Alright. Chapter Three is up. The usual, people, BL, torture, angst (I seemed to be able to write angst only, I blame that on my angsty life), and UNBETA-ED. And although I would dearly love to own the Madabuchi trio, I don't have the means or the money to get them. And Kyou would kill me before I even lay my hands on Yuki. T_T Hehe. May I present to you...

Chapter Three

White.

"Am I in heaven?"

A sharp slap greeted his question.

Now, he saw stars floating in his vision. He moved his hand to rub away the irritating stars but instead was grabbed by a pair of cold yet strong hands. In fact, the grip on his arm was hurting him. A lot.

"How dare you try to end your life? Only I have a say in that and I never give the green light for you to do so." The hiss was venom to Ayame's ears. The cold fury chilled his bones and left him shivering. H e was not dead. If not, he would not have to hear that voice again. As these bitter thoughts swirled in his head, he was caught off guard and a set of warm soft lips was forcefully pressed onto his.

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

"Sorry but Ayame-san never came to the store at all. Ano sa, is Ayame-san ok? Because he really did promise to be here today but he has yet to turn up here. Ayame-san is never like that. He keeps his promise and besides, there are so many orders to be fulfilled. He knows that I can't manage by myself so he would most definitely be here. But he's not. So, is something wrong? Anything?"

"No, I'm just wondering. There's nothing wrong with him. After all, he has such a mundane and carefree life…"

"Hatori-san."

"Yes?"

"That is an insult to Ayame-san! Looking carefree in front of you does not mean that he really does have no worries or problems."

The engage tone rang in his ears.

"Ayame has… problems?"

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

Warmth.

'No…'

So comforting in this weather.

'Don't…'

The possessive embrace, spreading delicious heat throughout his frozen muscles and bones, melting every frost that still lingered despite the amount of blanket he was under.

'Not this again…'

The wandering hands softly touching and worshipping his body, massaging, caressing. The calm before the storm.

'I don't want to enjoy this… Not this…'

Tears trickled down his cheeks. A soft hand gently wiped them away before a slap landed on them, signalling the start of a terrible oncoming hurricane.

"How dare you try to end your life, you filth?!" The voice dripped with venom. The soft touches hardened into painful grips, pinches and even punches, all raining onto his already weak body. Yet, within the rough treatment he received, he found pleasure as well, every abuse went straight down south, pooling at his abdomen.

It was strange, he was abnormal. But he could not help it, could not stop enjoying this strange addiction of him. Despite his numerous attempts to give up on it, his weird fetish for abusive treatment on his own body just won't stop. It was affecting his physical and mental health. He knew. But like a drug addiction, he couldn't stop.

Not since he had first forced himself to enjoy it, to seek refuge in his torn, painful and lonely existence. Harmful as it may seem and feel, yet, it was this fetish of his that had sustained him thus far. Without it, Ayame was sure he would have crumbled a long time ago. Just from the loneliness he felt. He needed the pain of torture to live. It was a confirmation of his existence. Every jolt that his brain registered proved that he was still alive and not just some sick imagination of a person.

A painful grip on his bottom brought him out of his reverie.

"Akito…sama…"

The black abyss that always seemed to swallow him whole were emitting dangerous waves of anger. "Ayame, have you forgotten our agreement? Do you want to break it now? I most certainly won't mind lavishing my attention on them."

Fear flooded through him. How can he have forgotten it?! He had almost put them in harm's way! No, he did not want the God to corrupt their innocence and ignorance. Better he kept on suffering than they losing whatever happiness they were left with.

"I am sorry, Akito-sama. It won't happen again. Please punish me for my mistake."

The smile was cruel, satisfied and… 'What was that? Relief? No, that couldn't be true. Maybe Shigure and Hatori but never him...'

The rest of his thoughts were cut off by those warm lips again. Mentally, Ayame sighed in the completeness he felt, fearing that Akito might detect any of the enjoyment he felt during his torture.

