"Tony," McGee sighed, "Where have you been?" He demanded, "Lindsay and I could have used your help!" He said, rolling his eyes. Tony noticed that Lindsay was practically draped over McGee, her blouse two buttons un-done then it should have been.

"I was down with Abby." He said, shaking the Caf-Pow in his face, as if he was trying to say something, "Whatcha got?"

"Hopefully answers, McGee. Trace. Button up your shirt. DiNozzo…" He just waved him off, "You got an ID on our victim yet?"

"No boss…" Tony took a sip of his Caf-Pow, looking down at his watch before sighing. It was going to be a long day.

McGee continued to babble on about useless information when Gibbs turned to him, "Hey. Tony! You got anything to share with the class?"

"Uh…I really like Caf-Pow. You know, I understand why Abby drinks them all the time, I mean they really-"

"Conference room," Gibbs said, "NOW." Tony sighed and then followed his boss into the elevator. He flicked the emergency switch and turned to look at him, "Look I know you're going through a rough time, Tony, but Ziva sure as hell isn't your life. And I know that you may have fallen in love with her, but don't you dare through your life down the drain for her, got it?" Tony nodded.

"But boss…"

"No buts. You've been like this for more than 100 days."

"136, boss." His hand collided with the back of his head, "Right. But why isn't she back yet, boss?"

"Her position was terminated." Gibbs said, softly before flicking the emergency switch back up as the doors opened and he stepped out, "She's not coming back." Tony let the doors close in front of him.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Gibbs did not say that!" Abby said as Tony stood in the middle of the lab, "He did not say that!"

"He said it, Abs." Tony sighed, "I couldn't believe it either. That's why I took a couple of trips up and down in the elevator before finally getting off here."

"Oh, Tony!" Abby cried, flinging her arms around him, "I miss her so much. She made you so happy!" Her voice broke, "And she always looked so good…why didn't tell her that? She would have liked that. She would have given me a hug, she would have sm-smiled, she would have laughed! Why didn't I tell her that?"

"You know, Abs, someone once told me that life's too short not to tell someone you love them you if you do."

She wiped her tears away, but kept her arms around Tony, "Who?" She asked, her voice still cracking.

"It doesn't matter anymore." He said, squeezing her back, "She's dead."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tony stood as he watched Gibbs interrogate someone he didn't know. But of course he didn't know him, he'd been down in Abby's lab for at least two hours crying over Ziva. Well Abby did all of the crying, he just felt his heart shed tears and break into a million pieces. Why did this always have to happen to him? The women he loved always had to somehow get taken away or get killed. How could he know that Ziva wasn't dead now?

"Well you finally decided to show up, Tony." McGee said as he walked into observation.

"Hey." Tony said, speaking up after a couple of minutes of silence, "You talk to Abs lately."

"No," He said, "She's been really upset at me lately. Wouldn't let me go into her lab."

"You ever wonder why?" He asked, looking around the room, "Where's Lindsay?"

"Upstairs. Working on some more research. I've actually found someone, Tony."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great. So did I, but she was sent away to Israel." He turned to him, "I think you should talk to Abby. How much do plane tickets to Israel cost?"

McGee's jaw dropped, "Are you serious, Tony? You can't go to Israel. Gibbs'll kill you!"

"I know. But I need her back, McGee. Before I kill myself," Tony said, sharing a long, desperate look with Tim before exiting observation.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tony sat down on his couch and sipped his beer. He needed her back so badly, his body ached for her. He picked up the picture of Ziva he had sitting next to him and tried to bite back the tears. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't he just have one person for himself? There were a couple of knocks on his door and he opened it up to reveal Abby, smiling like crazy and holding two pizza boxes in one hand as well as a tin filled with caramel popcorn, "Hey Tony!" She said, walking in, "Guess who I found on my way up to your apartment? Pizza guy. I paid him. He's really nice."

