Chapter Fifteen – Fighting Euphoria

He was crouched on the floor with his head despairingly in his hands. His black hair stuck up at the back of his head from where he had ran his hands angrily through it.

"Josh?" called Alice cautiously. He made no response so she approached him cautiously and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I should have seen it. I'm sorry."

"Stop it" he snapped harshly not moving from his position.

"Stop what?" asked Alice bewilderedly.

"Saying sorry. Everyone's saying sorry to me – it's her you should be sorry for."

"Oh ok. I won't do it again – sorry."

"You did it again."

"Ooops" Alice laughed nervously. There was an awkward silence in which Alice rubbed his shoulder soothingly. "I never knew you got this attached," she smiled sadly. Josh took his head out of his hands and shrugged heartbreakingly at her.

"I didn't either."

"She might make it. Don't give up."

"Never."

***

There was this darkness all around me. The darkness breathed me in deeply, suffocating me. I was neither in my body nor out of it. It was neither hot nor cold. It was exhilarating and tranquil all at the same time. I was completely absorbed in the darkness.

Then there was this light shining. It started off as a small pin point. I turned toward the light and it grew brighter and suddenly it was the only thing I could think of. The light was similar to nothing I had ever experienced. It was so magnificent and I could feel its physical presence. It was alluring; I wanted to go to it so badly.

As I began to move toward the light, I knew intuitively that if I went to the light, I would be dead.

***

Carlisle furrowed his brow in frustration,

"I'm sorry Edward there is nothing more I can do."

"But there must be" whined Edward, "Please, don't give up on her yet. She'll pull through I know it."

"Edward her heart has stopped beating. There is no way" said Carlisle sympathetically.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Josh as he threw open the door to Carlisle's study, "she's half vampire right? She doesn't need a beating heart!" Edward smiled hopefully at Josh. Carlisle grimaced,

"I'm sorry" he sighed again, "she needed a beating heart or she would have come round by now. It's been three days now and she's clinically dead. It's not fair to keep her body like this, please let us bury her now."

"No!" shouted an outraged Josh, "I know she's going to wake up. I just know it!"

"What is this racket about?" asked Bella from the hallway.

"They want to bury Alexis" whimpered Josh. Bella sighed loudly and joined them in the large office. Her face wore a pained expression as if she was having an internal battle.

"I think it will be best" she whispered as she played with a charm bracelet on her left hand, "if you love something let it go." Edward wrapped his arms around her from behind,

"I'm so sorry" he gently in her ear with an equally pained expression. There was an air of sombre in the room as everyone looked away to absorb the intensity of the decision that Bella had made. If they could cry they would definitely be tears.

"She saved us" sobbed Josh, "how can you give up on her?" He picked up a crystal clock that was on Carlisle's desk and broke it between his bare hands in aggravation, "how can you not believe in her?"

"Stop it Josh" warned Carlisle, "calm down."

"Calm down? How can I calm down while you chat about burying her! She's not dead yet!"

"She is Josh" said Bella gravely, "I wish she wasn't but she is. I will not allow her body to get cold and rot. We are having a funeral tomorrow."

"No" shouted Josh angrily "Edward you said yourself that you didn't want to give up!" He struck his fist against the wall making it crumble and a picture fall to the floor.

"I'm sorry Josh but Bella's right, we shouldn't drag this on any longer."

"She saved us" he mumbled, "she hated us but she saved us."

"She never hated us Josh" smiled Carlisle, "we have to let her go."

Josh nodded hesitantly and Bella gave his hand a small squeeze. It was decided: tomorrow there would be a funeral.

***

Then I simply became more blissful, more rapturous, more ecstatic. I was just filling and filling with this light and love that was in the light. There was this gratitude and joy going inside me, the white light began to infiltrate my consciousness. As I took it into myself, my ecstasy level became tremendous. Suddenly, I fought against it, pushing myself back into the blackness.

I had always thought when it came to death I would not fight it - rather embrace it as the next step. So why was I pushing with every fibre of my strength against the light? The intoxicating light that gave me wonderful peace and would heal me once and for all. My pain had already gone both emotionally and physically and yet I could not let myself surrender to the glorious light, to death.

I wasn't done with life yet. I fought harder and harder, fighting against every instinct and every logical thought with inner power that I never knew I had.

I moved away from the light and it dimmed slightly.

***

They sat in silence not moving or breathing. Jasper felt everyone's pain; Edward heard everyone's pain and Alice saw everyone's pain. Only one person was not in agony. Josh had a slight smile on his face and his hands interlocked into a prayer like motion. Jasper felt his hope; Edward heard his prayers and Alice saw his disappointment.

Josh stood up noiselessly and left the room. His footsteps echoed loudly in their ears as he climbed down the stair into the basement. Bella shifted uncomfortably; they all knew where he was going.

"Alexis" they heard him whisper from downstairs. Esme let out a muffled sob and Carlisle pulled her close. "Keep fighting Alexis I know you're not dead yet. Keep fighting." Edward let out a low growl, angry that Josh was upsetting everyone with his inability to accept the truth. His deluded optimism seemed only to cause more pain.

"Josh" he hissed, "leave her alone." They heard a sigh from downstairs and a soft kissing noise as Josh kissed Alexis's cold hand.

"I haven't given up yet Alexis" murmured Josh before leaving the basement. He walked slowly and entered the room with a big smile plastered on his face, "She's going to make it" he announced.

"No she's not!" snapped Edward as he lurched at Josh, "stop making this harder for us than it already is." Edward knocked Josh to the floor.

"Edward!" gasped Bella, "leave him."

"You're wrong" snarled Josh at Edward as he brushed Edward off him and went to sit back down. "You're wrong."

***

I had heard him. That wonderfully velvet voice had spoken to me. He had told me to fight and fight I would. His voice gave me euphoria far greater than the light and that was why the pain was worth it.

I moved further back into the darkness and then it slowly faded to a grey mist.

The next thing I knew, there was a tremendous banging in my head. It was loud, it was fast, and it was extremely irritating. It went on for only a few seconds and then that was over and the fire started just like before. My limbs which I had not had a sense of having before were now in agony and immobile. My chest felt constricted and sore. The relaxation and peace was gone. Every bone in my body ached but all I thought was, "I'm alive."

My eye lids fluttered open to reveal white. I felt myself breathe, really breathe. Take in real air into my real lungs and take a real breath. My throat burned as I exhaled making me cough and I spluttered up blood. My arms flung out in front of me hitting a fabric and I pushed off the white sheet which was covering me revealing a basement. I looked down at myself shocked by the black bruising and burns. I felt some more blood seep from the corner of my mouth.

I screamed.

A/N Ok guys sorry that took me forever. It was my fourth attempt because I was in about 12 different minds as to how I was going to write it. I hope you liked it but please be brutally honest about it in your reviews (wink wink) I might rewrite it if you think it was out of place or whatever.

It was going to be a lot longer too but a lot of the stuff I had wrote was mindless blabber and really unnecessary.

Anyway - sorry again for taking so long. My mind was a bit occupied too because the film came out yesterday. I thought it was great by the way :)

I'm officially off school so I should be able to get another update in before Christmas.

Thank you for being patient.

Susie xx