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

This was the third time Akito tortured him. The first was a month ago and the second was just a week ago. Each time, the torture was getting worse and more elaborate. His back was criss-crossed with bleeding wounds, some half-healed from the last torture, others fresh ones and quite a number of reopen ones. The burns kept increasing, the old ones unable to fade as Akito kept burning them all over again with the cherry-red poker. Last week's addition of the intricately-decorated knife was not left out while this time, the addition was not that grand or special.

Just simple table salt, sprinkled all over him.

He was sure his screams were heard all over the estate and further. Yet, not even a soul came to investigate. Shigure and Hatori, the only two person who cared for him, were not here. In fact, Ayame knew that Akito purposely chose this hour to summon him.

His whole body was shivering from the sheer agony. Still, even with the agony of all three tortures combined, it cannot amount to the misery that stabbed and shattered his heart just an hour ago.

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

"Ayame-sama." Even with the honorific, the contempt was still palpable. No respect even from his servant. "You have been summoned to the Main House."

He really tried but he couldn't stop the tremble of his body. The memory from last week was still raw in his mind, the wounds still healing.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go and get ready. Your father will drive you there." The eagerness in his mother's voice almost brought tears to his eyes. His mother, eager to send her son off to being torture, not that she knew it.

A glimmer of hope flashed in front of him. Maybe if he told his mother, she wouldn't send him there. She might even protect him from the crazy boy. He firmly stuck with the belief that deep down, she loved him. After all, he was her son and all mothers loved their children, or so the saying went.

"Okaa-sama. I don't want to go. Akito-sama would only hurt me like he did the last time."

His mother's eyes narrowed at this, anger clear as crystals. Ayame's hope burned brighter but was doused by the reply.

"No matter what, you still have to go and meet him. You should be thankful that he wants to even meet you, let alone touch you."

His heart broke at the next.

"Maybe, if he tortured you long enough, he might begin to like you. So, you should just hold your tongue and let him torture you to his heart content. When he starts liking you, then you might be of some use to us."

This time, there was no stopping for the tears.

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

"Ayame-chan."

Ayame winced at the caress that touched his wounds.

"I have a proposition."

He managed a croak, "Yes?"

The stoic face broke into a cunning smile. "Well, I am in a terrible position now. I am the Master of the Juunishi. When they tried to disobey me sometimes, I would have to discipline them. But the thing is, I am a bit temperamental, so I sometimes ended up hurting them too much. It's not like I don't love them but it's actually because I love them too much. I love them yet they broke my heart. So, it's natural that I feel anger. After all, the deeper the love is, the worse the anger. I need an outlet for my anger. With that, I won't hurt them, too much."

Ayame quietly waited for more, understanding where this was going and was just waiting for the request. But it never came. The silence stretched for quite some time before Ayame finally understood. Akito was waiting for his response.

"So, you want me as the outlet?"

"Yes."

"No. Not in a million years. Not ever."

"Uh ah ah..Not so fast, Hebi-chan. You won't say yes? Not even for Hatori and Shigure?"

Ayame froze at the mention of those names. "What do you want to do to them if I say no?"

The malicious smile widen at the question. "Oh, it's just that they were quite independent don't you think? So smart and confident that they do not really dedicated themselves solely to me. How do you think I feel about that? Hurt by my two most beloved Juunishi, the anger I felt. Let's just say that by the time I'm finish with them, you won't be able to recognise them." And he ended that with a light chuckle.

Ayame quiver at the thought. Not Shigure and Hatori. He had to protect them from this lunatic. They had so much to live for. They could go so far in life while he was nothing compared to them. And this was his chance to repay them for their kindness, for caring and loving him when no one would even acknowledge or notice his existence. He must protect them, even though it's just to preserve their love and trust for the Master. He just could live without it but he knew for a certainty that a torture session with Akito was all it took to destroy it and their mind. Besides, with the frequent summons, his mother might think that he was important and thus finally acknowledged him as her son and would love him. His father would finally be proud of him. And he would just try to seek pleasure in this hell he was force to live in. After all, he read somewhere that it was possible to enjoy and love pain. Some were even addicted to slicing their vein for the sheer ecstasy of it. If they could do it, he could too.

