Politics over Coffee.
A/N: this chapter does border on crack-esque for a while at least. I can never seem to veer away from making myself (if not anyone else) laugh. (It's in my nature to pretend that I am actually witty.) A large hunk of this chapter's just mentioning characters that may be included later in the story, you know, adding to the subplots… it's largely random banter, but it is of some concern to the main plot.
"Morning Sunshine!" Kankuro laughed as Temari accidentally rolled right off the couch and smacked her head into the coffee table.
"Owww…" she groaned, "wha- didn't I even go to bed?"
Kankuro shook his head, "You sort of… passed out after a bit- my shirt was soaked through by the way. I just left you there. Father asked what was wrong with you- he's making breakfast now."
Temari rubbed her eyes and sat back on the couch before the true implications of those statements came to her. If she had actually fallen asleep while crying- that meant she had made a total dick of herself the night before… "Sorry about your shirt… and stuff…"
"Don't be an idiot. I'll clean it."
Okay, first problem solved… sort of; if she had been left on the couch by Kankuro. That meant that he was the one who supplied the blankets and pillow she'd found herself with... "Thank you." She gestured vaguely to the blankets "For everything…"
"Don't be an idiot. It was cold."
Right… a lot of unspoken understanding in that statement, too. (That was good. It meant she didn't have to get all… mushy); and if Father had asked her what was wrong… that must mean he was pretending to care, which must mean he'd done something wrong recently. "Has the dragon lost his job?"
"Don't be an idiot. He saw you crying. He's not that stupid."
Hmm… and the dragon was making breakfast… that meant… "Oh! Jesus in a moshpit! You let him COOK?!"
"Don't be an idiot. I just let him put the kettle on so that he could feel useful."
"Ah, Temari! You're awake! Kankuro helped me-" (Kankuro rolled his eyes) "-make you some breakfast."
Temari blinked several times, and then looked up at her father. Wow, she hadn't seen him smile since third grade. "What have you done?"
He laughed (actually laughed) "Nothing. I just wanted to take care of my best girl for a change. You do too much around here."
Damn straight she thought. "No. Seriously. You haven't called me 'best girl' since I was about three…" he shrugged in response.
"You don't have to believe me if you don't want to." He sat down next to her, "I saw you were upset last night. Did… you want to talk about anything?"
Temari was officially frightened. Kankuro was looking after her and her father was cooking her breakfast… Next thing she knew and Gaara would be telling her to seek psychiatric help and Tenten would come in and complain to her about how much better Temari's love live was than hers… no, wait. Her best friend's love life couldn't get any better. She had the Grand Lord of Subservient Over-compensating Fatalistic Pretty Boys shagging her at every given opportunity. Paris Hilton's love life wasn't even that good… but Temari really did need someone to talk to. She stared at her father again. "Daddy… I don't even want to talk to myself about this kind of thing…"
"Well, if you were talking to yourself about this; you might be seeing Gaara a little more often, Temana."
"Her name is Temari, father. And no, she wouldn't. Gaara's coming home today."
"Not 'til six tonight, right? It's only 7am now…"
"Oh, fine! Tonight, then!"
She decided she'd have to call her later (Tenten, not Paris), not to talk about her problems, just someone to talk to other than these crackpots from the Twilight Zone that had replaced her father and brother; even if Neji was there, at least it was someone acting in-character.
"Even Sesame Street characters know how to tell the difference between Day and Night, Konkura."
"Puppets don't have BRAINS!"
"What's for breakfast?" Temari interrupted the two men. Sesame Street? Gods, how childish.
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"That stupid PRICK!!" Tenten roared.
It was one of the things about her best friend that she loved the most; Tenten was quiet and subservient- so long as you weren't a man. If you had a penis- most likely she'd chop it off the very second you crossed her. She was a tad like one of Temari's other work colleagues, Sai, in the penis-obsessed department, only he was a little less violent. Right now, she was likely to shove Shikamaru's removed appendage right up his left nostril if he came within four hundred yards of the coffee shop they were sitting at. Neji was sitting there too; being a good little boy; Neji was often cocky and proud around everyone, including his girlfriend- but deep down he was terrified of her and knew when not to act like he existed, possibly- he would say- because it was his fate to be silent in times like these (Neji was a bit… new-age; with long, hippy hair, weird eyes and deep-seated psychological problems that prevented him from acting as though he had any family to speak of). Temari wondered what factory made Nejis and if they did lay-by orders. She would sue the 'Shikamaru' factory; but the lawyers were just too damn clever…
"He's not stupid, Tenten."
