Still, Still, Still --A Christmas to Remember Ch. 5
Disclaimer: Still don't own them and still not making a profit. I also don't own the lyrics to the Christmas song Still, Still, Still!
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Previously: I need to run some tests to confirm what is happening, but I'd say that Sam has a strong fighting chance now." He glanced down as if in thought before looking Dean in the eyes and saying. "I'd say that your brother just received a Christmas miracle."
After twelve hours and dozens of tests later, the doctor confirmed that Sam was indeed making a miraculous recovery. He had progressed to the point where Dr. Daniels had removed him from the ventilator and Sam was now getting oxygen from the canula tubing beneath his nose. From the results of the body scan, the doctor had informed them that Sam's liver and kidneys were now functioning much better and would soon be at one hundred percent. Dr. Daniels did have one concern however and it was that the results of Sam's MRI had been inconclusive. He was worried that when Sam woke up, he would have some trouble adjusting since his neuron brain wave pattern was still irregular due to the shock to his system.
As Dean sat beside his brother waiting for him to wake up, he thought about the events of the previous night. His brother had literally been visited by an angel and given a second chance. In doing so, Dean had been given a second chance also to make things right with Sammy and he wasn't going to waste that chance. As soon as Sammy woke up, he was going to apologize for his behavior and all of the stupid things he had said. He planned on letting Sam know that things would be much better from now on, that he would make sure of it. He glanced up to see Bobby walking into the room with two cups of coffee.
"Here ya go Dean, I though you could use a jolt of caffeine to get your juices flowing" Bobby said as he handed Dean over a cup of the steaming hot brew. Dean had barely slept since the accident and Bobby was worried about him collapsing and ending up in the hospital himself.
"Thanks Bobby. The doctor was here while you were going and gave me the results of Sammy's test."
"Well what did he have to say, please tell me that it was good news." Bobby asked eagerly needing to know how Sam was doing.
"Yeah it is, the doc says that Sammy should wake up soon. He said the tests show that Sam's liver and kidneys are doing fine, but he's worried about Sam's MRI results. He thinks Sam might have a little trouble with connecting the dots so to speak since the synapses in his brain are misfiring. They're not connecting the way they should. He said that it's most likely from the electrical shock and that it should return to normal in a few days."
"S'good Dean, but it means you'll have to be patient with the kid when he says or does things that get to you. You can't allow yourself to blow up at him."
"Don't you think that I know that Bobby" Dean grumbled as he ran his fingers through Sammy's hair wishing he would just wake up already.
"Damn it Dean, that's what I'm talking about. You're already grumpy just because of what I said to you about being patient. That red hot temper of yours is what got you boys into this mess in the first place. All I'm saying is that you've got to watch yourself around Sammy. The kid is hurting whether you realize it or not. You've got to stop taking things out on him just because you're angry or don't like what he does or says. I know you're hurting too boy and I can understand that, but Sam was never like you and your dad when it came to hiding your emotions, Sam has always worn his heart on a stick meaning that he's always been more vulnerable. You've got start thinking before you act, especially where it concerns Sammy."
"I know that Bobby and I'll be more careful, I swear I will. When he wakes up, I'm going to make sure he knows how much I care about him and how bad I feel for hurting him the way I did."
"I hope so Dean, or your going to lose the kid forever" Bobby replied worried about what that would do to both brothers. They had been so close growing up and even finished each other's thoughts half the time. It hurt to see them in the place they were now, angry or upset with one another.
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As Sam started to come too, he wondered what the hell had happened to him. His muscles were all tight like a stretched bungee cord and he was having trouble putting things together in his mind. He remembered being in the car and Dean calling him a prick, complaining about having to give up his childhood for him but it warred with the part that said "As long as I'm around, nobody is going to hurt you little brother." It just didn't make sense. If Dean loved him then why did he consider him a burden and hurt him with his words. He didn't know Dean had considered him to be a heavy burden, he thought Dean liked spending time with him. If he had known, he would have just walked away. He would just have to start relying only on himself and forget about Dean and his eternal bad attitude. He didn't need his brother and he would just have to show him that.
As he became more alert, he could feel fingers running through his hair tenderly and the sound of voices. He couldn't understand what they were saying because the words just seemed to be all jumbled in his brain. He recognized one of them as Dean's and the other as Bobby's. From the sound of it, they were arguing and it was probably about him. "Damn it, guess I must have messed up again" he thought to himself with disdain. Knowing that he had to start taking care of himself, he turned his head to the side trying to get away from the comforting touch of those fingers running through his hair as he mumbled the words "N-no, stop."
Dean was stunned to feel Sam move away from his touch, even more so when he heard Sammy tell him to stop. Sam had never shied away from his touch before, he always took solace in knowing Dean was there. "Sammy, open your eyes for me little brother" he said as he reached out and placed a hand on Sam's chest.
It took a few tries but Sam finally opened his eyes to see Dean standing beside his bed. He wondered why Dean was acting so concerned about him when obviously all he wanted was to get away from him as was evident by his outburst in the car. Maybe he was just staying out of pity and Sam didn't want any part of that.
