Chapter 10: Ringtones
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Not the show, not the characters, not the songs, none of it. I only own the boxed sets of seasons 3 and 4...Yay!...Oh, and Jenny's alive and will remain in that state for the remainder of this story and if I decide to carry through with the sequel, she will be alive there, too.
Author's WARNING: If you don't like fluff, don't read this chapter. All it is is fluff, sheer fluff. I'd prefer not to get nasty reviews from people who don't like fluff in their drama. So if you don't like fluff, just skip this chapter. It won't really matter for the next one...because it's fluff!
I just wrote it to relax after a day of CPEP, it's supposed to be sweet and funny...and there's a WHOLE LOT OF TIVA in this chapter! Really, a lot.
So without further delay...
Tony put his arms up under his head and closed his eyes for a little nap, stretched out on the bed. Ziva was next to him, curled up with her head at the foot of the bed and her heel digging into his ribs.
"Ziva," he called softly, when she didn't respond, he leaned up and looked at her.
She was asleep...but she wasn't snoring...and he wasn't complaining.
He leaned back down and had just began to doze off when his cell phone rudely woke him from the nightstand.
I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and glee club and even the chess team
Only question I
Ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk
Or do I like Piccard?
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
Got my name on my underwear
They see me strollin'
They laughin'
And rollin' their eyes
'Cause I'm so white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow I'm white and ner-
Ziva jumped up beside him and nearly kicked him in the face.
Angrily, he answered his phone.
"What is it, Probie?" he growled.
"How'd you know it was me, Tony?" McGee asked, on the other end of the line.
"Caller I.D. and a personalized ringtone."
"Personalized ringtone? Really? What is it?"
"...That doesn't matter. Whaddiya want, McGeek?"
"I was just wondering how you guys were doing," McGee said innocently.
"You're spying on us, Elflord. That's not nice...Well, if you must know, I was trying to take a nap when you selfishly interrupted me," Tony said, annoyed.
"How's Ziva?"
"She's fine. Why are you asking?"
"Have you ever been on a trip with Gibbs?"
"Yeah."
"He's not much for small talk, is he?"
"No, but that's no excuse to bother us, McLoser! Why didn't you just call Abby?"
"...I didn't think of that..."
Tony sighed.
"So...do you guys just have one room?"
"What are you getting at, McNugget?"
"...Nothing, just Gibbs and me only have one room, so I wondered-"
"Yeah, just one. You gonna make some idiot comment?"
"...Well, I was."
"Then do it," Tony growled.
"You kinda ruined it."
"Just for the record, the chances of...you know...anything happening here are as slim as in your room, McDork...unless you and the boss-man have gettin'-it-ons in your plans."
Ziva made a horribly disgusted face at Tony, who smirked.
"...That's just...wrong, Tony...It's sick and wrong...even for you."
"I do my best,...I've ran out of insulting names to call you."
"I've never been happier."
"About gettin' it on with Gibbs?! Ewww!"
"No! No! Tony! I didn't say that! That's disgusting!"
"Come on, Probie, you gotta stop letting me bother you like that," Tony laughed.
"You know what? I'm just hanging up now. Got it?"
"Whatever you say, Elflord."
"Oh, hey, Tony?"
"Yeah, McGeek?"
"My ringtone is White and Nerdy, isn't it?"
Tony said nothing more, he just hung up the phone and laughed.
"You're horrible, you do know that, right?" Ziva asked, smirking.
"Yeah, but you like it," Tony smiled.
"It is funny most of the time," she shrugged.
"Like McGee's ringtone?" he laughed.
"What was that?"
"White and Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic."
"Does everyone on your phone have a personalized ringtone?"
"Everybody at NCIS does," he smiled, opening his phone.
"What are they?"
"Well, if you come over here, Miss David, I will gladly demonstrate the ringtones I have selected for the glamorous crew of NCIS," Tony said, setting up and patting the bed next to him.
She sat up and moved over next to him, resting her back against the headboard.
"Let's see here," he pushed some buttons and a list of names came up on his phone's screen. He scrolled to the first one: 'Abby'
He pushed a button and her ringtone played.
She likes the Godsmack and I like Agent Orange
Her CD changer's full of singers that are mad at their dad
She said she'd like to score some reefer and a 40
She'll never know that I'm the best that she'll never have
And when she walks all the wind blows and the angels sing
But she'll never notice me
Cause she's watchin' wrestlin'
Creamin' over tough guys
Listenin' to rap metal
Turntables in her eyes
She likes 'em with a mustache
Race track season pass
Drivin' in a Trans Am
Does a mullet make a man?
