Runaways:

War Machine

Chapter 1

Living in Sin

by Ri-kun

I really needed to pee. Unfortunately, the bathroom downstairs was preoccupied by two certain people who'd ignored me pounding on it for the last ten minutes or so. I would have very much liked to believe that they were just repairing a busted sink, or discussion our next move against the evil organization known as the Pride, but even I couldn't make myself that dense. The only kind of plumbing going on was of a more natural sort. I'd been standing there, wondering why my feet wouldn't just march away up to the second floor, where another bathroom was. The odds were, nobody was having sex in that one. I kept telling myself that, fighting at the same time the mental image of O-Ren and Miguel getting it on together at the same time, but my feet wouldn't move.

And I couldn't really tell myself that I was willing to wait anymore.

My name, by the way, is Daniel Whittaker. Most people who knew me called me Dan, but more recently I adopted the title of Midoriyama. At least, I would have, if anybody around here would use their freakin' code names. We'd sort of dropped the habit after a while. I'd really liked mine, too.

At the moment, our fearless leader and her new beau were relieving some severe tension. We were a secret group of teenage superheroes fighting against our evil supervillain parents. A month or so back, we accidentally stumbled on their opperation, which was a crimminal organization called the Pride. The Pride consisted of a group of evil ninja crime lords, which were my parents; a time travelling serial maniac and collector; illegal interplanetary arms smugglers and alien shapeshifters, which had been Miguel's mother and family; a weapons manufacturing couple on the run from the Triad, O-Ren's mom and dad; mutant terrorists training young mutants to control their abilities for fun and profit, those were Nicole's mother and father; and, finally, an evil cult leader and sorcerer disguised as a preacher and his wife, Gabriel's wicked parents.

We'd stolen a bunch of stuff from them, and went on the run from the Pride and the law, who as it turned out controls every aspect of government in these parts. Nicole had assumed the position of leader, and was doing a good job. My only real complaint with her had to do with the fact that she'd picked my best friend over me. Gabriel had known for a long time that I worshiped the ground she walked on, and had for two years. If anyone was going to engage in illicid behavior behind a bathroom door, it should've been me!

Gabriel must've been doing a good job of things, though. I had to give the skinny kid credit; he and Nicole were making the kind of noises that even National Geographic would blush over. Even Animal Planet would've been too embarassed to air what I was hearing. I was flooded with an overwhelming surge of envy as I shamelessly evesdropped.

I was finding it very hard to hate Gabriel, believe it or not. Hard, but not impossible! He'd taken learning about his mother and stepfather very hard, to the point that it made him even more quiet than before. We hadn't talked for very long in the last couple of weeks, and I don't think it was entirely because of his newfound love with Nicole. I was going to have to clear the air about that, just to learn what was bothering him.

That was almost a good enough excuse for me to try and justify why I was still standing there!

Finally, I had to admit that they were going to be in there for a very long time. My bladder was slowly taking control of my feet, and hacking the system to guide me upstairs to where it could relieve itself. It was slow going, but I grudgingly wandered upstairs. Thankfully, no one was doing the nasty there. I was able to piss at last, but not in peace. The house we were staying in had very thin walls. Whoever designed it must not have taken such things into account, or else was a perverted voyeur with too much time on his hands! I could still hear every single grunt, moan, passionate scream, and curse word coming from downstairs. And if I could hear it, everyone else must know about it, too. What really made my face burn red was the fact that most of the latter came from Nicole! The girl could talk dirty better than any porn star in the business once she got going.

Not that I knew anything about porn.

Really!

I ran into O-Ren back downstairs, after deliberately taking a detour that took me as far from that bathroom as possible. She was in the kitchen with her precious metamorph gun, and had it scattered across the counter in various parts. I couldn't help but marvel at how much care she put into maintaining that thing.

"They still going at it?" she asked me, without looking up.

"What?" I stammered, hoping I wasn't going to turn red again. "Who?"

"Nicole and Gabriel," she clarified, confirming what I already knew. "Are they still boning each other in the hall bathroom? I know you were standing outside for at least ten minutes, and don't try using the excuse that Miguel was in the upstairs bedroom! He's been asleep on the couch for over an hour with the tv on."

