Thank you to knux33, Aove, KittyBlue, and aniuwolfe for reviewing. I also have a theme song now! Inseparable by the Jonas Brothers so I'm going to start doing a few lines.
Take my hand
tonight
We can run so far
Chapter 10: On the Outside Looking In
Roxas found himself alone in the hallway of a hospital although it wasn't really a hallway but it wasn't a waiting room either. There were exactly four chairs lined up against the wall and an end table with magazines and a remote that went to the currently blank TV screen just overhead.
The hospital reminded Roxas a little of the Castle That Never Was for the high walls, the different levels, and the white but at least the white wasn't overwhelming, as the walls were a pale yellow, the chairs red, and there were dark blue designs of squares on the floor.
He and Hayner had stuck together at first and were shortly asked a series of questions before being left alone and Hayner had decided to wait in the hallway since it was the closest to everything that was going on. Then a few minutes later someone had came by to tell them they were preparing Pence for emergency surgery, only that was around two hours ago and Hayner had been gone for at least half that time, going off to argue with just about anyone who would listen to him. It hadn't taken Hayner long to come out of the shock he'd been in, quickly growing cold and angry.
Roxas hadn't tried to stop him, hadn't said much at all but with Hayner gone no one was paying any attention to him, as if he'd become a part of the background, not that Roxas cared really, almost glad he was being overlooked but he hadn't heard anything about Pence since or Olette and wondered if Hayner was having any luck but seriously doubted it.
Roxas felt detached, sitting with his elbow digging into his leg and his chin resting in his palm, staring vacantly at the wall across from him, keeping his mind carefully blank. Everything he'd felt from before had seemed to wear off and in spite of Hayner, Roxas was only tired and drained, focused more on that he was currently board then on Pence and Olette, even thought about reaching for a magazine but somehow that didn't seem like the right thing to do so he remained staring at the wall.
Steps echoed through the hallway and Roxas could tell it was Hayner without having to look up, his friend stopping right before him, and Roxas let his eyes flicker upward, seeing Hayner's arms crossed, his lips pressed together, eyes glinting anxiously, whole body tense.
"So" Roxas said, almost sarcastically. "I'm taking it you didn't find out anything."
Hayner shut his eyes tightly, biting into his bottom lip, his breathing hitching, before lifting an arm and hitting the wall hard beside Roxas with the back of his fist. "The damn doctors won't tell me anything!"
Roxas sat up straighter, leaning back in his chair, rolling his shoulders to get the soreness out of his neck. "Wonder why, might be your wonderful attitude."
Hayner immediately scowled at him. "Why don't you try it? Aren't you supposed to be good at that intimidation type stuff?"
Roxas shrugged. "They'll tell us when they know something."
"How can you be so calm?!"
"Maybe you should try it."
"Yeah?" Hayner returned. "Well maybe you should quit it because from the moment we've gotten here you've barely said two words. It's like you're acting emotionless!"
Roxas knew Hayner didn't understand the meaning behind what he just said but still it stung. "So you ever think before you talk Hayner?" Roxas snapped defensively.
Hayner looked blank for a moment before narrowing his eyes. "What are you talking about? That's all I've been doing since I got here! I can't stop thinking but at least unlike you I'm actually trying to do something about it!"
"Fine," Roxas said unimpressed. "I'm acting emotionless so what?"
"So what?" Hayner repeated disbelievingly. "Our friend almost died and it's like you don't even care!"
Roxas noticed the 'almost died' like Hayner was trying to escape the reality of what might happen but ignored it. "Then tell me what you want me to do Hayner." He replied flatly.
"What-"
"Go on," Roxas cut him off icily. "What do you want me to do? How do you want me to act? Should I break down and cry like Olette or do you want me to start losing my head like you? Tell me because I have no idea!"
"I don't care!" Hayner shouted without thinking, leaning forward, eyes flashing. "JUST REACT!"
Roxas didn't say anything turning his head away and neither did Hayner, looking surprised he'd just said that and panting slightly. Hayner grabbed the chair beside Roxas, jerking it forward harshly, making it scrape against the floor, before sitting down heavily, raising a clenched hand against his forehead, and shutting his eyes. "I'm sorry," He said after a short pause, voice raspy and low. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you."
"Don't worry about it," Roxas mumbled, looking down the hallway to where a receptionist and what looked to be a couple of nurses had turned their heads, glancing at them strangely. "Just keep your voice down next time are they're going to throw us out."
Hayner let his hand fall from his forehead, snorting. "I'd like to see them try it." Then turned to Roxas, expression quickly turning serious. "It's only I hate not knowing what's going on, not being able to do anything." There was an expectant look in Hayner's eyes as if wanting Roxas to elaborate.
Roxas didn't rise to it, absently focusing his attention on his star shaped zipper, toying with the end. "You can you know."
"Can what?"
"Take it out on me. I wouldn't blame you if you did."
Hayner shook his head. "You know I wouldn't do that. I was…I was being stupid and besides that whatever happens we're still here together, you, me, and Olette."
Roxas sighed, slumping back in his chair. "Sure, so I'll tell you basically the same thing I told Olette. Focus on getting through this. Stay levelheaded. Breathe."
Hayner shifted away from Roxas, placing his elbow on the armrest, resting his chin in his hand. "Great advice." He replied dryly.
"What more do you want?"
Hayner was silent for a few minutes before moving back to face his friend, looking thoughtful, pensive. "Roxas, that thing that attacked Pence, you knew exactly what to do, how to kill it."
"I already told you." Roxas frowned, instantly on guard. "It's not important."
"But there's something going on." Hayner persisted. "Something dark, and the sky it's…" Hayner breathed deeply through gritted teeth, shoulders tensing. "Nothing's right and you know something don't you? More then what you're telling us."
"There is something," Roxas relented bitterly. "But I have to deal with it. Believe me when I say you're better off not knowing."
Hayner stared at him with an unreadable expression, the beginning of distrust forming in his eyes. "Roxas…" but whatever he was about to say was interrupted by a soft 'hey.'
