Still, Still, Still --A Christmas to Remember Ch. 6
Disclaimer: Still don't own them and still not making a profit. I also don't own the lyrics to the Christmas song Still, Still, Still!
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Previously: Dean's mind kept drifting back to the hospital and what Sammy might be doing now. He hoped that Sam was getting some rest. Hopefully things would be better in the morning and Sammy would be asking for him.
As Dean woke up the next morning to the sun streaking through the curtains and blinding him, he couldn't believe that he had actually fallen asleep sitting on the couch while watching television. "Hmmm, must have been more tired than I thought" he said to himself as he stood up to stretch the aching muscles in his back from sleeping on the hard sofa. Realizing that he had made Sam sleep there before the accident, he felt the guilt starting to consume him once again. How many times could he hurt Sammy before Sam gave up on him?
Wanting to get back to his brother, he grabbed his leather jacket and pulled it on as he pulled his car keys from his pocket. He had been grateful to the police for once for having it towed to the garage right beside the hospital so that it had been available when he needed it. As he walked outside into the wintery wonderland and saw it in the light of day, he gasped as he noticed the damage to his girl. "Damn," he mumbled as he ran his hand along the dented front bumper and side front panel, he hadn't noticed that damage in the dark of night when he had left the hospital last night. "Sorry girl, but your going to have to wait" he said as he walked around to climb into the car since it was more important to get back to Sammy right now. He put the key into the ignition and fired up the engine as he reached over to turn the heat on. He shivered for just a minute as he was blasted by cold air, but it didn't take long for the muscle car to warm up and Dean was warm and toasty once again. He put the car into reverse and pulled out of Bobby's driveway eager to get to the hospital.
As he made the drive towards Sioux City Memorial, he hoped that Sammy was ready to see him this morning. He had thought about calling Bobby to find out what Sammy's mood was, but decided against it. Even if Sam was still upset with him, he needed to see with his own eyes that his little brother was still okay, he couldn't chance being told to stay away over the telephone. Spotting a local Denny's restaurant, he pulled in and picked up some sausage and egg biscuits along with some coffee for himself and Bobby. He thought about getting Sammy something too, but he wasn't sure whether or not the doctor had him on a bland diet right now so he chose against it. Sammy had most likely had breakfast already anyway since hospitals seemed to enjoy waking their patients up at six o'clock in the morning just to feed them. Honestly, who in the hell in their right minds would get up at ix in the morning.
Twenty minutes later, he pulled into the parking garage at the hospital and found a parking spot on the third floor. He ignored the elevator and took the stairs to the bottom choosing not to wait on the elevator, since they were notorious for being slow anyway. He entered the hospital and walked straight past the nurses desk since he already knew where his brother was located. If Sam had been moved out of the ICU, Bobby would have called him. The closer he got to Sammy's room though, the more nervous he became. "Please don't be mad at me anymore Sammy" he whispered. "I really need my baby brother back."
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Sam was awakened from a restless sleep by the sound of a too cheery voice as a bubbly girl came walking into the room. He glanced up at the clock on the hospital wall to see that it was only six-fifteen in the morning. He yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he plastered on a fake smile for the candy striper delivering his breakfast.
"Good morning sir" Lily replied as she placed Sam's breakfast on the small adjustable table before pushing the button on Sam's bed to raise him up to a reclining position. "Your doctor has placed you on a liquid diet for this morning so I'm afraid you've only got some hot tea, a carton of apple juice, and some plain jello for breakfast."
"Thanks" Sam replied as he fingered the carton of apple juice with disinterest not wanting to be rude.
"Your quite welcome sir" Lily replied with a wink and then walked out of the room to deliver the next breakfast tray.
Sam picked up his spoon and started pushing the jello around in the bowl. He really didn't feel like eating or drinking anything and his mind began to wonder. It still hurt him to know that Dean had always considered him an inconvenience or hindrance growing up when he had always looked up to his brother as a hero. He honestly thought Dean had enjoyed having him around but apparently he was wrong. Dean only spent time with him because his dad had ordered him to do it, and not because he wanted to. He sighed as he picked up a bite of lime green jello with his spoon and then dropped it into the bowl once again.
"Sammy, you alright kiddo?" Bobby questioned as he watched Sam playing with his breakfast. He didn't like the disheartened look that had just crossed Sammy's face and wondered what was going through his mind.
"M'fine" Sam replied automatically without looking up at the man who had become like an uncle to him. Even though Bobby was in the room with him, he still felt loneliness closing in on him from all sides knowing that Dean no longer cared about him. He wondered where he would go and what he would do after he got out of the hospital. Everything that had ever meant anything to him was now gone and he couldn't go back to Stanford since it would bring back too many bad memories of Jess. He allowed a single tear to fall as he realized he was destined to be alone for the rest of his life.
"You don't look fine to me tiger" Bobby replied as he came over and sat on the edge of the bed beside Sam and placed a hand on his knee. "Talk to me kid, what's eating at ya?"