It's like a bad movie
She is lookin' through me
If you were me then you'd be
Screamin' "Someone shoot me!"
As I fail miserably
Tryin' to get the girl all the bad guys want
'Cause she's the girl all the bad guys want
Ziva laughed, "Very Abby-like. That was a good one."
He scrolled down to the next NCIS name: 'Ducky'.
The kids couldn't hurt Jack
They tried, tried, tried
The dropped things on his back
They lied, lied, lied, lied, lied
But they couldn't stop Jack or the waters lapping
And they couldn't prevent Jack from being happy
"What is that song?" she asked, shaking her head, "And why does it make you think of Ducky?"
"I dunno...it just does...and it's called Happy Jack, thank you very much.
The next name on the list was Gibbs.
"Oooh, what is Gibbs's song, Tony?" Ziva taunted.
He pressed the button
If you're sick-a-sick 'n tired
Of being sick and tired
If you're sick of all the bullshit
And you're sick of all the lies
It's better late than never
To set-a-set it straight
You know the lie is dead
So give yourself a break
Or get it through your head
And get it off your chest
Or get it out your arm
Because it's time to start fresh
You wanna stop dying
The life you could be livin'
I'm here to tell a story
But I'm also here to listen
No, I'm not your preacher
And I'm not your physician
I'm just trying to reach you
I'm a rebel with a mission
Fight like a brave
Don't be a slave
No one can tell you
You've got to be afraid
"The Red Hot Chili Peppers?!" she exclaimed, "For Gibbs?! Tony, what is wrong with you?"
"Did you even listen to the words?" he shook his head at her.
"Who's next?"
"Jenny."
The whole world is different, now men have died
You can just sense this feeling in our eyes
Like no one's hands are big enough to hold on to this fear
And no one's hands are strong enough to fix what happened here
Lead on to save me
Lead us all there
Find me some answers
One nation beware!
Can't tell the difference between myth and man
Or what's necessary or where I should stand
So do we dare now
Raise our voices loud
We're searching for something that cannot be found
I hear open mouths and I see open hands
But the blinded and silent, I can't understand
"I don't get that...it's a nice song, but I don't get what it has to do with Jenny," Ziva stated.
"...Well, she came to lead us after Kate was killed. She's done a lot of good things, but they've angered a lot of powerful people. Sometimes I think I would do any mission she told me to...but sometimes I think she gets...I dunno...sidetracked...like, she's after something that has nothing to do with her job," Tony stumbled, thoughtfully.
"La Granouille?" Ziva stated more than asked.
"Yeah, like that," Tony sighed.
There was a moment of awkward silence, before Tony spoke back up, "Next on the list is McGee, but since you've already heard The-Embodiment-of-Everything-White-and-Nerdy's ringtone, let's just jump to Palmer's, 'k?"
He didn't wait for a reply.
I see a man in the back as a matter of fact
His eyes are as red as a sun
And the girl in the corner, let no one ignore her
'Cause she thinks she's the passionate one
Oh! Yeah!
It was like lightning!
Everybody was frightening!
And the music was soothing!
And they all started grooving!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
And the man in the back said, "Everyone attack!"
And it turned into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, you are the one.
You're gonna turn it to a ballroom blitz!"
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
She was laughing, "What does that have to do with Palmer?"
"Nothing, I just thought it'd be funny," Tony shrugged.
Tony looked down at his phone and scrolled down, the only remaining NCIS co-worker on his contacts was Ziva. He thought about her ringtone and gave a panicked expression, that would not be pretty.
"Okay, that's everyone," he snapped his phone shut.
"Wait, I didn't get to hear my ringtone," she protested.
"...You don't have one...haven't picked one out for you yet," he lied.
"Liar," she said, narrowing her eyes, "It would be easy for me to find out my ringtone."
She pulled out her phone and opened it, pressing a few buttons.
"You wouldn't dare," he growled.
"Wouldn't I?" she teased, holding up her phone so he could clearly see his number on the screen.
"Ziva David, don't you dare!" he said, as she moved her thumb toward 'Send'.
Without a second thought, or perhaps one thought, Tony jumped at Ziva.
In his attempt to knock her phone out of her hand, he failed and only managed to land on top of her.
He had knocked her flat on her back and he had landed on top of her, both of them still clutching their phones.
Tony was momentarily distracted by his current position of lying on top of Ziva, faces mere inches apart. That moment was all Ziva needed, she hit the send button and within seconds, Tony's phone began to ring.
