"Sookie, we can be happy, I know we can. I remember my happiness, our happiness. You brought me more joy than I have experienced in centuries. You knew the risk you were taking, but you jumped anyway. Sookie, I am asking you to jump again. Jump with me, you won't fall, I can fly. Please, we can be happy." The viking did not look like the master vampire, he looked like a man, a human man afraid of being rejected by a human woman.
"I'm afraid. I am scared to death. Eric, I'm a waitress that happens to read minds. I would be no good for you. I would be no good for anyone, really. Just look at my past relationships, including you. I would only cause you pain and possibly get you killed. Why would you ever want that?" She asked a good question.
"Sookie, you are trouble. It does follow you, but that is not your fault. You were brought into this world by Bill. You loved him with your entire soul. Enough to rescue him from Lorena, even after you learned of his infidelity. You gave him everything, and in return you got further betrayal. Not just in learning his true reason for retuning to Bon Temps, but by me forcing his hand to tell you. He took everything from you, your love, your trust, your virginity, your faith in yourself. I could kill him now. He was never worthy of you, never." His eyes were fixed on hers.
"The Were-Tiger hurt you just as badly with his betrayal. I know you don't think this way, but he aligned himself with Nevada. He essentially put all that you knew, all that you had grown accustom to, and he put us in harms way. Yes, it was to protect his mother and his sister, but in doing so, Sookie, he betrayed you, deeply. He took you to bed, and he never came back. You were again pushed to the side. Even though it was you that did the leaving, you were hurt more deeply. You are a smart woman, Sookie. You are a brave, smart, strong, and beautiful woman. I have told you this before."
She remembered his words clearly and blushed at the memory of what followed after his little speech. How could this be happening? The last time she had heard Eric speak in such clear emotional terms was when he was cursed. He was acting not like Eric, he was acting like Beautiful Eric, memory challenged Eric, puppy dog eyed Eric. Shit, she was in trouble.
"And as for us..." He hung his head and shook it slowly. "I have not been an easy person to handle. But you must understand. The moment I met you, it was over for me. I knew at that point that the course of my existence had been altered. After that night I have focused my life to ensure yours was safe. Even when you thought I was spying on you or watching you for my own perverse reasons. I was simply making sure you were alright. The night Rene attacked you, and you were in the hospital...I needed to see with my own eyes that you were being cared for. When I staked Longshadow after he tried to keep you from revealing his thievery, I knew my punishment would be sever. It was worth everything to know you were safe. In Dallas, I entered Stan's nest as Leif to make sure you were going to be OK, to make sure that no harm would come to you. Yes, Bill was there, but please forgive me if I did not have the utmost faith in his ability to protect you." He took her hand in his and looked deeply into her eyes, "Sookie, when those shifters dropped you off at the hotel that night, the night Gabe attacked you at the Fellowship. I was so honored to be there to care for you. To be the first person there to help you. When you broke down in the elevator it took all I had not to gather you in my arms and tell you how much I wanted to be the one that you would turn to. Of course, I held you, but it was not the same, you were not mine to save. It gave me such comfort to doctor your wounds even thought I knew you desperately wanted Bill." He was lost in the memory.
"The next night Stan's nest was attacked. Sookie, I protected you. I took a bullet that could have killed you. Yes, I tricked you into getting it out of the wound, I should not have done that. And, I was honest when I said I was being opportunistic, I was." He smiled at her. "But the kiss we shared, that was not just blood lust, that was me holding you and feeling you. I will never forget it. I was there to make sure you were safe. Me. I was there. I stayed with you. Where was Bill? Off hunting for himself." He was growing tense, but she allowed him to continue since he did not seem finished.
"And Bill, gone again when you needed help and an escort to that so called sex party. You called me, you knew I would never let anything happen to you. You knew I would defend you with my life. You trusted me, even though you had no reason to. The passion I showed for you that night was not acting for the benefit of the trash at that gathering. It was sincere, I desperately wanted you to yield to me. I ached for you like no other." He ran his hand over her shoulder and she shuttered. "When the Maenad crashed the party, and that Bellfleur and Bill showed up, I knew things were quickly going to change. I knew there was a chance that I would lose you to the madness. Do you remember having my blood that night lover? You bit my hand as I held it over your mouth in order to try and silence your thoughts from escaping." Her eyes opened wide, she was remembering that night. She could taste the blood as it entered her mouth. She silently nodded at the recollection.
