Title: Of Silent Verses and Torn Pages
Author: Vampiress22
Rating: PG-13 ( T )
Challenge: Birthday
Pairing: SasuHina
We ask that you PLEASE refrain from reviewing this story here. If you would like to do so, the original is posted right here on ff. net in Vampiress22's (same name on DA) personal profile.
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Part Two: Of Booming Lyrics and Smooth Words
I could feel my arms wrap, one over the other. My hands were cold, unbearable ice cubes against my skin. It had been three years since I had seen him. It was quite funny, because I remembered when he had been so kind and sweet. He had acted so polite and prestigious. I didn't know what he was thinking when he asked me…to be his girlfriend.
I declined, thoughtfully, though; I knew his heart would remain broken. It was just too soon, too fast, everything, I didn't know what to do, what to say. No one had ever positioned me in that sort of uncomfortable, awkward position. No one had ever said, I love you, to me. It had thrown me off my guard, immediately.
I knew I cried that night, cried because I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing, prying Sasuke from my life. I didn't even know him, and yet he felt pity for me. How did he know me? How had he known I enjoyed reading, music, everything? Naruto wouldn't tell him because it wouldn't matter. I still didn't know, but it was as if we were dancing along to This Is For Keeps by The Spill Canvas and were on the set of The Heir by Barbara Taylor Bradford. I didn't know what he was going to do, what it meant to him, and that I would just be shunning him out of my life. Stupid…stupid…stupid…
The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I'm running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I'm pondering about you and I forever
"Hina, come on, it's time to go. Naruto's party, remember?"
I sighed, peering down at the silken dress Sakura had announced I should wear because it had been hanging towards the back of my closet for what seemed like ages. I sighed, loudly, hoping she would hear me. "Coming."
I had always despised parties, get-togethers in general. I wasn't very…talkative. I hadn't really gotten over my shyness, my soft, outspoken interior. Everyone had said I would break my shell when I entered the glorious world of college, haven of parties, but that fact was only fiction. Therefore, I stuck to my books, one after the other, to be my friends, my adventures.
I hoped Sasuke wouldn't be there, tonight, though. That worried me, pumping my blood, boiling it. I knew he meant well…but…on my birthday, he had asked the most unreasonable thing. I didn't understand…I really didn't. Maybe it was just my imagination…but I could picture him in those same jeans, that duffel bag thrown across his shoulders, just as I had witnessed his perfection the first time.
The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I'm running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I'm pondering about you and I forever
As we entered the metallic, silver car—Sakura's—I placed my headphones in my ears, allowing my mind to be engulfed in sound, to forget about Sasuke, and to just enjoy the classical tale of business men, thieves, widows, and shattered children. Sasuke wouldn't be able to find the place I remained in my sullen, isolated state.
"Hinata, are you going to stay downstairs tonight? It isn't fun without you." Sakura said--her eyes still on the long, lubricous road.
I shook my head. "You…have Naruto."
She wouldn't disagree with me. Every time we went somewhere, she would drag me along, and I did not want to be there. It made me—at the slightest—angry. I wasn't her pet, or anything belonging to her, for that matter. I was just…different, I supposed.
So I would just enter that room, the only free bedroom for the night, and enter the world of knights, dragons, and young maidens, so unsure of their composure.
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again...
Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park, I felt like that, safe by myself, safe from the world's pestiferous acts. I was safe in my world of books—alone.
As we entered the house, I quickly waved to Naruto, and up to the second floor, I flew, to the empty guest room, alone, once again.
I carried Come Back in my hands, a mother-daughter memoir, by Claire and Mia Fontaine. It was a mother and daughter's journey through hell and back, just as it said. I was in the picture, nauseous to what events would occur later in life when I was a mother—if I was a mother. Moreover, I could picture how my mother would have reacted to suck scornful acts, but I had never really gotten to know her. My life was a bottle, unscrewed. It was set in a glass of water. Everything could penetrate it.
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again...
My mother had never been there, my father forgotten among the shadows, and for the first time…someone noticed, envisioned me.
I was real, in Sasuke's eyes; I was real. And that was what made me doubt myself for these three years, doubt and hate myself for putting him down, forgetting he ever existed, not caring. Because I understood now, he was just like me.
I didn't know what to do now, though.
I took the headphones out of my ears, placing my iPod on top of my soft-cover book, and decided it was time to conquer my fears. But as I opened the door, I wished Sasuke would be standing there, to see me. He wasn't. All I saw were people pass by, and so I walked down the stairs, and made my awful attempt to renew my inner animal's wrath.
As I found myself wandering through the crowds, I saw heads turning my way, and I couldn't help but feel my cheeks turn an adoring pink. My creamy, blue-black hair swayed as I walked past people I didn't know, or so I thought.
Somehow, I was sucked into the party, a book about a girl, losing all faith in herself and in a matter of minutes making small talk with a boy she knew from one of the courses she took or a girl who mesmerized her soft, delicate eyes, wondering if she really was a Hyuuga girl. As obscure as these conversations were, I felt relieved to be down here for once, to be enjoying myself.
"Look at who finally decided to join the party." I turned and found Naruto tapping my shoulder, smiling brightly.
"It was a good idea to make you wear that dress, right?" Sakura said, next to him. I grinned, knowing she was just as happy as I was. Forget books and music, this was what it meant to live to the fullest while you were still young.
—
I found God
on the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
was all but won
All along
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, where've you been?
He said, ask anything.
My birthday had finally arrived, two days later. Instead of getting ready for a nice dinner with Naruto and Sakura, I found myself, once again, allowing a rhythmic beat to flow into my ears.
