"Naruto! I thought I told you to wash up!" Mrs. Uzumaki cried.
"What? No you didn't!" Naruto replied.
"Well go wash up! We have company tonight!" Mrs. Uzumaki stuck her head out of the kitchen. Tobi walked into the kitchen.
"What're you cooking, Mom?" he asked, looking over her shoulder.
"Oh, just some potatoes and chicken. Oh, stop peering over my shoulder!" Mrs. Uzumaki turned around as Tobi backed up, smiling.
"Just wondering."
"Have you washed up?"
"Um. . ."
"Get going!" Mrs. Uzumaki pushed him jokingly out of the kitchen. Tobi walked into the bathroom and waited for Naruto to stop washing his hands.
"Ne, Aniki?"
"What?"
"Deidara-san's coming for dinner, right?"
"Yup," Tobi grinned. Naruto finished washing up and stepped back. Tobi stepped forward and washed his own hands.
"And he's going to spend the night?"
"Yup. Don't scare him, though. He's shy."
"Really?"
"Uh, yeah. But he'll get used to you." Tobi turned off the water and toweled off his hands, and turned to face Naruto. "Just don't scare him, kay?"
"Sure!" Naruto grinned, bouncing out of the bathroom and into the living room. Mr. Uzumaki set down his paper and puffed contentedly on his pipe, smiling at his youngest son. Tobi followed his little brother, sitting down on the couch next to him.
"Tobi! It's 5:40! When did you tell him to get here?" Mrs. Uzumaki called from the kitchen.
"Uh, 5:30!" Tobi called back.
"Where do you think he is? Should we give him a call?" As Tobi was about to reply, there was a knock on the door. Leaping up, Tobi ran to the front door and opened it. Deidara stood awkwardly on the front step.
"Am I late, un?" he asked.
"No, well, it doesn't matter," Tobi said, stepping back and allowing Deidara to step in and slip off his shoes.
"I sort of got lost on the way from the bus stop, yeah," Deidara said. Naruto got up off the couch and hopped over to Deidara, conquering the elder's personal space and grinning up at him.
"Hi! I'm Naturo!" he said happily. Deidara blinked, slightly taken aback.
"Uh. . .Deidara. . .un," he said slowly, still blinking down at Naruto. Tobi sighed.
"Naruto, personal space," he reminded. Naruto stepped back, giving Deidara room to slide off his jacket and drop it by his shoes. By now Mrs. Uzumaki had wandered out of the kitchen and Mr. Uzumaki had set aside his pipe to greet their guest.
"Why hello, Deidara-san," Mrs. Uzumaki said, smiling at him. Deidara glanced at Tobi nervously, before bowing respectfully.
"Hello, Uzumaki-san," he said softly. Mrs. Uzumaki giggled.
"My, what a polite young man," she said. Tobi almost laughed at the thought. Deidara was just nervous, not polite.
"Deidara, this is my mother, my father, and of course, my little brother," Tobi said, gesturing to each one in turn. Deidara gave a small nod and a shaky smile to each.
"Well, let's not just stand around. Let's go sit down. Did you walk all the way here?" Mrs. Uzumaki gently took Deidara's arm and directed him to the table.
"Yeah, un. From the nearest bus stop."
"That's quite a ways. Here, you can sit here, and Tobi can sit there," she said, sitting Deidara at the far side of the table, facing the kitchen. Tobi was sat next to him, Mr. Uzumaki on the end to the right, and Naruto on the left end. She then bustled into the kitchen, bringing out a bowl of potatoes and a plate of boiled chicken. And at last, she sat across from Deidara, smiling kindly. "Here, pass me your plate and I'll give you some potatoes," she said, reaching her hand out for the plate. Deidara handed over his plate.
"So, Deidara, Tobi hasn't told us much about you," Mr. Uzumaki said, speaking for the first time. Deidara blinked, wondering how to respond. "So, tell us a little bit about yourself," Mr. Uzumaki continued. 'I'm a gay hermaphrodite orphan who's pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's kid. Yeah, that'll go over real well.'
