Disclaimer : Nope, sadly don´t own Monk, otherwise MonkNatalie and DisherStottlemeyer would be canon

Note: English is not my mother tongue, so I´m looking for a beta reader , thanks !

Chapter 2 : Reflections from ago

Two days ago life had changed and Randy hadn´t been prepared for this kind of change at all.

Two days ago his Captain got hurt, his body had been hit by bullets like he was just a crash test dummy.

Randy had had to concentrate and resist very hard not to do the same with these guys, these bastards once they had caught them.

It had felt like forever to him till the ambulance finally arrived and he was also the first to jump in once the Captain was in.

And since two days, he had hardly left the room Stottlemeyer was stationed in. He would be either sitting in the chair in front of the bed, watching the Captain´s heart beat for hours or standing and look out of the window, thinking or just stare blankly.

This had granted him quite a lot of time to think, time he normally didn´t have as he was occupied with his job and life.

Over the years that he had worked together with Stottlemeyer his respect and loyalty to this man had steadily grown.

Well, but that wasn´t the whole truth.

Now that he was sitting all alone by himself in this room - except for the sleeping Captain - he couldn´t help but notice the big lie he was hiding behind, just for comfort´s sake.

But lying eventually got back on him, making him uncomfortable again.

When it first had hit him his first rational reaction was denial, just to ignore it.

But after the thought kept haunting him he had started building up this lie, that he was just imagening things, things that his own body was trying to tell him.

Now, however, that there was no work, no occupation, no diversion he could throw himself into, he kind of felt ready, ready to face the truth at last.

And the simple truth was, that he had grown feelings for his Captain.

Not just normal, friendly feelings, like they existed between colleagues; that was what he first had thought and hoped. No, these were more of a - how he thought - disturbing kind.

The best thing to compare them with and what first came to his mind in this relation were this awkward first date feelings, all this nervousness and confusion and the realization that nothing would be as normal and innocent as it used to be when they were kids.

He felt good and relieved to have finally admitted that to himself instead of just thinking it in his subconsciousness.

Deep down he knew it was right, but his mind kept on telling him how scary, new and wrong it was. But how could love be wrong, he fired back, almost high from the strange happy feeling that flooded him.

He looked up from his sitting position, over to the still unconscious man in the bed as if expecting him to suddenly do something.

It took only seconds for this warm, mushy feelings to spread, confirming him that he was right, and also finally on the right way.

It might be totally new he pondered

..and also totally frightening...but it´s definitely worth a try.

Hope you enjoyed it ! Review ! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 !!!!!!