"What about Jackson Sookie?" The memory of that place still causes sharp pains to run through the side of her body. She flinched as she pushed the feelings down as far as possible. It was her turn to lower her head and look away. "It was not my choice to tell you about Bill's infidelity. That was beyond my control." She could feel her body tense, but she could handle this. "I came to Alicide's to again ensure that you were safe. I could have cared less if Bill was dead or alive, although I knew it would hurt you if he was dead. The night you were staked by that fanatic, that dreadful night when I could have lost you." He was stoic and motionless. "I knew how badly you were injured. I stayed by your side. I held you and arranged for your care. Where was the Were? Not standing by you, protecting you, that was me! Sookie, I saw the wound in your side. I knew how gravely you were injured, and I would not allow you to die. I held your hand and would not let you look away from me as they removed the stake. I knew if I lost your eyes that that would be it, you would give way to the pain and possibly never return." He pulled her hand and made her look at him. "Me...always me. I will never let anything happen to you if I can control it." He was as serious as death and she was speechless.
"You took my blood because you needed to be strong and healed in order to rescue Bill. Sookie, what we shared in that bed...what almost happened. I knew you had conflicting feelings for me then. It was better that Bubba came in when he did. I would not have forgiven myself for taking you in such a fragile state." He had a slight smile as he remembered that night, and he licked his bottom lip.
"The next day you rescued Bill. You were so strong, you protected him, you killed Lorena, you were brave. More brave than any person should ever have to be. And how were you repaid?" She could feel a wave of anger and hatred wash over her, she was frightened, but not for herself. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his silent chest. He took a deep breath, "You were locked in a trunk by that bitch with him. You were almost drained by that bastard and he raped you! He almost killed you and he raped you." He repeated gently, his eyes were rimmed with red as he remembered what he saw when he ripped the trunk from its hinges.
"Sookie, I swear, when I saw the condition you were in I almost killed him right there. Your precious body was hurt at his hands. You never told me what actually happened in that trunk, but I knew the minute I looked in your eyes. The spark that I envy so much was not there. Instead I saw fear, pain. I have seen that look in other women's eyes before, never at my hands, ever. I made a promise to myself instantly, I promised that if the spark that was so much a part of you was gone permanently, I would....well, I'm sure I don't need to tell you what I would have done to him. He is just lucky that he did not extinguish what is part of your soul. How dare he ever think he was worthy of your love, how dare he claim to love you!" One red tear slid down his white cheek. It broke her heart.
"Of course, our night did not get any better. I was seething at Bill and what he had done to you as I drove us back to Bon Temps. The incident at the gas station only added fuel to my rage. When I finally got you home I was relieved, I did not anticipate the blind attack by the Were's. The bullet's that hit me did more damage than usual. If I could only have healed more quickly I could have gotten to you faster. You would not have had to endure the pain of another attack. When I entered your house and I saw them on top of you, hurting you as you screamed and fought, I lost all control. Bill was there, but I could have easily taken all of them out. The rage of the day was so fresh, so raw. It was a great release to punish the Were's." He looked into her eyes, his were still rimmed with red.
"Yet, you still allowed Bill to touch you, to comfort you. He sat behind you, touched your hair, brushed it out as though nothing had happened. I knew he was trying to make a point and trying to show me that you were still his. My body ached with wanting you, it hurt with the sight of the two of you. I tried to point out how foolish he had been to ever leave you in the first place, but it only upset you more. You rescinded our invitations." She looked at him, she could see and she could feel just how much that had hurt him.
"Sookie, I could keep going if you need me to. But, the point of all this is simple. I have always put you before all others, including myself. You asked me why I would want to have any part of you when you would only bring me hurt and pain. The simplest answer is, how could I not want you. You are more a part of me than anyone and quite honestly, not having you in my life these past weeks has been harder on me than suffering bullet wounds. Harder on me than I ever thought possible. I have seen and been through more horrific events than you can imagine, but this, this lover, if I had a heart, it would be in very poor condition. I need you to know how important you are to me."
"I do know, I can...feel it." She was absolutely certain. "I have hurt you also, and I am sorry. You scared me, you promised me things that no one had ever promised me before, and then you were gone. I thought I was protecting myself by shutting you out. I thought I was protecting us both from each other. I know I was wrong, I am sorry. Eric, I'm sorry." The admission seemed to have lifted something off the both of them. She looked at him through tears and saw red falling from his eyes. Never in all her life had she ever expected to see Eric show this much emotion, let alone cry. The very sight of it caused her to cry harder. She reached up and kissed his cool, wet cheek.