"Uh, well. . .I like art, yeah. . ." Deidara said slowly, glancing at Tobi as if for permission.
"Sasuke says you're a pyromaniac," Naruto piped up.
"Naruto!" Mrs. Uzumaki chided.
"Sorry!" Mrs. Uzumaki turned her attention from Naruto to Deidara.
"I'm sorry, Naruto has a tendency to say whatever comes to mind," she apologized.
"Uh, not a problem, un. Sasuke doesn't lie all that often, hmm."
"So you really set things on fire?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"Uh. . .it's more like blowing things up, un. It's supposed to represent the fleetingness of life, un," Deidara explained.
"How artistic," Mrs. Uzumaki said.
"As long as this is all safe, that is," Mr. Uzumaki said.
"Uh. . .sure?" Deidara coughed, glancing at Tobi. There was an awkward silence following Deidara's little affirmation.
"So, Deidara, where do you live?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. Deidara shot Tobi a look that said 'You didn't even tell them that?'. Tobi shrugged, looking away shamefully. But now Deidara was faced with the problem of lying or not. It would make it either easier or much, much harder.
"Uh, 147 Height Street, un," he replied.
"Oh, that home for orphans?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. There went that plan.
"Uh, yeah."
"Do you need a ride home in the morning?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. "I was wondering about that, but since you didn't say anything I assumed you have a plan. I'm not sure the buses run early in the morning, but I wasn't sure when you were planning on leaving. . ."
"I'll find something, un. Don't worry about it, yeah," Deidara replied, glad she didn't have any real huge reaction to his living state.
"All right, but don't hesitate to ask, dear," Mrs. Uzumaki said kindly.
"Sure, un." Dear? What a poor, deluded woman.
"Is there anything else we should know about you?" Mr. Uzumaki asked, smiling lightly.
"Uh. . ." Deidara glanced at Tobi, and Tobi gave a little nod. "Um. . .well, I'm sort of. . .pregnant. . ." There was silence after this statement. Mr. Uzumaki said nothing, Tobi and Naruto already knew, and Mrs. Uzumaki grabbed Deidara's plate. Deidara, slightly confused, watched as she piled more potatoes on to his plate.
"You're too skinny," she said firmly. "You can't expect to grow a baby in that gut." Deidara cautiously accepted his plate back. Mr. Uzumaki cleared his throat, looking at Tobi.
"So, um, this might seem a bit rude of me to ask, but. . ."
"Oh, it's not Tobi's. It's someone else's, un," Deidara explained, slightly relieved they hadn't reacted negatively.
"Well you be sure to keep healthy. Are you giving it up for adoption?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked.
"Hopefully, un. So far no one's been exactly, well, willing," Deidara answered.
"I see. Well, I wish we could be of more help. Deidara glanced at Tobi.
"Tobi's been more than helpful, Uzumaki-san. I don't think anyone would be able to ask more of someone."
"Aw, that's sweet," Mrs. Uzumaki said, smiling. "But seriously, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask." Deidara gave a small nod, looking slightl overwhelmed. But, then again, somewhere in his expression was relief.
"Hey, Deidara, want to take a bath together?" Deidara was caught off guard, he hadn't expected anything weirder than Mrs. Uzumaki to arise this evening, and certainly not while he was only trying to spread out the sleeping bag he had been lent from the Uzumaki family. But, hey, a bath did sound nice.
"Sure, un," Deidara said, standing up. Tobi lead him to the bathroom. One thing the Uzumaki's indulged in was bathing. They had a traditional Japanese bath, one where two people could easily sit together comfortably. Tobi had already filled the bath, and had been about to undress before asking Deidara to join him. And now he continued with that bit of his bathing experience. Deidara stared, not able to move an inch as Tobi peeled off his shirt, exposing his well-toned ,tan chest.
