A/N: Twilight and all of its characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer.

I had a lot of requests to continue this story. It was intended to be and written as a stand alone piece, but far be it from me to ignore requests to bring Edward and Bella together *smirks* So here is the next instalment, again, an entry for the December fanfiction contest at the Lion_Lamb LJ community.

Alice was insisting on celebrating Christmas 'Alice style,' which modestly put meant huge and overdone. I'd seen enough of Alice's 'little get-togethers' to know what I was in for. Given my antipathy for all things gift-receiving I was naturally nervous. Buying gifts for a bunch of rich vampires who'd had years to gather everything they'd ever wanted that I couldn't afford in the first place anyway was hard enough. All I really wanted was to make a good impression. They were family now. I couldn't even cheat and opt for the standard fall back gifts of chocolates or candy since they didn't eat. Rosalie didn't seem much the type to delight in handmade gifts and no matter how much thought and shopping I put into a sweater for Alice it would still be the wrong cut, colour and fabric without a doubt. I was completely out of my league with the whole Cullen family gift exchange.

I had no clue what to give they boys either. I hadn't gotten past the idea of a cream coloured button down for Jasper and he had at least three in his closet already. I would never truly know if he liked it anyway because he would placate me with his talent for emotional manipulation either way. That was Jasper. He didn't like to see anyone feel badly. I was feeling particularly useless when I pondered going hiking and rousing a hibernating grizzly bear for Emmett but Alice would surely see me and then there would be hell to pay with Edward. I was in enough trouble with him already.

Edward hadn't even as much as kissed me since my little stunt in the bedroom with the fangs. I still say it was funny. The boy can't take a joke to save his life. I was determined to get back into his good graces but without giving up my integrity in the grovelling. I was hoping the gift exchange would be my ticket back.

The gift I'd picked out for him was racy to say the least and very much in keeping with the conversation of the night we fought. I had also picked up another gift to give him in front of his family, a blue dress shirt. I cheated and checked the ones in his closet so I'd know which brand he liked best. Then I just went to the store and picked one that was a slightly different colour than anything else he had in his wardrobe but still reflected his chosen colour palette. No need to offend him with both of the gifts.

And the chances were pretty good that I would offend him with the first gift. It's not as if I went shopping with the intention of finding something to offend him. I had been out with Alice, trying to follow her opinions while she chronicled the inefficiencies of Port Angeles shopping, the complete lack of taste and forethought of the season's trendy fashions and proper gift giving etiquette all while holding her shopping bags so she could be free to pursue the good bargains. In the middle of a rant about the unavailability of sexy knee high stiletto boots she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Bella, what did you get Edward for Christmas?" she wondered.

"Nothing yet. Your brother's not exactly easy to buy for." He wanted for nothing.

"Did you have anything in mind?" she asked, a look of amusement lighting up her face.

"I've got a couple of ideas. Alice what are you thinking?"

She pointed at the display in the window of the shop beside us and then laughed out loud as I gaped at the mannequin. "You've got to admit it's the right colour of blue," she smirked.

I closed my mouth and turned my eyes back to Alice. "I doubt they'd have it in his size," I teased. Humour at his expense had to be better than embarrassment at mine.

"Not for him, for you silly," she razzed. "Well, for him but on you…or off."

"Alice!" I scolded, my cheeks turning fourteen shades of red.

"Don't you think about it?" she wondered.

"Of course I think about it…but I could never…he'd kill me. Wait. Poor choice of words. He'd be so angry with me that he'd want to kill me. That's not exactly the Christmas spirit I was hoping for."

"He thinks about it you know," she offered softly.

"He does?" I thought I was alone in my 'uncontrollable human hormones' as he put it.

"Yes," she assured me. "When you two talk about it I can see it reflected in my visions." She was whispering now so no one would hear us. Not that my furiously crimson cheeks and the fact that we stood in front of a lingerie shop wouldn't tip anyone off as to the subject matter of our discussion.