Roxas jerked his head up, seeing Olette, her hand skimming against a wall as she came to stand in front of them, letting her hand drop and lowering her head as if finding something interesting on the floor.
Roxas automatically ran his eyes over her, taking her in. She looked unscathed except for her arm, which was in some type of brace, bounded tightly to the point where she couldn't move it. She was no longer trembling, no longer bleeding, back with them and for a moment everything felt right, for a moment Roxas almost turned his head, expecting to see Pence, hearing him say 'There was on reason to be worried, they knew she'd be fine all along' but Pence wasn't there, with his easy going laugh, his knack for noting the obvious, and his silent support, might not ever be again and finally Roxas felt the reality of the situation set in, lashing through him, stinging and piercing like the wintry rain he used to spend hours standing in back at The World That Never Was and it was all he could do not to drown.
Hayner instantly stood up, going to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Hey yourself." He said gently in a voice Roxas didn't even know he was capable of. "Are you alright?"
Olette stiffened, withdrawing from him, and stepping backwards. "I'm fine."
Hayner either didn't seem to care or didn't notice, glancing down at her arm. "Does it hurt?"
Olette was silent for a few minutes as if considering it. "It doesn't hurt as much now." She answered finally, lifting her damaged arm, as much as she was able. "They said that there was some…some nerve damage and that my hand would be numb and hard to move for awhile but they said I was very lucky, that if it would have been a little deeper that I could have…"
Olette didn't finish, walking around Hayner and sitting down beside Roxas. "Don't worry about me. It's nothing. It's nothing compared to what happened to Pence."
Roxas tilted his head, trying to see her face better. "You probably saved his life." It was the best thing he could think of to say to her, to support her.
Olette didn't even look at him. "No I didn't Roxas, you did. You knew how to help him and I couldn't even think right. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up when you did."
"You would have done exactly the same thing." Roxas replied easily.
"But that thing…you killed it."
"And you chased it off."
Olette hunched her shoulders, looking down at her knees. "For all the good it did even if Pence survives nothing will be the same again, everything's changed."
"First of all he will survive so don't even think it." Hayner said firmly, crossing his arms and going to sit down on Roxas's other side. "Second, on matter what happens, it won't make any difference because we'll still be here for him."
Olette glanced at him, looking both vaguely guilty and hopeful. "Of course we will Hayner. You know we will."
Hayner attempted a smile but it fell flat so he only nodded.
"Have either of you heard anything then?" Olette asked. "On Pence."
"No" Hayner answered. "We know he's in surgery and I've been asking around, trying to find out what else is going on but so far no one has told us anything. What about you?"
Olette looked back down at her knees, skimming a finger along the edge of her shorts. "Same thing, he's in surgery but I saw his parents. They were crying" Olette took a shaky breath. "They wouldn't stop crying."
"Have you called your parents?" Roxas's eyes were still on Olette. "Their probably worried with how the sky's falling and everything."
Olette fisted her hands on top of her legs, shutting her eyes tightly, and shaking her head.
"Why not?"
"What do you think their going to do when they find out what's happened Roxas?" Olette shot back, surprisingly harsh.
Roxas didn't know what to say but Olette didn't seem to be expecting a reply as she moved her hand from her lap to grip the edge of her seat, suppressing a sob. "I know they have to be worried with how the sky is but they probably don't think it's that big of a deal right now, that it's only going to rain or something and that I'm still at the beach or left to go to a friend's house but if they knew what really happened to me they'd rush over. My mom would be so afraid, might overreact and my dad, he'd probably wouldn't let me stay here, lock his precious little girl up in a room somewhere, where I'd stay safe."
Olette gripped the edge of her seat harder, tears of frustration slipping from behind her closed eyes, her voice rising. "And I can't deal with it right now. I can't stand seeing them like that and I want to stay with you and Hayner. I need to stay for Pence, but my dad never liked me being friends with you two in the first place and he'd take me away. I know he would and…to be separated after everything that's happened…I don't think I can…I can't handle it!"
"Olette…" Roxas said softly, reaching up to touch her shoulder.
"Don't!" Olette flinched, jerking away from him but looked instantly apologetic when she saw his confusion. "I'm sorry Roxas but don't."
"No one is going to make you go anywhere." Hayner reached across Roxas, his hand curling slightly over Olette's wrist but this time she didn't pull away. "The three of us are together right now and that's how it's going to stay until this is over and if anyone says different then we'll sick Roxas on them."
Roxas snorted. "Thanks Hayner, for giving me the chance to accommodate you."
Hayner let go of Olette, stretching out his arms and slumping back against his chair. "Sure, anytime."
Olette didn't laugh but she smiled slightly, rubbing the tears away from her eyes. "Maybe that could work."
"Maybe?" Hayner questioned. "It will work so stop worrying about it already."
"Alright."
Hayner's plans about staying together were starting to make Roxas feel uneasy when he didn't know how much longer it would be until he was forced to leave but it was either leave or watch as Twilight Town was slowly consumed, watch as his friends died and Roxas had the sudden urge to move, to do something, anything to make Olette stop flinching away, to lose the guarded and panicked look in her emerald eyes that should never have been there, anything to erase the pain Hayner was desperately trying to hold back under a facade of anger and confidence that he didn't really have. Roxas wondered if he hadn't found Olette in that store at the mall, over nine months ago if any of this would have mattered to him, if he even would have cared, out of anyone he could have ran into it had to be Olette so it might have been fate in some twisted way.
Roxas was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly noticed a pink and white carnation being shoved right under his nose. "Condolences."
Roxas snapped his head up. Fun was leaning over him, smiling lightly which looked just strange on her. Seifer's gang was probably the last thing Roxas wanted to deal with right now but he absently took the flower. "What…?"
The silver haired girl stepped away from him, joined shortly by Seifer, Rai, and Vivi, coming from around a corner, Rai seeming a bit out of breath.
"What are you guys doing here?" Hayner glared but there wasn't anything behind the expression and his voice was only strained and hollow.
"What?" Seifer asked smugly, placing a hand on his hip, tilting his head, and smirking. "Can't a guy check up on his friends?"
"We're not friends." Hayner reminded him.
