We could change
the world
Do anything you want
Chapter 11: Shattered Promise
It felt strange wearing the Organization XIII robe again. Roxas had long ago washed the blood from it. For some reason something had held him back from getting rid of it completely but as soon as he'd gotten his own place he had balled it up and thrown it to the back of his closet where he'd never have to look at it again. Now here he was wearing it, the hood pulled up tightly over his head, the thick gloves feeling stiff covering his hands, and the heavy leather boots feeling harder to walk in then what he remembered.
The World That Never Was hadn't changed but then it never changed, exactly as he remembered it, dark with flashing street signs, buildings of steel and glass, deprived of life. It was cold with wind lashing at his back and whipping his hood against his face, meaning it was going to rain soon. For the first time Roxas could feel the deadly atmosphere, could nearly taste the raw tension with each breath. Once he'd been apart of the organization, had carried out missions like anyone else, amazed the others, even joked around with a few of them, was Xemnas's favorite, and now he was their traitor, couldn't have been more separate. All it would take was one glance for him to be found out, to be thrown into an instant fight for his life but like on the day he left, it didn't bother him and all he found himself thinking about was how uncomfortable he felt wearing the robe.
Axel would basically be impossible to find, then there was always the chance he was out on a mission somewhere. Roxas didn't have anywhere to start. He thought about slipping back into the castle, back into his old room or Axels' whichever he was able to get to first and go from there but the thought of seeing the castle again, left him on edge and he couldn't figure out the reason. There had never been anything there for him and his own room if it was still his room was nothing more then blank white, only had the basic necessities. Roxas had always looked to the outside to get away, to the rain, preferred to stay cut off from the others where he didn't have to think, where he could pretend that he was actually something, that he wasn't alone, where if he closed his eyes he could nearly taste the unknown, hear pieces of his heart whispering to him. Roxas shook the thought away, not wanting to go there, when he might as well have been Xemnas's mindless puppet, before he sought the truth, before he knew Hayner, Pence, and Olette existed.
He felt as if he'd been walking in circles, each street seeming virtually the same. Roxas told himself he was beyond getting lost but it had felt so long since he'd been here, and not for the first time he thought about turning back, had to keep reminding himself why he was doing this, for Kairi.
He kept moving forward the last thing he wanted at the moment was to stand still, his hand trailing against a concrete wall of an alleyway where the shadows obscured his every feature and then there it was, the castle. Roxas had to bite his tongue to keep silent because what he was seeing couldn't have been real. Where his room had been was nothing but a charred hole as if something had tore through it, tried to rip it apart. A whole portion of the castle had collapsed, leaving only a skeletal frame and chunks of fragmented glass and steel that glinted eerily in the pink moonlight. There had been what looked like several attempts to repair the damage but it was fast and crude, making the castle look even more twisted and deformed then it had been before, as if being left to slowly rot. Roxas didn't understand how this could have happened as far as he knew the castle was virtually indestructible.
He didn't have a chance to think about it before he heard footsteps and quickly pressed himself against a wall. An organization member walked out just feet in front of him, face concealed by the hood. For a moment Roxas hoped it was Axel, even if it was almost too easy.
The figure stopped short, crossing his arms, tapping his foot impatiently before throwing his hood back, revealing a long brown ponytail with tan highlights, and a familiar eye patch. Roxas suppressed the urge to sigh, Xigbar.
Xigbar narrowed his one visible eye, scanning the seemingly empty street. "Hurry up old man!"
Instantly, there was a portal and then Luxord was facing him with a raised eyebrow. "Old? I wouldn't be the one talking Xigbar."
"I'm not in the mood to be arguing today, after being jerked around from mission after mission by his royal highness and now I have patrol duty." Xigbar stretched his arms, cracking his knuckles, yawning loudly. "I'm so god damn tired."
"Then I regret I'll be leaving you momentarily." Luxord returned dryly.
"Man, don't tell me he's gotten to you too."
Luxord nodded.
"I can't believe this. I'm beginning to think Roxas had the right idea." For a moment Roxas thought Xigbar could see him, his one eye turning towards him, gleaming in the darkness, lips curling into a smile. Roxas held his breath, his fingers digging into the wall, but Xigbar only stepped around Luxord, quickly walking down the street. "The kid must be having the time of his life right now or at least anything's better then dealing with the superior and his insanity. I tell you it almost makes me miss the good old days."
Luxord quickened his pace. "Good old days?"
"Right, keep forgetting you weren't there. You know working under Ansem the Wise." Xigbar lifted the palm of his hand to his forehead and groaned. "I never thought I hear myself say that. I must be getting desperate."
"Xigbar, I understand that its been-"
"Relax, I was just kidding." The free shooter laughed lightly, clapping Luxord on the back, hard enough to make him stumble. "If you ask me Xaldin and I should get more respect around here, being the only sane ones left of the original six and all." He then frowned in thought. "Hey, who did you say was taking your place?"
"I didn't and Axel."
Xigbar snickered. "Well, that's just great. I was starting to get kind of board no offense to you are anything but you know how Axel's been ever since the kid left."
"None taken but I'm afraid I don't comprehend. You mean anti social and irritable?"