"He left you." Piped up Robo-Neji. Damn, those programmers were good, and yes, Temari was perfectly aware that she had an over-active imagination. "Look, I have a friend who'd love to meet you- his name is-"
"Somehow I don't think that Lee is her type." Tenten biffed her boyfriend over the back of the head.
"He'd never do that to her, though." Neji argued, crossing his arms.
"Yes, but we must remember that- after the disastrous Sakura complex that he had- which ended rather badly." Tenten said as a side note to Temari "Poor guy was a mess when she said she'd rather sleep with an inanimate object."
Temari blinked- what a bitch! "Did she actually say that?"
"Would I lie to you?" Tenten said innocently.
"Yes."
"Well, anyway. Sakura's really into that Uchiha guy, so she rather rudely rejected Lee."
Temari blanched, "Itachi?" and then blushed, her thoughts kept jumping to that man.
Tenten stared at her "There's another? I only knew of Sasuke."
"Yeah, Itachi's older… he's… uh… anyway, what happened to Lee?"
"He became rather, er, partial towards, um, things that were not, well, Sakura-ish at all"
"By Not Sakura-ish, you mean…"
"Not anything with breasts."
"Ah…"
"That's why I believe homosexuality is a choice." Tenten declared.
Neji frowned, "No it isn't. It's fate."
Tenten petted his head "Of course it is Neji-bear…"
"I gotta agree with Neji on this; I mean; Kankuro was playing with dolls way back when he was little." Temari said, loudly and clearly, she knew her brother was coming.
"Oh, shut up! Hey Neji, hey Tenten. What are you doing?"
"Healing bitch session" Tenten explained "joining us?"
"Sure." He sat down and ordered a coffee from a passing waitress; Neji's forever- blushing cousin, Hinata. Her employment was half the reason that they (being Temari and her brothers, Neji's whole family, Tenten, Lee- whom Temari had yet to meet, and old classmates of Gaara's Kiba and Shino) all went to that coffee shop. To abuse the hell out of anyone who dared bother Hinata- they were all far too overprotective of her- but she was so adorable...
"When do you finish work, Hinata?" Neji asked.
"A-after I bring K-Kankuro's coffee I can leave…I guess." She looked at the floor.
"Join us, then!" Tenten squealed.
"O-okay."
"So, Kankuro" Neji began as Hinata walked away, "how's the love life?"
Temari snorted into her coffee. Kankuro glared at her "Pleasantly nonexistent thank you." He said, slapping Temari a little too hard on the back when she began choking on her beverage.
She coughed a few times, then straightened up and laughed openly at Kankuro. "Pleasantly nonexistent?! I wasn't entirely with it yesterday but I do remember you saying something along the lines of a very bitter 'at least he knows you exist'."
"You were hearing things."
"No I wasn't!"
"Ooh, who is she?" Tenten leaned forward onto the table, and then caught herself "I mean, or he?"
"It's a SHE!" Kankuro confirmed rather defensively, going incredibly red. "I don't know what amazing complex Temari seems to have that prevents her from coming to terms with my heterosexuality but I assure you that only if- yes, only if- some sort of life-or-death crisis that could not be prevented any other way faced me then- and ONLY then"
Hinata re-entered the room-
"-I would willingly sleep with a man!"
-and turned bright red.
"H-here is your co- coffee. Kankuro… uhm… how are you toga- I mean, today?"
--
"…and then- and then he said "Good, god! I like women!" and sort of… tomato-ed away." Temari explained to a horrified audience of Gaara and Itachi, they were waiting for Tsunade to show up and give Gaara the OK to go home.
"Where is he now?" Gaara asked, concerned.
"Well, when I left to come here and get you he was- sort of… hiding under the doona of his bed. He said he never wanted to see the light of day again…"
"So…I suppose that this crush that he was so determined to confirm the gender of was the Hyuuga girl?" Itachi asked.
"Apparently… oh, by God's giant overalls… I just feel like the worst person ever, now."
Itachi quirked an eyebrow at her choice of words, "How were you supposed to know?"