"Why would you see it Alice? Has he made some decision?" It was more than I could hope for I was sure.

"When he considers being with you his opinions waver and it changes the future. I'm not being voyeuristic or anything. It's not as if I picture the two of you in the act or anything. It's more of a shift in the intimacy and intensity of your relationship. I only recognized it for what it was after you told me about the fight you and he had. He gets very angry with himself when the two of you fight. He'd do anything for you Bella. I really don't think you have but the slightest inkling of how much he loves you."

She was wrong of course. I knew exactly how much Edward loved me because it was as strong and true as what I felt for him. I would give my life up for him without a moment's hesitation. It's part of the reason I wanted to be with him. There was so little that I could give him, so little that I had to offer. I had no money, no special abilities, no arresting inhuman beauty. I had only myself to give and I wanted to give him all of me. I knew in my heart that if he would just let me love him that I could give him the one thing that only I was capable of giving him. No one could love him like I loved him. I only wanted the chance to prove that to him.

"I know how much he loves me Alice," I assured her acridly. "No one ever gives me any credit. I don't have to be a vampire to understand his mind you know. I'm perfectly capable of understanding and even feeling the same love he has for me."

"Bella," Alice interrupted, "I didn't mean it like that. Of course you understand that he loves you and I'm well aware how deep it runs for both of you. What I meant was that you don't understand how strong his desire to give you exactly what you want is. He cares for little else in this life besides your happiness."

"And you think I don't want his happiness more than anything else?" I charged defensively.

"Take a breath Bella. I'm trying to lead you somewhere but you're being dense," she laughed. "He'd do anything for you Bella. He wants you to be happy, even at the expense of his own happiness."

"So?"

She giggled again. "So if you ask for something consistently, even if it's something he's unwilling to give he's going to breakdown and give it to you eventually."

"Oh," I breathed, finally catching the drift of what she was trying to say.

"You hadn't even thought of that had you?" she questioned.

"Thought of what?"

"You are a woman are you not Bella?" Alice smirked.

"Yes, I'm a woman." I tried to sound confident but Alice saw right through me.

"And have you ever stopped to think that a woman sometimes has to use her feminine gifts to her advantage in getting what she wants?"

"Feminine gifts?" I asked. I didn't even try to hide my confusion.

Alice's eyes darted to the display in the window again and then back to me.

"Oh, those gifts," I whispered.

"I'm just saying Bella that sometimes you need to pull out all the stops if you want something badly enough. I'm not suggesting that you act irresponsibly or indelicately. More that if this is something you're sure you want that it is well within your powers as a woman to attain it. Now," she breathed, "I'm going leave you to mull it over while I go find something for you to give Jasper because that cream coloured button down you've got in mind is so last season. Honestly Bella don't you have any sense of fashion whatsoever?" A quick peck on my cheek and she was off on a shopping blitz leaving me gaping at the blue ensemble on the mannequin again.

My mind was a jumbled mess. Should I do this? Could I do this? How angry would I make Edward if I tried? Was there even a possibility of changing his mind? He had certainly never shown me any wavering when it came to our physical relationship. It was always and forever a definite no. I was quite intrigued by the idea that Edward thought of being with me though. I guess in the back of my mind I'd always assumed that he did but to hear it confirmed was fantastic because you never would have guessed it by the way he acted, always so controlled and proper. To have it authenticated that he not only wanted me but that he entertained thoughts of it actually happening gave me the final encouragement I needed to make my decision. I entered the store without further hesitation.

Buying the actual 'gift' was another story completely. When the salesperson approached me I felt like I must have had "Please help the frightened virgin," written on my forehead. I'd never seen so many different colours of satin in my life and there were enough lacy, sheer things to choke a horse with.

"Is there something I can help you with ma'am?" the clerk asked with a polite easiness. I thanked my lucky stars she wasn't some obnoxious judgemental know-it-all. I was uncomfortable enough as it was.

I smiled unconvincingly. "Yes, I'd like to buy a present."

