Runaways:

Youth Gone Wild

Chapter 5

Hearts Breaking Even

by Ri-kun

My life sucked.

That's really all it amounted to!

There was a time when the worst thing I had to worry about was whether I'd pass Algebra this year, and if mom and dad would float the money to buy me a new Playstation 2, just so I wouldn't have to share with Joseph! Since learning that said money came from my parents through various illegal enterprises, and that they controled them via a secret clan of ninja assassins, life had gotten a tad more complicated.

I had run away from home, along with several friends of mine who's rents were also supervillians, in the hopes of locating help. Life on the lamb was nothing like any of the movies I used to watch. My very expensive and stylish car was blown up before we really got anywhere in it, leaving us to steal a beat-up old van. The van in question had to be abandoned when we were captured by a team of magic-using cult worshipers, and taken to a secret training school for evil mutants. Then, we stole an honest-to-goodness magic carpet and flew off on it, only to have it riddled with bullet holes like swiss cheese after fleeing from our one and only safe house. Now, a mercenary was chasing after us, while simultaineously running from a bunch of other mercs, because he claimed there was a ten million dollar bounty on our heads!

Oh, and through all of this, I still hadn't worked up the balls to tell Nicole how I felt!

Yup, my life really sucked!

I was starting to regret ever leaving home in the first place. As Miguel and Nicole managed to get the gun away from O-Ren and calm her down, which in the process cost us our force field because Miguel was no longer concentrating, I wondered if perhaps I'd been too hard on my parents. I mean, most kids find out at some point that their mom and dad aren't totally honest with them. I'd kinda figured they were keeping secrets from me for a long time; I just hadn't expected it to be quite this big! Still, they were kinda keeping the crimminal element in check sort of. Maybe if I went back and apologized for taking the car...

And getting it blown up...

Sure, they'd forgive that. I'd probably be sacrificed to whatever monster god the Merryweathers were worshiping as a form of punishment, but they'd have no problem forgiving me.

All of a sudden, getting shot at on top of a train by flying manics with jet packs didn't seem quite so bad. The moment I thought that, though, O-Ren got hold of her gun again, and started firing. Without the force field in the way, she was doing quite well. None of her blasts came whizzing back over our heads, at least!

"Heavens tah mergatroid!" the mercenary named Deadpool cried, pointing. "She gots her some skillz!"

"If he starts talking in 133t," O-Ren warned, glaring our way. "I'll throw an electromagnetic pulse up his ass! Twice!"

"You might want to keep it down," I warned him, moving back. "She's been under a lot of stress lately."

"Right!" he nodded, hard. "Well, you five seem to have everything under control. I guess I'll be on my way!"

"Wait!" Nicole shouted, before he could slip off. "I want to talk to you!"

Whatever she said next was blanketed by the noise of a bomb going off. The train rocked on it's tracks, nearly throwing us off it. I held on for dear life and tried not to scream as my body came crashing back down. O-Ren let out a very loud curse, and switched guns again. This one had a much thicker barrel, and I knew then that our rocky train ride hadn't even started yet.

"Die, you flying monkeys from hell!" she screamed, taking aim at the sky. "Die! Die! Die!"

"Can you help us?" Nicole begged, keeping low to avoid stray gunfire. "Please!"

Deadpool looked at her like she was nuts. "Look, kiddies," he said, taking on a voice similiar to Mr. Rogers. "I'm a big, bad mercenary. I get paid to kill people, remove their spinal cords to choke them with it, and drag the corpses back to whoever paid me so they can have it mounted above the fireplace. I don't do babysitting, and even if that weren't true, there really isn't enough money in the world right now to convince me to help you!"

"Please!"

"Sorry! Best of luck! I'm outta here!"

Deadpool jumped up and raced over to the back of the train. I saw in the not-too-distance that he'd somehow parked a vespa scooter there. The same crazy voice that spoke to me whenever things went coo-coo pointed out then that he'd never be able to drive off at these speeds. That, and the fact that the vespa seemed to have taken several blasts, and was now sporting a number of smoking holes that went all the way through it. Deadpool climbed on board anyway, and waved goodbye.

