Chapter Five: Giving

Progress takes time.

She wished that he would just see things. Why couldn't he just understand?

"Ugh, I don't even know what I'm talking about. Everything is so complicated with him."

Hermione had once had a conversation with Harry about evil. They were talking about Lord Voldemort - about if he was born evil or if he became evil because of his experiences. Hermione, of course, thought that he was born evil. Her argument was that no one could be trained or turned so much to become so evil. Harry had a different opinion.

"He wasn't taught the kind of morals we were taught, the way we were taught them. He grew up in an orphanage - they required discipline. They had chalkboard morals, and you can't explain that kind of thing to an eight year old or ten year old with an ambitious mind. They need to live it. And all he lived was himself."

"He was just resilient to morals because he was evil - "

Harry had shaken his head. "He'd looked at everything with a 'what's the difference?' kind of attitude. All kids do it at some point. 'What's the difference if I take a shower once a day or twice? I'll just get dirty again' - that kind of thing. For him, it was killing. What's the difference... we all die eventually. Hurting people? What's the difference... we all feel pain from something. I mean, he's the foulest creature to ever have walked the earth... but he wasn't born that way. I'm not saying that it wasn't his fault... I'm saying that he became that."

Hermione wondered - was Draco a product of his environment? She'd asked him many times. She'd asked him the first time he stepped into her office.

How am I supposed to answer that? You've already made your mind up.

What she thought needed to stop mattering - she saw that much. She needed to see this from his point of view...

"Why did you hinder us? You knew that we were doing something important."

"I don't know, Granger. I really don't know."

That had been his answer for most of the questions she had asked that day. Now instead of yelling at her, he was being unresponsive. She knew he still had some anger left in him - she needed to draw it out.

Suck the poison from the wound.

"Is it because you are a monumental prick, in general?"

Draco brought his gaze down from the ceiling. That splotch looked more like a bunny today. "Maybe."

"So you were born that way?" She wrote a note on her pad: Refuses to acknowledge personality properly. Apathy?

"I don't know."

Hermione sighed and made another note: State of Confusion.

She'd have to try something else to get through to him - he couldn't be made angry today.

Draco was not doing it on purpose. He'd been thinking a lot lately, and found that he could not figure out what made him a prick. His father, maybe? His environment? The Slytherin dungeon? All the pranks and smirking and scowling? The people who could laugh and have fun while he couldn't?

The Dark Lord?

Or was everything perfectly set up for the right kind of success, and his conscience just came in too late to save him?

"Why do you feel the need to be better than other people?"

Hermione stared at him. He was doing it again - dragging her, personally, into it. "Well... I think a lot of people do it... in order to cover up the fact that they are afraid; afraid of what might happen if someone looked at them and didn't like what he or she saw. People do it to prove something. People do it... to boost their self-esteem."

Draco shook his head, still staring at the ceiling. He'd given her the opportunity to be honest and she'd done the therapist thing. "I was asking you, not 'people'."

Hermione exhaled and put her list of questions away. She wasn't going to get anything deep out of him today. It was time to move on to something lighter.

"What are you passionate about?"

Draco looked at her, wondering if it was a therapist thing again, or if she was actually interested. He shook his head and looked at the ceiling. "Making babies cry. What do you think?" When she didn't answer, he rolled his eyes and said, "History."

"Really?" she asked, writing. "Why is that?"

Therapist thing, definitely. Burned again. "I find it interesting - you learn a lot about being human when you watch the rise and fall of civilizations, rise and fall of cultures. I learned a lot about people and about being a leader from history. I learned not to let power go to my head. Kind of." He smirked.

Hermione nodded and finished her sentence with a flourish. "Learning about the mistakes of all the great ones of the world... as a person who grew up as a muggle, my parents pushed me hard with books. History was my favorite, math my second favorite. I learned all I could - about ancient empires like the Roman Empire and the Mongol Empire. And then, when I got to Hogwarts, I discovered that there was a whole different side to every major conflict. An 'underground' battle, affecting the muggle battle. That is why I studied so hard at Hogwarts - I wanted to learn the other side of everything. I wanted to explore this 'new world' to its fullest."

She was sharing a piece of herself with him, when she normally wanted to keep the conversation revolving around him... "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because... I got you something. I don't know if it will, in the end, conflict with your house arrest or not... but I tried to pull some strings for this case. Ron told me that you seemed interested in history, so I got a signed permission slip for obtaining a pass to the NASROP Archives - "

"No," he breathed. The NASROP Archives was a huge account of some of the oldest and most valuable documents in the world. Historical writings went back further than the history books ever could. Obtaining a pass was extremely difficult - one had to have two signatures on a Ministry permission form, one from the Minister himself, and one from a high ranking ministry official, preferably a head of a department. Also, one needed a written, relevant explanation and a cosigner on a security form. It was nearly impossible to get a pass, even for a day.

"How did you get that?" he asked breathlessly, as she handed him the permission form. The Minister had indeed signed it... along with Harry Potter. "Oh," he said, defeated. "There goes Potter again."

"He's in charge of the Department of Defense. If he told anyone that he signed it for you, his entire department would probably maul him to death, considering what you did to it. I put him up to it. He didn't want you to have it."

"Why?" Draco asked quietly. It was a huge honor to even have the permission form signed.

Hermione turned her eyes to his. "Because you need it."

Draco shook his head and looked at the form again. How hard had the secretary at the front desk at the Ministry laughed when she'd requested the form? She could have done anything else - given him a book or some kind of ancient first edition scroll... this was huge. Too huge. He couldn't wait to go up to their office and get a pass... but he needed a cosigner.

"Would you cosign the security statement?" he asked. She hesitated, then nodded.

"I have no idea how to thank you for this Granger... God knows, I don't deserve it."

Hermione picked up her quill and wrote a note on her pad before saying, "Just say thank you. You're done for the day, I think. You have to be back at work in thirty minutes, right?"

Draco didn't understand her at all. However big her gift was, he still felt his stomach turn as he said the words. "Thank you."

Well, maybe it was slightly manipulative. But at least he can open his mind up a little, and hopefully that taught him something about giving.Hermione's goal was to start him working on something as a part of his rehabilitation. Something he could spend his time on. Since he was under house arrest, he couldn't do any activities that could be called "relaxing" or "fun." He was restricted from attending major events, concerts, bars, all kinds of stuff. He wasn't even allowed in the new Quidditch shop that open up across the street from Flourish and Blotts. In order to get him that form, she had to convince the Minister that it was part of his rehabilitation. "Think of it as busywork," she'd said to him.

She had done something right. The only question was... was Malfoy going to make the most of it?

Because you need it.

Draco stalked around his apartment, feeling extremely pissy. Why had Granger done that for him? What did she want?

It made him uncomfortable that he owed her. Her, of all people to owe. And Harry Potter.

That prick did it AGAIN.

How was Draco supposed to look at Potter in the face now? He'd seen him walking around the Ministry... and Potter had the nerve to lift his hand in greeting.

It was all just so... confusing. So uncomfortable. So weird.

Did she honestly just expect a thank you? He would have expected the world in return for something like that. Were they just stupid or something?

Is that what you are supposed to do? Give people things and just let them walk away?

Yes. That is exactly what one is supposed to do. They'd taught him something like that in school. For once in his life, Draco thought he understood Potter and his outfit. Sort of.

The apocalypse is coming.