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Chapter Five – Hate V Love

It was time to face my demons.

I brought back my fist and hit her with all the force I could muster.

Hate: I always considered it to be the strongest of all emotions. I knew what it was like to hate someone with every fibre in my body, and I could never imagine feeling more passionate about anything. To wish somebody suffering, what is stronger, more passionate, that that?

One look into Edward's eyes and I realised just how wrong I was.

The concern, the longing to take the pain away from Bella, was something I had never seen before. I could feel the pain pouring of him as if he had been the one hit. The tender way he caressed her face. It was passion in a whole new form.

The way his eyes flashed with anger, no fury, at me. He looked like he could kill me, rip me to pieces, just for hitting Bella. It took four of them to restrain him; he seemed to have grown strength with his passion. He would do anything for her.

I had been wrong; love was the strongest, most passionate, emotion.

It made me sick to see them in love, my parents. I had always found some solace in the fact that my father had left my mother; that she had not got her happily ever after. Yet here they where: happy and in love.

"Touch her again and I will personally kill you" whispered Edward, in a voice that would make many tremble and shake. I gulped nervously under his gaze.

"What the hell did you do that for?" snapped Rosalie, her face white with anger. I shrugged, backing up. I just wanted to leave; I had got little satisfaction from hitting Bella, more pain from seeing clearly how loved she is.

"Don't you dare ever touch Bella or any of my family again. Got it?" hissed Rosalie. I looked at them, one by one. That is what they were: a family. Rosalie was part of Bella's family, where as I, was no body to her. I snorted; the irony was too much.

"I'm leaving," I stated emotionlessly, "I won't bother you again. I got what I wanted." My eyes rested on Bella quickly before I spun on my heels and marched off.

***

I walked as fast as I could without appearing to be running away and soon got to Rachel, who was waiting impatiently for me in her car with John, Beth and Sophie.

"Alexis, hurry up please," sighed Rachel as I opened the door and slid into the back beside Beth. I stared out the window as I hoped to skip the first day interrogation.

"How was your day?" asked Rachel and I mentally moaned.

"Alright," I shrugged, hoping that would be all.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." I willed both her and myself to believe that nothing had happened, that I had not just had a run in with my vampire parents.

"Yeah you did," giggled Sophie, "you decked Gina." I scowled; she couldn't have just shut up could she? She smiled in awe at me and I reluctantly smiled back. I knew Gina was not the type who would welcome kids without parents, money, and designer shoes. Sophie and Beth would have been easy victims for Gina.

"You did what?" gasped Rachel and I smiled broadly, proud of myself.

"I ermm hit this girl, 'cause she was being a bitch to John."

"Alexis!" groaned Rachel.

"Don't worry Rachel! Gina's a right cow, she definitely deserved it" explained Beth. Rachel seemed to sigh in defeat,

"Well, she doesn't seem the type of girl I would want as my enemy."

"She's not" I growled, "but neither am I."

Beth and Sophie giggled and I turned to stare aimlessly out the window. I willed my mind not to think of Bella and in a way it obeyed.

All I could think of was Edward's eyes. The raw emotion in his eyes was overwhelming. How could someone love someone so unconditionally, so certainly? I did not understand how you could trust somebody enough to make yourself so vulnerable that they could kill you with a look or a few words. To have that amount of faith in Bella that she would not crush him, like she did me. Their love was untouchable, I knew that now.

"Alexis we're back," said Beth kindly, I smiled half-heartedly at her and got out the car.

John was waiting for me at the door. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him.

"Hey, I just wanted to say thanks," he mumbled, remarkably interested in his fingernails. I smiled softly, amused by his embarrassment.

"It's ok. Actually it felt quite good," I grinned. He laughed and put a friendly arm over his shoulder. I tensed at the contact but ignored it, telling myself he was only being friendly. Then his hand seemed to creep towards my chest and in one swift moment I was out of his arm and my knee was colliding with his crotch. Typical.

"Don't" I hissed and then stormed off into the house. I made a mental note that I could not even cross the friends' line with him. I doubt I could with anybody.

***

There was about a dozen children in the home in total and all seemed to finish school at the same time so, naturally, the place was in chaos. I automatically headed straight to the fridge. I poured myself a glass of milk and put an apple in my mouth and grabbed a twix. Closing the door with my hip I jogged to my room, not sure if I was supposed to help myself to chocolate.

I sat cross legged on the bed and started my homework, stopping occasionally for a glug of milk and a bite of my apple or twix. It took less than twenty minutes to complete and I found myself without a distraction.

Oh God, I was dreading tomorrow.

They didn't recognise me. They didn't know me. How is that possible?