"Okay so, one enemy to another then," Seifer shrugged. "We heard something had happened to Pence and we're…"
"Sorry," Vivi cut in with his normal soft voice, making his way out from behind Rai's legs, glancing down at his clasped hands, his large pointed hat slipping in front of his yellow beacon like eyes, shielding his face. "We wanted to make sure everyone was alright and if there was anything we could do."
"Right what Vivi said," Seifer folded his arms in annoyance. "Even though I didn't need any help and that's word for word what I was going to say."
"Still would have taken you till next week y'know." Rai commented.
"Whatever."
Olette gave the black mage a faint smile for his efforts. "Thanks Vivi."
"Sure, Olette you know we would do everything we can to help you."
Rai turned his head, attention drawn to Olette as soon as she'd spoken, his eyes lingering over her, causing her to shift uncomfortably. "Dude, what happened to your arm?"
"Nothing, I'm-I'm fine."
"Nothing? That doesn't look like-"
"Leave her alone." Hayner said heatedly but his eyes were on Seifer instead of Rai. "How did you find out about Pence?"
"Well…" Seifer started. "We were in the neighborhood-"
"Right," Hayner rolled his eyes. "Because it's everyday the all mighty Seifer decides to visit a hospital."
"Hey, let me finish, you see Rai-
"You said you weren't going to tell anyone Seifer y'know." Rai breathed through gritted teeth.
"Really? I did?" Seifer lifted a hand to his face, resting his elbow in his palm, drumming his fingers against his cheek, looking like he was trying hard to remember before pausing in recognition. "Huh, that's right. So, anyway when the sky started getting weird Rai was so shocked he fell, only at the time he was standing on this stone platform about two inches up off the ground but somehow he still managed to hit his head."
Rai looked as if he seriously wanted to hurt the blonde. "Seifer! That's not what happened y'know. Besides you were the one who started-"
"And it made him paranoid." Seifer quickly added.
Roxas uncaringly glanced at Rai, who didn't have a scratch on him and hadn't been acting anything out of the ordinary. "He looks fine too me."
"Because I didn't hit my head y'know." Rai shot back
Fuu grinned, elbowing her larger friend. "Still funny."
"It won't be so funny," Rai mumbled, crossing his arms, and staring down at the floor. "When the front steps to your house are covered in engine grease."
Fuu nearly gasped, actually looking somewhat stunned before she turned her head to Seifer, narrowing her eyes accusingly. "Traitor Seifer."
The blonde sighed, motioning to Rai and Fuu with his thumb. "I swear I'll never understand those two."
Olette lowered her eyes, lips pressed together. "Please stop joking around," She said distantly. "You're not being serious and it's really not helping."
"I was only trying to lighten the mood," Seifer defended himself. "The three of you look so depressed it's draining and I was being serious, Rai really did fall off a platform but you're right that's not why we're here."
"And that would be again?" Hayner scowled. "Because I'm getting sick of looking at you."
"For the sake of peace I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Seifer said lazily, rubbing the back of his neck. "Anyway we wanted to know what was going on with the town with the sky and casualty reports, and everything. We weren't intending to go to the hospital originally but we were talking to some people around town who had said they saw some ambulances going in the direction of your guy's Usual Spot, so we headed over there, to find the whole area closed off and we were kind of…" Seifer trailed off, looking as if he was trying to force the next word from his lips. "Concerned."
"We're real touched Seifer." Hayner bit out.
"Then we headed over to the hospital," Seifer said louder but wisely continued to ignore Hayner. "Talked to some of the staff who said a boy named Pence had been admitted, although no one would tell us what had happened, but then we found you three and it wasn't hard to put two and two together."
Olette had been listening intently, her eyes half lidded and her face tight in thought. "Seifer what do you mean by casualty reports?"
"You're kidding right?" Seifer asked, and really did look surprised. "Man, it's all over the news. Don't you guys ever watch T.V.?" Seifer turned his head, seeing the blank T.V. screen then quickly spotting the remote on the end table, he gabbed it, flicking the T.V. on. "Here listen."
Roxas didn't look at the screen but was instantly met with the worn and monotone voice of a news reporter, as they described in detail of people being found with all the same heart related injury, some who'd been reported missing, and others who claimed to have seen mysterious black creatures, the news then went on to talk about the sky and how it couldn't be rain since there was too high amount of electricity in the air, and that people needed to stay indoors.
Hayner and Olette watched as if they were in some type of trance but all of it only reminded Roxas of what he already knew, of what he didn't want to think about, and that his friends weren't the only ones in danger but so was everyone else. The urge to do something came back but this time it left him feeling cold, left him feeling a sense of dread that rushed through his mind as if wanting to rip a hole through his skull. "Turn it off Seifer."
"No," Seifer absently held up a hand, signaling for Roxas to stay quite without even turning around. "Hang on a second."
Roxas's eyes glinted, irritated and he lowered his voice. "I said. Turn. It. Off."
"Alright," Seifer glanced at him with a nervous tension before flipping the T.V. off and carelessly tossing the remote back on the end table where it knocked a magazine to the floor. "Calm down killer, jeeze I didn't know you had something against T.V."
"What happened to Pence?" Vivi quickly interjected. "We really didn't get any of the story. He's going to be okay isn't he?"
"He…he was attacked," Olette answered quietly. "Just like they were describing on the news. He's in surgery but it's bad…it's really bad."
Seifer frowned. "He was attacked? You mean by one of those black creatures…"
"Yes," Olette took a shaky breath. "We all saw Pence and this thing right afterwards and I was there when it happened….when it jumped on him."
Vivi's eyes widened, hugging himself, and shivering. "Are you three alright? How'd you escape?"
Olette looked worried, exchanging quick glances with Hayner and Roxas before Hayner spoke for them. "We didn't. It ran off."
Rai, Fuu, and Vivi were staring at them in a mixture of shock and horror, while Seifer turned his head away no longer being able to meet their eyes. "Look, I didn't know it was that bad. I thought the media had to be exaggerating to…I don't know scare us or something…we really are sorry."
"Pence'll pull through y'know." Rai managed to smile reassuringly.
