A/N: Whew! Long chapter, and the boys had to have some hissy fits. This story should wrap up in another two or three chapters. Sorry about the cliffie. :)

Chapter Thirteen

When Yusuke woke, it was only to know that the world wasn't a place worth waking to. Too much pain. He blacked out again almost as soon as he was aware he was conscious.

When he woke the second time, he didn't know where he was or how he'd gotten there, but he knew who was with him. He didn't open his eyes. Eyesight wasn't necessary for some things. Hiei was lying next to him, out cold, and Kurama was nearby, awake. Yusuke realized that if Hiei was alive they had probably won the battle, sometime past when Yusuke could remember. Furthermore, Kurama was calm, which meant neither of them was dying. Yusuke went back to sleep.

The third time, he was hissing and pushing Kurama away before he was fully awake. "Stop it."

Kurama brushed past his attempts at defense and continued poking a spot on Yusuke's shoulder that sent waves of agony through his body every time it was touched. "If you'd hold still it wouldn't hurt as much," he commented.

"Is Hiei alright?"

"As much as he can be." Kurama caught Yusuke's look of incomprehension and added, "He will be."

Which both together didn't quite add up to yes, but Yusuke had a more immediate concern--his imminent death at Kurama's hands. "Stop," he whined, unable to do more than flop feebly in an attempt to get away. "Hurts."

"You don't think I'm entitled to torture you? And as I said, if you stopped moving it would hurt less."

Yusuke stopped, but only because he knew whatever Kurama was doing would somehow help him heal--also because Kurama would stop faster if Yusuke held still. "How pissed are you?" he said through gritted teeth, struggling to form a complete sentence through the pain.

"At you? Slightly. At Hiei, moreso, though not as much as I would be had be not managed to preserve your life. At myself, most of all. I should have known how this would play out."

The answer was too complex for Yusuke's current state, so he listened to Kurama's tone of voice and decided it was alright. Then the pain increased, and he didn't care anymore. "Do I have to be awake while you do this?" he managed to say without screaming.

"No. Not if you don't choose." And that was the last thing he remembered.

The next time he woke he felt immeasurably better; clear-headed, with the pain a dull throb. Without opening his eyes, he took inventory of his body. His right shoulder still hurt the worst; the pain continued down his arm, gradually tapering to numbness. It felt like there was a depression in his chest every time he breathed--he'd felt that before, at times when he'd expended all his energy in battle. He ached everywhere, but nothing seemed to indicate real trouble.

It was Hiei's energy that filled the cave now, awake and alert, and Kurama's that was subdued in sleep. Yusuke opened his eyes and discovered that Kurama was lying near to him, curled up slightly. He looked like he'd been fighting--which was ridiculous, Yusuke was starting to remember bits and fragments of the battle and Kurama hadn't been there--at least, not while Yusuke could remember. But he still looked battle-worn.

Yusuke sat up to look for Hiei, and found him only a few feet away, studying the entrance of the cave. He turned when Yusuke moved. He looked okay--no visible injuries except a cut on his temple, and a look of exhaustion so deep it made Yusuke want to collapse just seeing it. "Kurama says you're asking to be unconscious," was Hiei's greeting. "He doesn't like it. Neither do I. Are you trying to escape from physical pain or something else?"

"Pain," Yusuke replied. "I haven't gotten around to anything else yet."

He could tell Hiei didn't find his answer reassuring, so he switched topics before the fire demon could pursue it any farther. "I guess you guys didn't think I was up to taking a watch." Hiei blinked. "You and Kurama traded off without waking me."

Hiei blinked again, then glanced at Kurama's sleeping form. "I suppose it didn't occur to either of us to wake you." He sounded mildly surprised by the idea.

"Was Kurama there? At the fight?"

Hiei looked at him sharply. "Do you remember anything?"

"Yeah, I think up to the point I blacked out. The first guy was down and the really ugly one was throwing those little knife thingies at us and you were deflecting them back, and then there was an even uglier guy behind us and..." Yusuke struggled to put together what had happened then--he had vague images, he remembered being picked up and thrown, and trying to stand up, but after that... "I guess that's as far as I remember."

"I figured I lost you around then."

"What happened?"

Hiei's response was detached--almost clinical. "I finished the fight. When I was hauling you out of there we met reinforcements. Many more demons had been invited to the summit than we thought, but Kurama had caught up to us by then and the first wave had already been past him, so there weren't many left. New groups kept cropping up--not just invitees, but locals noticing the disturbance. It took Kurama and I rest of the day to fight our way out the fortress. We were attacked twice on the way here. When we arrived you and I slept the rest of that day and that night while Kurama remained awake; he woke me up today in case he needed backup dealing with a group that had tracked us here. He won without help, but he was exhausted afterwards, so I stayed awake."