"Nah, I'm just saying this night could prove to be interesting yet."
Luxord grinned faintly, eyes shinning. "Want to wager on that?"
"Don't even start-"
Roxas lost track of the conversation, dropping back and following them at more of a distance. He was good at concealing himself, knew how to move without making a sound, but still that call with Xigbar had been too close. Normally, it wouldn't have fazed him but he couldn't tear Pence from his mind, knew his friends were depending on him, Naminé was waiting on him. He had the information he needed and that was what mattered, realized again he'd gotten lucky, would see Axel soon. What had happened to the castle wasn't important, what Axel had gone through after he left wasn't important.
Time was lost to him like it always was here but he could still make out the castle in the distance and it didn't feel very long before Axel arrived and Luxord disappeared but in contrast to what Xigbar had said, nothing interesting happened. Roxas could barely hear the buzz of their voices as they said something to each other in greeting but that was it, then they thoroughly ignored each other.
Roxas was left with the problem on how to get Axel's attention without being noticed by Xigbar so he switched tactics, trailing Axel at a closer range, intentionally making noise, kicking rocks almost against the redhead's heel, scrapping his fingernails against streetlights. He knew it was careless but it was the fastest and easiest way he could think of, plus he was growing impatient, wanted this over with, and he didn't intend to follow Axel the whole night either. If Axel refused to help him he had to move on, come up with something else but it didn't take Axel long to get the hint as he broke off from Xigbar, muttering 'I'm taking a detour', and walking down a side street into another dark and twisting alleyway until he was as nearly hidden in the shadows as Roxas was. "Whoever's there show yourself unless you want to know what a torch feels like."
Roxas jumped down from a low ledge into the dim light of the street, directly in front of Axel, walking up to him. The redhead's eyes narrowed, watching his every move, but there was a slight trace of recognition on his face and Roxas guessed that maybe he already knew but the feeling of detachment that Roxas had ever since he'd gotten here, that he'd been relying on to get himself to this point, as if this were nothing more then another mission, was starting to disintegrate. He had to force his hands not to shake and it felt slower then it should have been as he reached up to pull his hood back, letting it fall to his shoulders. "It's me."
For a moment Roxas could see something flicker behind Axel's hardened green eyes; doubt, worry, something heated, thrilling, and defiant all at the same time like somehow the redhead had just gotten a fraction of his heart back but as quickly at it came it was gone. Axel remained stoic and unmoving. "Roxas you shouldn't be here." And that was it.
Roxas wasn't sure what he was expecting, or if he was expecting anything at all but somewhere he knew he was disappointed. Axel had claimed they were best friends, even Xigbar and Luxord implied Axel had missed him, and besides Xemnas he'd been the first Roxas had formed any sort of connection with. After what they'd gone through together, after being separated for so long he had wanted something, anything more and no matter how many times he'd told himself that none of this mattered, Roxas realized it hadn't been enough. He felt distant, like he was falling without an anchor. He was going to give himself over for Sora, going to die, really going to die, and Axel didn't see. He wanted to shout, to scream, to let go, at Axel, at anything but his face remained carefully expressionless. "I need your help."
"I'm not interested." Axel wasn't even looking at him, his eyes off to the side.
"But you said-"
"I know what I said. Things change," Axel cut him off, walking away. "Get out of here before someone else sees you."
Roxas could begin to feel the anger surface at being ignored, pushed away, at standing here in the first place, at everything and he grabbed a hold of it. "You don't understand anything! You've never understood. I trusted you. It's why I'm here, right now because when I had nothing but darkness somebody once told me we were friends. But if you rather forget that, walk out on me the first time I need you then you're no different then any of the others."
Roxas knew he was laying it on thick and the back of Axel's shoulders shook as the redhead laughed deeply, spinning to face him, voice turning low and dangerous. "You can't pin this all on me, when you started this and put me through hell, Rox. Finally, when I thought I was beginning to move on, you're back. And I can't become involved to lose you again. I'm through." Axel said with icy finality, walking away again. "Whatever it is, fix it yourself."
Roxas watched, feeling like his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth before automatically saying the one thing he knew would get through to Axel. "I'm going to go through with it. I'm going to awaken Sora."
Axel froze, staring back at him with a fleeting look of fear and anxiety. His mouth partially open as if trying to find something to say, a cutting silence flowing between the two of them. Axel narrowed his eyes, meeting Roxas's unwavering gaze.
The silence was soon broken by heavy footsteps, then Xigbar's amused and booming voice, his figure barely recognizable, hidden from around a corner. "Hey Axel, what are you doing over there? Find something interesting?"
"You could say that," Axel instantly shouted back, smirking at Roxas. "If you call our dual keyblade wielder interesting."
Roxas was furthest away from Xigbar, behind Axel, and had made no signs of movement but he momentarily found himself consumed by panic and a sense of betrayal, not giving himself a chance to think, he jerked back, reacting on reflex, reaching to summon his keyblades.
He was stopped by Xigbar's low but ear splitting laughter, sounding much like the free shooter was doubled over, his jagged shadow twisting on a far wall. "As if, good one Axel!"