"No doubt." Fuu echoed.
"Aren't you afraid?" Olette almost shouted, instantly looking surprised she'd spoken and lowering her eyes uneasily. "I mean with everything that's been…"
"I'm afraid," Vivi admitted, looking so lost that Olette painfully regretted asking.
"Terrified." Fuu said reluctantly, her body stiffening and trying to disguise it by closing her eyes away from them and pushing a loose strand of silver-blue hair back behind her ear.
"But there's no use planning out our doom y'know," Rai added.
"Right," Seifer said, sounding a lot more confident then he looked, spreading out his fingers and holding his hands up in front of himself. "Go with the flow."
"Umm…excuse me, you're Pence's friends right?"
All seven of them snapped their heads to the side, seeing a doctor that none of them had even heard approach. She looked young and very nervous, holding a clipboard against her chest in a death grip. "I have an update on his condition, and I can sit down and talk with you for as long as you'd like, answer any questions."
Olette managed to nod, she, Roxas, and Hayner, tensing and falling into uneasy silence.
Seifer stood stonily, lips slightly parted while Rai looked as if he was off in his own world.
"Awkward," Fuu took Rai's wrist, tugging at his arm so he'd follow her, before pointedly glancing at Seifer and pointing down the hallway with her free hand. "Leaving now."
Roxas never thought he'd be grateful to Fuu.
"Oh, right," Rai blinked, letting Fuu pull him and waving back to Roxas, Hayner, and Olette. "See ya later."
"I'm sure everything will be okay," Vivi tried to say cheerfully, hurrying to follow. "Take care of yourselves."
"Hey, whatever happens," Seifer turned away grudgingly but coolly with a self-satisfied smirk. "If there's anything we can do, just name it and after all this is over we'll take you out somewhere, alright? Anywhere at all."
"Sayonara." Fuu called from over her shoulder and then Seifer's gang was gone.
"So, what is it?" Hayner asked in a hard tone and Roxas could tell he was trying his best not to become defensive again.
"Right, well." The doctor cleared her throat, taking a free chair, moving it in front of them and sitting down, placing her clipboard on her lap. "The good news it that your friend made it out of surgery but…you have to understand the damage was very severe. The heart is such a complex organ and there were several complications. Right now he's in intensive care and..." She wrung her hands, looking for all the world that she wanted to be somewhere else then confronting three kids. "You see…ummm."
"Don't sugar coat it." Hayner said roughly.
She took a sharp deep breath, swallowing thickly. "The chances of him making it through the next few hours are slim, very slim. I'd say no more then fifty percent and even if he does make it, life for him will never be the same again. He'll be confined to a wheelchair, need constant blood transfusions…"
She went on, describing in more scientific terms what else Pence would need, exactly what the damage to his heart had been, and a few alternatives that could be taken but Roxas didn't hear, drowning all of it out. No amount of fancy wording was going to change anything and Roxas only felt numb again, let his mind drift if only to put some sort of distance between himself and the situation, but then a cold tingling sensation ran up and down his spine and he soon realized it wasn't because of anything the doctor was saying.
He could sense another presence, felt something move in the hallway. He turned his head slowly to the side, so he didn't draw attention to himself. The hallway was empty but the feeling only intensified, almost like he was being watched, leaving him highly on edge but still it was familiar somehow, something elusive he wanted to grasp a hold of and he let his eyes scan the wall, the corners, for anything, before he thought he caught a glimpse of blonde hair.
Naminé. The name ran through Roxas's head and he had to fight not to say it aloud, but Roxas wasn't sure if he'd actually saw her or if it was just his mind playing tricks on him but he had learned long ago in order to stay alive not to ignore his impulses. He wanted to go after her, if it had been her, but he couldn't, not yet and remained motionless, eyes still fixed on the hallway.
"Can we see him?" It was Olette's voice that brought him back.
"No, I'm sorry but only family is allowed to see him now unless his condition improves."
"That's not fair." Hayner stated and Roxas could almost hear his friend's mind turning. We're his friends we need to see him before it might be too late, at least one last time. Even if Hayner could never bring himself to admit it out loud.
"I would let you if it were up to me but those are the rules and…" She sighed, absently running a hand through her dark hair. "Look there's a waiting room just down the hallway and to the right. It's a lot more comfortable then out here. The cafeteria would have just closed by now but…"
"We're fine." Hayner answered.
"Is there anyone you'd like me to call?" She stood up, moving her chair back against the wall. "Your parents maybe?"
"We're fine." Hayner repeated.
"Alright" She moved to leave a little reluctantly but getting Hayner's hint to be left alone. "I'll let you know if there's any change in his condition."
Something suddenly flashed across Hayner's face, conflicting and perceptive like he was about to uncover the truth but feared what he would find. "Wait."
The doctor glanced back at him. "Yes."
"Have there been any others?"
"Others?"
"That came in like Pence."
"A couple," She relented bleakly. "I'm not at liberty to discuss that but if it hadn't been for our prior knowledge your friend…" She didn't finish, her eyes shinning with distress, clasping her hands tightly together to keep them from shaking, then trying to cover it with an anxious smile. "I'll let you know if there's any change," She repeated quickly, walking away without looking back.
The three of them were alone again, sitting together in thick silence, Olette staring emptily at the wall that Roxas had been at earlier. She looked defeated as if she'd given up on something, her last remaining hope being ripped away. Hayner had his palms pressed against his chair, eyes clenched shut, and then he did the one thing Roxas never expected to see, he rose a leg onto his chair, pressed his forehead against his knee, curling his arms around his leg. Hayner cried.
Hayner didn't cry, Hayner never cried even when they had all been kneeled around Pence he hadn't lost control, kept mainly focused, not when his mother didn't show up for weeks at a time, or when his hair was disheveled and eyes unfocused from not sleeping, not when he'd gotten that split lip. Hayner never cried but now he was, his breathing soft but slightly jerky and if Roxas hadn't been sitting so close to him he probably wouldn't have been able to tell.
It was something Roxas had never been able to do. He could feel something behind his eyes grow hot, feel them sting and there had been another time he felt the same sensation although he'd forgotten the reason why but he remembered he'd even tried to force the tears from his eyes but they never came just like now nothing ever came.