"Is it for a friend or is it a personal gift?"

Her tact made me smirk. "A personal gift."

"I'm sure we've got lots of flattering options," she assured me gracefully. She proceeded to size me up with her eyes and had me in the dressing room in under five minutes with three separate options to try on. I had to hand it to her. She had my size perfectly. Very impressive considering all she did was eye me up for twenty seconds.

I turned toward the mirror with my eyes closed. Looking down to see how it fit was completely different then seeing my reflection in a mirror. Finally I opened one eye and peeked. There was way too much pale skin reflected back at me. I tried to remind myself it was no different than a bikini but it didn't change my mind. Ensemble number one was definitely a no go. I quickly slipped out of it and into the second option. It was better, much less skin, but almost to the other extreme. I'd worn tank tops that were more revealing than what I was currently wearing. If I wanted to turn his head I was going to have to try harder than this getup. I pondered the idea of breaking him into the idea slowly and working up to more exposure but something told me I was only getting one shot at this. The second ensemble was returned to the hanger with a huff. I was starting to get discouraged. I put on the last choice and studied my reflection. It wasn't half bad, enough exposure to let him know I was serious but not so much as to make me uncomfortable. There was something that wasn't right though. After a few moments of analysis I realized it was the colour. I prayed they had it in another colour and went to find the clerk.

"How did you do in the dressing room?" she inquired.

"Well," I sighed, still feeling a little out of my element. "I was wondering if you have this in a different colour?" I shoved the hanger towards her awkwardly. Bless her soul, she wasn't the slightest bit put off by my artless blundering.

"Of course. Follow me." She smiled warmly at me. She was good at her job. If I could have tipped her I would have.

She brought me to a rack of similar and twin ensembles and I scanned the rack for a colour. I had almost settled on the smoky purple when Alice's words echoed in my brain. I had to use every asset I had if I wanted to make this happen. "Umm," I blurted, "do you have this in blue…like the blue in the window?"

"Good choice," she complimented. "It will look lovely with your skin tone."

"That's what I'm hoping," I mumbled.

Five minutes later I was waiting in the hallway for Alice to return, said racy gift tucked safely into a discreet bag. Like I said I wasn't going for racy, it just sort of happened. And now the racy gift was hidden underneath my clothes.

I ran over the checklist in my head. Charlie thought I was sleeping over Alice's. I purposely neglected to mention the sleepover would be on Edward's couch, and that Alice would not be home at all. Alice had my back on the Cullen side of things. Esme and Carlisle already had plans to be out of town and Alice had convinced Rosalie to take an impromptu shopping trip to Seattle. They boys were enlisted as bag holders although I'm pretty sure some sexual favours were offered up in retribution. Either way I was going to owe Alice big time if this worked out.

As I drove to his house the panic started. I wasn't really the sneaky type and everything I had done since the decision to buy the gift felt like I was going behind Edward's back in an effort to undermine his position. Who was I kidding? That's exactly what I was doing. I'd spent much of the day compartmentalizing and rationalizing my guilt into tiny manageable packages, but I hadn't actually regretted racy until that moment. I started to second guess every step I'd taken between the fight and tonight. Even though I wasn't sure that every step was right, I decided that they weren't all wrong either. There was some solace in recognizing that fact.

I parked the truck in Edward's driveway and took a few deep breaths to re-centre myself and refocus my attention on the point of tonight, loving Edward. No matter what steps I took to get to tonight, I would end the night exactly as I started, absolutely and entirely in love with him. I wanted to remember that because I had no idea how tonight would turn out. I was hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Sex or no sex, my feelings for Edward would not change. And if it wasn't meant to be tonight it didn't mean we couldn't try again later. It wasn't an all or nothing prospect.

"You would think I would be used to it by now but I don't think I will ever get used to it. What are you thinking Bella?" Edward was standing next to the truck. I'd been so deep in thought that I hadn't heard him approach me.