"Right," Axel replied. "Don't wait up."
Xigbar laughed harder. "Whatever man."
Roxas could still feel Axel's eyes on him, burning into him, expression unreadable and it was only then he realized he'd forgotten to breathe. His throat felt tight, and his mouth had gone dry. He fought not to gasp, seriously wanting to rip Axel apart. Axel simply half smiled, motioning to him. Roxas grudgingly let himself be led into another obscured street until they were out of hearing range and Xigbar's laughter had died down. Everything was dead silent, just the two of them like Roxas had wanted it. "You're still a complete jerk." He bit out as soon as it was safe.
"Calm down," Axel said unconcerned. "He never would have believed me and now you know what the shock feels like."
Roxas ignored him, distancing himself from Axel until his back came into contact with a wall and they were standing on opposite sides of the street. The narrow space was beginning to agitate him and he found himself instinctively scanning the area for escape routes and any potential threats but so far coming here had led to only nothing. His anger was soon replace by a surge of frustration. He didn't have time for any of this. "Are you going to help me or not?"
"You know Rox? The best friend I've considered dead is suddenly back and now you're making up something about merging with Sora," Axel put his thumb and forefinger together, grinning a bit insanely. "So forgive me if I'm a little not altogether right now."
Axel didn't believe him or was trying to get a further reaction out of him. It made sense when Roxas wasn't sure what was even real anymore. He didn't say anything, finding himself focusing on a distant point over Axel's shoulder.
"Its been a really tough few weeks," Axel continued, breathing in deeply, tiredly and Roxas could hear the hesitation in his voice, as if he was trying to amend for what had just happened. Axel was a master at concealing things, at playing mind games. Roxas wasn't any exception to it as Axel would constantly jerk him around, sometimes even exploding at him first, then half regretting it later. It was fine with Roxas. He was always able to stay one step ahead, return anything Axel could think of, now it was just unnerving how easily they were falling back into their old routine. "And I meant what I said. But I know you wouldn't risk coming here unless there was no other way. Roxas if you're in some kind of trouble…"
"I'm not in trouble." Roxas said placidly. Almost against his will his eyes darted in the direction of the castle. He still couldn't shake it from his mind and if anything, no matter what good it did, he should know, only because once he'd been apart of all this and as much as he tried to deny it, he always would be to an extent. "The castle? What happened?"
Axel frowned and for a moment Roxas didn't think he would answer but he only stared distantly out at the street. "Almost a month ago we attempted Kingdom Hearts."
Roxas bit into his tongue, somehow trying to keep himself anchored but he wasn't surprised. Xemnas always had a habit of pushing things too far which had only increased with the failure of Castle Oblivion. Without Sora, Kingdom Hearts was supposed to be unattainable unless the superior had really just deluded himself to the point where he thought there had been a way. Still Roxas found himself looking down at his hands, trying to see if anything had changed but there was nothing. "It didn't work."
Axel shook his head. "Xemnas rushed it before it was complete. He was starting to become… desperate. Maybe he finally realized he wasn't getting a hold of Sora any time soon. Kingdom Hearts was unstable but we were close. You know I've never had much hope in the whole Kingdom Hearts thing but for a split second I could feel it, Rox. For a split second I knew why we've been trying so hard for this, that everything we had done so far was worth it."
Nothing had been worth it. No matter what Axel said it was the one thing Roxas was certain of. Not with Xemnas and his god like complex, trying to create a new order. Not with the organization taking control of the heartless and lesser nobodies, releasing them into worlds, letting them multiply and corrupt anything they touched, all for the sake of slaying them later, all for Kingdom Hearts. Xemnas had never cared who'd gotten in the way, never cared about the countless casualties and now everything was only spinning out of control. Hayner, Pence and Olette weren't worth it. Kairi wasn't worth it.
Axel gritted his teeth. "Then DIZ and an overgrown rat got in our way."
"DIZ…" Roxas repeated, finding it was all he could say.
"He had this machine type thing that he was trying to digitally seal Kingdom Hearts with," Axel continued resentfully. "And before we realized what was happening there was an explosion that took out a nice chunk of the castle and most of Xemnas's research." Axel snorted. "Castle Oblivion, countless missions, all of it pointless. Now we're back to square one, thanks to one suicidal old man. We found him in pieces later on."
It was hard for Roxas to believe what he was hearing. DIZ, who was the reason why Organization XIII was formed, who had him hunted down, who was more then willing to sacrifice him for Sora, who told him he was basically worthless, was gone. Once Roxas wouldn't have had any problem in ending his life, to take away his knowing eyes and his easy confident voice but DIZ had led him to Hayner, Pence, and Olette, had only been trying to protect the worlds and now Roxas didn't know what to think. "He's dead?"
"The back of his head was blown off." Axel smirked. "Yeah, I'd say he's pretty dead. Xemnas was also caught in the blast but he made it out alive, only he's different now, stays shut off. He's trying to rebuild but it's like he's lost his mind."
