Run To You Chapter 24: Almost Lover, a bleach fanfic

A/N: Fast update! Yes! Very exciting! This is called, "Almost Lover," by A Fine Frenzy. Beautiful song. If you know the song, don't judge the chapter by the sound of it. It may or may not go as you think. Anyways. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Almost…

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Chapter 24 – Almost Lover

'Wasn't coffee supposed to make you perky?' That's what she thought as she sipped the caffeinated beverage at a small table that herself and three friends crowded around.

Her meeting yesterday with her editor ended up being all day and she didn't get home until well after midnight. Ichigo was already out like a light when she walked through the bedroom door.

He was gone when she woke up this morning. And to top it all off, he wasn't answering his cell phone.

"Rukia!"

She snapped out of her daze. "What?" she said more bitterly than she intended.

Rangiku sat back in surprise. "What crawled up your ass?"

"We've been calling you for the past ten seconds," Orihime added calmly.

The raven haired woman let a fake laugh escape from her lips. "Sorry. I'm a little stressed."

"What's wrong?" Momo asked with a sympathizing face.

Rukia laughed again as if it was no big deal. She waved her hand in a simple gesture. "Don't worry about it. I've been stressing over my plot." It wasn't a lie per say; more of a metaphor.

"Anything we can do to help?" Orihime asked perkily.

Rukia shook her head with a kind smile. "I have to sort this out. If I don't…" Her face fell into a frown as she shook her head slowly. "I go back to the beginning."

Momo slammed her hands on the table causing everyone to jump slightly. "You can't start over! You've put your heart and soul into this!"

Rukia gave a chuckle. "Tell me about it."

"You were so happy about it a day or two ago," Rangiku commented before sipping her coffee.

Rukia watched as she slowly turned her coffee cup around in a circle on the table. "A lot can happen in a day or two," she said softly.

"Maybe you need a night out," Rangiku said with a grin. "Should spark something in that creative mind of yours."

"Yeah, I don't really think that's the best-" the writer began to disagree.

"That's our point. Your current thought process isn't helping. So what you think isn't a good idea, really is an amazing idea," Momo debated with a smirk. Rukia rolled her eyes.

"Actually Rukia, they might be right," Orihime agreed.

"Even you?" Rukia exclaimed in surprise. Orihime was never one to support this kind of outing.

"You're stressed. If you let off a little steam, maybe it'll clear your thoughts and give you a breakthrough," Orihime reasoned.

Orihime would have won her over with that logical response… if Rukia was having trouble with her literal story. But she couldn't run away from her real stressor. She needed to have her mind wrapped around the situation every second of the day. She had to prevent the past from reoccurring.

"I know you guys think it's a great idea, but I know what I'm doing. I've been in this situation before. I have to keep focused. There isn't time for taking a break," Rukia explained firmly.

"You're going to cause yourself to have a heart attack at the age of twenty-two," Rangiku argued.

"Then bring on the meds," Rukia joked with a straight face.

"Seriously, you can't push yourself this hard," Momo tried to reason with her.

"Sure I can. I've done it plenty of times," Rukia responded coldly.

Orihime began to place her hand on Rukia's forearm. Her hand was still gripping her coffee cup. "Rukia, please. Just come out with us tonig-"

Just as Orihime began to touch Rukia's skin, the raven haired woman swung her arm up and stood up from her seat harshly. "I said I can handle it!" she yelled, shocking her three friends.

"Who are you trying to convince, Rukia?" Orihime asked softly with hurt eyes.

They stared directly into each other's eyes for an amount of time they were sure was longer than the real measurement. She wanted to tell her best friends. She wanted help. But what could they do? If he wouldn't even let her in, why would he let them?

"I don't need any help."

Rangiku rolled her eyes. "Yeah right."

"Shut up. If there is anyone that we should be worrying about, it's you," Rukia said staring directly at Rangiku.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked with a frown.

"Gin is still a drunk. You're still an alcoholic if you go to a bar and have a few drinks! How can you possibly say he isn't? That's not being sober. He's still the same! And I bet if we asked you to strip down, we'd see at least two bruises," Rukia finally said what she wanted. It would only be later that she would feel the guilt for it. This was being said out of bitterness, not out of care.

Rangiku glared at her friend. "That's none of your business."

"And neither is this," Rukia said back bitterly with her glare meeting her friend.

Rukia closed her eyes and sighed. She shook her head. "Just leave me alone," she whispered as she slipped away and exited the café.

