Author's Note:(Very Important, Please Read)

Okay, so as all readers know, this story has been on a six month long hiatus- actually you could just call it sheer laziness. It seems that I became obsessed with other thing and yeah. I know that I said that I would post the final chapter over the summer, but I totally lied. Um so yeah,. This chapter is a collaboration of crack and some of the ideas of the reviewers. So if you see your idea, feel special cause I used it.

Anyway, the next chapter(more than likely the final one) of When Matsumoto Dreams will be up sometime in the next couple of weeks. (Although, you all should know not to trust the words that I type, I'm such a lazy writer) So yeah, this chapter is a feel sorry for me chapter, hence the name.

Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I claim no rights to the show Bleach. All characters used in this story are property of their respective owner. All ideas are also property of their respective owners. No profit it made off of writing my not-so-humorous stories.

Title: When Matsumoto Dreams

Chapter Title: Feel Sorry For Me, I Fail As a Writer

Pairings: Actually in this chapter, there are slight hints of YachiruHitsugaya-if you squint really hard and put on magnifying glasses.

Crack: Lots

(Also, if you see any typos or spelling mistakes, please excuse them as I am kinda typing this in the car riding down a freeway at ninety-miles an hour with my road-raged mother)

It was a beautiful and calm day in the world of soul society. A day that seemed like one in a billion. As every other day besides this serene day seemed to consist of some kind of pandemonium. Pandemonium of the crazy and eccentric type. Any sane person that stayed one day in the seireitei would, by the end of the day, come out insane.

Even the uptight Hitsugaya, which is an understatement, was relaxed. He sat at his mahogany desk, reading a calming book and drinking his soothing green tea. On his exterior, the tenth division captain may have seemed to be calm, but in his interior, the eerie calm gave him an unnerving feeling.

Just why was it so calm today?

This and many other questions ran around in his wild and restless mind. Hitsugaya looked to the left of the room and panned to the right of the room. There was just something about this day that freaked him out. It was never calm in the seireitei, something was going to happen. The eerie calm gave the uptight teen a foreboding sense of events predetermined.

Well, maybe it was just a calm day. Hitsugaya sighed, trying to control his nervousness, and looked back down at his book. He read a couple of pages until he heard a loud thump on the roof.

What was that loud thump? He thought. The tenth division captain put his book down and walked to the front door and then outside.

When he reached the outside, he looked up to his roof and there was nothing there. And then he heard a small mewl. Looking from the roof to behind him, he saw a small calico kitten. Even he could not resist that small little face. Oh so adorable the little fuzz ball was. Hitsugaya reached down and scratched the little kitten behind it ears. In return, the kitten began to purr. The cold and ruthless demeanor of the uptight tenth division captain melted away and Hitsugaya Toushiro did something he would never do in front of anybody, not even his closest friends.

He smiled. The kitten had gotten to him, with its adorable face and whiskers to its fuzzy calico fur.

But that moment didn't last for long as something hit him in the back of the head.

"What the. . ." Hitsugaya was shocked, another small kitten was behind him. But before he could think or react, something hit him again on his large cranium.

"All right, whose throwing crap at me?" There was no response, instead he heard a small bark. Toushiro turned around to see the calico kitten that had made him smile and a puppy. Just what in the hell was going on?

What the child prodigee had failed to notice was that it had gotten cloudy since he had come outside. The next couple of events had completely eluded him as cats and dogs began to fall from the sky. The term "it's raining cats and dogs" was not a metaphor anymore, it was a full on literal term at this point in time.

Hitsugaya kept was getting nailed by barking dogs and mewling cats. What in the hell was going on? The white-haired youth scrambled to get to his office, in the process tripping over 9000 dogs and cats. He gained himself a headache and a bunch of scratches.

Finally, after tripping over all the cats and dogs, he made it into his office. It did not help his headache though, as he could here the barking and meowing of the cats and dogs. And also, the annoying onomatopoeia was egging on his painful headache. Such an annoying cadence.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

Could this day get any worse?

Damn, Hitsugaya needed to stop asking himself these questions because just as he turned around, his question was answered.

It was Matsumoto, dressed as the ugly purple dinosaur-Barney.

"Hi Taichou!" Came the voice of the tenth division vice-captain in a sing-song tone.

"Wha. . .why?" Barney was his enemy. The purple thing had tried to eat Hitsugaya, of course in reality Barney was only trying to give the child Hitsugaya a nice hug.

"What Taichou? I'm dressed up as Barney because of the LilKidCon. They hired me, I needed to get the money from somewhere for my Sake. They also hired Renji and Hisagi. Although, Hisagi's costume looks kinda like something out of one of his porn books."

And, as if on cue, Renji and Hisagi came walking out dressed like children's cartoon characters. Renji in a Diego the Ditch Digger, ahem I mean, just Diego from Go! Diego Go! And Hisagi was dressed in some bondage like outfit of one of The Wiggles. He seemed to wiggle his way into the room when he entered. Wait, Wiggle? Was he gay or something. (No offense to the people out there that actually like the crappy children shows on television)

Hitsugaya passed out from the headache and shock of the adult gone child shinigami standing in front of him. Matsumoto, Renji, and Hisagi and looked and each other and shrugged. The trio then skipped gaily off to the LilKidCon.

After about a quarter of an hour later, Hitsugaya awoke. The onomatopoeia from before was gone and so was the raging migraine he had. That was a moment he treasured because three seconds later Orihime came bursting through one of his office walls, screaming bloody murder.

"Rukia has eggs!" Oh great, Rukia was egging all of seireitei. Wait, what the hell?