"I'm his sister! I'm supposed to be in-the-know about all these thingies…"
"You don't suppose he's trying to suffocate himself with that doona…" Gaara mused aloud as Tsunade entered, followed by a stupidly good-looking teenage boy that could only be identified at first glance as a certified 'mini-Itachi'.
"Sasuke!" Itachi cried, clearly ecstatic to see his younger brother. Temari immediately noted how differently he acted around Sasuke. "How are you? Was the trip okay? How is-"
"Breathe, Itachi." Sasuke said in a cool voice. Tucking his aviator sunglasses into the front of his designer shirt, Temari rolled her eyes, rich boys…
"Right… right… sorry. Oh! This is my friend, Gaara" Sasuke nodded politely to Gaara, Gaara nodded back- he didn't seem too fond of the boy, "and this is my fr- this is his- er, well, this is Temari." Itachi finished lamely.
Sasuke took his time looking at Temari with intense, black eyes. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, wondering why she felt far more comfortable under the scrutiny of Itachi's unusual red eyes than Sasuke's common dark eyes. "Hello, Temari." He said, looking her up and down again.
"Hi!"
"Gaara." Sasuke nodded again to Gaara.
"Sasuke" Gaara mimicked him; anyone who didn't know Gaara as well as Temari did never would have picked that he was being a smart ass. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself smiling, noticing Itachi doing the same thing.
"Tsunade" she nodded to the doctor who had just appeared in the doorway.
Tsunade merely gave them all an off-look, "So you're where Gaara gets his little snot attitude, then?"
Temari laughed, "Sure thing!"
"Where's your other brother?"
"God… don't ask." Gaara sighed,
Itachi snorted, and then turned to his brother, "Sasuke, how have things been, er, going at home?"
Sasuke's proud gaze rested on Itachi, "Fine, Itachi. There's no reason for concern." He said firmly, "You worry about things here."
"I was just asking."
"I know what you were implying, Itachi. Don't worry about anything but getting better, please." For such kind words, Temari couldn't help but sense a lack of caring from the younger Uchiha.
"Hey, man, he just wanted to know how things wer-!" Temari muffled a pained yell with a coughing fit; Gaara had stomped on her foot.
"Never… ever get between an Uchiha fight." He hissed in her ear, Temari blinked, that was a fight? Any disagreements in her house weren't even considered a fight unless someone (usually Kankuro) came away bleeding heavily, all these two were doing was glaring. They weren't even yelling…
Gaara pointedly picked up his things and said clearly, from a safe distance, "I'll visit Itachi, yeah?"
As they walked outside with Tsunade (who rather grumpily informed them that she was to observe their home life for a while to ensure that it was stable enough) Temari turned to Gaara. "They're not really fond of each other, are they?"
Gaara crossed his arms and looked at the ground "You have no idea."
Tsunade piped up "I probably shouldn't tell you two. But I've been looking after Itachi as well. Their father has a lot to do with his condition. And the relationship between him and his brother, I believe. If he's not cold and distant he's just plain cruel. It's not good for a kid to have their father randomly withdraw affection the way
that man does… I'm surprised Sasuke turned out as healthy as he did. And that kid's far from normal." Temari rolled her eyes, good-naturedly, she sure knew about bad dads.
"Itachi says his father is trying to kill him." Temari said inquisitively.
Tsunade shook her head solemnly, "It was the other way around, Itachi tried to kill Fugaku."
Temari nearly tripped over… so Itachi really wasn't to be trusted. She was almost embarrassed to find herself thinking so much about him. "Is that why Sasuke seems to hate him?"
"Sasuke tries to treat Itachi like an idiot. He's overcompensating for the horror of having his brother try to kill a family member; he wants to believe his brother is completely unstable- that he's utterly incapable of rational thought. This isn't true; as you well know. Itachi's an incredibly intelligent kid. If you ask me; there's a lot more going on that even Sasuke and I don't know about. I'm not saying Itachi's not deluded, or lying… or both- but it's all very suspicious. Sasuke's showing textbook signs of denial."
Temari took this in. Probably, she told herself, reading more into the information Tsunade had given her than she was meant to. But why would a psychiatrist reveal her patient's secrets like that? Although Tsunade wasn't exactly conventional in her practices, there were limits…
"Sounds a lot like you're doing a lot of looking after Sasuke as well." She chided.
"I am…" the doctor responded mysteriously.