"Yeah, I know." Tony said, sitting back down onto the couch as she sat down next to him, opening up the pizza boxes and taking out a slice, "You should talk to him sometime. He gets me a couple of free ones here and there. And it would definitely make McGee jealous."

She smiled and looked down, "She tried to come and ask me for the DNA results from that dead petty officer, and I kicked her out." She smiled, "It was fun. She was confused."

Tony laughed, "I'm sure she was."

"You know, I like our nights together." Abby smiled, turning to look at the senior field agent, "We should have done this years ago."

"So do I," Tony nodded, "They force me to keep my mind off of her. Ziva and I used to spend every night together, mainly watching the movies she's never seen." He sighed, remembering the memories. And all that time she had loved him, and he had never acted upon it. All the times he lusted for her naked body against his in between the sheets, and he had never done anything about it. She would have let him, he knew…now.

"Why doesn't she ever call you?" Abby asked, breaking through his thoughts of his memories as she took Tony's beer bottle and took a swig out of it before setting it back down onto the table.

"Maybe she's not anywhere near a phone." Tony shrugged, "Or maybe she's dead."

"Never talk that way!" Abby said as Tony took a swig from the beer.

"Why not?" Tony demanded, setting down the pizza and standing up, "She could be dead right now, we just don't know it. Vance has kept secrets from us in the past, why should this be any different?" He demanded, feeling the anger that he had kept inside of him release, "She could be dead! Rehab sessions don't take 136 days! Tell me why she hasn't called! Tell me why you can't locate her! Tell me!"

"Tony, you need to calm down." Abby said, standing up and touching his shoulder. She was suddenly serious, not the normal Abby that he knew, "She'll come back. And she's not dead. Gibbs would have felt it." She patted his stomach, "In his gut."

Tony gave a soft smiled as he returned her gesture and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Thanks for being here for me, Abs."

"I'll be here whenever you need me to. Especially if Ziva isn't here. I know how much you love her."

"Yeah…" Tony said, his eyes lingering to Abby's lips just for a moment. He knew he shouldn't be thinking it, but he hadn't kissed a girl in 136 days, and he almost lusted for her. He knew it was wrong. It was Abby! He felt as if she was a sister, not a significant other like Ziva. He shouldn't be thinking it…

"Tony…" Abby breathed, and time stayed still as he slowly moved his hand up to the back of her neck, "I think it's sweet that we can just stand here, staring at each other, both hurt in our hearts, and not lusting for the other." He could feel her getting closer to him, and he could feel the pounding of his heart in his ears. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. He shouldn't…. and then suddenly he couldn't control himself and he pressed his lips against hers. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she ran her fingers through his hair. His other hand grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him when he felt his heart completely break.

He wouldn't.

He suddenly let go of her and almost shoved her away.

They both stared at each other, wide-eyed, not believing what had just happened. She quickly turned around and grabbed the caramel popcorn tin, "I….I gotta go." She said before she quickly disappeared from his apartment.

"Damn it!" Tony screamed, loudly as he turned around and kicked the wall, fuming. He shouldn't have done that. He should not have given into the lust monster inside of him. He was angry with himself, completely and utterly livid with himself. Nothing should have happened; they shouldn't have done that. He was not bothering to know if he had left a dent, not bothering to know if he had broken his toe. Nothing mattered anymore.

He had screwed up.

Big time.

Okay, so just to clear something up...

YES, Tony did kiss Abby.

NO, You don't know why.

YES, I am NOT NOT NOT a Tabby shipper. At ALL in fact, that's the LAST ship I will EVER ship! (But I would only ship them if I was forced to. NO!) But I had to make them kiss. You'll figure out why later in the other chapters.

YES, I am a TIVA shipper! FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER! (only because I love complicated, 'forbidden', sexual tension full relationships) Tiva fits my standards! I will cry if Tiva doesn't get together. And I will stop watching NCIS if either one is killed. To be honest. hehe. THIS IS A TIVA! Anyways!

YES, REVIEW!!