"So long, kiddies!" he waves, smugly. "It's been real!"

One of the flying assholes in the yellow radiation suits came roaring down right at him. He had just enough time to notice it before the limp body crashed full-on into the vespa, making it explode. Deadpool went flying one way, while parts of him that once made up his left leg went another. Blood came raining down all over me, and I tried very hard not to scream like a girl.

Nicole didn't even flinch. "We've got to get out of here!" she ordered. "Miguel, stretch us out of here."

"What?" he exclaimed. "But I've never tried using that power before!"

"There's a first time for everything. We've got somebody injured, and these people mean business!"

Miguel gulped, but nodded and extended his arm. I think he must've spent a good minute or so standing there, looking very constipated while O-Ren, Gabriel, and I tried to keep the radiation boys off his back. Finally, his arm started pulling out from the rest of his body. I'd never seen the Fantastic Four use their powers before. In fact, I'd only seen a photo of them in class when I was young. It never occured to me just how gross Mr. Fantastic's power to stretch really was!

I nearly threw up.

Again!

Miguel snagged a passing light pole as we rode through a residential area. Nicole had us all grab onto a part of him, which now felt like rubber no matter which area I reached for. This brought to mind for a moment several impossible thoughts that no man, no matter how crazy the situation he is in, should ever think about! I snatched hold of Deadpool's hand, who was still lying in a puddle of his own blood, and muttering something about highway flyers and destroyed vespas. Then, Miguel's feet left the ground, and we were airborne again!

We really were going to have to work on our landings. This had to have been the most indignified one made so far! Nicole wound up in Gabriel's lap, the lucky bastard. O-Ren was hanging upside down from a nearby tree, still clinging to her gun and firing it a leaves stirred up on the ground by wind. Miguel had fared the best, and was now trying to help everyone else up. Me?

I had landed head-first into the crotch of a man with not leg, who've voice was now raised several octaves.

"What do you mean, you still won't help us?"

The flying radiation boys, whom Miguel informed me were called A.I.M., were now gone. O-Ren and he had finished off the handful that followed us from the train. I guessed what he'd been yelling earlier now made sense, but it still didn't change the cold, sick feeling in me. I had killed a man for no reason, other than the fact that he'd been trying to kill me. At least, that was what I'd thought. According to Deadpool, the money was only good if we were brought back alive. Which meant, by that reasoning, I really had killed a man for no reason!

"Did you name yourself after that Dirty Harry movie?" Miguel asked, once things settled down.

"No," he replied, dryly. "Death helped pick it out for me. She and I had a thing for one another for a while."

No one responded to that. "We can pay you," Nicole continued, staring hard at him. "There's not much, but you can have whatever money we have. All we need for you to do is get word to someone who deals with supervillains, and help us find a new place to stay."

"No."

"No?" Nicole sounded a little surprised. Actually, we all were!

"No," he said flatly, again.

"Why not?" This from O-Ren. "We did say we could pay you! You heard that part, right?"

"I heard, but I'm not interested in babysitting. I came to this bum-cluck town to collect the reward on all of your heads. Nice little job with that, by the way. Breaking into a bank using a ghost dragon, right? I thought at first maybe somebody had just gotten stoned off of tractor fumes while watching Barney reruns! Who pulled that one off?"

Gabriel raised his hand. "There's another way of doing this," he said, holding up the Word of Mordo. "If you help us, I can possibly regrow your leg using a spell from in here."

"Thanks, kiddie," Deadpool replied. "But I've already got it covered."

He held up his hands, then, as if conducting an orchestra. "And a-one, and a-two, and a-..."

Deadpool froze. "Hang on! I'd almost forgotten. My healing powers don't cover regeneration of lost limbs during manical combat. Stupid Weapon X policy!"

Nicole's eyes shot up all the way into her head. "About that offer to regrow my leg, then," he went on, looking at Gabriel hopefully.