Her living room was silent. In fact, her whole house was silent. She came home from the café hours ago. It was hard to tell exactly how long it had been. Three hours? Four? Seven? It was unpredictable. All she knew was that it was still light out when she came home and now it was dark. She hadn't moved to turn on a light either.

She was waiting. He had to come back sooner or later… right? He was going to… right? There was that gnawing feeling in her stomach that told her it had happened before, why not again? The only thing she was able to do was sit there and hope that he really was a changed man. Once he came back, then it would be her turn to act.

'I don't have a choice. No matter what happens, I have to get through to him. I have to fight for him. I have to win this time. I can't bear to lose again,' she continued to torment herself.

"I'm drained, Ichigo. I… can't do this anymore. I want you in my life so much, but if you're going to just watch life pass you by… then I don't think I can watch it with you."

'I tested him back then. I thought maybe if I threatened him with leaving, he'd stop me. I thought he would hold me tight and beg me not to go. It was childish, I guess. Thinking he would be weak and that I was something so wonderful in his life that he wouldn't want to abandon.'

"I'm going to take the first bus out of here tomorrow morning… but I'm not going unless you tell me to."

'I gave him the choice. I thought it would kill him to tell me to leave; to tell me he didn't want me anymore. I was so confident; so absorbed in the idea that we were nothing without each other. I even put myself in his position. If he had given me the choice, I knew exactly how it would have ended. I would have been crying in his arms telling him how much I needed him. And after living those beginning years thinking how alike we were, I finally saw how wrong I was. With one word, he changed my life.'

"Go."

'And with one word, he broke me. It was only until recently when he made me whole again. Now, as I see my life as a broken record; repeating with a bitter annoyance, I pray to stay in one piece.'

In the dark, her memory worked overtime. She could picture the images so easily; so heartbreakingly real. No matter how many times she said she let the past go, it always came back. It always had reason to.

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Fine! I'm sorry! I have a lot of things going through my mind lately! Don't expect me to think straight!" she heard his youthful voice in the dark.

"Kept the past behind us? Are you serious, Ichigo? You thought we could shake hands and introduce ourselves like nothing happened? So much has happened; so much between us. I was afraid to see you again," she pictured herself say the first night she had talked to him in two years.

"Why were you afraid?"

"I didn't want to feel that pain again."

That pain was so easy to identify. He could cause her so much hurt, but yet, he could be the cause for so much happiness. No matter how much she tried to disagree with it throughout the years, he ruled over her life. Everything circulated around him. She used to hate that; not being able to live the way she wanted to because the effect he had on her. But now, it wasn't a crutch. It was something she lived with and was learning to manipulate. She had to keep him the way she fell in love with him; out of the darkness.

Then, the silence was broken. The door stumbled open and she immediately found herself on her feet and down the hallway to the front door. She stopped when she found him six feet away, looking through the drawer on the small table next to the door.

He picked up the keys he found and shut the drawer before standing straight up. He didn't turn, but instead, just stood there facing the small table.

"What are you doing in the dark?" he asked stoically.

She took a deep breath. His voice was another indicator of the past. "Waiting," she answered softly.

He turned to face her. He placed his hands in his pockets, tilting his head to the side. "Just for me?" he asked coldly, but sarcastically.

"No, I'm waiting for a package," Rukia challenged bitterly. She rolled her eyes. "Why haven't you answered your phone or texted me back?"

"I've been busy."

"Bullshit. It takes ten seconds. 'Hey Rukia, I'm out with the guys. I'm fine. I'll see you at home.' That's all I needed and you couldn't even give me that," Rukia argued.

Ichigo glared and shook his head as he took a step towards the door. "I don't need this. I come back and I get yelled at. I feel like I'm a teenager again."

"Well you're acting like one! Stop acting like the people who love you are the worst people in your life! I'm not supposed to be lecturing you, Ichigo!"

"Then stop it!" he yelled back finally. The house fell silent again. Rukia stared at him feeling good about finally getting some emotion out of him. But making him angrier at her wasn't something to celebrate about. He stared at the floor before looking back up at her. The moonlight shined through the windows next to the door.

"I want you to stop," Ichigo said softly. "You're worrying, I get that. Just let it go."

"I can't! You don't understand! I can't-" she exclaimed with her voice breaking once.

"You have to," he interrupted softly. He took in a great amount of air through his nose as his eyes made sure to stay with hers. "It hurts more if you don't stop," he admitted.

He stared at her with his heart aching at the sight of her. 'Why is she putting herself through this again? She still thinks she can help me, but all she ever does is hurt herself more. And when she is in pain, it kills me. That's what happened back then. That's why I let her go. I didn't want to see her that way. I would let her go in an instant to keep her away from the pain; no matter how much farther it'll pull me down.'

