flashback
'thoughts'
"dialogue"
Secrets of the Snow Pt 2
Hinata cried and drank a little bit more of her sake to try and help her sleep, but her stomach and nerves were too much of a mess for either to work.
So she sat in the window of her bedroom and stared blankly out into the window.
Tsunade had given her a picture of the man she was supposed to seduce/assassinate so she'd know her target before she got there.
Overweight.
Black hair and shaggy beard.
Womanizer.
Plunderer. Tyrant. Coward.
Selfish. Unforgiving.
Kept his brother, the true daimyo, hidden, bound, and chained in the dungeon to die.
Cold, cold red eyes. The color of blood.
'The same color as his own blood,' she thought. 'I'll know when I shove my katana through his pudgy throat.'
But first she'd have to hear that throat pant and grunt and have his sloppy mouth upon her neck and his fat hands hurtfully touching and squeezing every part of her.
The very thought made her skin crawl. She wanted to boil herself in hot water to get the feeling to go away.
'How can they put kunoichi through this?' she thought, hugging herself. 'Surely they could have ANBU just kill him or some other jounin…they don't need a women to sleep with him to find out where his brother is, do they? That's…that's not in my job description! If…if I would have known being a kunoichi involved losing your virginity to a…pig I never would have started this! It's not worth it!'
She squeezed her eyes shut and still the tears came. There was no stopping them.
She had to sleep. Needed to prepare for tomorrow.
'Fuck tomorrow.' Her bitter thoughts raged. 'And fuck the mission. I…I hope the earth opens up and swallows me whole before tomorrow!"
Hinata leaned her face into the glass and let the tears nearly freeze on her cheeks.
"Ugh. I just don't ever want to breathe again." She whispered to the glass.
The snow outside was so beautiful. Pure. Innocent. It fluttered toward the earth and hugged it firmly, bringing about a new season and a new reason to be alive.
She remembered a time when she loved the snow, but now she envied it.
How she'd give anything to keep her innocence and purity perfect, unmarred and beautiful.
No kunoichi should give it up that way.
Because you can never get it back, and you will always remember it.
'Get your mind off of this, Hinata!' she berated herself. 'Grow up! There's no such thing as happily ever after anymore. Naruto doesn't love you, you're a kunoichi and you have a duty, and that's just how it is!'
Choke.
Sob.
"Please God, let there be another way…"
"Hinata-sama."
That smooth voice came from a light in her doorway, but the light dimmed as soon as it spoke.
"Neji-nii-san! I'm sorry…I did not mean to disturb your sleep…" she hung her head, unable to look him in the eyes anymore. Not after what she tried.
"No, Hinata. Don't be."
She suddenly became enveloped in a warm embrace, the scent of musk and lavender filling her senses. It was comforting…like a scarf. Hinata closed her eyes and lost herself in it.
The embrace was intimate, and spoke volumes, things Neji knew that he could never, ever say.
Unspoken promises.
"Neji-nii-chan?"
"Mm?" his pearly eyes peaked up from his steaming mug of hot chocolate.
"Why…why did you lie to your father?"
He was silent for a moment, his cheeks turning red but he hid his face behind the mug. He then set the mug down and looked at her.
"I…I'm going to be a strong shinobi one day."
She listened intently, munching on her uncle's delicious homemade cookies.
"And someday, when I have to, I'll need to give everything I have to protect the people important to me. Father says that being a shinobi is all about sacrifice."
"So…you…sacrificed yourself to your father?"
He smiled warmly again and took her hand.
"Kind of, I guess."
They sat there and stared at their joined hands for a while, just lost in thought and listening to the fire crackle in the background.
"Y'know…Hinata-sama…you…you'd make a good shinobi too, one day." Young Neji admitted with a blush on his cheeks.
Her eyes glimmered more than a thousand stars. "Really, Neji-nii-san?"
"Yeah, because you…you were brave enough to tell the truth and do the right thing. All good shinobi do that too."
