Chapter Four (So The Silence Begins)

AN: Please, when reading this chapter, listen to Afterlife by Avenged Sevenfold. It was my muse for his chapter. Thanks.

Hours after the wake ended I was still up in Edward's room. Jacob had left long ago, with his father who had attended with Charlie. Charlie had left, coming up to Edward's room to tell me he didn't expect to see me home tonight. He told me to stay her as long as I needed to.

It was so unlike him. Alice must have spoken to him. Alice had come up to see me also. She didn't stay long though. Maybe it was because I didn't speak. I just looked at the CD covered walls, thinking about my love. I barely remember what she said to me. I believe it was among the lines of this being hard on everybody, not just me.

Then there was Rosalie. She had stormed into the room after Alice left. She huffed silently before taking a seat next to me, on the floor.

" Bella." She whispered. " Please speak to me." She begged. Why would she want me to speak to her? She didn't like me, she's never liked me. It was silent for a couple of heartbeats, and then she growled in frustration. " The least you could do is talk to us! We've done everything for you and you pay us back by not speaking to us!" She pushed me roughly, and I fell sideways, hitting my head off of the floor. I didn't mind. I deserved this. Edward had left because of me. He's gone and never coming back because of me.

Rosalie gave me another hard shove, and I hit my head against the floor again.

" I hope you like your solitude." She growled at me before she slammed the door. I didn't see Rosalie after that. I faintly remember, when Esme came to see me the next day that she and Emmett left. Esme had looked crushed, but I couldn't concentrate on her. All she did was talk about Edward. I could stand it. I didn't want to talk about him. Why couldn't people understand that? It pained me physically and emotionally when people even spoke his name.

I stayed in Edward's room for a couple of days, not even bothering to eat the food Alice and Esme brought me. I didn't feel anything. I didn't react to anything. Finally after five days of being cooped up Alice called Charlie and told him what was going on with me. He rushed over.

When he saw me, I'll never forget how he looked, it was like he didn't believe what I looked like. I, myself, didn't know what I looked like. All I did was sit on the floor, the bed, the couch.

He picked me up, struggling under my weight, and carried me down the stairs. He thanked Alice for calling him, and nodded toward Esme, who was silently sobbing on the couch.

I had broken her heart.

The ride home with Charlie was deafening. We were both silent, too silent. It wasn't the comfortable silence it once was.

Once at home he again picked me up and brought me inside. Only once in my bedroom did he place me down.

" Listen, Bella." He started out. " I called your mother. She's coming to see you tomorrow." I didn't do anything to show him I understood. I just curled into a ball on my bed and rocked. I missed Edward's room. Charlie stood there, looking at me, as I silently took out Edward's mix CD and placed it in the CD player. I skipped the first song and went straight to my lullaby. I slowly, and most hurtfully, hummed along with it, remember the nights Edward sung it to me. As I sat there, with my father watching on in a distressed manner, and cried silently to myself.

He turned around robotically and stiffly walked out of the room. When he was finally gone I let out a strangled scream and I pounded my head.

Why did I have to keep thinking about the day? The day that Alice told me… That horrible day. The day that my soul died?

After that day I knew I was seriously depressed. Suicidal even, but I talked myself out of taking my life. Edward wouldn't want me to do that. No. He was so selfless. Always thinking about me. Never himself.

The next morning, after getting zero sleep, like usual, I stiffly walked down the stairs and was surprised to see my mother sitting on the couch. Charlie had her in his arms, comforting her it seemed. I ignored them and went to the kitchen.

I didn't know why I went in there; I wasn't going to eat anything. Maybe I just needed a change in scenery. But my movement had caught my parent's attention and they both sprung up from the couch and rushed to my side. My mom pushed Charlie out of the way to get to me. She latched on to me and sobbed in my shoulder.

I surprised her by shoving her away from me. I narrowed my eyes at her and spoke seven words, what I hoped would be my last words.

" Only Edward can hold me like that." She gasped, most likely from the harsh tone I used. I had picked it up from Rosalie, who had used the same tone to me just days before.

" Bella. I'm sorry. I just haven't-I'm so sorry." She stuttered. I was forced to speak again, just to set her straight.

" I don't want pity." I spat at her. I looked at my father, giving him a look that said ' same goes for you'. I ad never spoken such words to my parents before. They both looked shocked, and I was proud of it. Maybe if I were so mean and so shallow they'd leave me alone. Of course it didn't work. They just tried harder.