Xemnas was nothing to him anymore. He'd never drill false hope and half true ideas into his head again, would never use him, would never manipulate him again. The corner of Roxas's lips quirked upward, whatever happened Xemnas had deserved, brought on himself but Xemnas was a self proclaimed genius, immortal in his power and Roxas doubted an explosion would faze him much. He always found another way around. Xemnas needed to be stopped at all costs. Nothing would be over until he was but he wasn't who Roxas was worried about.
King Mickey, the name flooded his mind, bringing with it a sense of power, light, and longing that he knew wasn't his. He was the king Donald and Goofy were looking for and was nothing but a blurred image. "What about-"
"The rat?" Axel rose an eyebrow. "We haven't been able to find any traces of him, either he's been destroyed beyond recognition or somehow he got out. DIZ, the rat, they've always been in it together. Should have killed them both while we had the chance right? As soon as we found out what that bastard wanted to do with you."
Roxas cast his eyes downward, not wanting to look at Axel. He had the sudden desire to go after the mouse king, mixed with a cutting sensation of guilt and he didn't know if Axel was just acting oblivious or still trying to further work him up. "The heartless are spreading." Roxas said neutrally, not letting himself rise to anything. "They've made it to Twilight Town."
"It was only a matter of time Rox," Axel replied carefully. "That shouldn't surprise you."
"It doesn't but I…" Roxas trailed off, finding it hard to continue, partially anxious to what Axel's reaction would be to his friends, after their own warped friendship, after Roxas had pushed him away so hard. Roxas didn't want this to end before he even had a chance to explain what was going on, . "I have friends there. Hayner, Pence, and Olette."
"Friends?" Axel just laughed. "You mean the ones DIZ was going to hook you up with?"
Roxas eyed him skeptically. "You're talking about the simulation?"
"Right, Xemnas found out all the little details of it later on and do you remember when we had one of those missions in Twilight Town? I caught you staring at them?"
Roxas did remember it vaguely. He'd been on so many missions in the organization that passing faces were only distorted images but still there had been something there when he'd met Hayner, Pence, and Olette, an obscured sense of familiarity.
"They're not your friends Roxas," Axel finished. "What do you think would happen if they found out what you really are?"
Roxas could imagine it but he didn't think Hayner, Pence, and Olette would turn away from him completely. They'd be more worried, shocked, concerned but if they did, if they decided they didn't want anything more to do with him, Roxas wouldn't fault them. Nothing could erase the past year. He'd still care about them and for him that was enough. "Whatever happens, I'd still save them. That's why I'm merging with Sora."
Roxas could see Axel finally grasp the seriousness of the situation, something instantly changing between the two of them and a chill run up and down Roxas's spine as if he was standing on a thin layer of ice that could break at any moment.
"What are you now a martyr?" Axel snapped, clenching his hands. "You disappear for several months and come back, willing to throw your life away for what? A bunch of snot nosed kids?"
Roxas shook his head, their conversation was only going in a downward spiral and he needed to get it back on track "That's not the point. I wouldn't have any reason to be here if this was only because of them. You know that!"
"Right you would have already merged with him by now. So what's holding you back Rox, enlighten me."
"There's this girl."
"Right," Axel said dryly but looking strangely reassured. "Because it's always about a girl. Has Naminé been talking to you?" Roxas could see Axel's eyes glint in the darkness as he gave a twisted smile, his voice muted and half amused. "You ever see what crayons and paper look like when they burn Rox?" Roxas felt his stomach lurch into his throat, feeling sick and frozen. "They're so easy to set on fire all you have to do-"
"Naminé had nothing to do with this!" He lashed out. "This was my decision alone and if you so much as touch her-"
"I wouldn't touch her," Axel waved him off with a dark undertone of amusement still in his voice. "So what girl?"
Roxas took a breath, forced himself to clear his head. He was shaking and he didn't think it was from the cold "Kairi."
"Kairi huh? I've heard of her, the redhead, lives on Destiny Islands. Naminé's little alter ego."
"Destiny Islands is falling and Kairi along with it. I need someone that can save her, be able to keep her safe." Roxas's face hardened, a steely determination in his eyes but his voice was laced with anxiety. "I've already destroyed one of his friends. I can't let the other die."
"So you expect," Axel said evenly. "For me to chase after some girl while I just let you do this?"
"Do you think I want to fade back into him Axel? I don't have a choice!" Whatever had been holding him together until that point, Roxas felt rip in half. He was a kid, losing everything, watching as it unraveled and crashed around him, facing death with no way out and he was terrified. He was soon shouting, not caring who heard him anymore. "Come on, it should have never gotten this far!"
"What are you talking about?"
"That night you never should have shown up." His voice hitched, sounding as if it didn't belong to him. "I should have let the dog take me, let DIZ do whatever he wanted with me."
"How can you say that?"
Lightening flashed in the sky and there was a low rumble of thunder, the first few raindrops splashing down onto his face. "Because then I would have woken up in a simulation and realized everything was fake. Hayner, Pence, and Olette would have been fake and it would have hurt but I would be joined with Sora by now. Then maybe Hayner's mom would actually care about him, Olette wouldn't flinch every time I get near her, and Pence wouldn't be fighting for his life inside a hospital room!" Roxas felt his throat constrict and he swallowed. The hot stinging was back behind his eyes and he shut them tightly, lifting his hands to his face. "Then it wouldn't," He breathed, chocking. "Be so…hard to leave them."