Thus, clearing his throat, Ayame answered, "Fine. I agree. As long as you gave your word to never ever touch Hatori and Shigure."

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

Mine was worried. Ayame never went missing before. Despite everything, even when the wounds were life-threatening, he would always appear at the store. It was his only sanctuary from the outside world; a place where he felt accomplished; a place where he had a caring friend; a place where he felt safe.

Or that was what he told her. But Mine believed every single thing he said. For one, Ayame was very talented in designing and manufacturing clothes. So what if he was into clothing lines that promoted kinky sex? It did not undermine his talent. What's more, Ayame was extremely famous in the fashion industry. The brand Men's Romance was a must have to every kinky couple. Custom made costumes are sought after. Many of his woks received awards and recognition from prestigious bodies. Companies tried yet failed to charm Ayame into collaborating with them or selling some of his designs to them. Everyone from the fame to the nobodies in this field knew the name Souma Ayame.

Despite his fame, Ayame was still humble and kind. The truth was, it was Ayame who helped her. Mine was in trouble with the local mafia when she first met her saviour. At that time, they were after her for the debt her recently deceased adopted father owed them. Ayame first appeared in her life when the thugs were close to raping and killing her. His appearance in the alley way which she thought was her grave was like a beacon of hope to her. And he didn't fail her. It was Ayame who paid the debt and even paid for her college fees. It was thanks to him that she was able to graduate and pursue her dreams of becoming a nurse. That was why she always went back to the small shop where she used to stay, in the petite yet fully furbished house on the second floor, in spite of her hectic schedule as a nurse.

And it was during one of these visits when she first saw the bloody mess that was Ayame. She remembered walking towards the shop during the wee hours of the morning, planning to hide and surprise the man she considered as an older brother when he came to open his shop. However, all thoughts of the fun and surprise was completely wiped off her mind by the sight of the heap of a man at the front of the shop. The familiar stench of blood flooded her senses. But what struck the fear in her was the familiar red robe that was her silver-haired friend's favourite.

She remembered screaming. Then, using her spare keys to unlock the shop, brought the heap, which turned out to be Ayame, inside the shop. Thanking god for her experience in first aid and medical treatment, she proceeded to treat the ugly wounds that covered Ayame's whole body, the thought of who and why burning in her mind.

Ayame never told her who or why that person did it. He only pleaded with her to keep it a secret and assured her that it was normal. At the pleading tone and the desperate fear and pain on the face she came to love dearly, Mine had no choice but to agree. But after that, she quit her job at the hospital and became Ayame's assistant, an excuse to cover her true motive of becoming his personal nurse. He was her saviour and the sole reason she was even living. She was determined to protect him after he saved her that day. She took up residency in the second floor again. Though she had never dabbed her fingers in the field of designing, she soon found out that she had talent and even came to enjoy it more than she ever enjoy nursing. She had plenty of practice for her nursing skills, not that she relished in it as her skills were all lavished and even tested on Ayame who always came stumbling into the shop bloody and exhausted. Sometimes the wounds were light and not so severe, others it was even life-threatening. Mine dearly wanted to stop whoever that was torturing her friend or at least tell someone else about it but she could never betray the trust between her and Ayame. She knew that once broken, Ayame would turn away even from her and then, who would be there to help him and treat his wounds? So, Mine could only offer her assistance and her expertise as a nurse to Ayame.

But this time, she was frantic with worry. Ayame was missing. What if he fainted during his trek here in the snow? That would be fatal especially if he was covered with wounds as usual. That was why she couldn't prevent the reproach and anger she felt towards the ignorance of Souma Hatori. Ayame practically worshipped him and Souma Shigure but Hatori never even notice a thing. He even had the nerve to say that Ayame had a carefree life! Where was the so-called intelligence that Ayame kept bragging about? Where was the love and care that Ayame treasured? All she could detect was cold indifference from the voice.