Renee spent every second with me, always talking. Charlie didn't spend quite so much time at work than he used to. I felt trapped, I needed to breath and they were making it every difficult.

I started to rebel. All my life I'd been good little girl Bella. But the floodgates opened. First it was hiding random things of my parents' things. After a while, when they really got me going, I'd throw things at them. It wasn't anything hard, like a plate or something. It was usually a pillow and once it was a shoe. They didn't know how to react, so they pushed harder. Spending more and more time with me.

Finally, about two months after Renee moved in with up, yes moved in, she moved to Forks to be with me (until I went to college, she had explained, we were sitting down at the table for dinner.

I had begun to eat again. They had forced me to, it was eat it myself or get it forced down by a funnel. It was the usual quietness. Until Renee started talking to me.

" So, Bella." She said, unsure of what to say. " Why don't you tell your father and I something about you and Edward?"

" Renee!" My father looked up from his food fast, and scolded Renee.

" No, dad. It's ok. I have something to tell you anyway." Oh boy did I have something to tell them. I smiled wickedly. This was going to be the best thing I ever told them.

" Well, what is it, Bella?" My mom asked her voice was smug. Was she going to be proud after I told her?

" Edward and I… well you know how we'd been going out for about two years?" Not counting the break up last year. I added to myself. My parents nodded, unsure of which direction this was going in. " Well, after the first day Edward asked me to go out with him, he would sneak in through my window at night, and spend the night with me." I smiled madly as my parents just stared at me, mouths hanging open.

" What?" Charlie asked first. His face was a dark purple color. " You told me you were a virgin!" He slammed his hands against the table.

" I am a virgin. We didn't sleep together. He just watched me sleep, he'd sing to me." My smile faded as I thought back to those days.

My mother must have noticed my face fall because she spoke up.

" Why don't you explain more Bella?" She encouraged me. I smiled sadly before continuing.

" He loved it when I spoke in my sleep. He'd tease me about what I said, but I could tell he loved it. He loved it when I woke up and my hair was messy. He loved to watch me scramble for words when I woke up. He loved to let me have my moment, where I'd go to the bathroom, because he knew I'd come tripping into the room, back to him." I felt a couple of tears escape my eyes.

" He loved to watch me eat. He'd love to catch me when I fell, and he loved to hold my hand." I paused before concluding with the final thing he loved. " He loved me." I cried out. My nose tingled and my eyes stung. " I miss him so much." I cried. " He loved me so much, and all I've ever done for him was to make his life harder. I hate myself for doing that to him." There was a small silence before Renee stood up, her chair scrapping against the floor, and she hugged me. She started to cry too. Though I'm not sure why.

" Oh, Bella. My baby girl. You shouldn't hate your self for loving someone. Especially when that someone loved you back with his whole heart." Renee cooed. " But Bella. You can't mourn him forever. Think about what you would want him to do if, God forbid, you switched spots. Would you want him hating himself if you were dead?" I could answer that easily. I had already thought about this. Edward and I had spoken of this.

" I wouldn't want him to hate himself." I say, hiccupping. " I'd want him to stay alive, and live on. Though I know he wouldn't. I never told you guys why I went missing, and came back with Edward." I couldn't stop myself. I had to tell them, why I knew Edward wouldn't stay living if I had died. " I went to LA, not to talk Edward to come back to Forks, but to stop him from committing suicide." Charlie and Renee gasped.

" What?" Charlie stuttered. " Why would he… kill himself?"

" Last September, when he left, he was really depressed. He called the day you went to Harry's funeral and Jacob answered the phone. He told Edward that you were at the funeral and he was under the impression that it was my funeral. He couldn't live without me. So he tried to kill himself. I went there to talk some sense into him." I cried softly. Just thinking about my Edward going to those damned vampires in Italy made me angry.

" Oh my God." My mom said in a short, raspy voice. My dad shook his head hard, trying to get something out of his mind it looked like.

" That's why I know, that if I were dead… he wouldn't live on. He'd try and join me wherever I ended up. He'd do anything to get to me. Doesn't he deserve the same attitude from me?" I ask in a bewildered voice. " He'd risk his life for me… and I'd do the same or him! I'd give my soul up to bring him back to me."