There was no point in denying it. "I was just... I mean, I thought maybe..."

"That what?" she demanded, looking up at me with a smug grin. "You'd supervise? Or ask to join in, maybe?"

Now, I was mad. "What about you? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of anti-gun pacifist!"

"Guns are instruments of war," she said, as if quoting. "If there were no guns, people would have no choice but to sit down and talk out their problems instead of shooting each other in the head. I'm just making sure mine is well-managed. Besides, it's the only thing I have that my parents left me."

"Before you found out they were evil?"

"Right," she affirmed. "There's nothing wrong with having a gun. If I don't want to shoot, I don't have to! It's as simple as that. I'm still a pacifist at heart. You, on the other hand, have no excuse for evesdropping on my best friend while she's getting her rocks off with her new boyfriend. Even if you had a crush on her at one point!"

O-Ren picked up the barrel and aimed it right at my chest. "It's your own damn fault for not making the first move!"

I had been saying that very same thing to myself for weeks, but hearing it didn't help. "So, what about you and Miguel?"

That made her stare at me. Hard! "I could shoot you in the head for that."

"He's not such a bad guy. Deadpool was more annoying than him!"

"True," she admitted. "I never thought anyone could be more obnoxious until he came along, but don't think losing out on your first crush gives you the allowance to play matchmaker with me. If Miguel comes near me with anything another than a bad comic book reference, I'll blow his brains out and blame you for it!"

"Yo-kai!" I salute, and headed out of the kitchen.

"You're still not really Japanese!"

"One quarter," I challenged.

Miguel was awake on the couch watching Cartoon Network. I sat down in the recliner and watched him for a second, trying to picture what he really looked like underneath his human form. His parents had drugged him with fake medication that kept him looking normal and powerless. Underneath it all, he was supposed to be an alien shapeshifter with all the combined might of the Fantastic Four. It was still hard for him to use his powers, almost as hard as it was for me to picture him with green skin and antenne.

"I thought you were asleep," I said, when he caught me staring.

"It's too noisy to sleep," he told me, shifting a little. "What with all the screwing going on down the hall. Have they given up yet?"

I shook my head, and Miguel laughed. "Slaves to the rhythm! I think they may be going for a personal record."

"Looks like it," I mumbled, quietly. "You'd think they could do something else, like finish decoding the Abstract!"

"Let 'em be. Besides, Nicole said something to me early this morning about wanting to have another meeting. I think she's almost finished with it."

"What?!" That made me stand up. "When did this happen?"

"She's been working on it with Gabriel day and night," he replied, eyes glued to the screen. "When they aren't plowing their brains out, at least. I only know because I got out of bed early to watch cartoons. Nicole asked me to let everybody know."

Miguel stared at me closely, then. "It's okay to be jealous. I mean, I know you liked Nicole for a long time."

That tore it. "Did everybody but me figure that out? I mean, what the fuck?!"

"Not exactly," he admitted. "O-Ren was the one who told me, but I wasn't too surprised. So, why didn't you ever make a move?"

I really didn't want to answer that question, and didn't plan to, but it all came pouring out of me before I could blink. "I... don't know!" I moaned, frustrated. "It just never seemed like the right time! Then this whole mess started, and I wasn't sure if she would think of me the same way. And then Gabriel's mother spilled the beans that time we got captured together..."

"How did she know?"

"I have no idea, really." I hadn't give much thought to it, actually. "Some magick mumbo jumbo voodoo trick, I guess. Nicole wouldn't say anything about it afterwards, though, so I took that to mean she didn't feel the same. Right after we escaped, she ran straight for Gabriel. I just thought it would be better if I stayed out of the way."

"Ahh..."

I don't know what possessed me to ask. My mouth had taken over my brain faster than my bladder had moments earlier! It seemed I needed better security; whatever was inside my mind right now worked about as well as Norton!

"Miguel, have you ever... gotten any before?"

"Once," he said, immediately, unsurprised. "A few years ago."