And suddenly, another gaping hole was made. Rukia came in dressed up as an egg. She crossed her arms over her chest in the Don Kanoji fashion, "Bwahahaha! Watch out or you'll get egg-zilladed by my epic egging skills! There's no eggxit to your demise. Bwahahaha- my epic egging over you will be eggtastic! Bwahaha!" Several egg related puns later, Hitsugaya's raging headache came back as well as bulging veins of irritation.

"What the hell is wrong with you two!" Smoke poured out of his nose. The two woman seemed to not pay attention to him as they began to have an egging war. Rukia came out with an epic egging win over Orihime. It seemed like hours that egg war went on.

"Taichou, I'm back from the LilKidCon." Matsumoto swiftly dodged an incoming egg thrown from a giggling Rukia. "What's going on in here?"

"I need a therapist." Hitsugaya was curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth like some kind of emo child. Matsumoto walked over to her captain and sighed. It seemed Rukia had escaped the LilKidCon dressed up as an egg. Matsumoto had told Byakuya to make sure he kept her on a leash and away from the candy. Rukia+Candy+Egg Costume+Eggs= Eggtastic, sugar high, fun. And that type of fun scared the living life out of Hitsugaya.

"You know you don't need a therapist taichou. They rape you." Her words didn't reach the captain. Matsumoto seemed to be referring to the fact that if you separate therapist between the e and r, it comes out as The Rapist. The connotation of those two words explains so much. That's why Matsumoto had never like therapists, even the name of their profession explained what they did to people's minds.

Her words had meant nothing to the emo captain as he got up and headed for his room. "All right you two, get out of my office!" Screamed Matsumoto, she seemed pissed that Orihime and Rukia had made her captain go emo. "And Rukia, you better get out or I'll chain you up and call Byakuya-taichou and have him come and get you." Rukia seemed to come to her senses at the mention of her step-brother.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Matsumoto awoke to see something that really didn't surprise her. Hitsugaya was dressed up as a emo kid. He had tight, skinny jeans on and a My Chemical Romance fan shirt on. He found the stash of stuff Matsumoto had bought in the real world. And it seemed he knew what to do with it. The tenth division captain also had heavy, black eye liner on his eyes.

"Taichou, you look like the off-spring of a goth and an emo gone bad. Why the emo get up?" Hitsugaya paid no attention to her comment.

"Don't talk to me. I'm going to go do emo things, like listen to My Chemical Romance and blog about how much the world hates me." Hitsugaya walked off to go do said emo things.

"But Taichou."

"I'm gonna do emo things!" Hitsugaya yelled back, and with that he shunpoed off to go do things. Matsumoto sighed, she was going to have to do something about this or else she would have to do paperwork. And she didn't like that. If the captain wasn't there to do it, then the vice-captain would have to step up and do it.

"Matsumoto." The strawberry blond vice captain piped up at the sound of her name being called.

"Taichou, I thought you were gonna go do emo kid things. What happened?"

"Uh, I can't find any My Chemical Romance albums. You got any?"

"Fine, here. Now go do emo things." Matsumoto handed her captain said album. The young boy trudged off to do what he originally going to do.

Matsumoto sighed, a heaping chug of alcohol was going to be necessary after she finished dealing with the gone emo captain. Emo, a stage that the kids seemed to be going through. What was the rage, was skinny jeans and cutting yourself really that popular. Confident on what she going to do the shinigami walked off to her desk, searching for the stash of Sake she had. Matsumoto retrieved the rice wine out of the desk and opened. Not bothering with a glass, she grabbed a straw she kept in one of the drawers of the Cherry-Wood desk. Matsumoto stuck the straw and began to sip. About half way through the alcohol she heard a loud bang and urk.

Quickly the shinigami rushed off to the cause of the noise. When she arrived she saw that her captain had smashed some kind of electric guitar on the ground. Matsumoto then scanned the room, she saw the guitar he had smashed and a pair of drums. And sitting at the drums was the pink-haired Yachiru. Except her hair wasn't that pink anymore, it was black. It seemed every kid in the seireitei was going emo or something.

"Taichou, why did you smash that against the ground?" The emo Hitsugaya just looked up at her and grunted.

"'Cause he was rockin' to hard and got deep into the moment. It's an emo, punk, rock thing." Yachiru answered for Hitsugaya.

"Interesting. So Yachiru, why are you here and not with your taichou.?You always seemed to be his shoulder pet."

"Well, Kenpachi-taichou-" She began, and then she was interjected by Matsumoto.

"Kenpachi-taichou? I though you nicknamed him Ken-chan? What, has becoming emo changed you're mannerisms?"

"Why yes, yes it has." She bluntly answered. "Taichou seemed to have some sort of personality change. He left, and said he was gonna go catch bunnies or something. And he's done some weird stuff to the headquarters. Kenpachi-taichou decorated it with feng shui stuff."

"Oh um that's quite interesting." It seemed to Matsumoto that the whole entirety of Seireitei was going crazy. What was next, a peppy Yammamoto?

"Eeep!" Came a screech. What the hell was that? Matsumoto asked herself mentally. And through the wall came a pink clad soutaichou, screaming at the top of his lungs like some peppy female. "Bug." He screeched. And there following him was a giant bug about the size of a dog. Matsumoto sighed, what else could happen? It seemed that the serene time that had been earlier in the day was gone. Replaced by a plethora of chaos and pandemonium. Something that most anyone was akin to in Soul Society.

Such crazy times it was, such crazy dreams. "What is next?" She asked anything that could here it.

"This." Came the grotesque voice of Mayuri Kurosutchi. Matsumoto turned around, and watched as Mayuri's head turned around. Matsumoto screamed bloody murder.

"Aah!" And with that screech, she passed out from her wild dream.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Matsumoto woke up screaming, a picture of the evil clown on crack picture burnt into her head. She really needed to stop drinking Sake after two o' clock in the afternoon. Maybe it was just that simple. If it was a dream, than that meant that everything was all good.