"Ayame-san, please be alright…"

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

Yuki was puzzled. Someone had kidnapped Shigure and replace him with an imposter. Gone was the cheeky, careless grin on his face. The happy-go-lucky nature was missing. A frown marred the handsome features of his older cousin as the person with Shigure's face kept sighing after the phone call he received from Hatori.

"What's the matter Shigure? You've been sighing for the past half an hour. Care to enlighten me?"

"Ayame."

"Huh? What's wrong with Nii-san? He looked fine just now. A tad too annoying too."

Shigure sigh. "You didn't notice anything, did you? The absence of the twinkle in his eyes, his smiles never reaching his eyes and the flash of pain in his face. Did you even look at him properly, or do you ignore him like usual?"

Yuki was speechless by the retort. Never had Shigure talked like that to him. But his pride would not allow such a blow. "Nii-san is alright. After all, he has an easy life, considering his talents and characteristics."

The mirthless laughter, so mocking in his ears was not the respond he expected. "Easy? What do you mean easy? Ayame's life is never easy. Far from it, he had to struggle as much as you do. Only, you never saw it."

His mind just refused to wrap around the idea of his brother had anything but an easy life. Not his brother who always looked so accomplished and confident. Not the man that he had worshipped secretly when he was younger. Not him who seemed like he never met a hitch or a problem in his life. But then, everything he thought of was accompanied with a 'looked' or 'seemed'.

…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…f.r.u.i.t.b.a.s.k.e.t…t.e.k.s.a.b.t.i.u.r.f…

"Gure-san, Tori-san, let's go!" The loud baritone was cheerful and musical. The boy could not help but be drawn to it, despite all of his mother's warning to stay away from his brother. But the loneliness he felt was too much. And the laughter and brightness in that voice promised fun and happiness to the little boy, if only he could reach his silver-haired brother. It was an oasis in this silent ancient house. Like a moth drawn by the flame, Yuki wondered towards the general direction of the jovial voice.

They were in the garden, the three of them. They in their school uniforms, apparently just arrived from school, cracking jokes as they walked towards the house. Yuki peered at them from the shadows of the hall, his eyes glued to the one standing in the middle. He always laughed whenever the other two was around, never a smile when they were absent. Maybe if he approached the person now, he would accept him? When he was smiling and laughing like that? Yuki wanted that.

The oppressive atmosphere in his house was scary to his innocent mind and he longed for those warm happy feelings that surrounded the three of them. Those golden eyes – usually cold and lifeless – were filled to the brim with warmth. He wanted those eyes to look at him like that, to have that loving gaze upon himself. He wanted the love, though his naïve mind did not understand that. All he knew was that if he were able to get that person to look and smile to him like that, all would be well and happy.

As quickly as his little legs could carry him, the little boy rushed towards the trio who was still in the garden.

"Yuki-chan!" That would be Shigure nii-san, the one who would always spare sometime to talk to him while he waited for the appearance of Aya nii-chan. "Genki ka?"

"Hait." Came the hesitant, shy response. But Shigure could see that the little boy had only eyes for his brother.

"A…Aya nii-chan" It was barely a whisper but all three of them heard it.

"Ne, Ha-chan. Let's go up first. Aya-chan, you catch up with Yuki-chan."

Ayame was reluctant for his friends to go. He did not know how to face his brother still.

"Aya nii-chan." Yuki was hopeful. The taller boy hadn't turn and left him like always. Maybe this time, he would be allowed into that elusive world of laughter. He reached out his hands, his amethyst eyes brimming with hope. One his brother took his hand, everything would be alright.

However.

Those golden eyes seemed to be lost their earlier exuberance. Instead, a blank stare greeted his hopeful ones. No warm hands enveloped his cold ones. No words of comfort or love.

Nothing.

The taller figure, shining under the sun like an angel with his silver-hair, turned and left the little boy there, tears streaming down in both of set of eyes.

'Gomenasai, Yuki-chan.'