"Roxas are you crying?" Axel sounded as if he was almost in awe.
Roxas let his hands slide from his face, his eyes completely dry. "Does it look like I'm crying?
"Right," Axel said a bit bitterly, slowly walking towards him "Because that would be impossible for us wouldn't it?"
Axel extended his arm, fingers spreading out against Roxas's cheek, threading through blonde hair, pulling him close.
Roxas immediately grabbed his forearms. "What-what are you doing?"
"I'm not doing anything." Roxas could feel Axel's warm breath against his forehead. "You said no one would miss you. That's not true. I miss you. I've missed you every second." Axel pulled him closer, arms encircling his shoulders. "Listen to me for once you don't have to do anything you don't want to. All you have to do is walk away. We can leave right now, anywhere you want."
Roxas tensed, his arms falling useless by his sides, his every muscle stiff and rigged, wanting to jerk away and yet he didn't. He felt frozen, empty as if he wasn't really there at all. "You don't get it. I'm trapped. The worlds are all going to die with out him. Even if I left, what then? Watch as another world is destroyed? Anyone I get close to, I'm going to have to watch die over and over and over again."
Axel moved him until his forehead was against his shoulder, one hand rubbing softly up and down his back, the other threading back through his hair. "I want to tell you don't have to worry but you're right, I can't. We don't know what the future holds but I can tell you, whatever happens I'll be with you. Sacrificing yourself isn't the answer."
Roxas closed his eyes, taking a breath that sounded more like a sob. "We can eat sea salt ice cream."
"Right, sea salt ice cream." Axel sounded slightly confused. "Whatever you want."
It would be so easy to walk away, to never look back. It was tempting and still at the same time he knew he couldn't. He promised himself he'd save his friends and to abandon them now would be a fate worse then death. He wasn't the savior of the worlds and he never would be but he had the ability within himself to end this, end all of it. He meant what he told Naminé, he was so tired of running. Sora needed him, the worlds needed him, his friends needed him and for once Roxas actually felt satisfied with himself. There was only one choice, there would ever be only one choice. He shoved away from Axel violently.
Axel stared back at him, his expression somewhere between hurt and distant acceptance.
"No…" Roxas shook his head, finding it hard to talk. "No!" he repeated, louder. "I'm going to save them." A half shattered smile formed on his lips. "I'm going to save the entire universe."
Axel never had the chance to reply, there were echoing footfalls, Xigbar's ragged shadow, from only a few feet away. "What the hell's going? I thought I heard-"
Xigbar cut himself off, stepping up beside Axel, his eyes widened, his mouth flew open. "Holy shit! I thought you were joking."
It didn't take Xigbar long to come out of the shock, his face melting into a sneer. "Well if it isn't our little traitor." He stepped forward. "Hey Roxas, Roxas, Roxas."
Roxas took a step back, keeping his expression indifferent, trying to avoid any kind of confrontation. He soon found himself again back up against the wall, purple light from a glowing neon sign catching the silver of Xigbar's gun arrow. A sharp metal point trailed across his forehead. The rain started to fall heavier, the metal was wet. "So why'd you leave us?"
He didn't say anything, didn't move, the pressure increased, there was a sharp sting. He didn't want to fight, it would be useless, pointless, hold him back from helping Kairi, distract him from what he needed to do but Axel was only watching, his face unreadable, not making any effort to intervene. "C'mon answer me."
Out of the corner of his eye Roxas saw Xigbar's hand move on the gun arrow. He summoned the keyblades, automatically blocking something that had been aimed for his head. He moved forward, their weapons locked.
Xigbar didn't seem to be put off at all, he didn't even make a move to fight back, instead laughing heartily. "Yeah, now there's that look. That's what I'm talking about."
Then Axel was beside them pushing at Xigbar's shoulder. Xigbar didn't protest and the chakram wielder moved between them. "Alright, enough. Roxas I think now would be a good time for you to-"
"Get out of here," Roxas finished.
"Bingo."
Roxas urgently met Axel's eyes. "And Kairi?"
"Sure," Axel answered monotonously. "You want the girl. I'll get her for you."
Roxas quickly nodded, running down the alleyway until he had enough space to call a portal, gone within a few seconds.
Axel and Xigbar just stared at each other, Xigbar frowning with still a trace of disbelief, the free shooter soon breaking the silence. "So, what was that I think I heard? Number XIII wants to save the universe. In other words he wants to merge with that keyblade kid."
Axel made his way past him, heading back to the Castle That Never Was.
"By the way what did he mean Kairi?" Xigbar fell into step beside Axel. "What was he-"
"Nothing, it's not important."
Xigbar looked liked he wanted to comment farther but sighed and let it go, rubbing at his chin thoughtfully "You know one of us is going to have to report this."
"I know, I'll report it."
"Nobel of you man." Xigbar snickered. "Especially since what Xemnas is going to order you to do now." Xigbar made a strangling noise in the back of his throat. "Fitting how you want to take care of your best friend."