Hiei stopped talking. Yusuke paused for a moment to try to process everything he'd said--not only what he'd said, but how he'd said it, devoid of the slightest inflection or emotion. Furthermore, he seemed to think that concise summary was enough, when it had given Yusuke so many questions he didn't even know where to start. "What do you mean, you finished the fight?" he finally said.

"Just that."

"Just like, boom, they were dead? Once I was out of it you took over and what, it took you three seconds?"

"No. It took much longer. But in the end they were dead and we were not. What more do you need to know?"

"I need to know why you don't want to talk about it." Hiei was not a braggart, but neither was he modest, and this sudden unwillingness to describe a win was odd to say the least.

Hiei looked at him for a moment, contemplative. "Your honor is intact," he finally said. "It wasn't easy. It nearly didn't happen. So you needn't feel ashamed that I was able to finish the battle when you were not. I would have been killed easily by the next person I encountered had that person not been Kurama."

"...You saved me, didn't you."

"If you mean that I didn't leave your unconscious carcass--"

"No, I mean that you did something noble and stupid and that's why you don't want to talk about it." Despite Hiei's attempts to forestall it, Yusuke felt shame sweeping through him. Weak--weak and stupid, too stupid to know when he was too weak. That was him. Not deserving of the kind of friend who would shelter his unconscious body in the middle of a battle that was too hard to begin with--nor of the kind who would track him halfway across Makai, despite Yusuke's deliberate evasion of him, and take him back home safely. He had acted badly and it had cost his friends. "I'm sorry I almost got you killed," he said through gritted teeth.

"If you had, which you didn't, then we would be even."

Yusuke shook his head. "Wasn't your fault."

"Debating blame is pointless." Hiei seemed about to say more but stopped. His gaze shifted to Kurama, who was still deeply asleep despite neither of them keeping their voices down.

"He's sleeping pretty hard," Yusuke noted, fresh concern washing through him. "Is he hurt?"

"Cuts and bruises. He's just exhausted." Then, after a pause, Hiei added, "I drugged him. He won't wake up for some time yet."

"You drugged him?"

"When we were allies I would sometimes wake up in his room hours or even days after battles, feeling like I'd had the deepest sleep of my life, with no recollection of losing consciousness. After awhile I figured out which plant he was using; then I figured out how to untangle it from his hair without being attacked by any other seeds. It's only fair to use his own tactics."

"He'll be angry."

"Only if someone tells him," Hiei replied with a pointed look.

"Yeah, or if he notices a seed missing. Why'd you risk pissing him off?"

"He wouldn't sleep." Hiei looked haggard, and for the first time his voice took on a trace of some emotion--worry. "He wouldn't trade off with me. I mean, on the way back he would, we fought together like--but not when we got here. I couldn't convince him. I thought he was going to get killed in that last battle. I was ready to knock him out by force, if I could."

"Why wouldn't he trade off?"

"He's a stubborn jackass."

"Oh." Yusuke knew from that answer how it had played out. Each of them had decided the other needed to rest, and instead of compromising they had fought, probably to the point of blows. Their worst fights always seemed to come from trying to protect one another.

Yusuke considered pointing that out to Hiei. But for some reason--the battle, the look on his face--it felt too much like kicking him when he was down. They were both down. Regardless of who was alive and who was not, there was no calling what had happened a victory.

"...Hiei? What did you do?"

Hiei looked at him blankly. "When I passed out," Yusuke clarified.

Hiei scowled. "Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because I don't like it when people have to jump out in front of me, okay? I don't ever want anyone to do that."

Hiei reverted to staring at him blankly. It went on so long that Yusuke felt irritation flaring up. "You gonna answer me?"

Hiei's voice was quiet. "How little you know yourself."

"...What?"

"You're the kind of person that people jump in front of to save. It doesn't matter whether you want to be or not. Rules break around you, and people jump in front of you. It's not something you can change and it's not something you have to feel indebted for. It just is."

"...What do you mean, I'm the kind of person that--"

"Will you open your eyes?" Hiei gestured vaguely. "How many people do you think have saved you in the past ten years? Jumped in front of you when you were too high to even know you were being attacked? No, you can't remember that--so look around you now. Two people who can't stand each other are living side by side to try to give you help you didn't ask for. Kuwabara--you haven't seen him in a decade and you treated him like shit before then, and he crosses the border between worlds to bring you cigarettes. Koenma risks being killed by me to see if he can do something, anything, for you. You are not an average person, Yusuke. I wish to hell you'd stop acting like it."