Then, he turned around and gripped the doorknob.

"Where are you going?" she asked urgently.

Ichigo paused and turned back around. "I have to go to the recording studio. I came back to grab the eclipse because it has my music in the trunk," he explained.

"Oh," Rukia said relaxing her stance. Relief flooded through her. "So… you're coming back?"

He nodded. "In a few hours. I'm not doing a session. Just fixing some things."

"Okay," she said which caused him to turn around and open the door.

"Ichigo," she called. He turned in the doorway and answered with his stare. She continued. "Can we talk when you get home? I… haven't talked to you in over a day and we live in the same house," she said with a single chuckle.

He stared silently at her for a second; one that Rukia felt lasted for a lifetime. "Yeah. Sure," he answered softly with a slight smile. 'Say anything to make her happy.'

She smiled back in the same manner. "I'll see you later then."

He gave a nod and then was out the door. The walk to his car was slow. What was he going to do? Rukia wanted him to talk to her. How could he possibly do that? He never knew how to. That's why everything happened those few years ago.

He got in his car and started it as he drove down her driveway. She seemed to need to know what he was thinking. But how could she possibly understand? Better yet, why was he so easily affected by this news? Why couldn't he just let it go?

He hit the breaks hard and his heart raced in his chest. His breathing was heavy. He forgot to look when coming out of the driveway and a car came flying around the turn. She always warned him of that and he almost paid the price. He took a few more deep breaths and decided to focus on the road, at least until he arrived at the studio.

"Can you explain something to me?" Urahara asked in an amused way.

"What?" Ichigo growled as he sat on the piano bench. He was trying notes out over and over again but wasn't getting what he wanted.

"Well, first, since you brought the question to mind, why does it seem like you are so annoyed whenever I speak to you?" he asked with a grin.

"Because I'm annoyed whenever you speak to me," Ichigo answered without taking his focus off of the piano keys.

His manager feinted being hurt, "How cruel." He then moved on as if nothing happened. "So why is it you are working yourself to the bone on a day that I specifically said should be your day off?"

"Because you're an asshole. Why is it that you continue to bother me when I am trying to work?" he responded coldly.

"Because someone has to," Urahara answered with a grin.

"I'm already getting that from Rukia."

"Well then someone has to do it and not give into your infectious charm," he answered sarcastically. "You're not a very pleasant person to be around, Ichigo," Urahara said a bit more bluntly.

Ichigo stopped playing all of a sudden. He turned slowly and stared up at his manager. "Should I be the life of the party? Should I be all smiles?"

"Well you shouldn't be this miserable piece of feces," he answered even more bluntly.

Ichigo huffed. "There's a good reason why I'm not in the happiest of moods."

"And what reason might that be?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"It's not even a secret, Ichigo," Urahara stated. "It's been on multiple news networks and an hour ago some reporter figured out your mother was-"

"Shut up," the orange headed man interrupted softly. "I said I didn't want to talk about it," he said with weak eyes.

Urahara stared down at the boy he watched grow into a man. He knew this man as if he was family and he looked after him as if he were his nephew. He was the closest thing he had to a son.

He remembered one time when he was watching him for his parents who went out to dinner. He was teaching this boy to make a paper airplane, but the little orange headed boy cut his finger. The paper cut stung and his eyes began to fill with tears as he stared up at Urahara. Looking down at the helpless boy made the older man feel as if there was nothing he could do. The boy was trying not to cry with all of his might.

He knelt down on one knee to be at eye level and placed his hands on both shoulders of the little boy. Then, he spoke. "It's okay. You're only human."

The little boy let a tear fall from his eye but then wiped it with the back of his hand. "It hurts," he said with a sniff.

"Hang in there, little guy. You're strong. The pain will eventually go away. I promise."

Staring at this grown up boy made him feel exactly like he did then. He felt the pain through his amber eyes. What could he do though? He couldn't tell him everything was okay. He knew he was a mess. He knew he couldn't do anything.

"Then when are you going to talk about it, Ichigo?" he asked softly with a firm stare.

There was a pause as Ichigo felt his blockade falter. His hand formed into a fist. "I can't deal with it again, Urahara. I'm not strong enough. I'm weak and-"

"Never say that," the older man interrupted. "You're anything but weak. You've always been strong."

"No. I never was," he answered. "It was fake. A mask."

"Saying you are weak is proof enough that you aren't. You've always strived to be stronger," Urahara explained.