"Really... what was it like?"

Miguel shrugged, as though it were no big deal. "Honestly, I was expecting a lot more. Maybe it was just because I wasn't with the right girl, but I was disappointed. I haven't been with anybody since then."

"Where was it at?"

"Remember that youth convention they had in Jackson about three years back?"

"I was still in sixth grade. I couldn't go."

"Well, this girl took me by the hand and dragged me into one of the bathrooms. It was the ladies' room, now that I think about it. Anyway, she sat me down on a toilet seat and climbed on top of me. I was so shocked, it was over before it really began."

Then he looked at me. "Don't tell anybody about that part, okay?"

I grinned. "My lips are sealed! But, wait just minute! I thought you said you were a virgin."

"I lied," he replied, calmly. "Mom would've killed me if she found out! I still don't think it had anything to do with me being an alien, either."

We both got a good chuckle about that. "What about your parents?" he pressed. "Would they have been pissed to find out you were getting your freak on?"

"No," I admitted. "Well, my mom maybe, but my dad would've just said it was about time! He was always telling me in private that I needed to go out and get laid soon. My older brother Joseph must've gone through about half the girls in high school before he graduated. Which, now that I think about it, could've had something to do with me staying celebate for so long!"

"Yeah," Miguel nodded. "If I had a brother, I wouldn't want any of his sloppy seconds, either!"

"That always kinda bothered me, too," I added, suddenly. "Being compared to him, I mean. It was bad enough he treated me like shit all the time, but to everyone else, he was the very height of what was cool."

"Even I thought that," he said, admittedly. "He was a senior when I started my freshman year. We had a study hall together, and he let me sit at the same table in the library. I thought that was pretty cool of him."

"Right." That bothered me more than I cared to say out loud.

"Nicole and Gabriel are done with the bathroom." Miguel and I both looked up at the same time to find O-Ren standing there, her big gun in hand. "Just thought I'd tell you that, in case either of you wanted to take care of something in there yourself."

"No thanks," Miguel replied, grinning. "I did that this morning before I climbed out of bed."

"My life can go on, then," she sneered. "Now that I have intimate details of your daily masturbation ritual."

"I still haven't filled you in on what I do before going to sleep!"

O-Ren turned away in response. "Nicole wants to hold the meeting in the kitchen. If you're done watching cartoon shows, why don't the both of you start fixing lunch?"

"Why can't you cook lunch for once?" Miguel grumbled, not moving.

"Because I'm the one with the gun, and you still can't control your powers. Oh, and by the way, Dan! He's never touched a girl in his life. I can smell a virgin a mile away, so the two of you can each quit lying about your fantastic sex lives and start cooking."

Miguel and I spent the next ten minutes or so throwing sandwich meat together. O-Ren had disappeared several minutes ago, and frankly, I wasn't sorry to see her go right now. Miguel spent most of his time grumbling under his breath angrily while adding way too much mayonaise. I really didn't like the stuff, and slid one sandwich aside for myself before he could get to it.

"We should just make Nicole and Gabriel do this instead," he finally declared, after a particularly bad incident with mustard. "As punishment."

"For what? Getting laid when neither of us is?"

"Yes, that's exactly it. No one should be allowed to have sex in this house unless everyone else can!"

"Firstly, I don't see how that could possibly be a good idea, since the ratio of males to females is highly uneven. And secondly, would you really want to eat anything that either of them had prepared right now, knowing where their hands have been?"

That got his attention. "Good point!"

When everyone else joined us, we sat around the kitchen table facing one another. Well, I say facing. It was more like me trying to not make eye contact with Gabriel, and unable to stop looking Nicole's way. O-Ren and Miguel were glaring at each other angrily, and I could feel Gabriel's eyes on me the whole time. The tension was thick enough to cut with a hacksaw.

"This meeting is called to order," Nicole stated. If she could sense what I was, she didn't let on. Nothing seemed to faze her these days.

"First business is our current living situation. I think it would be a bad idea for us to stay here much longer."

"What for?" Miguel said around a mouthful of sandwich.