"Stop acting like--what? I don't--"

"Stop acting like you're average," Hiei said, with emphasis. He meant to be angry, but his face was too tired for it, and he only managed smoldering resentment. "I know something terrible happened to you. I even know that an average person might not be able to handle it. Might try to sink into oblivion. But I've spent the whole of my life since meeting you believing that you were not average. I've changed my life because of that. I'd hate to discover I was wrong after all these years." Hiei paused to take a breath, to regain his composure, and continued with his normal trace of sarcasm. "So if for nothing more than the sake of my personal integrity, cease this. Be who you're supposed to be."

There was silence. Yusuke couldn't even begin to form a reply; he was stunned. Hiei had never spoken to him this way before--candid, bleak, no bluster and nothing held back. Was it a measure of exhaustion, or exasperation?

Was it true?

"None of this is how it's supposed to be," Yusuke said softly.

He was speaking to himself, but Hiei heard him. "What do you mean?"

Yusuke struggled to put what he was feeling into words. "It's--it's everything. Not just the snow. It's Keiko being gone, it's you and Kurama fighting, it's the whole team being split up. How am I supposed to do--whatever you think I'm supposed to do--when none of this is how it should be?"

"That's the most self-pitying statement I've ever heard you make," Hiei commented flatly. "Also the most pathetic excuse. Of course it's our fault you decided to be like this."

"That's not what I was saying, I was just--"

"What?"

"Why are you pushing me so hard?" Yusuke burst out. Hiei never did this type of confrontation--physical ones, yes, but emotional? He fled from things like this, and now here he was shoving it down Yusuke's throat.

"Because you need to be pushed! Because you let me push you straight into that fight, when you shouldn't have. You may be off snow, you may be trying to learn to fight again, but you are not yourself. Someone needs to push you--either back to being yourself, or off a cliff. And as Kurama's asleep right now, I get the job."

For some reason, instead of angering him, Hiei's words left Yusuke oddly calm. A hollow sort of calm. Hiei was pushing him because he was angry--angry at Yusuke, and rightfully so. But also angry at himself, for giving Yusuke the option to screw up in the first place, for getting them into the fight; and angry at Kurama, for being so hurt that he needed to sleep and so stubborn that he wouldn't, and so close and so far at the same time. And he was right to be angry, on every count.

"You're right," Yusuke said, softly. Hiei blinked. "I--guess I let you down."

It was a lame response, not enough after everything Hiei had said, but Hiei just blinked again, accepting it. Yusuke struggled to find something more to say--he felt worthless, agreeing with each of his faults that Hiei had outlined for him but not knowing how to do what Hiei demanded. Stop acting like you're average. What did that mean? "I don't know how to do what you're asking. But I'll try."

There was silence for a moment. Yusuke spoke again. "So, will you do something I ask in exchange?"

"I don't owe you a thing, Detective."

"I don't owe you either. At least listen to it." Hiei grunted, which Yusuke considered a go ahead. "Fix it."

Hiei didn't have to ask what he meant. "Why do you keep trying to deflect this away from yourself? This has never been about Kurama and I. It never will be. You should stick to what you understand."

"Yeah, well, I understand that I screwed up, but I understand I'm not the only person who did that either. Everyone did. Everything came apart."

"You don't--"

"Of course I don't understand, Hiei! How can I, when whatever it was that happened hurt so bad that neither of you will let anyone else see? All I understand was what got lost. I never said anything about it because neither of you ever said anything, but I've always known, it wasn't just a friendship or a partnership that exploded. And you know what I can't believe?"

"That you're saying any of this?"

"That either of you would give up."

"Well, clearly--"

"You haven't!" Yusuke cut him off. "Clearly you haven't. Not in ten years, not for one moment. I'm not saying you don't hate each other but you never stopped loving each other either, or this fight would have ended years ago. But neither of you let go. And you shouldn't. It's the kind of thing you fight for. It's--it's the kind of thing you jump in front of someone for."

"Detective--you are an idiot." But Hiei's voice was low, so low Yusuke could barely hear him.

"Yeah. Not the only one." Yusuke stood up.

"Just where are you going?" Hiei asked sharply.

"We've got to stop this, before we wind up split apart too. I'll be outside. Why don't you sleep already--I'll keep watch."

He didn't wait for Hiei's yes or no; he went outside and slouched down in his accustomed spot by the entrance, shivering in the cooling evening air. Hiei wouldn't sleep. Or if he did, he would make sure Kurama was awake first. Even through whatever fight or betrayal had rent them apart, they trusted each other more than Yusuke.

And they should. He hadn't gotten one single thing right since Keiko left.

He sat there shivering, dwelling on that thought. Believing it--but only until he heard voices, and glanced back into the cave.