Gabriel just opened up to a page in the book, and began reading. I was really going to have to learn Latin, if only so I could figure out what he was really saying. It was unnerving to me, like standing next to someone who was talking on their cel phone, and only hearing half the conversation. That had always annoyed me!

Then again, considering some of the things that came out of that book, I was probably better of being in the dark!

Deadpool's leg began to regrow itself. It wasn't a neat or pretty job, either! I mean, none of those comic books Miguel read really did this sort of thing justice. I bent over, sure I was going to puke this time, but held it in. Finally, after what seemed to take forever, it was done. Deadpool got up on his feet again, and started bouncing around happily.

"Alrighty, then! Cheer up, kid," he told me, gleefully. "They charge people admission to see stuff like that in New York City. Now, what can I do for the rest of you, aside from make you lose your lunches?"

"We need you to go to someone like the F.B.I., or maybe the Avengers, and explain what's really been happening with our parents!" Nicole said at once.

"Whosat?" he asked, scratching his head.

"Our parents are evil supervillains," Miguel piped up. "We found out about a week or two ago, and now they're trying to capture us so we can be brainwashed into forgetting. Oh, and we can't go to the police, either."

"The cops control everything in this town," I added, raising up. "And the Pride control the police. We can't make a move without them finding us."

"Will you help us?" Nicole finished, looking solemn.

I'd have run to the White House in that moment, if I were in his shoes and had that sort of look aimed at me. Deadpool, however, just shook his head back and forth like a madman. "Nope! Sorry!" he insisted. "Couldn't, even if I wanted to!"

"What!?"

Gabriel raised his book high, threateningly. "Hold on!" Deadpool said, holding his hands up. "It's not what you think, kiddies. Daddy can't just run off to the Avengers mansion and knock on the door. The last time I was there..."

"Well, let's just say it wasn't a very pleasant experience for any of us. The bottom line is, I'm really not one of the good guys. Tried doing that once, but it didn't work out for me. Or anyone else, for that matter!"

There was a moment of silence, and I think he might have been remembering something really bad. "Anyway," he went on. "The point is, I'm really not in good with any of what you'd call the 'spandex boy scouts' crowd. Except..."

"What?"

"Well, there is... someone."

"We'll take 'em!" Miguel said, eagerly.

"Not so fast. I'm really not sure she'd accept. We haven't spoken in awhile, and things haven't always been crystal between us! Still, if I let on that a bunch of purely virginal children are being tortured by evil supervillains, that might get her and the X-pals she runs with down here soon. Would that be good enough?"

"You mean," Nicole said slowly. "X-Men?"

"Something like that, yeah."

It looked like Nicole was going to say no at first. "Fine," she answered, after a long moment. "We'll take it. In the meantime, do you know of a place we can go to hide out at? Our last safehouse was..."

"Invaded by ninjas," Miguel finished. "A bunch called The Hand."

Deadpool froze. "You've heard of The Hand?!" I demanded. "Really?"

"Uhhh, NO!" He backed away, like he was really afraid now. "No, you must be referring to the product that cures... athlete's foot! Yeah! Not the secret society of evil ninjas that little mecenaries tell stories about when they want to see who will urinate in their breeches first!"

"Dan's parents are members of The Hand," Miguel said, point. "They run all the crime in this state. Oh, and O-Ren's parents used to be weapons specialists for the Triad Ravens."

Deadpool looked a little sick. "Really? That's very... facinating."

"And Nicole's parents were prisoners of something called Weapon..."

"That's enough, Miguel." The way she said it, I knew Nicole was serious. Deadpool, however, had already put three and three together.

"Weapon... X?" he offered, sounding grave. Something about him changed in that instance; it was like he'd morphed into a new and completely different person. A person that had lots and lots of issues. I suddenly had a theory about where this merc had come from.

"So, what's your story, big mouth?" he shot at Miguel. "You the bastard son of Galactis? Or maybe the illegtimate third-cousin of Thanos! That'd be freakin' hilarious."

"My parents are Skrull war crimminals," Miguel muttered. "They all got together and basically gang-banged my mom to create me. I'm what they called a Super Skrull, which means I can use all the powers of the Fantastic Four."

