand. I just thought if I got married it would stop. Needless to say, it didn't."

"Did you ask her to marry you?" Vince asked, suddenly quiet and tearful.

"Why do you want to know…?"

"Did you?" Vince interrupted, turning to look at Howard his blue eyes blazing behind a thin film of tears.

"Yes."

"Did you love her?"

"Don't do this to yourself." Howard said gently, lifting himself up from the floor and going over to Vince, placing a hand on his shoulder. Vince shook him off and said.

"Answer the question."

"I don't know. I suppose I must've a bit. At least I though I did, at the time. But it doesn't even come close to how I feel about you."

"Then why haven't you..." Vince stopped. He couldn't prevent the tears anymore, his knees gave way beneath him and he fell to the floor in a distraught heap. Howard sat down and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. He wasn't sure who was comforting who anymore, as tears beginning to roll down his own face.

"What were you going to ask?" Howard coaxed gently after they'd both calmed down a bit. "Why haven't I… what?"

"Asked me." Vince whispered.

"Huh?""Why haven't you asked me… to marry you? You asked someone you claim you didn't love but you wont ask me. I thought you loved me!"

"I do. I just… I didn't think you'd want to be tied down to anyone."

"I don't want to be tied down to anyone, Howard," He was yelling again now ('He always yells' thought Howard), "I want to be tied down to you! I love you so much." he finished weakly, falling against the older man's chest. "I know that I pretend that the newspapers don't bother me but they do. I hate that people don't believe how much I love you. I hate that you don't believe it." Howard couldn't help think that the rock star looked exhausted. He seemed so frail in his arms and the older man felt guilty for ever doubting his boyfriend's loyalty. After a few moments of silence, Vince mumbled "Ask me now."

"No." Howard said firmly.

"What? Why not?"

"I want our engagement to be beautiful. With an epic story behind it, that we, well you, can tell over and over again. I'm not doing it when we're both crying in the hall."

"But you will ask me, one day?"

Howard nodded gently "One day, yes."

Vince forced a smile and stood up, saying, "You know, we've still got the rest of the day. Why don't we go out somewhere?"

"I don't really feel like it, but you can go." Howard said, also getting to his feet.

"The point is to spend time with you."

"I just want to be on my own for a bit."

"Oh God, you still hate me. Is it because of this Alice thing? Or because I told you I wanted to marry you because I swear I don't mean to rush you, I know what happened last time I did that. Or it because…"

"Vince. It's not about you. It's about me, okay? I just don't feel like going out with you today."

"What d'you mean 'with you'?"

"No. Don't get me wrong."

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. Vince, don't twist my words. It's just if I go out with you then my picture appears in the paper and I hate it. I like my privacy."

"Then why are you working so hard to become a famous jazz musician? And why are you living with me? Because neither of those things are gonna give you a quiet life!"

"Stop shouting at me." sighed Howard exasperatedly. "I'm just saying I don't like the paparazzi. I know you're having a tough time…we're having a tough time and we don't need the paparazzi making it worse."

"Stop saying that we're having a tough time! We're fine!"

"If you think that then we really have got problems."

"Stop saying we've got problems!"

"Look, if we didn't have problems you wouldn't be shouting and if you refuse to admit it then… I don't know if we're ever going to get back to how we were a few months ago."

"Don't say that!"

"But…"

"Don't say it!" Vince screamed. Howard fell silent and the two men just stood facing each other, both panting heavily. Suddenly, Vince launched himself at Howard, crushing their lips together in a furious kiss. They crashed against the wall. Howard's arms wrapped firmly around the waste of the skinny rock star. Vince's own hands were everywhere. Hair. Face. Shoulders. Back. He wrapped his leg around Howard's waste, just to be closer to him. Craving proximity. They hadn't kissed like this for a while.

"You're so sexy when you're angry." Vince panted.

"Hmm." Howard mumbled against the other mans lips.

"Let's go upstairs."

"I don't really feel like it."

"I'll" - kiss- "change" -kiss- "you're" -kiss- "mind." Vince grinned, against Howard's neck.