"Close your mouth!" O-Ren shouted. "You're disgusting."

"Make me!"

"Fine!" she spat, leveling her gun. "I will!"

"O-Ren," Nicole said in a normal tone. "Lower your gun. Miguel, chew your food and swallow before you speak. The rest of you, if you have anything to say while I'm talking, you WILL raise your hand first. Is that understood?"

"Nicole..." O-Ren began. She sounded shocked, but all Nicole did was glare her way until she finally put the metamorph gun down.

"Right," she went on. "Now, as I was saying, I think it would be a bad idea for any of us to stay here. This place is in too occupied an area. I'm surprised no one's heard us and come snooping around."

O-Ren snorted into her drink, but kept her mouth shut. "Why should we leave, though?" Miguel pressed. "I mean, none of our parents know we're here."

"Of course they know we're here," Gabriel cut in. "They've known from day one where we are."

At last, I looked his way. "What?"

"They've always known where we were," he repeated. "Do you really think that Jeff would keep something like that a secret."

"More to the point," Nicole added. "I can't see the Pride letting him keep it a secret."

"So, if the Pride knows where we all are," said Miguel, scratching his head. "Why haven't those A.I.M. bastards stormed in with their guns blazing like they did before?"

"I have a hunch that the reward put on our heads wasn't a unanimus call. They're probably just watching the house right now and tracking our movements. The last thing the Pride wants is another incident like what happened a month ago."

"And assuming the reward is still on our heads," Nicole added. "We're sitting ducks the moment we step outside."

"But we're running low on food," O-Ren pointed out. "We've got to leave at some point. Plus, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting a little stir crazy."

"There's one other thing that ties into all of this. I was saving it for last, but since we're on the topic of leaving, it might as well get laid out on the table." Nicole reached into her bag and pulled out the Abstract scroll. "It's not totally finished, but I've managed to decode what at least I think are the most important parts. One thing that was interesting to me was Jeff's supposedly secret weapon. Remember, he ranted about it when we all woke up here?"

"You think you've found it?" I pressed.

"I'm sure I have," she nodded. "And from the way the Abstract talks about it, it's a really big weapon!"

"Something we could use to defeat the Pride?" Miguel asked, suggestively.

"Glad I don't have to explain it to you," she smiled. "Now, the inate problem is that we can't leave the Townhouse without exposing ourselves. Also, from the way the Abstract reads, this doesn't sound like a weapon we'd be able to just carrying with us wherever we went. If we're going after it, we might as well make this our last day here. Gather up whatever food and supplies we can carry and be ready to leave by sundown."

"Is that it?" I asked. "I mean, the end of the meeting?"

"Unless you've got something to add," she replied.

"I do," Gabriel said. He raised his hand, but was staring my way. "If it's alright..."

I just nodded. "Go ahead."

"Since this was at some point Jeff's house, I think we should do something to commemorate our leaving."

"Like what?"

"Throw a big party," he said, grinning. "And trash the place!"

*****

The elementary school was burning, and it wasn't my fault.

"I should never have drank that much beer," Miguel moaned, while the fires spread all around us. "Why does a youth director have beer in his house, anyway?"

"He's not a youth director; he's a time-travelling psychopath," O-Ren reminded him. "I really don't think the normal rules of social etiquette apply to him. And I warned you not to drink that stuff. Crown Royal cannot be good for alien physiology! It's barely suitable for human consumption."

Miguel let out a rather loud belch, loud enough to be heard over the roaring inferno. "I think she may be right," he groaned. "I should not be buzzing anywhere near this hard now. That stuff should've gone through me..."

Of course, at that moment, the roof would start caving directly overhead. "I got it!" Miguel cried out, stretching his arms up to hold the burning ceiling in place.

"No, don't!" O-Ren cried out, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. I couldn't blame her for trying to warn him, though. Three times before, Miguel had spontaineously lost control of his powers when he tried using them. Alcohol was apparently unsuitable for Super Skrulls, but the effects looked to be finally wearing off. I was just glad the roof hadn't fallen on us, and that Miguel hadn't fried us to a crisp on his own in the process!