"Hi," I whispered. Even if I wanted to tell him what I was thinking, which I didn't, I couldn't. It would blow the element of surprise and the little blue number and surprise were my two strongest allies at the moment.

"Hi," he smiled. He opened the door and held his hand out to me, grabbing my bag out of the back with his other hand. "How are you tonight?"

"I'm good. You seem like you're in a good mood," I noted casually.

"I am," he agreed. "I have you all to myself tonight. What's not to be happy about?"

"I dunno. I sort of wondered if you minded me lying to Charlie about being here?"

"You're an adult Bella. What Charlie doesn't know won't hurt him," he grinned. Luck was with me. It was rare for Edward to have such a carefree attitude. I was glad I decided to test the waters with the Charlie question. Knowing he was feeling relaxed and complaisant made me feel braver than I'd felt all day.

He laced his fingers in mine and led me to the house. "So what did you want to do tonight?" he wondered.

"Well I thought we could listen to some music. I've been wanting to hear that new CD you were telling me about." I was such a horrible liar that I didn't even try to lie. I did want to hear the CD. I couldn't have cared less whether it was tonight or not but at least it that would get us into his room. This whole experiment was a process, and the first step of the process was getting him into his room.

"Sure," he agreed, leading me upstairs. "Did you eat before you came or did you need some food?"

The thought of food made my stomach churn. I hadn't eaten much of anything all day. "I wasn't very hungry." Again, not a lie, more of an omission without reason to back up its validity.

"Are you feeling ill?" he asked, worried.

"I'm fine," I assured him with a smile. Just butterflies the size of blackbirds.

He opened the door for me and I dropped his hand and went inside. I wondered if I looked as guilty and calculating as I felt. I settled on to the couch as he put the new CD in the player. I was beginning to lose my nerve so I made the quick decision to jump in with both feet.

"Edward, I wanted to talk to you about something." I tried to make my voice sound confident and casual and I think I achieved it.

Edward settled down on the couch beside me. "Of course."

"You haven't kissed me since our fight. I was wondering why?"

"Have I upset you with my behaviour?" he asked worriedly.

"A little," I admitted, "which is why I was hoping you could explain it to me.

"I'm angry with myself I suppose," he pondered thoughtfully. "I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so angry that night."

"So you were angry with me about the fangs?" I was hoping it was just the fangs and not the disrobing.

"No, the fangs were a joke but what they represent is not funny to me."

"My immortality?" I whispered.

He picked up my hand and held it in his. "Yes," he agreed quietly, "but that was no excuse for me to get so angry."

"Or me," I offered.

"Yes, well, we were both angry and a little out of control I suppose."

"I wouldn't say that. I knew what I was doing," I murmured softly, staring at our hands. "I wanted you to touch me…and I'm guessing that's why you haven't kissed me since, because you're still angry with me for wanting that."

He slipped a finger under my chin and pulled my face up so I would look at him. "No," he whispered, "that's not why."

"But you didn't like it…what I did and what you saw?"

"That's not true either Bella. You're beautiful. It's just not safe." He had that familiar agonized look in his eyes but it wasn't until just that moment that I understood what it was for. It wasn't Edward pushing me away. It was Edward wanting me, and it was the opportunity I'd been waiting for.

I got up and began to walk, casually removing my hoodie. "Do you remember that first day in the meadow?" I asked softly.

"Of course."

"I was wondering why you could manage to let me stroke your hand when other movements made you uncomfortable. You told me that being surprised made it harder to control your reactions. When I allowed you to lead the way you were able to touch me. And I was able to touch you if I moved very slowly and deliberately."

"I remember," he whispered, smiling fondly.

"Well I have a surprise for you Edward," I announced. "I bought you a gift, well 2 gifts actually. I bought you something to open at the family gift exchange and something to open by yourself in privacy."

He looked curious but calm and I felt another pang of guilt for what I was about to do. I slid my hand down to the button of my jeans and undid it. I didn't dare look at him or I might lose my nerve. Instead I focused on my hands. I unzipped the zipper and slid my jeans down off my hips.