"But I can't lie…ever! Papa says that liars get kidnapped by Orochimaru-san and eaten by his snakes!"
"Well then," he freed his hand from hers to put his hands his mug." I will just have to protect you then too."
Hinata beamed, leaned over and kissed Neji firmly on his cheek.
"Thank you, Neji-nii-san! And I promise that I will protect you too."
And they just sat there, together, holding one another. He, consoling her, and she, falling into him.
It was his favorite part about her. One could sit and hold her forever and never say a word. You would always know, always feel her heart.
Subconsciously, he squeezed her tighter to him when he felt her cry.
"You will not cry." He said sympathetically. "You have nothing to lose."
"Nothing, or everything? I can't go through with this…I'm not that strong…"
"No!" he swiftly pulled her away and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Never say that! You are stronger than you think you are Hinata! If you believe that you are weak, you will become weak! I know many things about you, Hinata, and one thing you are not, is weak. I have witnessed this myself, and I would never lie to you. You may not have Sakura's strength, Tenten's weapons, Temari's wit, or Ino's creativity, but you have something stronger: your heart. And that is the mightiest sort of strength there is."
Hinata looked at him, mouth agape. Where was this coming from? Did Neji…really think this about her?
"Not even Rock Lee could mimic that kind of strength. You care, love, and support like no other kunoichi I've seen. You came out of the Chuunin exams with your pride intact, didn't you?"
"N-Neji…"
"Don't underestimate yourself. I made that mistake about you long ago. You have Hyuuga blood running through your veins and no matter what life throws at you, you will always pull through with your strong heart."
She didn't know what to say.
So she grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him firmly on the lips with a passion she did not know that she possessed.
Then she instantly pulled away once she realized what she had done. She put her hands to her lips. And watched her cousin's surprised expression melt into amusement.
"N-Neji! I-I-I'm sorry! I-I-I-I didn't mean to do that…"
The brunet chuckled softly and pulled her hands away from her mouth.
"Yes, you did." He murmured smoothly, leaning in toward her.
"N-N-Neji…" she flushed, trying to regain her composure.
"Mm?" his warm lips hovered above hers, ready to show her what a real kiss tasted like.
"You….you…don't have to do this." She suddenly stood up and walked away from the window. "I…I was stupid earlier. I didn't know what I was doing. And I was drunk. Trying to seduce my own cousin…what was I thinking?"
Neji just sat there and listened to her rant.
"Of all the stupid ideas…You were right. I should've gotten someone else to do it…someone I…"
"Trust more than me?"
She stopped mid-rant and turned to face him. He had also stood up from the windowsill and had his hands crossed over his chest.
"No, you!…You don't know what I mean…"
"Hinata…I know what you want, and I know how you wanted it."
"Neji!" she cried firmly, wholly embarrassed. "Let me assure you that you know nothing…"
"I know that you don't have a choice anymore."
"What?!"
'Nice going, Hyuuga. Way to sound like a rapist.' He berated himself and scratched the back of his head. Damn why was he so flustered all of a sudden?
"No, what I mean is…on this mission, you're going to lose it anyway. The Lord Hokage ordered you and you have to. The fact that…you haven't lost it yet is not your fault. You have your beliefs and traditions, however naïve they might in fact be. But it is not by your choice that you lose your womanhood to this raving madman. Most kunoichi…that's how they lose it. To the cold-blooded."
"And what? You think that my 'mighty heart' is too delicate for that?"
"You don't want that. You don't deserve that."
"…No one ever gets what they deserve. I learned that the hard way."
"But you…" he walked up behind the kunoichi and put his hands on her exposed shoulders. "You can."
She laughed, almost bitterly.
"So you would shag your own cousin just because you think I deserve better?"
He whipped her around fiercely to face him; his intense moonlit eyes shanking her like one thousand needles.
"No." he said it like it was the last word on earth.
