When Love and Hate Collide

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: I think I can do it. Just a bit more and I think I can.

This is a bit bitter. Thanks to Michelle Branch's Breathe. I can't wait for this fic to reach its climax. Ha-ha.

2: Letting Go

"I remember what we used to say

When things won't tumble down

Now we're here and finally it changed

We're not standing on solid ground

I don't understand; when did we go wrong?

And I can't imagine…

Where will I be 365 days from now?"

-Lutricia McNeal, 365 Days

You say I've been driving you crazy

And it's keeping you away

And I give you just a little time

I wonder if you realize

I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes

If I just breathe

I'll know everything is alright

Everything is alright.

-Michelle Branch, Breathe

Boy,

You only look like prince charming.

-Girl

(An anonymous letter posted on the website "Letters from the Crushed")

Tomoyo drove on for what seemed like hours, not knowing where to go and where she'd end up, if ever she wanted to go somewhere. Her body was numb, her heart a gaping hole in her chest. Their breakup still wrought havoc to her reeling senses. Her mind rejected the idea, and yet it ate up all space inside, until she thought of nothing but Eriol.

In the end, she had to go home. After all, life had to go on, with or without Eriol beside her.

I need to do everything alone now. She can't even call Sakura and cry on her shoulder—she had to deal with it on her own…

Breathe, Tomoyo. Why can't you breathe? Everything will be fine. Life goes on, right? You can't wallow in misery forever.

It happened so quickly. Seven months. And she thought that they'd have plenty of time to be together, to get to know each other thoroughly, but in the end, she doubted that she knew the real Eriol Hiiragizawa after all. He never really opened up to her…

"What are you doing?" she'd ask him. He'd reply with a shrug, a smile, or whatever and simply kiss her on the forehead without ever answering her question. She used to think it was sweet of him, but now she thought he was hiding away from her. He didn't want her to learn anything about him.

He was like that, she thought now. From the start…

Driving around town is a pretty boring hobby, but Tomoyo loved the exhilaration of fast driving, of beating the red light, of anything that could thrill her. Sakura never approved of the way she drove her flashy car all over Tokyo, but then, Sakura was too busy getting back to Syaoran to join her, so there's no one to tell her off.

This is what I've been missing, she thought. Lately, she'd been too busy with designing that she barely had time for herself.

She wondered if she should drop by at Sakura's, but decided against it. She wouldn't risk intruding on her and Syaoran, if they've gotten together now. And she was pretty sure they were, too.

So much for freedom, she thought gloomily. It was the only free time she's had in weeks, and here she was, nowhere to go, no one to spend it with. She wished she hadn't dumped *that* guy several weeks ago, but hey, how was she to know she'd end up this way today?

She hated to admit it, but the fun was wearing thin, driving around Tokyo without anywhere to go.

Okay, five minutes. I'll drive some more and stop wherever I am after five minutes, she thought as she turned right on a corner she was sure she hasn't been on before.

She ended up in a dingy little bar she didn't even know about before. After ordering a couple of drinks, she settled herself at the bar and observed the people around her.

The bar wasn't even full. Some people just order a drink or two and then leave. Quite unlike the bars she used to frequent, she thought. Those bars were open all night long, with people partying until dawn. This…this was so much simpler, quieter even, yet interesting just the same.

Her drinks arrived and she drank them leisurely, watching the bartender as he did his job.

Soon, she was bored. Again. Until he came…

Tomoyo shook out of her stupor, drying her tears furiously. She wasn't the sort of woman who'd sit by and wallow in misery because of some guy. Nothing would change anything, she knew. It's over and done for. She should really stop whining about it.

It's time to move on.

---

"You did what?" Sakura shrieked over the phone as Tomoyo calmly announced that she and Eriol broke up. "B-but you're engaged," she protested weakly.

She wasn't even sure who was at fault—she was certain neither was wont to tell anything. Knowing them both, it might be some petty quarrel and their pride got in the way of things. She can't imagine them wanting to cry off; they were perfect for each other.

"Not anymore. It wasn't really meant to be," Tomoyo said, a bit coldly that Sakura felt a bit chilled by her tone. Was it really over?

"But what about dinner later? It's our anniversary, and you're both my dearest friends. You must come."

"Of course I'm going to come," Tomoyo said indignantly. "It's not like we're teenagers or anything, you know. We can be civil to each other," she added firmly.

"But…but…are you sure this is for the best? Your decision, I mean. Honestly."

"You let me worry about my own problems," Tomoyo said stiffly.

"As if you'd let me do that when I was the one in trouble."

"I'm serious, Sakura," Tomoyo said, dropping the honorific to indicate she meant what she said. "Stay out of this one."

"Oh, Tomoyo-chan…"

"Don't you 'Tomoyo-chan' me," she said. "It's a closed book, and it's best if we don't linger in things we can't change."

