No Man Knows My Story
by "The Enduring Man-Child"
All standard disclaimers apply.
Chapter 3
The usual crowd was at Nerd Nirvana that morning. Well, most of the usual crowd, at any rate. They were awaiting their unofficial leader—dragon tamer, dungeon master, and magus, Imperial Senator Bernilus (Larry in the real world). He was a little late, but not to worry; he'd be there. And sure enough, the door opened and the King's subjects responded:
"LA-reeeee—"
But it wasn't Larry. Instead a very serious-looking Kim Possible, accompanied by her BFBF (somewhat reluctantly, to judge by his sleepy demeanor) stood there, loaded for bear.
"All right!" she exclaimed, "where's Ned?"
The "enthusiasts" looked at one another. Murmurs, shrugs, and other expressions of cluelessness abounded. They all looked at Ned's usual chair at the gaming table. Naturally, it was empty.
"Um...he's not here every day," the tallest of the group volunteered, "he's only here on his day off. So I assume he's at Bueno Nacho."
"Ned's not at Bueno Nacho," Kim replied with an edge in her voice, "he didn't show up for work yesterday and nobody knows where he is. You're his friends; do you have any idea what happened to him?"
There were more murmurs as the "enthusiasts" seemed very disturbed by this piece of news. Evidently this was the first any of them had heard of this. Obviously not BN customers.
"He was at the Robot Rumble last week, just like always," another offered. There was general agreement about this. But it said nothing about where he was now.
Kim sighed as though she wasn't really expecting an answer to her next question. "Anyone know where he lives?"
There were no murmurs this time. Instead the room froze and grew deathly silent. Of course not. Why did I bother asking?
Kim closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead as though trying to soothe a headache. "I don't suppose any of you know his last name?"
There was much looking back and forth among those present, after which the tall bearded guy again answered, "I don't know. He's just...Ned."
Oh no, Kim thought, all these "friends" of his and they don't know any more about him than I do!
That did it. Kim was not only seriously tweaked, but her weird-o-meter was going haywire. "You mean you guys hang out with him all the time and you don't know the first thing about him?"
"Woah, Kim, amp down," Ron suggested, "after all, we're his most loyal customers and we don't know anything about him either."
"I know!...I know! It's just that," and here she sniffled a little, "none of this makes any sense! Here's this guy we see all the time, he's a regular part of our world, and now he disappears and it turns out no one knows anything about him! It—it's not right! It doesn't make any sense for someone like that to be such a mystery! Besides...what if something terrible's happened? What if he's hurt? If no one knows who he is or where he lives, how would anyone know or be able to help him?"
"Say!" one of the nerds suddenly exclaimed, "there was a storyline very similar to this in Green Gopher No. 51, after they retconned everyone and started over at the beginning, and there was this girl in a blue dress in every panel, but no one knew anything about her, but she was always there, and then it turned out she was an alien in disguise spying on earth's defenses, and instead of being a girl in a blue dress her true form was a giant turtle, and—"
Ron gulped. Kim looked as if she were going to explode. But before she could blow, the door burst open and two more figures entered in some haste. And this time it was Larry (accompanied by Charlotte, which was a surprise to everyone).
"Quick! Where's Ned?" Larry asked.
"Um...you forgot the greeting," the tall one said.
"Never mind the greeting!" The entire room, including Kim, winced at this uncharacteristic show of emotion by her cousin. "This is serious! Does anyone know what's happened to Ned? Oh...hello, Cousin!"
"Hey, Larry," Kim answered. "I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. We've already asked them about Ned and they seem to be as out of the loop as the rest of us."
"He was at the Robot Rumble last week." It was the same person who had said this before.
"I know. I was there too," was Larry's response, "and there didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary. He didn't say anything about going anywhere. Hmmm."
Charlotte elbowed him.
"Oh yes!" he said, "Charlotte and I went through her copies of the Middleton High Yearbook, and as you may imagine, we can't find his picture or his name anywhere."
"There was a 'Ned' Somebody in the freshman class during my senior year," Charlotte added, "but it wasn't our Ned."
"Some people don't like having their pictures taken," another member of the "posse" observed.
"True, but their names are still listed at the end under the heading 'pictures not available.' And there weren't any Neds listed even in this sparse category. Hmmm." Larry rubbed his chin and squinted, showing all that the gears were turning. Unfortunately, they came up empty.
The uneasy silence gave way to whispered conversations among the store's denizens. These were people whose lives were highly routinized. They were outcasts who had never known much real excitement, and so depended on fantasy for their personal fulfillment. They clung to each other because of a common experience of rejection and often outright cruelty by their peers, and this sudden disappearance of one of their number, with apparently no answer or solution, seemed to upset them a great deal. Kim was beginning to feel sorry she'd even told them.
Ron noticed her downcast look. "Don't worry, KP," he assured her, "we'll get to the bottom of this somehow. After all, we've saved the world—on numerous occasions, may I add?"
Kim smiled and couldn't help but be grateful for his optimism. "I know, Ron, but this is so...ferociously bizarre. This is almost like something out of the 'Twilight Zone.'"
"Yeah!" observed the same person who had mentioned the "blue girl" earlier, "Maybe Ned was an alien being from another dimension sent to spy on the three dimensional world so that..."
"Shut it, Clarence!" Charlotte commanded, and her tone was such that he did.