"Nothing, I'm just tired" Sam replied as he rolled over to face away from Bobby and pretended to go to sleep praying that Bobby would leave him alone.
"Okay kiddo, you get some rest, but we're gonna talk later and get things out in the open" Bobby informed him as he carded his fingers through Sammy's hair before returning to the reclining chair that he had slept on to keep a watch over Sammy.
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By the time that Dean arrived in the room approximately ninety minutes later, Sam had indeed fallen back to sleep. He was softly snoring when Dean sidled up to his bed and watched him intently for a few minutes as he slept. Dean noticed the dried tear track on his face and felt his heart ache just a little bit more knowing that it was probably him that had put it there. He scrubbed a hand through his short dark blonde hair and sighed deeply. "I'm so sorry tiger" he whispered as he reached out to brush his thumb along Sam's cheek. "I swear to you I'll make things right again between us, just you wait and see."
"I don't doubt that for a minute since you inherited your daddy's Winchester stubbornness" Bobby said. "You got something in there for me too boy?" he asked as he pointed to the Denny's takeout bag. He was beyond hungry since he was used to eating breakfast by six in the morning, but he didn't want to leave Sammy alone to go get some.
"Hope sausage and egg biscuits are okay" Dean said as he reached in to the bag to pull out two of the biscuits for Bobby and two for himself before also handing a cup of coffee over to Bobby.
Sounds wonderful" Bobby replied as he quickly unwrapped one of the biscuits and took a huge bite out of it. "I'm starving."
As they sat eating, Dean thought about the angel that had saved Sammy and the words that it had said. "Hey Bobby, mind if I ask you a question?" Dean asked hesitantly.
"Nah, what's on your mind sport?"
"I was just thinking about what Hamied said too Sammy, you know about him having 'much left to do on this earth.' What do you think the angel meant by that?"
"Well Dean, I don't rightly know. But maybe it means that Sam's got a special destiny ahead of him after this demon war is over. I know your daddy was worried about Sam turning evil when he died because of that damned yellow eyed demon having some kind of connection with him, but just maybe Sam is the one who will finally rid this world of demons and their destructive ways. Maybe God has a special plan for him" Bobby replied in answer to the question. I choose to believe he was given those visions for a reason and that eventually, they'll provide the knowledge we need to seal the demons in the pits of hell forever more."
"I know in my heart that dad was wrong when he said Sammy might turn evil. Hell Bobby, there isn't an evil bone in that kid's body. And now that he's actually been touched by an angel, I think you're right. Sam is going to be the deciding factor in this war and I'm going to make sure he doesn't fall!" Dean stated with conviction.
"I'm right there with you Dean, you know I'll always be there for you boys" Bobby stated with a gleam in his eyes.
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A few hours later, Sam had finally been taken out of the ICU and moved to a regular room. He had woken up to find Bobby gone and Dean in the room sitting by his bed. Still angry with his brother, he refused to acknowledge that Dean was even there. He pointedly refuse to answer anything Dean said to him and after what seemed like the fiftieth time of Dean asking if he needed anything, Sam finally lost his temper. "Will you just get the hell out of here and never come back. I'm sick to death of hearing your damn mouth running all the time like a leaky faucet."
"No, I won't leave until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you Sammy and why your trying to push me away."
"Stop acting like you care Dean. You don't give a shit about me and you never have. All these years you just pretended that you wanted to spend time with me when the only damn reason you stuck around was because dad ordered you too and you know it" Sam snarled with tears glistening in his eyes
"That's not true Sammy. Yeah, dad always told me to watch out for you, but I did it because that's what I wanted to do and not because dad told me to."
"You're a liar Dean, you've been lying to me my whole life so why should I believe you now? Why else would you have said that you gave up your life for me with such hatred in your voice huh?"
"Because I was damned stupid and I was pissed off and I wanted to hurt you for forcing Christmas on me at the time Sammy that's why. I said the first thing that came to my mind that I knew would hurt you and I'll regret that for the rest of my life. I love you Sammy and I have NEVER ONCE considered you a burden."
"Why should I believe you Dean?" Sam asked apathetically.
"Just think about it Sam. Would I have talked dad into letting you join the soccer team at school when you were twelve knowing that I would have to be the one to get you to all of your games if I thought you were a burden? Would I have saved every spare cent I made shoveling snow out of driveways in the winter time so I could make sure that you had a few gifts under the tree that I had to go out and scrounge up at Christmas time myself if you didn't mean the world to me? And what about those days that I cooked something for you to eat claiming that I wasn't hungry so that you would at least have something to fill your stomach, does that sound like somebody who doesn't care to you little brother?" Dean watched as warring emotions crossed his brothers face hoping that he finally had gotten through to him.
"Dean I don't know what…God my head is so mixed up right now" Sam gasped as he raised his palms to cover his face and began to sob. He didn't know what to think or what to believe.
"S'okay Sammy, I've got you" Dean said as he sat down on the bed and pulled his baby brother into his arms. "Everything's going to be alright tiger, everything is going to be just fine."
TBC