"This is all your fault!" O-Ren snapped my way, suddenly. "You and your stupid fire gauntlets!"

"Hey, I didn't know this place was flammable."

"This building was probably put up right after World War Two. The last thing anyone should do is haphazardly fire off jetstreams of napalm in here!"

"It isn't napalm," I said, defensively. "At least, I don't think it is..."

The weapon turned out to be located underneath the elementary school. Well, more specifically, the doorway to it was. I really didn't understand what that meant, and neither did Nicole, I think. All the Abstract would say was that the entrance to where the weapon had been hidden could be found underneath this building.

We were followed on our way here. Everyone had partied hard all afternoon, then packed things up and taken a shower one last time (Nicole and Gabriel had showered together, of course, and used up all the hot water in the process!) I'm not sure if the robots that attacked us the moment we arrived were alien tech, or just another weird invention by O-Ren's parents. She denied it came from her house, naturally, but that only left us with Miguel. And he didn't have the first clue as to how to fight these things!

Which is where I wound up blasting them with my Shien Tekkon. I think I may have panicked just a little under the pressure, because something went horribly wrong. The robots, as it turned out, were not harmed in the slightest bit by fire. It would have been helpful to know that beforehand, but I guess it really isn't anyone's fault. They looked like really big, armored turtles! Roasting them had seemed like the way to go.

So, yeah. The fire raged completely out of control, and we wound up trapped in a burning school building with no way out, and Miguel getting tired from holding the roof up for so long. To make matters worse, I had no idea where Nicole and Gabriel were!

"If we get out of this, I swear I'm going to..."

I never got to find out what O-Ren was planning to do. My hunch said it was something painful, and directed solely at me, but the fire all around us abruptly stopped burning. Actually, it froze. And I don't mean that it just stopped moving; it literally froze to ice, which is something I would have never thought possible.

"You can let go of the ceiling now," Gabriel's voice called out weakly. "The pieces should be frozen together now. Sorry that took so long, by the way! This spell takes a few minutes to prepare."

Miguel pulled his hands away from the ceiling ever so cautiously. When nothing fell on us, O-Ren and I both looked up and grinned. Miguel's arms were having some difficulty retracting back to their original length. I remembered that this had always been a power that gave him problems before. Obviously, he hadn't worked it out yet, because they were currently tying themselves up in knots right before our eyes.

"Don't worry!" he cried out, frantic. "I've got this! I've got it!"

I couldn't help it. Both O-Ren and I doubled over at the same time laughing. I could hear faintly off to the side the sounds of Gabriel weezing softly along with us. The spell must have taken a lot out of him, and a whole well of emotions sprang up out of me. I had almost died back there, and my best friend just saved my ass. The same guy I'd been pissed at for weeks now. It wasn't his fault that I'd been such a chickenshit with Nicole, and if memory served, she had gone to him. If we ever got out of this place alive, I intended to sit down with him and talk. Really talk, no matter how many sections of the mancode that violated.

All of this weighed on me being able to stand up and stop laughing, though. My guilt had done nothing to choke the laughter welling up inside of me. If anything, all it served to do was compound it!

"That is enough!" Nicole barked sharply. "Do you people think this is a game?! We almost died just now, and those robots are still after us. Our parents are looking to hunt us down and murder us, and the only thing you guys can do is laugh about it."

"Nicole..." Gabriel said weakly.

"I don't want to hear it," she said coldly. "Just... strap on a pair and get up. You should never have tried a spell that large in the first place if it meant you couldn't walk out of here on your own."

Nicole walked past him without looking his way. I started to reach for him, to help him to his feet, but her voice rang out hard behind me.

"Leave him," she ordered. "If he can't get up on his own, he can wait here for them to take him back."

I would have said something. Really, I was all set to tear her a new one, but O-Ren beat me to it. I would have figured her to just bitch Nicole out for a few seconds, but O-Ren really surprised me. She just stomped right up to Nicole's face and slapped her.

Hard.

"That's enough, yourself," she said quietly. "We're not soldiers in your little army, Nicole. We're all in this together. So we either go together, or not at all! Deal with it."