Roxas looked down to his hands where the carnation he didn't even realize he was still holding was crushed and sweaty between his fingers. Absently, he began picking at the petals, slowly tearing them off, letting them drift to the floor until only the green stalk remained, letting that fall to the floor too. "So, I guess we're spending the night here? I think I saw the waiting room she was talking about when we first came in."
Neither Hayner or Olette answered him.
"I remember seeing this vending machine somewhere close by too." Roxas tried again. "We should probably eat something."
Hayner snapped his head up, rubbing forcefully at his eyes, which were faintly red, the only evidence he'd been crying, flashing them towards Olette. "Are you hungry Olette?"
Olette didn't look at him folding one arm against her stomach as if she was trying to protect herself. "Hayner stop, Roxas is only trying to help and honestly I can't even tell but maybe we should eat something."
"I'll get us something." Roxas said, standing up, glad for something to do. "Meet me in the waiting room." He didn't wait for a reply, making his way through the hallway, focused on moving forward.
It didn't take him long to find the vending machine but he stood blankly in front of it for a few minutes before it occurred to him to put some munny in, taking out some of what he had saved for the beach but obviously didn't need any longer, he slipped it into the slot, pressing some random buttons. He thought about going back to where he felt the presence but soon dismissed it, his friends were waiting for him, needed him, it felt nice to be needed, to be wanted in some way and Roxas grabbed an armful of chips and candy bars, heading towards the waiting room.
The waiting room was a lot nicer then the hallway, with blue carpeting, a couch, large cushioned chairs, and even a larger table with more magazines. Roxas was reassured when he saw Olette and Hayner were the only ones there and that they had the place to themselves. Hayner was on one of the chairs, rigid and unmoving, his feet propped up against the table and Olette was in the middle of the couch, holding her head, her clawed arm limply at her side, looking somewhere between solemn and terrified, much the same way she'd been in the hallway. Roxas set what he had on the table, sitting down beside Olette. Her eyes flicked to him but she didn't respond further and Hayner muttered a 'welcome back' then the silence continued, the snacks going untouched.
Somewhere in the next few hours Hayner and Olette had managed to fall asleep, both completely shattered, Hayner sprawled out awkwardly on the chair, head pillowed on his arm. Olette had shifted so her head was on Roxas's shoulder and he could feel her warm even breathing against his neck, her soft hair against his cheek, her slight weight almost comforting.
Roxas stared at the ceiling wide awake, judging by now it was safe to leave, search for Naminé or whatever it had been if they were still even there, Roxas carefully slipped away from Olette somehow managing not to wake her and left the room.
The hallway was darker as a few of the lights had been turned off, empty, still, and Roxas didn't see anything unusual.
"Naminé" He called softly, as he turned a corner, making his way further down, back to where he'd been earlier with Hayner and Olette. That was where he found her, curled in on herself on a single chair, legs dangling off the edge but with her knees drawn up to her stomach, her head against the armrest, blonde hair spilling over the edge, eyes lightly closed. She looked so uncomfortable that she nearly reminded him of Hayner. In spite of everything Roxas felt a small smile tugging at his lips. It had been too long since he'd seen her last and his throat tightened, glad that if only for the moment he was with her again.
Roxas kneeled beside her, gently shaking her shoulder. "Hey, wake up."
Naminé blinked her eyes opened sleepily, smiling at him. "Hi Roxas" Then her expression changed to worry as she became fully awake, hastily sitting up. "Oh Roxas, I'm sorry! I didn't…I can leave if you don't want me here."
Roxas shook his head, climbing to his feet, sitting next to her. "No, it's nothing like that. I'm glad you're here."
Naminé looked taken back for a moment. "But I didn't mean for you to see me."
"I barely saw you. I wasn't even sure it was you."
Naminé nodded, taking a deep breath, her eyes shinning wetly. "It's just I didn't want to interfere with anything but I wanted to be here in case… in case you needed… if things…I mean I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about your friend."
Roxas turned his head until he was looking fully at her. "How did you know?"
Naminé looked away nervously. "I just knew. I could feel it kind of and DIZ had equipment to monitor worlds, and heartless activity before he left he restored some of it and when today I saw what happened to Twilight Town I-"
"Don't worry about it," Roxas cut her off. "I don't really care anyway as long as you're here."
He could see Naminé smile faintly, even though she didn't turn back to look at him but she absently placed her hand on top of his.
Her hand felt warm, and soft, and light just like he remembered and he turned his own over, tightly interlacing their fingers. "I don't understand why did it have to be Pence?"
"Why does it have to be anyone?" Naminé asked seriously.
Roxas squeezed her hand, staring out in front of him, breath hitching. "I don't know."
"But it always will be won't it? Someone, until…" Naminé said softly but more to herself, and Roxas could feel her arm tense, looking as if she was trying to work something out in her mind. "Roxas, please you need to leave here. Twilight Town's not going to hold together much longer."
"So leave Hayner and Olette" Roxas replied bitterly. "Run away again, keep skipping worlds until there's nothing left? I'm so sick of running Naminé."
"But there's no other choice." Naminé spun to him, gripping his hand in both of hers. "If you want to remain yourself, you can't stay here, you won't be able to change anything, only be pulled down too and I've already lost so much. Sometimes I feel like your all I have left. Roxas, I don't want to lose you too."
Naminé didn't seem at all like she regretted saying it and Roxas could feel her eyes burning into the side of his neck but he wasn't focused on her, her confession didn't mean much anyway when they weren't supposed to feel anything and Naminé still felt so distant to him and yet he felt he knew everything about her at the same time.
She did act the most human out of all of them like there was something more to her. Roxas had even seen her cry but she wasn't acting on true emotions, like Saïx said once it was only what her mind told her she should be feeling, what she remembered from Kairi, without a heart there was nothing, still sometimes it was easy to forget that inside she was supposed to be as empty and hollow as he was but Pence, Hayner, and Olette had hearts and Hayner and Olette at least had their whole futures ahead of them when Roxas didn't, his path was cast in nothing but shadow and he was chained to it. His friends could move on without him, they may not like it but they could move on. "Did you know in two more months it's my birthday?"