Genuinely, I had turned back to my good, old self. Yes, I had found a way to open up…but I just wasn't entirely ready yet. The only person I had really gotten to know that night, Christmas night, was—well, actually, no one.
The only person, aside from Naruto and Sakura, which I felt the slightest bit confident and comfortable with, was…Sasuke.
Where were you?
When everything was falling apart.
All my days spent by the telephone.
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
With You Found Me by The Fray blaring in my ear, I could barely hear my own thoughts. I shut off the iPod immediately, staring down at my skinny jeans and heavy, winter jacket. It was cold outside, the wind whipping my sides. I made my way, down to the corner of the street, to the local 7-11.
And that was when my heart dropped, my head ached, and I drew my hand back as I looked through the window. Sasuke was there, coffee in his hand, and I knew for sure he had spotted me. I nonchalantly walked away, panicking a bit. I hadn't expected him to be back. Everything was taking some time to break down in my mind.
Therefore, I walked away, not breaking into a run, but I felt a hand squeeze my left shoulder, and I turned.
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.
"Hey," he said, eyes on mine. It was Sasuke, Sasuke Uchiha, and he handed me a cup of coffee. It appeared he had bought two, and had caught a glance of me, and we stood there in silence until I grasped hold of it, smelling the ground beans, knowing it was the best thing in this freezing weather.
"Thanks." It was the only thing I could've said. Thanks…for coming back, for being here, because I need to talk to you…thanks.
She smiled politely back at me, and we started to walk back the way I came. He kept his eyes on his coffee cup, Styrofoam and insolated. I knew he felt strange being here, just as I felt. I hadn't seen him in quite some time, but I knew he was still the same Sasuke. His hair seemed to have been cut shorter, eyes darker, but he was still the same, still the same Sasuke.
"Happy birthday," he murmured.
"Thanks." Again, it was all I could conjure. "How have you been?" I managed.
"Good, and you?"
"Fine."
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.
"Well, this is my building. Sakura is probably wondering what I'm doing."
He looked up at me this time as we stopped by my building, a definite smirk on his face. "Listen, I wasn't planning on staying in town," he mentioned, "but maybe for tonight. Are you still holding the same tradition for your birthday, going to a restaurant?"
I nodded my head. "You're welcome to come…" I paused for a second. "I missed talking to you ever single time."
I didn't know why I was opening up to him, but my words came out naturally, not slurred or broken as they usually had. But every word was true. Three years ago had been the best birthday I could have asked for.
"I'll see you then." He turned away as I smiled, and I knew I was blushing. He was my friend, one that I had gotten to know and trust. Maybe there was something even more.
—
I sat at that restaurant, alone, once again. Sakura said to wait there, and she, Naruto, and now, Sasuke, would meet up with me in a little while. I suspected that it was a present, something, or another that they wanted to present me. But as time passed on, I felt the silence take over me. In a white blouse, black skirt, I felt unbearably chilly with the back door opening every so often.
Yet, I found Sasuke coming down through the hall, sitting across from me, just as he had before, years back. The only odd thing was that neither Naruto nor Sakura sat there with us. "Where are they?" I asked, helplessly.
Sasuke grinned. "They aren't coming. They decided to set us up…sort of."
I laughed. "I knew this was imminent."
"Well, you already have reservations. And it is your birthday. We could leave if you want, but—"
"No," I contradicted. I knew I was following his words, playing along with his game. He smirked, knowing I was too easy to fool, but I didn't mind being there, alone, with him.
"So, college is almost over for you. What are you planning on doing?" he asked causally.
I took a sip of my water, trying not to act so indifferent. I wasn't used to this…being with only one person…talking… "Teaching, I suppose. And you?"
"Undecided, but I'm open to anything."
We ate in silence, but I felt calm, calmer than usual.
That was when the music started playing. I remembered what he had asked me that night, to be his girlfriend, and I had deliberately declined. The feeling of it, remembering, made me freeze up.
"Hinata…"
It was just like before, the same way he phrased his question. I didn't know what to do, speechless and shaking my head.
He continued. "…would you like to dance?"
"Sure."
I had said yes, knowing that I wasn't making a mistake. I owed him that much, to accept his offer because, thinking back to it, it wasn't that large. This wasn't that large. It was just two friends hanging out. Maybe there could be something larger processing in his mind, but I was thinking the same.
My arms wrapped around his neck, and my legs swayed with the music as though I was traveling the world in a book.
"Hinata…I missed you, too."
I nodded my head his way, and I couldn't help but feel happy.
"I have your birthday present," he whispered in my ear.
I laughed again. "What is it?"
"Close your eyes and count to ten."
My lashes draped my eyes shut and I counted.
1…
2…
3…
I could still feel us moving; still feel the both of us swaying.
4…
5…
6…
7…
I didn't know what he was doing, why he had made me shut my eyes, and count.
8…
9…
10.
That was when I felt his lips on mine, a surprising kiss overtaking my heart, allowing it to beat faster and faster, faster than the music itself. He broke away soon, and I felt content as I placed my head on his chest. I could feel his hands cradling my back.
"Maybe we could try this again," I said. "I was scared last time...But maybe we could be together."
"Your wish is my command. It is your birthday, after all."
I understood now. I would never be able to take over the perfect life one of my characters owned. I had to make my own. And I was finally the shining star…I was the young maiden, princess, and damsel in distress, in my own world. And Sasuke was my knight in shining armor, my prince, my savoir.
I could tear a book, but no one could tear my book, my life. It was mine.