"The Fantastic... Say that again!"

"Well," Miguel added, sheepishly. "Not all at once."

"Not very well, either!" O-Ren threw at him.

"Hey! I'm working on it."

"Okay, kiddies. Time to bring in the referee! So, what about short, skinny, and dark over there with the magical whammy book?"

"Parents are evil wizards," Gabriel said without shame. "They sacrifice virgin souls to a demon demi-god called Dormamu."

Scooby gave out a loud bark. "And he's an undead mastiff dog I raised from the dead by accident," he added, pointing.

Deadpool was quiet for a moment. It struck me that he probably didn't get this way very often. "What have I gotten myself into?!" he finally groaned, getting up. "Easiest ten million I'd ever make, right! HA!"

"I shoulda know something smelled rotten about this deal. Who in their right minds would offer ten million just to get back a bunch of teenagers that robbed a bank of a couple a thousand dollars!? I should've turned back the minute I heard about that stupid dragon! I mean, even kids these days don't carry around dragons in their pockets."

He looked around back at us, then. "You don't, do you?"

Miguel pointed at Gabriel. "He does."

Deadpool looked as if he might run at any moment. "Fabulous," he said, coming back our way instead. "Well, you just keep your enormous dragon in your pants for all our sakes! At least until I figure out what to do about this whole f..."

"YOU'LL DO NOTHING!"

I would like to say that I saw him coming. I really wish I'd see him coming, but I didn't. Deadpool had gotten us all pretty distracted with his ranting, so I didn't hear the creepy guy coming up from behind in the trenchcoat.

"I, Nytro, the Living Bomb, am here to collect the bounty of ten million dollars on your heads. Surrender, or face the wrath of the ancient and superior Kree technology from which I was created from!"

Everyone just stared at him. "You're... who, now?" I asked, plainly.

"I am Nytro, the Living Bomb! Created from superior Kree tech..."

"We heard you the first time!" O-Ren barked. "I can't believe it, but it's actually true, Miguel. There are people out in the world more annoying than you are!"

Miguel should've been insulted by that, but all he did was nod. "It's true," he said, seriously.

"Tremble in fear!" the crazy man called Nytro shouted, loudly.

"What for?" Miguel wondered. "You're superpower is to, what? Blow yourself up! I can put a force field around us now to keep the blast contained and away from us."

"Even if you couldn't," Gabriel added, thoughtfully. "There's probably a spell or two that could get rid of him."

"I could just shoot his brains out," O-Ren offered. "That'd solve the problem all in one."

Deadpool had his guns drawn the whole time, and was looking at us all now like we were bonkers. "Um," he said, nervously. "Are you paying attention? Class is officially now in session, and while I appreciate the jokes made at the self-proclaimed exploding man, it's time to pay attention."

"What for?" Nicole asked. "He's just one guy, and any one of us could probably take him."

"You get used to this sort of thing after a while," I explained, patting him on the shoulder.

"Talk about jaded youth!" he whistled.

"Prepare to suffer!" Nytro screamed, raising his arms.

And, we did. But not by anything that crackpot threw at us. Laser fire came blaring down on all of us again! I took cover with Deadpool behind a rock, more out of coincidence than anything else, and looked up.

The radiation boys were back! "Who are these guys!?" I wondered out loud. "And where do they keep coming from?"

"They're A.I.M.," Deadpool replied. "Super-secret brain trust created to take over the world. All you really need to know about them is that they are top secret, and look very silly."

"You're right, there," I admitted. "What the hell are they doing in our hometown?"

"Probably the same thing I am! Collecting the bounty on all of your heads!"

Wonderful. "So, how do we stop them?"

"We don't," Deadpool said, simply. "I run like a scalded jackrabbit, and hope the rest of you can keep up!"

It sounded like a plan. "Okay!"