Naminé blinked. "Your birthday?"
"Yeah, Pence, Hayner, and Olette asked me when it was and I told them I didn't remember so Pence made one up for me, two weeks after the day we all met each other. He said they were going to throw me a real party with cake, presents, and sea salt ice cream. He was always doing things like that, trying to help everybody else. He was the one that kept us together."
"He sounds very nice."
Roxas could still hear DIZ's voice; You were never supposed to exist. You are nothing, a mistake. The only way you can amount to anything is to join with Sora. If all that was true, if what Saïx said was true then why did he fight so hard to break the chains, to change his fate, to stay alive. It was one thing he could never figure out. "If Pence dies. It will all be my fault. I told Hayner and Olette I'd protect them but I can't. I'm Roxas, Number XIII, element: light, and the keyblade's reject, I can't seal worlds, I can't stop Twilight Town from falling, no matter what I do I'll never be able to save them."
"You feel trapped." Naminé said quietly and Roxas could tell there was something deeper to her words as if she was still trapped in Castle Oblivion. "Like there's no way out."
"But there is a way out isn't there?"
"Maybe there always is even if it's not what you expect it to be."
Roxas took his hand back from Naminé, lifting it in front of his face, staring at his opened palm. Naminé was right she'd always been right, he couldn't change anything at least as long as he was only half of himself, but Sora could save the universe, he himself could save the universe, save Hayner and Olette. There was still time if only he could force himself to let go. "I hold half of what he is and without me…" Against his own will Roxas felt his mouth move as if someone else was speaking for him. "I'll do it, I'll awaken Sora."
He looked at Naminé for a reaction but she jerked away, didn't say anything. "What is it? I thought that's what you wanted."
"I'm not sure anymore." Naminé hugged herself. "But that doesn't matter. The choice isn't up to me and it's not what you want."
"Of course it isn't." Roxas snapped.
Naminé turned back to him and Roxas could see shinning through her eyes that she only wanted to understand. "Then why?"
Roxas didn't even have to think about the answer. There were times with Hayner, Pence, and Olette, laughing with them, just being with them that he could lose himself, could forget the world, even without the keyblade or the fighting, forget there was nothing in his chest except for a cold mass of darkness. Roxas hadn't even known that was possible. "Because for the first time ever I felt like I've belonged somewhere. I have friends that care if I live or die and it's for who I am not what I can do. To save them I'd give up everything."
"Are you sure about this?" Naminé asked neutrally.
Roxas had to swallow back the bitter laughter. "No, not really." Then locked his eyes with hers, the thought of fading away was so terrifying it was unimaginable so he didn't think about it, concentrated on Naminé as if she was the one thing that could save him from slipping into the darkness. "But I know I don't want to go alone. Will you be there with me?"
Roxas felt a light touch at his arm. "I'll be there." Before Naminé quickly withdrew, casting her eyes downward guiltily, twisting her fingers in her lap.
"What's wrong?"
Naminé pushed her hair back behind her shoulder, looking as if she was trying to hold back a sob. "Roxas if this is going to happen there's something that I've wanted to ask you but I don't want to bring it up now….I'm so sorry I should have said something earlier."
Everything even his own thoughts seemed to fade away, felt blurry, leaving only the blonde haired girl beside him, what she was thinking, going through. "What is it?"
"What do you think happens to us if our other's die?"
Roxas didn't expect the question and he didn't understand the reason for it. "I don't know and I don't want to find out either. How come?"
"Kairi's in trouble. I've been keeping track of Destiny Islands, it's going to crash again, only hanging on by a thread, I don't even think Sora can get there in time." Naminé pressed a hand against her forehead. "Sometimes if I focus hard enough it's almost like I can feel her. She knows what's going to happen and no one believes her but she's determined, trying to find a way out, only there isn't one, everything there will be lost to the darkness."
A part of Roxas couldn't believe she'd been going through this and he didn't know how long it had been going on for either but he wasn't surprised. Naminé never voiced anything, she'd learned to suffer silently. "So go after her." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Naminé squeezed her eyes shut. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"Even if I did she'd never leave the friends she has there behind and besides that where would we go?" Naminé's voice rose urgently. "What would we do? When Sora wakes up everything will be thrown into chaos and I can't protect her. I'm not a fighter. I'm not like you."
Roxas thought back to what he knew of Castle Oblivion and realized Axel wasn't the only nobody to make it out alive, Naminé had too, stood up against the organization, the ones that had tormented her at the risk of her own life, if she chose too she could completely destroy someone's mind with a mere thought, a crayon, and a piece of paper, she probably had even more power flowing through her veins then he did, she'd spent most of her short life being isolated, and never once did she ever give up, ever let go. "You're a lot stronger then what you give yourself credit for."
Naminé shook her head. "I can't."
Something Axel said, suddenly came back to him. If you need anything at all, come find me. "Hey," Roxas grinned. "Maybe Axel could."
"Axel?"
"Right," Roxas continued. "He never could say no to me and he'd get to her in time right? Be able to protect her."
Roxas could see Naminé seriously thinking it over as if she wanted to believe but still something was making her hesitate. "You'd have to go back."
"I'll be alright."
"It's too dangerous." Naminé responded. "If they find you, you know they wouldn't even hesitate to kill you."
"They won't find me if I don't want to be found." Roxas replied firmly. "And when you think about it what other choice do we have? Kairi doesn't even know I exist but she's still important to me, important to you, and I'd risk a lot more to save her."
Naminé didn't say anything, breathing sharply, hunching her shoulders, fisting her hands against her legs.
"Just give me until tomorrow," Roxas tried to assure her even when he seriously had doubts about how well this was going to work out but still it was at least something he needed to try. "To talk to Axel, and say goodbye to Hayner and Olette, and I'll meet you in that lab. Tomorrow morning I'll be there."
Naminé slowly lifted her head, smiling slightly. "Alright, I believe in you."