"I feel so guilty!" Kim said.
"Why?" asked Ron.
"Because," she sniffed, "I saw him every day and I hardly even gave him a thought. I don't think I've ever even spoken to him more than a couple of times. Oh, I am such a snob!"
"Now cut that out right now, KP!" Ron commanded, "you are so not a snob! You're the nicest person I've ever known! You've devoted your whole life to helping people—and without charging any 'claud' to do it, too!"
"Thank you, Ron!" Kim responded, "but I still feel bad about taking him for granted...just like I took Larry for granted until he saved us from Dementor...just like I took you for granted until junior prom... Oh, I am such a snob!"
"Kim..." But she had wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his shoulder, softly weeping. Ron didn't know what to do for her when she was like this.
"Kim..." This time it was Larry. "Kim...!" he said a little louder. That got her attention. She lifted her head from Ron's shoulder to look at him, and was taken aback by the serious look on his face.
"Please don't beat yourself up. You've done enough just to tell us about this. Ned's our friend. That makes him our responsibility. Why don't you go on and let us take it from here?"
"Wh—what are you going to do?" she asked.
"Waldo over there," he indicated the tall, bearded guy who seemed to be in charge in his absence, "has an uncle on the police force. He'll go to the department and see if anything's been reported."
"Yeah," the said personage reacted, "I could do that! Anybody want to come with?"
"We'll all go," Charlotte volunteered. "You two just leave this up to us now, okay? We'll let you know if we find out anything."
"Yeah...thanks, guys," Ron said.
He was still holding Kim when the last "enthusiast" had left.
- - - - -
Things at Bueno Nacho had settled down considerably. The assistant manager (who held down the fort on Ned's day off), along with someone who was evidently a manager from another local BN, had things operating smoothly once again. But that didn't ease the awful pinch Ron and Kim felt in the pits of their stomachs. It wasn't right Ned's not being there. And Ron, who interacted with Ned more often than Kim did, far from enjoying his Naco, was obviously distracted.
"So, do you suppose Wade's back yet?" he asked at last.
Kim activated her Kimmunicator. There was Wade's smiling face.
"Hello! I'm not here right now. As much as I enjoy staying in my room, obviously something earth-shattering must have happened! So leave just leave a message and I'll get back with you as soon as I have solved whatever crisis has arisen! Thank you!"
Ron shook his head. "Ned missing, and Wade not at home," he observed, "that is weird."
"Yeah," Kim agreed, her visage darkening as though putting two and two together, "I hadn't thought about that. But at least we know where Wade lives. Maybe we should call his folks?"
"Maybe we should!" Ron said.
Kim nodded and grabbed her cellphone, punching Wade's number on speed-dial. They were both pretty anxious by now.
"Hello?"
They both released a sigh of relief at the familiar voice of Wade's mother.
"Mrs. Load? This is Kim. Do you know where Wade is?"
"My, my, he took out of here early this morning, Kim. I had no idea a boy his size could move so fast."
"So you know where he is, then?" Kim's expectations rose.
"No, I'm afraid not, Kim," Mrs. Load said, "he didn't say where he was going, but he told me not to worry and that he'd be back later this evening. He was gone before I could ask him anything else, but I figured he knew what he was doing. Why—is something wrong? You haven't heard any bad news, have you?" The anxiety in her voice was impossible to miss.
"No Mrs. Load, we haven't heard anything," Kim assured her, and Kim could feel her relax over the phone. "I just need to talk to him, that's all. So he said he'd be back later?"
"That's what he said, Kim," Mrs. Load told her.
"Okay. Well...let's not worry then. I'll check in with my Kimmunicator later on."
"Okay, Kim. I certainly hope everything's all right."
So do I, thought Kim. But she said "I'm sure it is. Please don't worry. Good-bye, Mrs. Load."
"G'bye, Kim!"
Kim pocketed the cellphone.
"Well, what do we do now?" asked Ron. "I...I'm not really hungry for a Naco right now."
"Blah!" agreed Rufus, who also found himself uncharacteristically without an appetite.
"Doggie bag?" asked Ron.
"Doggie bag," both Kim and Rufus responded.
- - - - -
Ron had opted to go home with Kim until she heard something from Wade. The both of them were now lolling on the couch in front of the television set. It was on, but they couldn't seem to get interested in whatever was on. Kim had tried her Kimmunicator off and on but had gotten the same message.
Finally Ron spoke. "Five o'clock, Kim," he observed.
"Yeah," she said, "I'm not expecting him, but we'll try this again." She punched the button.
"Hello! I'm not here right now. As much as I enjoy staying in my room, obviously something earth-shattering must have happened! So leave just leave a message and I'll g--"
Then the taped message gave way to Wade himself. The relief felt by Kim and Ron—and by Rufus too—was palpable.
"Hey Kim. What up?" The familiar question was so comforting. Yet Kim noticed that Wade didn't seem exactly himself. He looked tired, harried, out of sorts. But at least he was there.
"Hey, Wade. You've been gone all day! Anything up?" she wanted to know.
"Nothing for you guys to worry about," he replied, "just been busy. So, what's going on?"
"Wade, do you know anything at all about Ned down at the...Bueno...Nacho...?" she trailed off.
Wade looked as if he'd been punched in the gut!
To be continued...