My friends tell me I should run
They say they think she's got a gun
But that just only turns me on
Right on, right on, right on
Hey, hey I wanna play
For the team that you despise
Why fight?
You got me roped and tied
I hit your baited line
I'm so diggin' your scene
I said you're playing with my head
I could split instead
I'm so diggin' your scene
She looked up at him oddly, he gulped and prepared to be severely beaten.
"Tony?" she said calmly.
"Ye-yes?" he said, his voice cracking.
"What was that?" she asked.
"Diggin' Your Scene by Smash Mouth."
"Did you pick that for the same reason you picked Palmer's or for the same reason you picked McGee's."
"Ziva, you seem to be missing this rather awkward position we are in right now. You see I, for one-" he was cut off as she kneed him in the crotch.
"Answer me or the next time I won't be gentle," she threatened.
"...More along the lines of McGee's."
"That song reminds you of me?" she asked, looking stunned.
"Well, yeah, the part about me needing to run because you've got a gun...it captures you very well."
"...How about the part where it turns you on?" she pried.
"...I'm not gonna lie to ya, a chick with a gun is pretty freakin' hot," he smiled.
She looked at him oddly, he smiled his signature DiNozzo smile and rolled over, pulling her with him.
"Tony," she said in a warning tone, but he had closed his eyes and appeared to be asleep.
"I'm not buying it, DiNozzo," she growled.
He opened one eye slightly and said, "Do you mind? I'm trying to sleep."
She playfully smacked him across the chest.
"Hey, I noticed you weren't snoring earlier. Wha'd you do?" he asked, smiling.
"I went to a doctor, like you said-"
"Oh, man. Where's a video camera when you need one? Ziva David just admitted to taking my advice!" he teased.
"Whatever," she said dismissively, "I had a small procedure done, and now I do not snore anymore."
"That doctor is my hero," Tony joked.
She smirked at him.
He thought that she would have beaten him when he first landed on top of her, but they had been lying there for a few minutes and she seemed content...And he wasn't complaining, either.
She moved down a little to rest her head on his chest. He looked down at her and, without thinking, gently kissed her forehead.
She snapped her face up to look at him, like he had just done something amazing.
They looked at each other for a moment, neither one quite sure what to do.
She quickly leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek, before returning to her spot on his chest.
He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist and soon they both fell asleep in each other's arms.
A/N: Aww...if my friends knew I wrote sap like that I'd be laughed out of school because that's just the type of thing that, in real life, would make me fake-vomit.
...Yeah, I don't like snoring, so now Ziva doesn't snore. And that's that.
I realize that I didn't list the songs from the last chapter, but they were:
1-5: London Calling by The Clash
6-8: Have You Ever Seen the Rain by The Ramones (and several others, but I like the version by The Ramones the best)
9-11: Away from the Sun by Three Doors Down
In this story, the ringtones were:
McGee: White and Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic
Abby: Girl all the Bad Guys Want by Bowling for Soup
Ducky: Happy Jack by The Who
Gibbs: Fight Like a Brave by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Jenny: Words, Hands, Hearts by Yellowcard
Palmer: Ballroom Blitz by Blue Oyster Cult
Ziva: Diggin' Your Scene by Smash Mouth
Do you think the ringtones fit the characters?...I couldn't really find a good one for Ducky and Palmer, but I think McGee, Abby and Ziva's all fit very well. Jenny and Gibbs's were pretty good, but if I had more time, I could have done better...but I don't have all year.
The next chapter will have some "red meat" as my English teacher calls it.
There will be a return of...dadada, A PLOT! NO! NO! Anything but that!
Seriously, I'll be getting Tony and Ziva back on track...but first they have to wake up, bwa ha ha ha ha!
No, seriously, it will be interesting when they wake up...ooooh.
Then they will eat dinner, solve their bed dilemma (which might not be so serious after their nap), go back to the school and then meet Justin's family...I may have to split that into more than one chapter...I'll just have to see.
They will talk to some students and some of them may be a little...familiar...(Oooh, what am I talking about? Ooooh its a mystery!) There's also going to be a scene that I wrote up when I first started this fic, starring Justin's little brother.
So, let's see...my friends that would make fun of me want you to review (Walker, Amy, Jeremiah and Lindsey), Weird Al wants you to review, Jaret Reddick wants you to review, Keith Moon wants you to review, John Frusciante wants you to review, Peter Mosley wants you to review, the man in the back who is ready to attack wants you to review and Greg Camp wants you to review.
The next one will be back on track, I promise.