Deidara took a deep breath. This was it. "Hey, Blondie! You getting fat?" Hidan asked, poking Deidara's arm. Deidara blinked.
"Yeah, I am, un," he said slowly, wondering how else to break the news. Hidan blinked.
"You agree with me?" he asked.
"Yup. Two pounds." Deidara sighed. "I have something to tell you guys. . ."
"Can we guess?" Hidan asked. Deidara rolled his eyes.
"You'll never guess, though. But give it a shot. . ."
"Ok um. . .do you have a new boyfriend?" Hidan asked.
"Um. . .yes. . .but that's not it-"
"Who is it?" Kisame cried.
"Uzumaki Tobi. But could we get back on-"
"Does it have to do with your weight?" Hidan asked rudely.
"Uh. . .yeah. . ."
"I know! You're getting fat!" Hidan sat back smugly.
"I thought we've already gone over this?" Deidara sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"Why don't you just tell us, Deidara, or else pretty soon they'll be coming up with stupid things like you being pregnant," Pein stated exasperatedly. Deidara blinked, blushed, and looked away.
"Lucky guess, un," Deidara mumbled. Pein blinked. Itachi didn't exactly seem interested in the first place. Kisame's eyes looked like saucers, and Konan looked like she had known all this time. Hidan broke out laughing. "What's so funny?" Deidara demanded.
"You thought you were gay!" Hidan gasped. "You're like, pregnant, right?"
"Right. . ." Deidara said slowly.
"So you've got a woman's equipment, right?"
"Right. . ."
"So you'd have to be, like, bi or something!" Hidan chuckled again. Deidara blinked in confusion.
"You're ok with all of this, un?"
"Sure, whatever. You'll get fat, though! Like a whale!"
"Thanks, Hidan. You do wonders for my self-esteem," Deidara said, rolling his eyes.
"So who's the father?" Konan asked.
"Sasori," Deidara mumbled.
"He can reproduce?" Hidan asked.
"Apparently so," Deidara sighed.
"What are you going to do with the baby?" Konan asked.
"I'm going to give it up for adoption, hopefully. You know, checking out families before I actually give birth. . ." They sat in silence for a long minute, and then the bell rang. They all leaped up and dispersed to their respective classes.
"Don't worry, Deidara-san. Tsunade is a very experienced doctor," Shizune assured him. Deidara fidgeted nervously nonetheless.
"It's normal to be nervous, right?" he asked. Shizune gave him a soft smile.
"Of course. Tsunade knows what she's doing, just relax." Deidara sighed.
"I'm still not sure about this whole thing," he admitted. Shizune cocked her head in a positively intrigued way.
"How so?" she asked.
"It's just. . .if I have to give birth to this baby, I. . .want to give it what I can. What if no one wants it?" Shizune lay a comforting hand on Deidara's shoulder.
"I'm sure even if the child goes to an orphanage, it'll get adopted. I hear-" Deidara turned his head away, hiding his shame. She didn't know, did she? Coughing, Deidara looked back at her.
"What if no one wants it?"
"I'm sure someone will adopt it," Shizune repeated. Deidara sighed.
"That's what they tell everyone, un," he muttered. "You'd think at lest in seventeen years, if I'd learned anything, it's that they always lie. They told me the same thing, that some day someone would adopt me, and I believed them." Shizune's eyes shone with sympathy.
"So you're an orphan?" she asked breathily.
"Yeah, un. My mum left me at a bus stop with a letter that said my name and birthday when I was a newborn."
"That's so sad!"
"It was in the papers, even. But guess what, un? No one thought to adopt me, hmm. Whenever I asked they told me someone would, and then sent me off to do something. They only lie to you. If I let my baby fall into that place, it'll never be loved."
"So you really have to find parents for it, don't you," Shizune said determinedly. Deidara gave her a thankful smile. "Now, let's get you into the surgery room. Go change and put this on," she said, standing and handing Deidara a hospital gown.
Deidara groggily opened his eyes and was met with the sight of a very happy Sakura. "Hello, Dei-kun," she said, grinning. Deidara closed his eyes and rolled over, his back to Sakura. "I'm here to give you instructions for your recovery. First of all, do not get out of bed this weekend unless you have to go to the bathroom or puke. Second of all, you'll have to take these pills-" she pulled out an orange vile of pills. "-twice a day; once in the morning and once before you go to bed at night. And tell your parents-"
"I don't have parents," Deidara mumbled.
"Oh. Well, get someone to take you meals in bed. Tsunade really doesn't want you out of bed. Got it?"
"Who's feeding me?" he asked, turning back to her.
"I don't know, whoever usually does," Sakura replied.
"Great, but that person is going to be in bed all weekend." Deidara said. Sakura sighed.
"Just rest up, ok? Here, let's get you out of that hospital gown and into your clothes," She said, standing up and walking over to the other side of the bed. Deidara groaned. "Give me your hand," she said, reaching out. Deidara extended his hand feebly, and Sakura grasped it firmly and helped him out of bed. Expertly, she wrapped his arm around her neck and helped him step into his pants. She then helped him take off the gown and slip into his shirt. "There. Come on, I'm going to drive you home," she said, trying to get Deidara to stand on his own. Wobbly, they made their way out to the parking lot and to Tsunade's car. "You'll feel groggy for the rest of today, but as long as you get lots of rest you'll be in great shape for school on Monday," Sakura explained.