Roxas returned her smile when he felt a familiar and stinging pain tear through his head, forcing him to grit his teeth to keep from crying out, his vision becoming blurry, fading to black, and then he was falling, the hospital floor coming up to meet him.
Vaguely he could sense Naminé moving, trying to catch him. "Roxas!"
He was drifting in darkness but flying toward a blinding golden light, its rays cutting through the darkness like lightening. The next instant he was in a library with shelves and rows of books that looked to be nearly never ending. He was floating near the ceiling, could see the redheaded girl on a pale green floor. She looked much younger then he remembered but he couldn't see her face, she was facing a table, her back towards him, he reached out to grab her.
He was in an obscured room, filled with machinery, steam shooting from it in waves and sparking with blue electricity. A large heart shaped arch was ahead, glowing dimly, a glinting murky blackness behind it, steps leading to it but he was only focused on the redheaded girl lying in the center of a cold brown floor, her head pushed aside as if she was nothing more then asleep. He ran to her.
He was standing on a platform, suspended in mid air, framed by a brown arch, blue walls, and a dusky sky. He was holding the keyblade, the silver haired teen was a few feet in front of him, hand outstretched. "It's up to me. Only the Keyblade master can open the secret door and change the world."
The keyblade shook and he couldn't hold onto it as it vanished from him, reappearing in the silver haired teen's hands, who gave a triumphant smile.
He reached the redheaded girl, kneeled beside her.
He was in some type of large murky blue and brown entrance hall of a castle, two sets of steps leading to some place unknown. The silver haired teen was there but he looked different, eyes glazed over, wearing clothing of black and deep blue, a black and red heart, the symbol of the heartless etched onto his chest, but the duck and the dog were with him and he stood facing the three of them alone. He realized shortly he was frozen, couldn't move but the duck and dog didn't offer him any help. The silver haired teen formed a sphere of blue and white light in his hand, shooting it at him but before it could hit the dog rushed in front of him, deflecting the attack with his shield. "But I'm not gonna betray Sora, either."
The duck came back over to them. "All for one and one for all."
The keyblade left the silver haired teen's hand, reappearing back in his. The duck and the dog took up a fighting stance behind him. "My friends are my power!"
He took the redheaded girl's shoulders, partially lifting her up off the floor but she didn't respond, not knowing what else to do he shook her but she felt like dead weight, her head rolling limply backwards.
He was back inside the entrance hall. A beast was there, hunched over with sharp claws, curling black horns, jagged brown fur, and a cape of dark purple tied around his neck, staring at him in approval. "So, your heart won this battle."
He nodded, smiling.
He was inside a dark room with tones of purple and blue, but he could see a glowing yellow sky through several holes in the walls. A cloaked figure walked up to him, passing right through him, making him fall backwards onto the ground. The figure suddenly turned, releasing a large wave of blue energy and he barely had enough time to block, static power connecting them in a twisting current before he deflected it, sending it crashing high into a wall, the room shaking as debris started to fall around them. The figure didn't react but he glared.
He was back in the room with the machinery. The silver haired teen was on the steps, holding a dark keyblade, and he was kneeled before him. "It is I, Ansem, lead me into everlasting darkness!"
In the next instant the silver haired teen moved to strike and for a moment he thought everything was over but the redheaded girl's voice broke through to him, shouting his name. "Sora!"
An image of her flashed in front of his eyes.
At the last second he stood, raising his keyblade, blocking the blow, pushing the silver haired teen away from him, voice rising in anger. "Forget it! There's no way you're taking Kairi's heart!"
The silver haired teen was gone but the dark keyblade, the keyblade with the ability to unlock hearts was still there, left behind, forgotten. He went to pick it up, holding it in front of his face, studying it, the dog and duck, watching him with expressions of shock and worry and he smiled widely at them before plunging the keyblade into his own chest. It didn't hurt like he imagined it would but he could feel the metal slide into his heart before the keyblade completely vanished and the captive hearts of the princesses were released from within him. He could feel himself falling backwards, knew he was fading, disappearing. The redheaded girl's heart came back to her and she opened her eyes, sitting up, running to him but she didn't make it in time.
He could tell he was back in the entrance hall but he wasn't himself, everything felt strange, distorted and his thoughts were fuzzy. He was with the redheaded girl, the duck, and the dog, somehow able to tell they were in danger but the redheaded girl turned to him, throwing her arms around him, protecting him. He was engulfed in a blinding light as he came back to himself, knowing it was because of her and all he could do was hold her. "Kairi."
Everything became cast in white, the redheaded girl the only one there, she smiled at him.
He was in a hallway of the castle with blue and gray railing and a stairway leading off to the side. The guy with the leather and the girl with the long chestnut ponytail were there, standing in front of him.
The guy had his arms crossed, letting them fall to his sides. "We may never meet again, but we'll never forget each other."
The girl placed a hand to her chest. "No matter where we are, our hearts will bring us together again."
He was outside but there was a doorway off to the side and everything was cast in tones of black, brown, and yellow like he was in some type of cavern. The redheaded girl was with him, both of them standing on rocks above water.
She took his hand, placing a five pointed charm in his palm. "Take this." She then leaned forward, narrowing her eyes. "It's my lucky charm. Be sure to bring it back to me."
He closed his hand tightly around the charm. "Don't worry. I will."
She smiled at him. "Promise."
He was surrounded in black and the only thing he could see was a keyhole, pulsing and glowing violet, he moved to seal it but he could still hear her voice. "Don't ever forget. Wherever you go, I'm always with you."
Roxas's eyes fluttered open and he realized he was kneeling on the hospital floor. Naminé was beside him, her hands on his shoulders. "Roxas, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." He sat up straighter, moving slightly away from her but making no attempt to get up off the floor.
"More memories about Sora?"
Roxas nodded, pushing his hair away from his face, Sora's memories were really starting to become annoying, especially for twice in one day but then something struck him and he could feel the answers he'd been searching for finally start to come together, as if a missing link had just been snapped back into place. He jolted his head up, his eyes flashing to Naminé as if he'd never seen her before. "I know how it happened."
"Happened?"