Axel walked faster.
Xigbar leisurely stretched out his arms behind his head. "I have to admit though. I never thought you had it in you."
Axel paused, before he resumed walking again, his voice low and chilling. "The Roxas I knew is already dead."
0o0o0o0
It was still slightly dark outside and in the early hours of morning when Roxas found himself back at the hospital, standing in front of Pence's door. He'd came straight here, his Organization XIII cloak, lying in the nearest trashcan. This was where he needed to be, wanted to be, he had to say goodbye, his friends deserving that much. He took a quick breath, gripping Oathkeeper's keychain. It offered him a small sense of comfort, and his hold tightened until he could feel the smooth thalassa shells digging into his palm. He reached for Pence's doorknob, warily turning it, the door came open.
Pence was exactly the same as when he'd left but Pence's parents, Hayner, and Olette were gone. Roxas didn't know if he was disappointed or relieved. He expected to see his friends but he still didn't know how he was even going to face them and as much as it tore him apart to admit it, maybe it was better this way. Then after what had happened back in The World That Never Was and with what he was about to do, with death feeling closer with each passing second, he didn't want to be alone.
Roxas made his way over to Pence's bed, adverting his eyes, anything not to look at his friend's scarred and broken body. He grabbed a chair from by the wall, pulling it in front of Pence's beside, sitting down, staring at the floor completely lost, turning Oathkeeper over in his hands, listening to the heart monitor and Pence's steady breathing. He'd never been good at this, he shouldn't have to be good at this, no one should be especially Hayner and Olette. It felt like hours later when he finally forced himself to look up, his eyes taking in what he didn't want to believe was one of his best friends. Roxas was instantly over flooded with guilt, anger at everything, the organization, the world, himself.
He leaned forward, took Pence's hand, holding it lightly in his own. The skin was warm and the color was back, his lips not having the blue tint anymore, no blood in his lungs. Roxas remembered that the doctor had said it was going to be a long road back to recovery. He squeezed tighter. "You're going to be okay but you have to keep fighting alright? No matter what happens don't you dare give up."
Roxas clenched his eyes shut, turning his head away because he didn't know if he could stand to look at Pence any longer, and despite his best efforts his shoulders shook. "I'm sorry Pence. I'm so sorry." His voice faded into something that wasn't even a whisper. "This is all my fault. If I wouldn't have waited so long you wouldn't be like this. I'd take everything back if I could but… I can't. Maybe someday you can forgive me."
Roxas could see Pence's reaction, his friend giving him a blank look before waving him off, chuckling and telling him never to mention it again because there was nothing to forgive him for. "I know you'll pull through this because that's what you do right? You always pull through. I'm not going to have the chance to be here for you but I am going to stop them. If nothing else I'll stop them. So all you have to do is keep fighting understand?"
Roxas let Pence's hand fall from his, focusing his attention back on Oathkeeper. Running his hands over every corner, every curve, trying to remember every detail. He could almost feel where Kairi's fingers had been as she delicately laced the shells together. He could nearly feel her hands as she turned his over, placing the charm in his palm. "Take this. It's my lucky charm. Be sure to bring it back to me."
Roxas let himself slump back in his chair, both physically and emotionally exhausted. There wasn't a place that he couldn't feel stinging, hurting. "Kairi…" He eyes grew heavy, started to close. He didn't want to sleep but he wasn't able to fight it.
It felt like he'd just closed his eyes when he was awakened by the door slamming. He jerked his head up, seeing Hayner, with his hands fisted, his eyes narrowed. Olette was directly behind him, quiet and uneasy, her gaze on Roxas, filled with a mixture of confusion and relief. Roxas could handle the anger but looking at Olette only made the guilt resurface.
Hayner took a step forward. "Where the hell have you been?!"
"Out," Roxas answered neutrally. "I had something I needed to take care of."
"And whatever it was," Hayner seethed. "Was more important then being here with us?"
"Yeah, actually it was."
Hayner looked torn but he uncurled his hands, breathing hard, struggling with the effort to calm himself. "Fine I believe you," He said, voice tight. "So you had a good reason, a really good reason. Tell us what it was then."
"I can't do that."
Roxas expected Hayner to shout at him again but instead he just looked disappointed and hurt. "C'mon Roxas, do you have any idea how worried we were about you? No one knew where you were, no one had seen you. We looked everywhere. You owe us an explanation."
Roxas opened his mouth to reply but froze. Hayner was right, more then right but what was he supposed to say to them? That he was the shell of the universe's savior, he had killed, he didn't have a heart, he wasn't really alive? After what they'd all gone through, Hayner and Olette were entitled to the truth. Roxas trusted them, believed in them and he wanted to tell them, tell them everything but he couldn't. The organization was dangerous and he didn't want them involved but then they had been involved from the first moment they became his friends. To know was their choice, their decision, and still the words refused to leave his throat.
"Roxas," Olette said softly, breaking through to him. "Did… did it have something to do with those things?"
"What?"
"I thought since you're bleeding…"
"Bleeding?"
Olette brushed a hand from the middle of her forehead to the corner of her eye. "Right here."