"M'fine, you can l-leave now" Sam mumbled cursing himself for the way his voice broke on the word leave. It made him sound weak and unable to take care of himself.
"Sammy I'm not gonna leave you. Why would I wanna do that?" Dean questioned wondering what in the hell was going through Sammy's mind right now. The kid wasn't making any sense.
"I can take care of my-myself now, don't need you to give up anymore of your l-life just to take c-care of me" Sam said as he tried to roll on his side away from Dean. He gasped as his tense muscles protested the movement and fought back the tears that were trying to spring up in his eyes.
Dean looked at Bobby with shock and uncertainty in his eyes not understanding what Sammy meant. "Sammy, I don't understand what you mean by that. I'm not giving up my life by taking care of you dude."
"S'not what you said-said in the car Dean, said you gave up your whole li-life for me. Don't n-need you anymore, just go and leave me alone."
Dean's heart plummeted as he remembered what he had said just before the car crashed into the electric pole. He had been so angry with Sam and had said the first thing that came to his mind trying to make Sam feel guilty. Now those words were coming back to haunt him.
"Sammy, I swear to you I didn't…"
"Just l-leave pl-please. Don't wanna talk to you" Sam pleaded as he cut off his brother's statement and closed his eyes once again. He was too tired to argue anymore and his head was really beginning to hurt like a bitch.
Dean hung his head as Sammy basically shut himself off from him. "God Bobby, what did I do to him, how in the hell am I supposed to fix this? Dean questioned as he looked to the older man for guidance to correct the major mistake he had made.
"You're just gonna have to give him some time Dean. He's having a rough time as he tries to sort things through his head. I think it would be best for now if you do as he asks and just leave for a little while, go back to the Salvage yard and get you a decent night's sleep. I'll stay here with the kid."
"Yeah, I think you're right" Dean said as he heard Sam gasp in pain and saw him grab his head. "Right now my being here is hurting him and I've done that enough." he said with a heavy heart.
He stood up and started to trudge out of the room. Before he left though, he turned back to Bobby and silently mouthed "Please call me if anything happens or if he needs me" He watched as Bobby nodded his head that he would and then turned around to leave for what he knew would be lonesome trip
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As Dean drove back towards Bobby's place he couldn't remember ever feeling more alone than he did right now. The brother he had sworn to protect was lying in a hospital recovering from nearly having been killed and didn't even want him there. He couldn't blame Sammy though with the way he had treated him lately. Hell if he were Sammy, he would have given himself the cold shoulder treatment too. Dean tried to not take offense by the way Sammy was acting towards him, but damned if it didn't hurt…all the more so when he realized that he had done the exact same thing to Sammy, only he didn't have a medical reason for being such an ass!
As Dean pulled the sleek black Impala into Singer Salvage Yard, he dreaded going into the empty house alone. Who was he kidding by agreeing to coming home, because that's they way he thought of Bobby's place now, and getting a good night's rest. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to sleep in that room with the other bed empty. He never really did sleep very well when Sam wasn't around since he didn't have the sound of Sam's even breathing and slight snoring to lure him into a restful sleep.
Removing the key from the hide-a-way compartment in the middle porch step, Dean unlocked the door and let himself into the dark house. He flipped the light switch on the wall as he tossed his brown leather jacket over the back of the worn looking sofa. Hating the silence in the house right now, he walked over and turned on the television just to hear the sound of some voices talking. He then walked into the kitchen and turned the coffee pot on, sure that it was going to be a long night and that he would be craving the caffeine. While the coffee was brewing, he decided to go upstairs and take a shower since he was beginning to smell kind of ripe after staying at the hospital.
After he stripped down and stepped into the shower, he allowed the hot water to cascade down over his head and loosen the tense muscles in his neck and back as he stood under the scalding water. He allowed his mind to drift wishing that things could go back to normal and that he and Sammy were cruising down the open road once again. As the water began to turn cool, he quickly lathered himself with soap and then rinsed off before climbing out of the shower and getting dressed.
He thought about calling Bobby as he returned to the kitchen, but then remembered he had agreed to give Sammy some time to adjust to things. He knew Bobby would take damned good care of his little brother, but it just wasn't the same as being there with the kid and seeing that he was alright. What if Sammy had a relapse and he wasn't there for him. He lightly shivered as he shook the negative thought from his head, he was not going down that road. Sammy was going to be fine and that was all there was to it.
He fixed himself a bowl of the chili that Bobby had stored in the refrigerator and warmed it up in the microwave before carrying it into the living room and sitting down on the sofa. He watched some old reruns of Baywatch but the girls in their skimpy red bathing suits just didn't catch his attention as his mind kept drifting back to the hospital and what Sammy might be doing now. He hoped that Sam was getting some rest. Hopefully things would be better in the morning and Sammy would be asking for him.
TBC Sorry this chapter is short, but I had a headache that just refused to leave me alone.