Deadpool raised up like he was about to sprint. I had actually thought he was kidding when he said that, but it was still a plan, and beggars couldn't be choosers. That was about the time that I noticed the crazy ranting guy that'd come up on us from behind. He was glowing now, a kind of sick yellow color, and grinning like a man who'd been constipated for days. The air sort of sizzled all around us as laser fire zig-zagged left and right overhead, and I got a very bad feeling all of a sudden. It occured to me, then, that as silly a power as being able to blow yourself up sounded, that didn't necessarily mean it was ineffective.

And then, the whole world exploded all around us.

I woke up much later, with no real idea how much time had passed. We had been moved, so that told me something. I wasn't sure what, since the ringing in my ears made it impossible to think straight. Deadpool was with me in the room we were held in. It wasn't anything like the creepy science fiction place Nicole's parents had been holding us in. That'd been the last time I was knocked unconscious. Waking up in strange places was becoming a theme, it seemed.

You'd think I'd gone off to college!

Deadpool let out a low groan next to me. We were both being kept in these long tubes that stretched to the ceiling, which looked really out of place next to everything else. All around us looked like the living room of somebody's very old grandma.

"Oh!" Deadpool cried out. "Would somebody please tell those nice muppets from the cast of Avenue Q to stop re-enacting the scene from Stomp on my head?! Thanks!"

"That's just the Alpha Wave Remodulator working." Jeff came around a corner and looked up at both of us, smiling kindly. "It'll wear off in just a minute. You both suffered a major concussion. I'm surprised that idiot with the exploding power didn't kill you all. And I specifically requested that you all be brought in alive and unharmed!"

"What?" I groaned, meet his eyes. "You... put the bounty on our heads?"

"Of course! Do you really think I was about to let a bunch of rebel children run around with evidence from my crimes. That's just..."

Jeff laughed then, and it made me sick to my stomach. "You killed all those people," I said slowly, trying to absorb it all into me. "You killed them, and just left their bodies down there to..."

"They were hardly people," he interrupted. "Most of them were just girls, around about your age, really. Nobody ever missed them!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Oh, really? Where were the police reports? I've been getting away with this sort of thing for a very long time now. Much longer, I suspect, than you could possibly imagine! There are all sorts of worlds out there, little Dan. The same old world, just with different flavors to it, but one thing always stays the same."

And then he got this really cruel look on his face. "Parents hate their children."

I wanted to call him a liar, but the words froze deep in my chest. "Can't say it, can you?" he gloated. "Can't deny something if it's true. I always liked that about you, Dan. It'll make stripping the skin off your bones so much more enjoyable!"

"Why?" I demanded, tears running down my face. "Why are you doing this?"

"Oh, right!" he laughed. "Like I'm going to just sit here, and tell you all about my evil plan so you can escape and stop me. Don't even try using that ploy on me, Dan. In another lifetime, I was probably the one who invented it! I'm a genius, you know."

"You know," O-Ren's voice rang out. "For a genius, you're not very bright!"

The flash pulse hit him square in the back. "Thanks for keeping him distracted," she said, giving me a thumbs up.

"No problem," I said, wiping the water from my eyes. "All those drama classes in making yourself cry on command weren't a waste of time after all, huh?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" she grumbled, looking around the room aimlessly. "Where's the release button for those bubble tubes you're stuck in?"

"No idea," I admitted. "How did you get out?"

"Miguel can shapeshift, remember? It just occured to him all of a sudden that he might be able to shift into something that could squeeze between the cracks. Took him long enough to do it, though. My tube was beginning to smell. I really need a shower when this is over with!"

O-Ren leveled her gun at me, and shifted it to the same form Gabriel had used to blow apart the Brood alien. "Sorry about this," she apologized. "I'll keep it on as low as setting I can, but you'll still need to duck and cover. Ready?"

In no way was I ready for her to fire on me with that, but curled up into a ball anyway, and kept my head low. The whole room felt like it shook as O-Ren fired twice. Glass, or whatever these things were made of, came raining down my ears. Deadpool immediately jumped up and stretched.

"You were faking it?"

"The whole entire time!" he crowed, posing. "I was champion drama club wrestler back at Merc High!"

"Where's everybody else?" I asked, ignoring him. "Are they alright?"

