Chapter Three: The Mad Baseball Match

"This and that, what silly nonsense," Edward muttered to himself as he walked down the path. Sure enough there was a fork in the road with signs pointing this way and that way. It was very peculiar that Edward hadn't noticed these signs earlier, but it was a very peculiar day.

Edward figured that the best direction to go would be towards the March Hare; after all, there was no mention of 'mad' in his name.

The house he came upon must have belonged to the hare for coming out of the roof were two large ears. He decided to avoid confrontation and passed right by the house. He walked right past the garden where there was a rather large table set up for tea.

"You there! Don't even think of sitting down," a familiar voice called from Edward's right.

"I wasn't planning on sitting anywhere –"

"Good, because there is no room," called the man who must have been the Mad Hatter for he was wearing a rather large, lime green, top hat. Looking past the green hat, the man had a long black ponytail coming from the back. He turned to face Edward, "You know it is rude to stare." There was no surprise that this man was Jacob Black.

"Yes, no room at all," said the March Hare making himself visible by sticking his head out from behind the large hat.

Edward barely managed to hold in a laugh because the Hare was none other than his large brother Emmett wearing brown bunny ears and bucked teeth.

"No room," a soft, sleepy voice called from between the two. Edward moved closer to the table to get a better look, but the Hatter and Hare were using the face-down mouse as an arm rest.

"Have either of you seen Bella?" Edward asked as he stood behind a soft-looking armchair.

"Well, it's obvious that you haven't seen her," Emmett said with a snicker, "Have you seen her, Hatter?"

"Well, I have seen her, if you know what I mean," Jacob said as he wiggled his eyebrows and he and Emmett shared a high five.

Edward gritted his teeth and ignored their comment, "I was watching her –er- and she jumped out of bed and disappeared."

"Probably looking for some action. God knows you don't give her any," Emmett said with a smirk. "Do you even know how to use that thing down there?"

"Use what?" The mouse said waking up - it was Charlie Swan.

"Don't worry, nothing is being used," Jacob said as he buttered the mouse's nose.

"There better be nothing used …" the mouse yawned as he fell back to sleep.

"Will you stop that," Edward said, his nails digging into the couch.

"Look at that," Jacob said as he drained his tea cup, "he's taking his frustration out on the arm chair."

"If that were me, there would be no arm chair, but then again I don't have that problem," said the Hare as he gave the Hatter a high five.

"I don't have time for this," Edward said as he turned to leave.

"Wait!" called the Mad Hatter.

"What?" Edward said turning back around.

"Virgin."

Edward stormed off down the path leaving behind the laughter of the Hatter and the Hare.

As he walked further away from the March Hare's house and the ridiculous tea party, the path he walked upon became cobbled and on either side of the path was a glorious garden. The cobblestones were a brilliant ruby red and all of the flowers planted in the garden were red as well. In the distance was a large castle made entirely out of glass, and running up the path towards the castle was the White Rabbit. Edward quickened his pace but even with his speed he was not able to catch up with Bella. She was inside the castle walls by the time Edward reached the gate.

"Trespasser on the grounds!" a shrill musical voice, which sounded too much like Rosalie, shouted. "Off with his head!"

"What?" Edward said searching for the voice and for the trespasser. He crouched down in a defensive stance and waited for an attack.

"Guards! Off with his head!" She shouted again as she appeared from behind a rose bush. It was Rosalie. Her golden hair was piled in a regal bun on the top of her head, and she was wearing a golden robe with read hearts that floated around her when she walked. To complete her appearance she donned a rather large crown encrusted with ruby hearts. "Off with his head!" She pointed an elegant finger towards Edward's crouched figure.

"Off with my head?" Edward said as he gave up his stance.

"Yes! Off with your head!" Her voice shrieked and her finger never wavered.

"Rose, I think you are overreacting," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Overreacting! I am not overreacting!" She screeched. "Do you play baseball?"

"What?" he was taken aback by the sudden change.

"I asked you if you play baseball," she rolled her eyes as if she had asked the question a hundred times previous.

"Yes," he answered, hoping that this was the right answer.

"Good. I haven't played a fine match of baseball in quite sometime." She turned around and walked toward the gigantic field located directly beside the castle. "PLAY BALL!" She shouted and a deck of cards came bounding out of the castle - each one of the cards was not only a spade, but also resembled a werewolf from La Push - followed by the White Rabbit carrying a trumpet in one hand and what appeared to be the baseball equipment in the other.

"SET UP!" She commanded and the cards instantly obeyed. Ace, Two, and Three lay down in a triangle and created the bases and Four lay down to form the home plate. Five took the spot of pitcher, and Six, Seven, Eight, and Nine took the position of outfield. The White Rabbit stood behind the home plate to assume the position of umpire.

"Grab a bat!" commanded the Queen of Hearts as she lifted a rather large vampire bat out the equipment bag. The bat was the height of a standard baseball bat and appeared to be sleeping with its wings tightly pressed to its sides.

Edward stared at the bat in Rosalie's arms, "Are you serious? What do you use for baseballs, hedgehogs?"

"What a silly question. We use baseballs of course. Now grab a bat!" Rosalie replied impatiently.

"Alright," Edward said as he reached into the bag and pulled out an equally large vampire bat.

"A-hem!" The White Rabbit cleared her throat before she lifted the trumpet up to her lips and played a fanfare. "The game begins now! The Queen of Hearts is first up to bat!"

Rosalie assumed her position on top of home plate; she lifted the bat over her shoulder and prepared to swing. Five threw the Queen an easy underhand pitch which she bunted with ease. She dropped her bat and walked the bases, or rather the bases walked to her so that she only had to take four steps to score a homerun.

"Your turn," she said with sweetness dripping from her voice as she picked up her bat and walked away from the diamond.

Edward stepped up to the plate and lifted his bat over his shoulder ready to hit the underhand ball. He was unprepared for the fastball thrown by the pitcher and his bat's wings unfurling.

"Strike One!" The White Rabbit called.

Edward shook his bat's wings back to their original position. Once he was sure the bat was not going to move he prepared for his next swing. He held the bat firmly, expecting the wings to open at any moment. The pitcher threw a fast curve ball and as Edward went to swing the bat's wings expanded once again.

"Strike Two!"

"Alright," Edward whispered to the bat, "I'm not going to put up with your nonsense anymore. Either you behave, or I'll find myself a new bat." Instantly, the bat stood erect, his wings tucked neatly tucked away. Edward raised the bat for the third time, and focused on the ball. He swung the bat and it made contact with the ball which went soaring clear over Nine's head.

Edward dropped his bat and ran towards first base. As he ran over the base, Ace arched up and tripped Edward. He quickly stood up, expecting the card to be fowled, but there was no call. Rolling his eyes towards the umpire, he ran towards second base and second base ran towards Seven who was holding the ball. Edward touched second base before he was able to reach Seven and ran towards third base. Third base stood erect blocking Edward's path to home base. Edward pushed third base over and ran towards home, except home was no where to be seen.

"You're out!" The Rabbit Called. It appeared that home base decided to help out the outfielders and retrieved the ball herself.

"That is hardly fair," Edward said toward the Queen.

"I say what is fair and what is not!" She shrilly replied.

"I wouldn't anger her if I were you," Edward heard from above. He looked upwards and there was Alice, grin and all.

"She's being completely unreasonable," Edward said to the cat.

"Who is being completely unreasonable?" Rosalie demanded.

"Uh oh, she's getting angry," Alice said with a grin.

"You are," Edward said crossing his arms.

"Now you've done it," Alice said fading away to just a grin.

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

"Nice knowing you," and her grin faded away.