"Then if I'm so strong why can't I get past this? Why do I always end up messing up everything?" he asked with a pained voice. "Why does it still hurt?"

Urahara stared down at him and locked his eyes sternly with him. "You need to learn what's best for you; what you have to do in order to live with yourself in order to let it all go."

"I've tried that before and I learned the wrong thing," Ichigo responded with a frown.

"Then you should know what the right thing is then."

Ichigo bowed his head to his lap. Did he really know what was right? He lived through his wrong decision. Did that make the opposite so just?

"I've made so many mistakes. What if I make them again?" he asked with a soft voice as his head remained bowed.

"You're only human." Ichigo's head popped up as he stared into his manager's eyes. Urahara smiled down at him. "No matter what," he began as he placed his hand on one of Ichigo's shoulders. "The pain will eventually go away. I promise."

Ichigo stared at him sadly as his lips formed a small smile. Urahara was always a sneaky, immature man that many found they rolled their eyes at every other thing he said or did. But there were the occasional moments in his life that reminded him that Urahara Kisuke was someone he looked up to greatly.

"Thank you," Ichigo whispered softly.

"Now take the day off, damn it. Your brother should be back in town today. Go see him. You're so damn stubborn," Urahara said in a stern voice but grinned as he walked out of the recording room.

Ichigo watched him leave and shook his head as he let out a chuckle. "Still an asshole."

She sat at the kitchen counter with her empty bowl of cereal sitting in front of her. Well, it wasn't exactly empty. The milk remained. She was never the type to drink the milk afterwards. She sat there because her mind had wandered and she had yet to go dump it down the sink.

It was ten o'clock now. He left about three hours ago. Again, she found herself waiting. She needed him to talk to her. That was the only way to solve this.

"Rukia?" came a yell from the front door. She got up calmly and walked into the hallway and found him putting the keys back in the drawer. That was the only set they kept in that drawer. Ichigo would never put his motorcycle keys in there. They were on him at all times.

"Hey," she said softly, causing him to turn around.

"Hey," he said in the same manner.

There was an awkward silence between them. "How was the recording?" she asked politely.

"Good, good," he said nodding his head and placing his hands in his pockets.

Silence engulfed them again. Rukia had to start it. She knew he wasn't going to jump into anything. "Ichigo, I want you to tell me what you're thinking. What's going on in that head of yours? You haven't said anything to me since you found out that he got out of prison."

"What do you want me to say?" he asked calmly.

"Anything," Rukia urged.

Ichigo took a breath. This was it. This was the moment where he had to choose between right and wrong. It wasn't a matter of what he wanted; that was simple enough. It was whether he was able to do it or not.

"I-" he began but then paused. He took another breath. "I felt like the happiness I had been given was something I wasn't allowed to have. Like it should be ripped from me."

"Why?" Rukia asked with a frown.

"Because," he began as he tried to find the words. "Because my mother is no longer getting the smallest thing possible that she should at least have. The man that took my mother from me is no longer where he should be."

"In jail?"

"Not just jail," he answered as he shook his head. "He's no longer paying for the cruelty he dealt. The misery he caused. He's out in the world just like everybody else and he's allowed to live. He took away my mother's right to live and now he's living in her stead," he finished with clenched teeth.

"I know how wrong this must feel. He doesn't seem to deserve it at all," Rukia began. "But the fact remains that you don't have the decision of who gets to live and who doesn't."

"Neither does he!" Ichigo replied quickly with more force.

"You're right, he doesn't," Rukia replied with force. "But someone thought that he paid for what he did and deserves a second chance. Someone saw something good in him."

"My mother deserves a second chance too, but she's not getting one," Ichigo said fiercely.

Rukia tried to remain calm. He was so angry; so full of hatred. "No matter how much you hate him, there isn't anything you can do, Ichigo," she said softly. It was said as if she was breaking terrible news to him that he had no idea about.

"Of course there is."

She stared at him with shock. "You are not doing that."

He stared at her with slight confusion. "What?"

"Revenge on a man who has been released from prison is murder, Ichigo! You would be just like him!"

He looked at her in shock. "I'm not going to kill him! I'm not that crazy!" he argued back.

"Then what are you talking about?" she exclaimed.

"I'm going to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else," he said determinedly.

She glared at him. "So you're going to stalk him now?" she asked in disbelief.

"If that's what it takes to keep others safe," he agreed.

"Have you lost your mind?" she exclaimed. "Think how crazy that sounds. Think how obsessed that sounds!"