"If you say so," somehow, Tomoyo's calm composure unnerved Sakura more than if she came bawling her eyes out to the party. Sensible just doesn't fit her emotional bombshell of a friend.

She's hurting more than she let on, but I can't do anything about it.

"So," Tomoyo sounded so cheerful, but she thought she heard her voice crack. "I'll see you later, shall I?" Sakura replied almost mechanically, and then the call ended.

"Trouble, honey?" Syaoran's voice asked behind her.

"It's Eriol and Tomoyo…they've broken up." She whispered.

---

Tomoyo slammed the phone back to the receiver with more force than usual.

She didn't want to come, but she didn't want to be called a coward. She never backed down from any challenge. She'd just have to show him she had moved on, that he didn't mean a thing to her anymore.

Somehow, forgetting all about Eriol Hiiragizawa was easier said than done.

She clenched her fists in determination. She could do this. He'll see. He'll see.

---

Eriol did not want to come to Sakura and Syaoran's anniversary party. People they both knew were bound to notice, and there'd definitely be awkward questions he'd like to avoid.

But Sakura would never forgive him if he didn't come, so…they'd just have to weather it out. He would do his best to be civil about it. He just wasn't sure she'd do the same.

Now, here he is, looking all awkward standing outside the Lis' doorstep. Several times he raised his hand to knock, but he would lose all the nerve and just drop his hand.

The sudden opening of the door took him by surprise. Even more so when he saw who opened the door.

"I thought you'd be here," Tomoyo said coolly. "Come on in. Sakura's not planning to start without everyone present. You're the only one missing."

The cold demeanor took him aback. But then, perhaps it was better than synthetic civility.

At the very least, it's good that she wasn't throwing things at him or anything.

"Oh. Right," was the only thing he managed before he entered.

Silence fell inside as Tomoyo reentered the living room with Eriol in tow. Of course, everybody just learned that the two broke up, so it was awkward to see them together like this.

For what would you say to them? We're sorry? Why? How?

"Come on, what's the matter with you guys?" Tomoyo said in an unnaturally high-pitched voice. She sounded in control, but everyone including him, Eriol, knew, that Tomoyo was very close to breaking apart.

"Tomoyo…" Sakura said softly, smiling uncertainly. "Everyone… since we're all here, we might as well start."

A nervous chatter broke around them. It took all Eriol's gall to remain standing there with a smile on his face. He was sure now that Tomoyo hadn't told Sakura anything, since she wasn't slapping him in the face just yet. Still, he never felt so guilty. He only realized then what a big, humongous jerk he was.

Tomoyo seemed satisfied that people won't be staring at them and she took it as her cue to leave Eriol's side.

She seemed so composed, as opposed to his bungling self. He wondered how she did it.

And he wondered why he felt uneasy.

---

So far, so good, Tomoyo thought, exhaling softly. She never thought she was made of such stern stuff. Her friends were too polite to ask what happened, but there were curious glances here and there, a sympathetic pat in the back…she endured them all. Once, Naoko Yanagisawa asked her if she was okay, and she thought she was going to cry. Instead she shrugged and smiled and told her she was doing fine.

Dinner was over. Now they were going to do a toast for Sakura and Syaoran. She thought she'd congratulate her best friend for her latest book, as well. After that, the party's going to break up soon. So she just needed to endure all this for about 20 minutes more, leave and then drop the tough girl act.

---

Tomoyo managed to last until after dinner, Eriol noted. She was all smiles, calm and composed. Yet her eyes remained oddly cold, her cheers falling a tad too phony in his ears. She even smiled at him once when their eyes met (although most of the time she pretended he didn't exist), causing him to feel like he'd been kicked in the gut.

He wanted to shake her so badly to stop acting like everything's perfect. He wanted her to hate him, to slap him in the face as she did back then. He didn't want her to be like this, a mechanical doll that smiled and nodded to the world like nothing was wrong in her world. Everybody could see that she was close to breaking down every now and then, and yet she went on like everything's fine.

The urge to rile her up, make her human again, was overwhelming. However, he didn't want to do it with so many people around—he knew it would humiliate her, her pride wouldn't take it so easily if she was to cry here and now.

Finally, only four of them—Sakura and her husband Syaoran, he and Tomoyo—were left. Sakura closed the door after seeing Takashi Yamazaki and his wife Chiharu off. Then, when she saw that Tomoyo was getting ready to leave, she crossed her arms and remained rooted in front of the door.

"Oh, no, Tomoyo Daidouji. You aren't going anywhere until you tell me what the hell's going on."

"What do you mean, what's going on?" Tomoyo replied, trying, and failing, to sound casual.

"This! You're acting like you're perfectly fine but we both know you aren't. Everyone knows it!"