"Come on, Deidara. You can't take a bath in your clothes," Tobi said. Deidara was suddenly panicking, having mental images of the millions of times Sasori had tricked him into sex. 'Oh, Deidara, I'm so sorry I spilled this generic staining substance all over you.' 'My, Deidara, seems awful hot this winter evening. Why don't we just go to bed in our underwear?' and, of course, everyone's favorite, 'Let's take a bath together! I'll wash your hair if you wash mine!'. Those had all been at the beginning of the relationship, when Sasori actually gave a rat's ass about Deidara. After a while, once Deidara was fully submerged in their relationship, it just got to 'Strip. Now. Suck.'. This was the beginning of a relationship. Deidara gulped, what if he didn't mind being tricked? Did he actually want to? It just seemed so...wrong. Not that there was anything wrong with Tobi, no, it was rather the opposite.
Tobi turned around, facing Deidara. Deidara god a great look at Tobi's chest, his toned muscles standing out against his tanned skin. "Deidara? You're staring."
"Oh. . ." Deidara coughed, looking away.
"Well?"
"Well what, un?"
"Are you going to disrobe?" Tobi asked, attempting to make the situation a little humorous.
"Right. . ." Deidara awkwardly slid his shirt off, exposing his round belly. Tobi smiled and turned around, sliding his pants off. Deidara slowly did the same, standing nervously behind Tobi. Tobi, oblivious to Deidara's self-consciousness, bent over to test the temperature of the water. Deidara blanched. Tobi straightened and turned around, smiling at Deidara.
"The water's perfect," he said, gesturing for Deidara to come over. Slowly, Deidara walked over and allowed Tobi to help him step into the water. Tobi soon followed him, stretching out easily. Deidara, however, wrapped his arms around his stomach and huddled down, wondering exactly why he had butterflies in his stomach. Maybe it was because this was the first time Tobi had seen him naked, not counting that picture. Or perhaps being pregnant, naked, and in a bath with his boyfriend were just minor contributing factors. "Deidara?" Tobi asked, floating over to the blonde. "Relax, all right?" He removed Deidara's arms from his stomach, massaging the large bump. Deidara blushed, Tobi's face inches from his ear. But Tobi's massaging hand was rather relaxing, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Tobi breathed lightly on Deidara's ear, then nuzzled his nose into the crook of Deidara's neck.
"Mmm, Tobi," Deidara whispered, petting Tobi's hair. Two words blared out in his mind, two bolded, fully capitalized words, underlined, and at the end of a long, long list that had guided his life for the past four months. 'NO SEX'. And now, he repeated these two words to Tobi.
"What?" Tobi asked, sitting back and looking Deidara in the eye. "Deidara, we're in my parent's house. I mean, that is, if you want to, I wouldn't say no-" Deidara put his finger over Tobi's lips.
"I'm not supposed to, Tobi. That's why I said no, un."
"Oh. Well good." Tobi grinned, kissing Deidara's cheek. Deidara blushed, of course it was completely inappropriate for them to do that, here of all places, now of all times. Deidara relaxed a little, allowing Tobi's hand to continue massaging his pregnant belly. Tobi kissed Deidara's cheek lightly, nibbling slightly on his earlobe and neck. Deidara relaxed even more, melting into Tobi's touch. He leaned more and more on his black-haired boyfriend. Tobi smiled. "I'll wash your hair if you wash mine, ne, Deidara?" Deidara grinned.
"Sure, Tobi," Deidara replied. Tobi smiled and reached for the shampoo.
A/N: Hey all, appreciate this chapter, damn it! I was sitting there, thinking 'Ok, this'll be a snap! Just give Tobi a normal family!' and then I was all 'Oh shit! What does a dad do?! Fuck. . .um. . .they read papers and smoke pipes, right? Do they talk? Are they rude? Do they tease mothers? AAAH!' So I just went with the paper reading, pipe smoking, silent type. Mr. Uzumaki won't be making more appearances. . .Jeez, he has one more planned appearances, but no lines! They're fucking confusing! And I'm sorry, I cut Naruto's scene because of TIME! Deidara's only four months pregnant when this scene happened, but he was originally schedueled to be six. So. . .he'll just come back for dinner! Review please, tell me I did the fucking best job anyone could've EVER done! And thank you for reading!