The silence that grew between them was unbearable. His gaze was so intense, that she shifted beneath it, but met it head on. She would absolutely NOT let him do something that he would regret later. He deserved a life he was proud of; after all he's been through.
His tender hand cupped her cheek and his warm thumb grazed across her skin.
"Hinata, I would love you…because I love you, and would give my last breath to protect you."
Her noble eyes filled with tears. Damn! How did he always manage to reduce her to that?
"Neji…it would hurt me…badly… to give myself up to him…but I would live. Life…would go on…"
"But I couldn't live with myself knowing that some ravenous hound dog is touching you when there was something that I could do about it! Dammit all, Hinata, that's what I promised you!" It was almost enough to make him go to the Hokage…
"But we're not kids anymore, Neji. This is serious, and there are…"
"Damn the consequences, Hinata!" He grabbed her wrists and pinned them to his own chest. His vivid silver eyes pierced her so tangibly; she almost winced in pain. His sculpted chest heaved with anger and adrenaline. She had never seen him so riled before…not about anything…it almost reminded her of Naruto's own burning passion.
That insatiable blond had an effect on anyone he came in contact with, she supposed.
"I just…don't want you to…be ashamed or…regret doing this, Neji-nii-san…"
"Hinata," he said her name with an ounce of exasperation. "Why would I ever regret…loving and protecting one of my most precious people?"
"You…l-love me?"
"…How many times do I have to say it?"
She grabbed onto his wrists and stared deep into his silver eyes, and found his soul there. Tears flowed from her own eyes as she could almost reach out and touch the depth of love she found in them.
He would never lie to her.
He would always sacrifice himself for her.
He would do all this because he loved her.
And that was enough.
*****
He was afraid to open his eyes the next morning for fear that it had all been a dream.
But when he felt the sun on his cheeks and a soft breath on his neck, he knew that perhaps it wasn't.
Her heart beat slowly and strongly against his own chest, and her hair, so long and sweet surrounded him. Her breathing was even and though it may have been the sun through her window, she seemed to glow from within.
She was a beautiful sight.
Hinata must have felt him watching her and she slowly opened her eyes.
"Good morning." She murmured against his skin.
"Good morning, Hinata-chan."
She didn't know what more to say, so she just lay there next to him and entwined her fingers with his.
"Sleep well?"
"Oh yes, Neji. Very well." he felt her lips curve into a smile and he gently squeezed her hand.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." He muttered after awhile, running his fingers through her hair. It seemed appropriate to apologize.
"No, I was prepared for it and… you were careful. That's all I can ask for."
Silence filled the room once more, and that was all they needed. Nothing more needed to be said, they just lay with each other, enjoying the pleasure of each other's company. All their worries, fears, problems, just seemed to vanish into thin air. It was extremely intimate and unexplainable, almost a religious experience.
Most, would frown upon two cousins loving this way, but neither of them neither cared nor regretted the experience. If anything, it tightened their already close bond.
Hinata grinned and started to quietly hum as her toes began to softly play with his in thought.
Almost a half-hour later, but too soon for Neji, she sat up and stretched, letting his hands and her comforter fall onto the bed around her.
"Sorry, Neji-nii-san. I need to get ready because I have to leave for Tiger in 45 minutes." She answered the unspoken question with a tinge of regret in her voice. Her eyes turned back to look at his languid form, and he only responded with a dismissive wave of his hand.
She stood up and stretched again, welcoming the fresh sunlight on her skin. His half-lidded eyes watched her lovingly before he closed them once again. He had had a fitful sleep that night, worrying about her and if she hated him for hurting her.
But her demeanor when he woke up changed that completely.
"The snow is so beautiful today, nii-san."
And she was beautiful indeed.
A strong and powerful warrior with no regrets and never to be underestimated.
She had grown on her own into a vivacious kunoichi, but he knew that there would never come a day when she wouldn't need him.
And that was enough.
He fell asleep comfortably listening to her turn her shower on and sing.