"How I was born." Roxas said in a rush. "After Kairi lost her heart it was locked inside of Sora's and he sacrificed himself to restore hers by piercing his own heart with a keyblade. He became a heartless but Kairi brought him back." Roxas scrunched his eyes in thought. "But for you it's strange since Kairi never became a heartless, just fell into a coma. It's almost like you were created from the both of them."
"I always knew I was different, that I wasn't born like other nobodies." Naminé said unconcerned. "DIZ and the organization told me often enough and I've been able to use that to my advantage but the details surrounding my creation or what it all means, some of it I'm still fuzzy on."
"Maybe it's why you have control over Sora's memories." Roxas offered. "Or why…somehow it seems as if you really can feel."
"Or why I've always been the outcast, why I'm the witch." Naminé finished.
Roxas was instantly afraid he'd hurt her but Naminé instead pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, trying to cover up a smile. "I'm sorry Roxas. I said that wrong. I don't mind."
"Then why…?"
"I was thinking, Sora risked everything to save his friends and so are you, maybe the two of you are more similar then you might think."
Roxas could understand why Sora had done it, the need to save Kairi and awaken the other princesses and his sacrifice had been almost admirable but still it was careless almost selfish in a way and now Roxas was left to deal with the aftermath, to pick up the pieces and even though he could understand it, it didn't change anything. Sora was impulsive, with little regard for anything, willing to throw his life away on a split second decision. They weren't alike, they would never be alike. "Don't compare me to him."
Roxas could see Naminé's instant regret as she lowered her head. "You're right, I'm-"
"And stop saying you're sorry." Roxas added, smirking.
Naminé laughed slightly, her eyes meeting his.
Then Roxas could hear the echo of footsteps from somewhere down the hallway like someone was running and Olette's voice from not too far off. "Roxas!"
"It sounds like your friends are looking for you."
Roxas stood up along with Naminé, glancing over his shoulder. "I have to get back."
"I know."
Roxas turned back to Naminé not wanting to lose contact with her completely. He wasn't worried about going back to The World That Never Was or seeing Axel again, didn't feel much about it at all but out there all it would take was one mistake for everything to come crashing down and Roxas couldn't afford that now, not when everything was tied to him. "Tomorrow, I'll be there. No matter what I'll be there."
Naminé didn't even give it a second thought. "I'll see you later then."
"Until that time." Roxas returned automatically.
He half walked, half ran down the hallway. "Olette" He shouted, turning a corner and there she was, standing a few feet away, grasping the collar of her shirt, tears streaming down her face and Roxas felt dread tear into his stomach, his every thought wrapped around Pence. If Pence didn't make it, Roxas hadn't thought much about how he'd deal with it or what Hayner and Olette would have to go through but he knew he wasn't ready to hear it, needed more time, couldn't tear the whispering voice from his mind, telling him this was all his fault. He wanted to say something but it was like his throat was fused together and all he could do was watch Olette, waiting for her to tell him it was over.
But it never came, Olette ran to him, stopping only a few inches in front of him. "We were looking for you." She chocked and then Roxas saw she was smiling through the tears.
Hayner came down the hallway a moment later, looking smug. "Seriously, what's so great that you have to wonder the halls in the middle of the night."
Everything was fine. Roxas could feel the sheer relief wash over him, felt shaky, wanted to laugh.
"He made it through the worst of it." Olette answered the unasked question. "He's stabilized enough where they're going to take us to see him."
"See, what did I tell you?" Hayner said lazily, stretching out his arms.
This time Roxas did laugh, hardly realizing when Hayner clasped his shoulder. It was just the three of them, they were together, and nothing else mattered not even the world falling outside because at least for now everything was okay and it felt clear to Roxas why he was willing to go through with this, to finish this.
"Come on, I'll take you to see your friend." The same doctor from earlier broke through to them as she entered the hallway, looking somewhat out of breath as if she'd been following Hayner and Olette around.
They were led to a different floor, to a large room and the doctor motioned to a closed door, warning them what to expect but she didn't enter, standing outside to talk to some other hospital staff and an older couple Roxas briefly recognized as Pence's parents.
Hayner opened the door and there was Pence in a too large room and a too large bed. His breathing soft and low, not the strained gasping Roxas remembered from earlier or the terrifying moment when he stopped breathing altogether but that seemed to be the only improvement. Pence didn't look like Pence, his skin pasty and swollen, eyes closed, hair matted with sweat, sticking against his forehead. Deep red and brown raised lines were spread out across his skin from incisions, a tube was in his nose, in his mouth, tubes, wires, and IVs from everywhere and the soft and regular beeping of a heart monitor.
Roxas froze, couldn't bring himself to step into the room and then Olette proved herself to be much braver in that moment then he ever could have been. She didn't see the wires or the scars, she just saw Pence and she automatically went to him, took his hand, kneeled beside him. Hayner soon followed her, standing next to her, laying his hand on the bed by Pence's arm, saying something to Olette that Roxas couldn't hear. Neither one glanced back at him.
They would have made the perfect picture Roxas thought if circumstances had been different; Hayner, Pence, and Olette without him like it should have been. He felt alone, closed off, watching a life unfold in front of his eyes that he wanted but was never really his. He was on the outside, would always be on the outside, about to go back to the cold, to the darkness while Hayner and Olette remained blissfully unaware. It was just as he realized in Hayner's bathroom; he could pretend but he'd never belong, and as much as it tore, and hurt, and ripped away at him, he couldn't change it.
Roxas stopped trying to force himself to move, just turned and left before Hayner or Olette had the chance to notice he was gone, back to The World That Never Was, back to nothing. Axel, Riku, Sora, Naminé, now Hayner, Pence, and Olette. He'd always been good at walking away.
0o0o0o0
Notes: I'm probably going to start doing these at the end now. Anyway next chapter, Roxas confronts Axel for the first time in nine months, find out what the organization's been up to, Roxas sort of has second thoughts about merging, plus other things. Should be good I hope.
It might take me a little longer to update this since I'm now going to school full time and also working full time and there's also another Kingdom Hearts fic I've kind of been working on but I'm going to try my best to update this as regularly as I can. See you next time!