The slap didn't faze her much, but Nicole was quiet for a second. "This isn't a game, O-Ren."

O-Ren walked away from her, and helped me lift Gabriel to his feet. "The thing is, Nicole," she said, not looking at her. "I think this all really is a game. It's a way for you to get back at your parents. You're just playing games so they'll finally treat you like an adult. The funny thing is, though, this may be a game for you, but that doesn't mean the rest of us have to play it."

Gabriel refused to let us carry him. He did allow us to help him to his feet, but insisted walking on his own power after that. Our eyes met for a second, though, as he was struggling to stay upright, and there were tears in his eyes. I don't think it had anything to do with what Nicole had said, either. He was looking my way, and seemed genuinely apologetic. I had the strangest feeling he wanted to tell me something then, along with the sinking suspicion that all of this was just the tip of something much worse.

I'm usually right about these things.

Damn it!

We didn't run into anymore killer robots afterwards, which felt undeniably wrong to me. All of us were watching out the corners of our eyes, ready for the first sign of an attack. I was trying to tell myself that the fire had finished them off. It was a bold-faced lie, and even I knew it. If flames hadn't affected them on contact, a little thing like a burning school building wouldn't have driven them off. What worried me, though, was the fact that they appeared to have just left on their own. An idea as to why exploded in my head, but Nicole was quick to shoot me down the minute I voiced it.

"We keep going," she stated. "We've come this far. And in case you forgot, we don't have a home to return to!"

It took me a second to realize what she meant. I hadn't thought about it much at the time, but we'd just abandoned the closest thing to a home any of us had since this whole mess started. The Arcade had been more of a clubhouse, but that place had running water and electricity; food and places to sleep! I guess I'd been holding it back, because a massive ache filled my chest all at once. We'd lived with each other there for over a month, and hadn't even thought up a name for it.

I was starting to sound like Miguel!

We kept on going. According to what Nicole had gleened from the Abstract scroll, there was a secret tunnel hidden underneath the school. I should have found that funny, or at the very least, a little ironic. I had attended this school at one point, and it never occured to me once that there was a secret tunnel somewhere underneath that lead to some futuristic superpowered weapon brought from an alternate timeline by a megalomaniac killer. I can't imagine why the thought didn't come to me sooner.

The only problem was, none of us had the slightest idea as to where the tunnel entrance could be located. Nicole said the Abstract had been a little vague on that particular point, so we were basically shit out of luck.

Fortunately, she had a plan. Which, for some reason, left me feeling uneasy.

"Where is Scooby?" she asked, Gabriel, who was still swaying a little. "He can track just about anything."

"I told him to run when..." Gabriel took a deep breath. "...when the fire broke out. Undead dog... fire... bad combination."

"So?" she demanded. "Call him now!"

Gabriel closed his eyes, which I guess meant that he was calling Scooby telepathically. He didn't tip over and fall, which to me was a good sign. Sure enough, the lumbering undead mastiff came slobering our way a moment later. He just ignored the rest of us like we weren't there and went straight for Gabriel. Gabriel leaned down the moment Scooby got close enough, using his head mostly for a crutch, and whispered softly in his ear. It was actually a little funny watching the zombie dog's ears perk up a little bit as he processed what his master wanted. After spreading a layer of undead doggie drool all over Gabriel's face and neck, he took off down the hall with his nose to the tile floor, and we were trotting along after him.

Nicole took point, and no one bothered to object. I guess as far as everyone was concerned, she still held the rank of leader. O-Ren just shouldered her gun and followed after her without a word. Whatever passed between them, she still was ready to march into battle. Though, strickly speaking, I didn't like the look she kept drilling into Nicole's back. Not because it was aimed at Nicole personally, however, but more due to the fact that O-Ren looked as if she were ready to fire laser death rays from her sockets at any second.

Far as I was concerned, there were more than enough weird powers in this group!