Roxas copied her, feeling a jagged raised line and a thin layer of crusted blood. He hadn't even realized Xigbar had broken the skin. "It's nothing."
"Guys look, I…," He stood up, heading to the door. This was it, the last time he'd ever see them. He wanted out of the room before he ran out of the strength to go on. "I came back to tell you that I have to leave for awhile and I don't know if I'll ever be back but I thought… I thought you should know."
"Roxas, I don't understand," Olette's voice shook.
He didn't answer, reaching for the doorknob to have Hayner push him back. "I don't know what you're talking about but if you think I'm just going to let you walk out of here without-"
"You have to Hayner."
"No! There's been something weird going on with you and you're not going anywhere until you tell us what it is."
Roxas dully met his eyes. "You can't stop me."
"You don't think I know that?" Hayner gritted his teeth, taking a step backwards, completely blocking the doorway. "Fine do it then go through me or tell us what's wrong because I couldn't live with myself for not trying. So either one way or the other. Go on do it."
"You wouldn't believe me."
Hayner crossed his arms in an unspoken challenge. "Pence was just attacked by some giant insect the sky looks like it's falling. Try me."
"I can't tell you!" Roxas shouted frustrated, looking for some way to explain. "There are things about me that you can never know. If I told you it would put you in danger. There's things… people out there that want me dead and they could use you against me and I can't do that."
Hayner gave him a bland look. "So there are people out there who want you dead? You'd have to get someone seriously ticked off for that to happen. Does it have something to do with the past you keep trying to hide from us because here I was thinking you couldn't remember anything."
"My memories," Roxas said slowly. "Have been coming back." It was at least the half truth.
"And you were planning on mentioning this when?" Hayner's voice was like a grinding drill. "That's not good enough Roxas. That thing that attacked Pence what was it? Where were you? If you're running from something, if you're in some kind of danger you need to tell us."
"Roxas," Olette said hesitantly, even a bit desperately. "Whatever it is. It doesn't matter. We can help. We're your friends."
"It's not that simple." He countered. "Where I'm going no one can help me. There's something I need to do and it has to be alone."
"But you don't know unless you try." Olette said firmer, a determined glare, making its way to her face as she went to stand beside Hayner, pressing her feet into the hospital floor, leaning slightly forward, anchoring herself. "If you want to leave then you'll have to go through me too."
Hayner's and Olette's persistence and concern was doing nothing for him, instead it was irritating him. He hadn't planned on confronting them like this and they were making things harder then they had to be. They didn't know what he was going through, what is was like not to have a heartbeat, to have the universe's weight strangling them, suffocating them, to have their destinies written in blood. It wasn't their place to act like they could help him. "Fine," He snapped, walking to the back of the room, pacing. "You want to know so bad I'll tell you. That thing that attacked Pence is called a heartless. They survive by stealing other's hearts and slowly consuming everything in their path until there's nothing left but darkness. Once they come they won't stop and everyone here, both of you are going to end up exactly like Pence unless I stop it."
Hayner and Olette stared back at him in a mixture of disbelief, shock, and fear. "The world's about to end and you're actually going to leave us." Hayner stated. "Exactly the same way you came into our lives."
"I'm doing this for both of you! To protect you!"
Olette's eyes were wide, her breathing coming in short gasps, looking mildly sick. She shook her head. "You don't need to protect us Roxas. We'll find a way out of this together."
They were missing the point, both of them were completely missing the point. "There is no other way Olette, you don't know how much I want there to be another way. Don't you understand what I'm telling you?! If I don't do this, you, Hayner, and everyone in Twilight Town is going to die! You have to trust me!"
"But we're not dead yet." Hayner's expression was defiant, stony. "And I'm not about to lose anyone I care about."
"How do we know what you're saying is even real?" Olette added. "I know you wouldn't lie to us about something like this at least not intentionally but Roxas how can you know this, how can you know any of this?"
Roxas glanced at the door, shut tightly from where Hayner had slammed it. Maybe he could tell them some of it, somehow avoid mentioning the organization. "Okay, but what I'm about to say doesn't leave this room."
Hayner and Olette quickly nodded.
"Heartless don't only steal hearts." Roxas started. "They take what's inside, your light, your darkness, your soul. Once your heart is gone you become a heartless. It's how they spread so quickly. But sometimes if someone has a very strong heart they become something else…a nobody. They're kind of like heartless but with a few different features and they still maintain human characteristics. They're smarter, stronger. Sometimes on extremely rare occasions someone can be reborn as a nobody, they keep a human appearance, and all their memories of their past lives. They become a soulless shell, they're not human, they're not anything."
Hayner bit into his bottom lip, Olette shuddered.
"About two years ago I sacrificed myself for someone very important to me." Roxas breathed in sharply. It was unnerving referring to himself as Sora but he quickly dealt with it and moved on. He closely watched Hayner and Olette. They looked as if they were standing on glass. "I pierced my own heart and I was reborn as Roxas. Only there were a lot of complications involved and I'm different from the others. I've have the ability to get my heart back, something that's unheard of but in doing so I can save the whole world. That's where I'm going."