"They're fine," she promised, lowering her gun but keeping an eye on Deadpool. "Nicole took a bad spill, but I think she's going to be okay."

As if in answer, they all came around the corner of the hallway. Miguel was taking point, and had shifted to his Thing guise. Nicole was behind with Gabriel, and she had her arm thrown around his shoulders. He was keeping her supported like she weighed nothing. My stomach turned, even though I kept telling myself that he was just helping her walk. I'd have done the same thing!

I should've done the same thing. A long, long time ago.

"You'll never get away with this!" Jeff groaned, getting to his feet. "The others... don't know what they're messing with! You're all going to die, and I'll just escape into another dimension. There are countless ones out there, just waiting for me!"

"Not without this!" Gabriel held up a box in his free hand. It was just this plain old wooden thing, small enough to fit in the palm of his hand, but on sight of it, Jeff just went ballistic.

"Give it back!" he screamed. "Give it back to me, now!"

None of us blinked. Jeff didn't make a move towards us, which I guess was proof he did have some smarts in him after all! After a moment went by, in which none of us so much as sneezed, Jeff turned for the door.

"You won't get far in this," he promised. "There's a traitor among you. How else could that snipe Joseph find you so easily? You'll all die when the time comes, and I'll be laughing from the other side of the universe!"

"Go to hell!" O-Ren screamed, and opened fire on his ass.

I think she nailed him a time or two, but he kept on running. I started to go after him, but Nicole made me stop.

"Let him go," she said, pulling out from under Gabriel's arm. "I've got a much better idea."

Moving to the desk, she pulled out a pen from her pocket; the Thamaturgical Inkpen. Scribbling something on a spare sheet of paper, she held it up for each of us to read. It took a second for what she'd wrote to skin in. When it finally did, I started laughing.

Dear mom and dad,

Just thought you'd like to know that Jeff is a traitor. He placed a bounty on all our heads for ten million dollars, all so he could kill us himself. He's on the run right now. If you find him, please tell him goodbye for us.

We wound up staying in the house. Nicole insisted on it, since we didn't have any other place to go. There was electricity and running water; plus a refrigerator to keep food in. The house was set off to the side, so we didn't have to worry about anyone getting curious. I took a long, hot shower for the first time in what felt like forever. It's amazing how good something like that can make you feel, especially when you've gone for so long without one. It didn't make me feel any better about killing that one guy. Nothing would make me feel better about it. I wanted to talk to Deadpool about that for a little bit; something in my gut said he would understand. He didn't stick around long enough, though.

I did catch him with Nicole for a little bit. They were whispering to one another about something. I don't know exactly what was said, but I have a hunch. I didn't interrupt them, but just kept on walking. If it was what I suspected, then she would want to keep it private. She really wasn't any of my business, anyway.

Not anymore.

I caught her and Gabriel on the couch together two nights later. Gabriel told me that he'd taken the box because his parents had kept one just like it. The coincidence seemed too convenient, and it proved right. We couldn't get it open; not even Nicole's Thieves Blade would work. It sat over on the counter across from them, keeping watch while they snuggled and made out.

I've let it go.

She was never really mine to begin with. I've tried telling myself that many times, but it still hurts like hell. I've been in love with her for two years now, or at least that's what I told myself. Now, I wonder if I wasn't just thinking of her as a different person, so I could give myself someone to like. I'm a romantic fool at heart, it would seem.

We're still on the run, and still hiding. Deadpool didn't say goodbye, nor did he swear to keep his end of the bargain. I wonder sometimes if we'll ever see him again. I wonder if help is really on the way, or if we're just sitting here waiting for no reason. I'm still trying to be strong, but it's not easy. I'm still trying not to be a good guy, even though the thought of killing that stranger who was after us eats away at me. I'd like to talk to somebody about it, but it looks like I'm alone in this one.

We're all alone in this one, but it's different for me. I'm learning that I cannot always get what I want, and not just because the price is too high. Sometimes, you just can't get what you ask for, simply because you can't. I guess absolute power really is just a myth after all. Even the people who have everything really don't have everything.

It's time our parents learned that lesson.

The hard way!