Miguel was to my left, following suite with O-Ren by summoning the power of the Thing to his arms. They had swollen up to about three times their normal size, which I will admit left me feeling more than a little bit insecure. I still had my ninja armor on. The bo I usually carried with me was locked in a vice grip between my fingers. I also had my jet hoverboard tucked away in case of emergencies, and the Shien Tekkon to rely on if things got really hairy.

And I'd never felt so scared and vurnerable in my whole life. Here I was, armed for bear; giant mutant cyber-bear with bazookas strapped onto it's backside, and I was ready to piss my proverbial ninja pants.

Nicole was right on the money, however. She stopped quick enough that Gabriel walked right into her, nearly dropping the Word of Mordo in the process. I peeked around them both to get a look at what she'd seen, and breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, my brain had envisioned those armored turtle tanks roaring back to greet us. My feet had been ready to carry me as far from this place as fast as they could, but the thing that stopped me was remembering that running in the halls wasn't allowed.

My head was seriously fucked up. There was no doubt about it!

Scooby was pawing at the door to the Principle's office. Somehow, it didn't surprise me in the least that the entrance to a futuristic weapon would be in there. I just stood there stupidly for a moment, wondering how we were going to get in. Miguel walked around me when no one else did anything and simply tore the door down off it's hinges and tossed it aside carelessly.

"Shhh!" O-Ren hissed at him.

"Who's going to hear us?" he snapped back defensively.

"Anyone could, the racket you're making. And besides, what if the place has a silent alarm?"

"We'll be out of here before the cops arrive," Nicole responded. "Lets get in there, find that stupid doorway, and get out already!"

For once, I didn't want to argue with her. Scooby had already wandered in without us. I could hear him sniffing around in there like a hoover vaccum. Gabriel was watching the doorway intently, like he were waiting for some kind of signal. I never heard anything, but after a moment, he stepped ahead of us all and rushed inside. We all followed suite, and found him kneeling down on the carpet petting a very pleased-looking Scooby on the head.

Nicole walked over to them. "The door?"

Gabriel pointed behind them to a blank wall. It was the only spot devoid of any pictures or awards. Yet she was glaring at it as though she could see something we couldn't.

"Umm, Nicole?" I heard Miguel say nervously behind me somewhere.

"Quiet!" O-Ren told him. Nicole acted as though she hadn't heard him at all.

"Nicole!" he said again. "Remember how you said we'd be out of here long before the cops showed up?"

Now I was listening. "Why?" I asked. Miguel was peeking out the window at something. I was sure I could see flashing strobe lights coming around the edges, and that nearly made my heart stop.

"I know how to get us in," Nicole said confidently from behind us.

"The cops are here, Nicole," Miguel said, trying to sound calm. "Just thought you should know, I mean."

O-Ren looked Nicole's way, who proceeded to ignore her. "There was no silent alarm," she stated. "They were on their way long before we broke into the office." There was a pause, and then...

"Our parents sent them."

"Of course," Gabriel said, standing up. "So, what do we do about it?"

"We get the weapon," she replied, as though it were obvious. "And then give them a message to take back to them for us!"

I'm not exactly sure how Nicole worked out opening that invisible door. I mean, I'd always known she was really smart; it was one of the reasons I'd developed a crush on her in the first place. Nothing like a sexy math chick to get the blood (and other things) pumping! This was going above and beyond the call of algebra though, in my opinion. She just stared at that spot for a couple of seconds more, then moved her hands around like she were pressing invisible buttons on an invisible control pad.

And then a glowing door just opened up.

I'm not kidding!

It felt really weird to step through. I had this whole vague impression that my molecules were being turned inside out and on their ends or something. Funny thing was, none of it hurt the whole time. It was just strange.

And then, we saw it. The whole reason that we'd come all this way, fought killer turle monster tanks, and nearly gotten killed about a hundred times in the process. It would have been impossible to miss if I were blind! Honestly, I wasn't exactly sure what I'd been expecting. Maybe a bomb or something, or some really cool laser weapon that could fit in Nicole's bag. But...

It was a giant robot.

I shit you not! It was a giant, honest-to-goodness robot!

It was a giant robot, and I had just thrown about the biggest erection of my life!

"This," I breathed. "Is unbearably cool!"