"You mean all this time you knew about those things, you knew this could happen?" Hayner forced out harshly but mainly stunned. "All this time you've been one step above them. That can't be-"
"C'mon Hayner think about it. You know there had to be things about me that didn't add up that were off-"
"Well yeah…but-"
"Have you ever once noticed I don't have a heartbeat?" He could nearly see Hayner and Olette turning it over in their minds. All the times Olette had dragged him through clothing stores with her hand around his wrist, how he didn't have any family, his obscured past, all of his abilities, things he'd let slip, the way they had found him, his usual lack of emotion, how he didn't know basic things, how he was able to kill that heartless. He came to stand in front of them, turning his arm over, exposing the inside of his wrist. "Find a pulse." Hayner and Olette didn't say anything, they didn't move. "That's what I thought."
He reached for the door again and this time Hayner and Olette didn't try to stop him. He was half way down the hall when he heard Olette. "Roxas wait!"
He glanced back. Olette running up toward him, Hayner one step behind her.
"There has to be," Olette said anxiously as soon as she reached him. "Something we can do to help, anything."
"Just take care of yourselves," He replied automatically. "Do whatever you need to, to survive until help comes, it shouldn't be long. You can kill them too." He added. "Olette chased one off with a stick. Just hit them before they have a chance to see you, find something sharp and aim for their heads. If you see something else run."
Olette nodded, apprehensive but accepting. "Something else…? How many kinds are there?"
"There's several. What you saw was a Neoshadow, it's the easiest to kill and least dangerous." He paused. The last thing was simple but he was nearly afraid to ask. "And could you remember me as I am right now, as your friend, as Roxas, I want to know I've stayed in someone's memory."
The next thing he knew was that Olette had her one arm around his shoulders, her hand clutching at the back of his shirt. "We could never forget you," He could feel her tears against the side of his neck, her body shaking with sobs. "Never. Please Roxas, please don't leave. Please don't do this."
He awkwardly put his arm around her back. "I'm sorry." He whispered because it was all he could think of to say. Then a sudden thought occurred to him and he pushed Olette slightly back. "Hey Olette, can you hang onto something for me?" He didn't wait for her to respond, pulling out Oathkeeper and handing it to her. "I'm not even the one who should have it."
"What is it?" Olette sniffed, blinking back tears, dangling the star shaped keychain in front of her face. "Some kind of charm?"
"It's a keychain, it's Oathkeeper."
Olette forced a smile. "It's cute."
Roxas smirked at her before taking out Oblivion and extending his arm out toward Hayner. "Hayner, Oblivion."
His friend reached for it, holding it in the palm of his hand, running his thumb over the glinting ebony surface, over each point of the crown. "It feels strange, like there's some kind of power in it."
"There is and they're part of what has kept me alive for so long. They used to be my whole life." Oblivion meant the absence of memory and Oathkeeper to keep a promise. For the longest time they had been the only tie to who he really was. They'd been his past, his present, his future. They only thing to grab a hold of when there had been nothing. "But they're not really that important to me anymore. When a kid named Sora comes here give these to him. You can't miss him. He'll probably be with some talking animals and he looks kind of… like me but with brown hair spiked all over the place. They're his."
Olette clutched Oathkeeper tightly to her chest. "We understand."
"So, I'll see you then." Roxas raised his arm to bump his forearm with Hayner's, their signature handshake. Hayner stared at him for a moment before pulling him into a hug. "I don't care what you have to do, what you are. You're still the same Roxas I've always know. You're still my best friend."
"Whatever you have to do Roxas," Hayner said as soon as he released him. "Whatever is going to happen you have to promise, you'll try, you'll try as hard as you can to make it back to us."
It felt nice not to have to carry the whole secret around them anymore. After all the things he'd done Hayner and Olette still just wanted to help him. He didn't deserve them as friends. "Yeah… I promise." It sounded fake even to him.
He turned away, Hayner and Olette trying to force themselves not to run after him, Olette's hand slipping into Hayner's even with the charm.
0o0o0o0
He was standing just before the gate to the mansion, each step seeming heavier then the next. He took a breath, forced himself to keep going. There was a heavy crunching sound and he jerked his head to the side, immediately on guard. He scanned the area but didn't see anything. "Naminé?"
He shook his head, continued forward but the sound came again. Then Axel was there, shoulder bushing against the brick fence, Roxas trailing him wearily with his eyes until the redhead came to stand between him and the gate. A chakram forming in his hand as he tossed it idly into the air, catching it. "Guess again Rox."
0o0o0o0
Notes: I'm so sorry guys! I know it's been about 10 months since I've updated. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter out soon. Thanks for waiting and putting up with me.
Also do you think that last scene with Axel and Roxas in The World That Never Was was too ooc. I thought it might work since they hadn't seen each other in so long and I wanted to show Axel as offering Roxas a way out. I want back through the chapters and changed a few things since one of the things Axel says to Roxas wouldn't make sense unless I did but it's nothing big. And I don't even know if Roxas has the Oathkeeper and Oblivion keychains. I just thought it would be a nice touch if he gave them to his friends.
Thanks so much for the reviews. I really appreciate them so much. Especially Kimitala whose been with me all this time.