Ichigo shook his head and spoke more to himself than to her. "I wish you could understand."

"Ichigo, I do understand! My parents and sister died. They left my life all at the same time even if my sister wasn't dead yet. It's painful to think about them gone and it must have been painful to see the cause of that pain on TV, but you have to stay rational. No matter how wrong this feels, you have to accept it. Otherwise, you are no better than what he used to be," she tried to reason with him.

"Do you think he changed too? You think he's no longer a monster?" he questioned angrily.

"He must not be if they let him go," she admitted sadly. What else could she say? She had to trust that someone knew what they were doing when they let him out of his cell.

"I can't believe you're okay with this," Ichigo said with disappointment. "I needed you to side with me. I wanted your support. That's why I decided to speak my mind. I thought maybe I could actually do it this time. But right now, I find I'm regretting that decision," he spoke softly.

Rukia felt her chest cave in. Her eyes began to water, but she blinked it away and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I can't support your decision, but I'm still glad you finally talked me," she said almost in a whisper.

"That's not enough." He began to turn around and grab the doorknob, but before he could turn it, arms wrapped around his torso from behind. They squeezed and held on tight.

"Please don't leave me," she painfully whispered. He froze as it hit him. It was like the air was being knocked out of him. And as he felt the tears wet the back of his shirt, his heart fell lower into his body.

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

"Please," she begged again. "I've dealt with one goodbye. I don't think I can do it again," she whimpered.

A silence filled the air, apart from her quiet crying. "Please," she said again.

Finally, he spoke. "I'll come back," he answered weakly.

"But you can't give into this!" she cried out. Tears continued to stream down her face. He placed his hands on top of hers and pulled them off slowly. He turned around and saw her red eyes and tearstained face. He let go of her hands and pulled her tightly against his body.

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

She felt her heart leap as he held her close. This was what she wanted in the beginning. She wanted him to hold her and realize that their life together was more important than any agony. She let her cheek rest on his chest as his lips pressed against the top of her head. His eyes remained closed as he pulled his lips away from her silky hair.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

"But I have to do this," he whispered.

Her eyes immediately started to tear up again and her head began to shake. "No," she said as he began to pull away from her. "No," she repeated. "No."

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

"But I'll come back," he said feeling the lump in his throat from the sight of her.

She shook her head as another tear fell down her cheek. She swallowed as she found the courage to say the next words. "So I'd be waiting? That's all I ever do with you!" She took a deep breath.

Her hands began to shake as yet another crossroads was about to come. She reached her arm across her body and grabbed her wrist to steady herself."If you walk out now, it's the same as telling me to go," she said with strength as her voice shook.

He saw what he was doing to her. He tried to prevent her from getting hurt, but it seemed like it was inevitable as he stared back into her wide violet eyes. Those beautiful violets again tore holes in him. He couldn't tell her to wait. But he had to do this. He had to find this man. He had to see him with his own two eyes. 'I… don't want her to leave…'

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

He let out a deep breath slowly and closed his eyes for a few moments. He let it all soak in and took a large swallow. He opened his eyes and turned his head away from her.

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

The word seemed to refuse to leave his throat, knowing exactly what it meant. But when it did, it was practically a whisper. "Go."

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

She stared at him with disbelief. It was something she didn't expect. That one word ripped her into pieces. That one word that scared her so much was used to break her once again.

"I rather you let me go if you're going to be hurt by my leaving. I still love you," he said with pained words.

"No you don't," she replied quickly in an emotionless tone. "You can't," she shook her head. "Not if you're so willing to leave me." A lone tear fell down her stoic expression.

He frowned as his eyes filled up with water. She was numb and he could see that. "I love you more than anything," he said weakly. He swallowed. "I'm being selfish. I know that. But I need to do this in order to live with myself. And if I'm hurting you because of that," he paused as a tear fell down his cheek. "Then I don't deserve you."

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

He backed away from her and then reached for the doorknob again. He paused, but then turned it and opened the door. He looked back at her one last time over his shoulder, and then left.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

She stood there feeling nothing. All the love that was in her life was gone. Sadness seemed too insignificant to describe how she felt. And anger was too bitter for her liking. But in a single instant as she stared at her closed door, her body melted and she fell to her knees. There she was able to finally breathe again. There she was able to finally blink again. And there she was able to finally feel again. And everything she felt was an agonizing ache that she knew would never heal.

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do…

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………… So………. I don't have much to say. It's kind of all there. Tell me what you think. Oh! And the next chapter is the last chapter. Surprise! I'm both thrilled and sad by that. Later