"Un," Deidara mumbled. Sakura looked like she wanted to ask Deidara something, but thought better of it.
"Hello?" Deidara answered his phone.
"Hey, Deidara."
"Hi Tobi," Deidara said, cracking the first smile he had since Friday.
"It's good to hear your voice. I wasn't sure what had happened to you," Tobi admitted.
"Oh. . .I had a surgery yesterday and I've been in bed all weekend."
"What?" cried Tobi. "Are you all right? What was the surgery for? Was it scary?"
"Relax, Tobi. It was just a simple procedure to reopen my vagina so the baby can come out."
"Oh. Everything is all right? Nothing going wrong?"
"Nope. No need to worry!"
"I'm relieved."
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Why haven't you been taking the bus?"
"Oh, my dad's car got out of the shop, so I've been driving me and my little brother to school. Why?"
"Just curious."
"Are you feeling ok?"
"I'm feeling fine."
"You just be sure to get some rest, ok? I'll see you on Monday?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Good! See you then!"
"Bye, un."
"Bye!" And they hung up. Deidara felt his smile fade, and a familiar feeling crept over him. He wanted so intensely to have Tobi here with him, he could only compare it to his want for parents when he was eight.
"Hidan, calm down!" Kakuzu tried.
"I hate them!" Hidan cried, ignoring Kakuzu. "I fucking hate them!"
"Hidan, please stop-"
"They said I couldn't see you! I'll fucking disown them!"
"Hidan!" Hidan finally looked into Kakuzu's eyes. "Stop, all right?"
"But-"
"No. Just stop. For as long as you're seventeen, you're in their house, and they're your guardians. They're probably right."
"But-"
"Hidan, stop. If you want, I'll talk to them, but otherwise, they're right." Hidan blinked. How long had Kakuzu's shoulders drooped like that, since when did those bags hang so ominously under his eyes?
"Kakuzu?" Hidan asked softly.
"I'm taking you home." Kakuzu straightened and headed for the parking garage. Hidan sighed and followed.
"Kakuzu, they're wrong. They just don't understand you."
"Hidan, you're seventeen, I'm nineteen. It makes sense. My whole family has issues, they don't even recognize me half the time, it's understandable your parents don't want you around me."
"Kakuzu, you're not a bad person. . ." Hidan realized how feeble his words sounded against Kakuzu's.
"Get in the car, Hidan," Kakuzu sighed.
"No," Hidan stated, crossing his arms over his chest. Kakuzu sighed tiredly.
"Hidan, I'm not going to fight you on this," he mumbled. "Just get in the car."
"Why?" Hidan demanded. Why was he giving in so easily? Kakuzu sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"I'm taking you home, Hidan. Get in the car." Kakuzu sighed again.
"But-"
"Hidan!" Kakuzu cried. "Get in the fucking car!" Was yelling the only way to get through to him? Hidan slammed open the door and slammed it behind him, showing Kakuzu every way possible that he wasn't happy. Kakuzu tiredly opened his door and slipped inside, starting the car without another word. The ride was forebodingly silent, though Kakuzu tried to start a few conversations, Hidan's sulky lack of response was enough to kill Kakuzu's halfhearted attempts. Finally, all too quickly and not quickly enough, they arrived in front of Hidan's house. Kakuzu, regretfully, stopped the car and got out. Hidan, evidently still angry over the entire situation, made sure getting out of the car was able to show Kakuzu his feelings. "Please, Hidan, if you keep slamming my doors, they'll break," Kakuzu said softly. Hidan crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his nose in the air, showing Kakuzu he'd slam doors if it made him happy, and Kakuzu couldn't do anything about it.
Sighing, Kakuzu walked Hidan up to the front door. As soon as they reached the door, it was flung open by a stout, angry woman. "Hidan!" she cried, grabbing the Satanist's arm and dragging him into the house, giving Kakuzu the evil eye. Kakuzu bowed to her.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Jashin," he said quietly.
"You'd better be," she snarled. "Hidan, what did I tell you? I don't want you hanging out with him."
"Mom. . ."
"Of course, Mrs. Jashin. I respect that," Kakuzu said humbly. It was only time before a knife was plunged into the heart of their relationship.
"You damn well better," Mrs. Jashin shot, and looked about ready to spit on him. Instead she turned to Hidan. "Please, darling, don't hang out with. . .people. . .like him," she shot Kakuzu a nasty look on the word 'people'. Kakuzu gave one last nod to Hidan and turned smartly, walking back to his car. With one last longing glance back at Hidan, he started his car and drove off.
A/N: Hey all! Thank you for all your positive feedback, I really enjoy your reviews! (plus it's the only way to get me to update. See, I'm good at motivating people.) There's something you should know about me: 1. I make shit up, so don't believe half the stuff you read in my stories. It's fucking impossible for a hermaphrodite with no vagina to get pregnant. 2. I can't keep a plot happy or simple. Thus we have the added effect of Kakuzu and Hidan, and pretty sure I'll enter Naruto, Itachi, and Kisame. Thank you for reading!