"Vince," groaned the older man. "I don't really want to. I'm too upset. I've lost my sister today."

"Shhhh." Vince hushed, ignoring Howard, his hands going to the older mans trousers and fiddling with the fastening.

"I don't want to!" Howard snapped suddenly, pushing Vince away so hard that he fell heavily onto the hard marble floor. Pain shot down Vince's right arm and he grimaced as he lifted himself up, clutching his bruised arm and glaring defiantly at Howard. If Howard felt guilty, he didn't let it show on his face as he scowled. "You're always trying to get me to do things I don't want to do."

"What like asking you if you'll ask me to marry you?"

"That's not what I meant! Stop twisting my words. All I said was I don't feel like pretending everything's okay."

"Who's pretending?"

"You are!"

"What like you did when you got married?!"

"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd overreact! You're acting like such a spoilt brat!"

"I'm acting spoilt? Howard I was perfectly happy before I met you, I liked my life how it was but I changed everything for you, everything. And now all you do is accuse me of cheating. You go on and on and on! It's because of that, that there are problems! Do you know we haven't had sex in over a month? To be honest with you, people probably would blame me if I cheated."

"You bitch!"

"Moron!"

"Whore!" As soon as he said it, he knew he'd hit a nerve, but the flash of hurt in Vince's eyes had soon gone as he retaliated.

"You paranoid, old bastard! You're just a failure, you hang around desperately trying to scrounge a bit of my success, hoping that my people will get you a record deal."

"You think you're so special, don't you? But you can't write songs. Not anymore, not without your precious drummer. You're washed up Vince. Old news."

"At lease people can remember my name! You're a nobody. A nobody with an impossible dream. Your album was a flop! They wont even sell it in the pound shop. No one cares about you, least of all me!"

"I hate you! I wish we'd never met!" Howard retorted blindly.

Vince's anger boiled up into a giant lava monster and before he had time to think or to stop himself, words fell from his mouth in a fiery waterfall of fury.

"In that case, maybe it would have been better if they had turned the machine off!"

Silence.

Howard's face dropped.

His world collapsed.

He felt sick.

His stomach churned.

His chest throbbed.

He was filled with pain.

And something buried deep inside him snapped.

Vince turned a pale shade of green. "I'm sorry" he gabbled at the man who was unable to look at him. "I didn't mean it, I swear. I'm so, so sorry. I was just…"

"Just go." whispered Howard.

"But I need to apologise, I swear Howard, I was just angry, people say stupid things when they're angry, it's not an excuse. I can't excuse something like that I just, I, I, I didn't mean it."

"Go"

"You have to believe me." Vince begged.

"Stay out for a while." was Howard's callous reply.

Vince nodded and then croaked "You are going to be here when I get back, aren't you?"

Howard didn't answer, he just walked up the stairs silently.

Vince watched him go and left the house. He had nothing else to say. Nothing that would make things better, not now. He hated himself. He knew how much he'd just hurt Howard. It shouldn't matter how angry he was, surely if he truly loved Howard he'd never be able to say something like that. He'd never intended to hurt him. Actually, maybe that wasn't true… in the moment he'd said it, hurting Howard was exactly what he'd wanted to do but that didn't mean he believed what he'd said. It didn't mean he loved Howard any less and he knew the northerner loved him too. He could see that love in Howard's eyes. It was always there, even when Vince made him cry or scream, it was still there… burning bright. But sometimes, just sometimes, Vince began to wonder if love was going to be enough.

Hiya!

I'm gonna ask for some opinions now :D. Basically, should Howard be there when Vince comes back?? I'm inclined to say 'yes' but I'm not sure if maybe Vince has just gone too far this time. Thing is, I've got a storyline in my head that I can write whether they're together or not, so it doesn't really matter - I guess it's up to you lot!

Ddiolch 'ch achos yn darllen! (Thanks for reading!) - sorry, feeling particularly Welsh this evening, lol. [to be honest I'm not 100% sure that's right but, meh!]

Sisi…xx