I had a thousand thoughts of what I should have said, things that, of course, I would never think up on the spot. I wished things had played out differently.

I wish I had not been intimidated by Edward, I wish I had hit Bella harder, I wish she had hit me back.

"Distraction? Where is my distraction?" I muttered frantically, before diving for my half read Pride and Prejudice and drifting into a comfortable daydream. The words were etched in my mind in a way that made the whole book both familiar and relaxing. It was my form of comfort.

I saw everything different this time though. Clearer. I could see Darcy's eyes as Edwards, even feel their emotions, although I was no closer to understanding them. It was different, familiar but different.

By the time I had finished I could hear everyone going for dinner and reluctantly went downstairs to join them.

Everyone smiled brightly at me and a plus sized woman with curly black hair and a friendly face gave me a plate of chicken and boiled potatoes. I took a seat next to a young boy of about eleven and dug in. Dinner clearly was not a formal occasion but a gathering never the less. John told rude jokes to the whole table as they chatted to each other and soon some of the potatoes ended up being used as missiles.

Suddenly, I felt a potato go down my top. The whole table went silent as they waited for my reaction. I felt on overwhelming urge to hit whoever had thrown it but I resisted from getting mad and just looked carefully at everyone. Showing them that I was not mad but whoever it was was not forgiven. John, being the ice breaker, winked at me

"I'll get that potato out for you darling. Don't worry." I tried to glower at him but could not keep a straight face and burst out laughing.

"You are so dead," I laughed, removing the potato and lobbing it in his direction.

That was the signal they had all been waiting for, within seconds potatoes where flying left right and centre. Their laughter was infectious and for the first time in years I felt like I belonged. Almost.

"Alexis down here," giggled Beth pulling me under the table. Her face was a glow with happiness and I noticed how pretty she actually was. She had brown mousy coloured hair that was neither straight nor curly and pale skin covered in freckles, but it was her eyes that made me suddenly notice her. They were a deep sea blue and twinkling as she smiled an almost perfect smile. I couldn't comprehend such happiness so read her mind.

Oh my God, that was so fun, but Emma will skin us alive. Alexis seemed to loosed up a little bit, I hope she laughs more and I really want her to be my friend.

I stopped at the word friend. Beth wanted me to be her friend. Why? I watched as her facial expression turn to concern,

"Alexis. You ok?" and I brushed away a tear I did not realise I had shed. She did not know me yet, I knew that. I knew that she wouldn't want me as a friend once she knew me. If Tom didn't then she wouldn't. I sighed, wishing I could trust someone enough just to be their friend. But, I couldn't.

"Sorry, Beth. I'm going to go to my room" I said, running at human speed out from under the table and into my room.

***

I slammed the door and took a deep breath. It was easier to not get close to people. Firstly it was not fair on them; I was not human and could be dangerous, but I knew that was an excuse rather than a reason. The main reason was because I knew that I would become vulnerable and I had worked hard to make myself not dependent on friends or family, to be able to survive alone.

I planned to keep it that way.

"What should I do know to distract myself?" I whispered out loud as my eyes scanned the room for a distraction. They rested upon a black marker and I grinned; this should do the job.

I was positive that I would not be allowed to do what I was about to do, but I needed something to keep my mind occupied and, also, I hated this room.

I took the pen, crinkling my nose in disgust at the smell, and slowly wrote the words 'ALEXIS MASEN' on the wall, in thick block capital letters. I stood back and thought about what to write next. Then I spotted 'Pride and Prejudice' and picked it up. I flicked through until I found quotes that I liked and then wrote them neatly somewhere on the wall. I quickly got absorbed in my task and started filling the wall with different quotes from my favourite books.

I carried on with my task into the night, writing and drawing furiously. It was like an addiction, but it did not stop me from remembering what had happened today. I had come to the conclusion that I would stay away from my parents, Josh and the others. Maybe they would move on and I could carry on as normal, without feeling so vulnerable.

Then what hurt me more than I had realised came swimming back. They had not recognised me. I was nothing to them, less than nothing.

I chucked the pen into a corner in frustration and rested my fist against the wall lightly. My anger was worse than normal. I would have to hunt tomorrow.

I took my fist away from the wall and my eyes widened at what I saw: a sketch of a pair of eyes. They were Edward's eyes. Even from the drawing I knew how insignificant my hatred for him was.

Love was the strongest emotion and therefore, I, being neither loved nor capable of loving another, was nothing.

A/N Hmmmm, I'm not sure about this chapter , I don't think it sounds right. If you could tell me how I could improve it that would be good. : )

Review please?

Susie xx