"Bella," Edward cautioned softly.

I stepped out of them and let them drop to the floor before Edward spoke again.

"Bella, please." It wasn't the same angry voice he'd used with me when we last fought. It was an agonized voice, a pleading voice.

"You can't refuse it Edward. It's a gift." One quick yank on the hem of my t-shirt got it over my head and I tossed it aside.

The next sound I heard was a quick intake of breath from across the room. I was afraid to look up and see his face but I forced my eyes up to his. His normally controlled expression was absent, replaced by a far less restrained look of longing on his features. I watched his eyes move up and down my body, smiling as they strayed from my face to the parts of me wearing his gift, my feminine gifts as Alice had put it. It was exactly the reaction I'd hoped for, exactly the way I wanted him to look at me, the way I looked at him.

"Bella." It was barely a whisper. I took a step towards him and his eyes met mine. "Why are you pushing this?" he murmured.

"I want to love you," I answered simply. "And if we go slowly like we did that day in the meadow we can do this." I hoped that he heard the confidence I had in both of us.

"Did Alice put you up to this?" he wondered.

"No, but I did talk to her about it."

"Bella, we can't." There was no conviction in his words.

I took another step towards him. "Yes, we can Edward." His eyes held mine for a moment longer before they drifted downwards again.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me," I assured him.

"I have to be in control at all times around you. I'm not sure I can do this and stay in control Bella."

"I know you can. We can go as slow as you need us to." I wanted to reassure him, to soothe his fears. Just like every other obstacle we'd faced, we could find a way to make it work if we did it together. I just had to make him understand that, had to get him past his apprehension and get him to admit that he wanted this too.

"It had to be blue," he murmured absentmindedly.

I smiled. "Well I know it's your favourite on me," I admitted sheepishly, looking down.

"You are absolutely breathtaking Bella," his voice a thoughtful whisper.

I blushed instantly under his compliment and heard his breath hitch. I didn't want to overwhelm him so instead of taking another step I held still and waited for my blush to fade. It took longer than normal because his eyes never left me.

Finally I raised me eyes to look at him. He was torn. I could see him struggling with what he thought was right and what he wanted. He needed to make a decision before I could do anything more. I couldn't react until I knew what to react to.

"Bella, this is wrong," he lamented unconvincingly. His eyes told the real truth, burning with the same longing mine were.

"How can loving each other be wrong Edward? I've never wanted something so much in my life."

"You don't know what you're saying," he breathed, his eyes still stuck.

I took a step towards him. He was only a few feet away from me now. "Don't I?" I whispered. I edged closer to him still, sliding my foot forward with deliberate slowness and then following with my other foot. It hadn't escaped me that Edward was completely unable to tear his eyes away from what I was wearing.

"Bella I could hurt you," he cautioned.

"But you won't," I assured him in a calm, soothing tone.

"It's just not safe." He was still so fixed on the safety and control of the situation that I knew I had to challenge him a little bit.

"Can you tell me you don't want this too?" I asked softly.

He hesitated answering, finally lifting his eyes to my face. "No," he whispered.

"I just want to love you Edward. Please let me love you." I used the softest sweetest voice I was capable of and took a small step towards him. I was close enough to touch him now.

"I will never be able to forgive myself if I hurt you."

"I'll forgive you…but you won't hurt me." I moved very slowly to close the last of the distance between us making sure he was watching me and aware of what I was doing. I would not blow this by catching him off guard. I lowered myself on to my knees in front of him and looked up at him through my lashes. "Just try," I pleaded.

So you're probably about ready to kill me for ending it right there. Please bear with me. I'm not a cruel person. As I stated at the beginning of the chapter this was written as an entry for the December fanfiction contest at Lion_Lamb and it can't exceed 5,000 words. We'll I'm nowhere near finished the story so I had to cut it off to keep it within the guidelines. The next damn scene is going to take me 10,000 words I think so rather than rush it I tried to find a gentle point to cut it off at.

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