"But I am all right!"

Eriol snorted. Tomoyo's eyes strayed on him, looking hurt and accusing.

God, he forgot just how beautiful those eyes were…and he also forgot that he was the one at fault.

"Now, both of you, we are going to settle it here. I won't let any of you leave until you tell me what really happened."

"Sweetheart, I don't think it's…" Syaoran said softly, convincing Sakura to end her meddling.

"No. They need to settle things now between them instead of pretending everything's a-okay between them! Civilized people be damned!"

"Butt out of it, Sakura," Tomoyo said softly. The phony smile left her face and her eyes glinted dangerously. But Sakura wasn't her best friend for nothing.

"No. Tell me."

"Why don't you ask Eriol there about it?" She said contemptuously. "Maybe he'd care to enlighten you."

Ah, there it was. She couldn't ignore his presence any longer, could she? That was better than pretending he didn't exist.

However, he could not admit it to his best friend that he messed up their relationship on purpose because he was losing interest.

"I think Tomoyo's right and you're nosing in on someone else's business."

Tomoyo was ignoring him again. She'd left the room and reemerged from the kitchen with her bag in tow.

"I'm leaving and you won't try to stop me if you know what's good for you, Li Sakura."

"I wouldn't dream stopping you, Tomoyo. But I did hear you correctly, didn't I? You said it's not like you're teenagers. You said you'd be civil to each other."

"Who exactly are we talking about here?" She retorted.

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be," Eriol could not restrain himself any longer. He didn't know why, but he was pissed. Big time.

"How dare you," Tomoyo snapped finally, lashing out at him. Now that was more like the Tomoyo he knew.

"What? I never thought it would be such a big issue," he said nonchalantly. "You acted all cool and okay about it, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember too well you were making out with that nitwit," Sakura gasped at Tomoyo's words.

"You didn't, Eriol! How could you?"

He knew Sakura could very well hate him now, but he didn't care. He had his reasons. And he wasn't through provoking Tomoyo just yet.

"Nitwit, huh? You aren't jealous, are you? After all, we decided we're really over that day."

"You oaf!" Tomoyo shrieked, launching herself at him. "You—are—the—worst—jerk—I—had—the—misfortune—to—meet!" She just kept on punching him in the chest and he let her. Sakura was about to follow suit but Syaoran pulled her away firmly, shaking his head as he led her out of the living room.

"Had enough yet?" He asked softly when she stopped her attack and just stood before him, head bowed.

"I hate you," she whispered.

"I know," he whispered back, "and I'm sorry it turned out this way. I didn't want to hurt you, but there was no other way. It isn't your fault; it's just the way I am. Believe me; our marriage would have been over as soon as it started."

She smiled bitterly. "We'd never know now, will we? I have to go." She stepped away from him. "I have a lot of things in mind. I need time to cool things out."

"You take care," he said as she turned to leave.

"And…Eriol, I mean it this time. I don't think we can see each other again like this. I don't think I can be civil, after all."

"I know." He replied. "If it weren't for Sakura, I wouldn't have come. It hardly signifies, I think she hates me now that she has an idea of why we broke up."

His words brought fresh pain to her heart. Sakura again… she's already married, but it seems you still hold her dear…

"I'm going now. You take care."

"Tomoyo…I really am sorry."

"I know," she said softly. And I hate you for not believing our marriage could have worked. I hate you for being such a coward. I hate you for hurting me so much when all I did was love you.

She couldn't take any more torture in such a short span of time. She strode out of the room and left.

---

Eriol could only stare at Tomoyo's retreating back. She was more hurt than she let on, he knew. And it was eating him up slowly.

"She left?" It was Li Syaoran, his old nemesis when he was still wooing Sakura.

"Yeah," he said softly. "I've been such a jerk."

"Aren't we all when it comes to love?" Syaoran said dryly.

He snorted, although he didn't feel like laughing. "Where's Sakura?" He asked abruptly, changing the subject before Syaoran's thoughts ran deeper than it already is.

"She's upstairs. She's terribly upset with the both of you, you know. But she's especially pissed with you."

"Color me surprised," he replied. He and Syaoran weren't exactly friends; with the kind of past relationship they had, Eriol supposed it wasn't easy to get close.

"Have some brandy, won't you?" Syaoran said after a while. He knew it was an offer to come and talk.

Perhaps this man wasn't so bad. They went off a bad start, but maybe they could be friends.

And just as well. There are some things only another man would understand. Sakura's a great friend, but she wasn't a man. And she'd definitely side with Tomoyo on this—not that he begrudged Tomoyo for Sakura's affection. She needs Sakura now more than he.

"Sure," he replied, rising to his feet. He needed that drink—not to mention the friendship—badly.

TBC

A/N: I love dramas. As long as it's not melodrama.