"What the hell, un? Raised on crack?" Hidan glared at Deidara and, without a moment's hesitation, he lobbed the phone at the wall. "What the fuck, Hidan?" Deidara screeched, lunging after his broken phone. "Oh come on, there goes my connection to the outside world, yeah!" Deidara got up, glaring down at the shattered remains of his phone. "What was that for, yeah?" he demanded angrily.
"I'm angry," Hidan stated. Deidara blinked.
"Angry, un? You, Jashin Hidan, are angry? Oh, please, enlighten me. Why the fuck are you angry?"
"Kakuzu doesn't care about me." Hidan looked at the floor, expecting the blond to coo sympathetically. Instead, what he received was quite different. A slap across the cheek got him out of his daze pretty quickly. Deidara stood before him, arms crossed angrily over his chest, a glower of utmost loathing upon his face.
"Kakuzu doesn't care about you, un? Where the fuck did you get that idea, yeah?" he demanded.
"He- he says because of my parents not wanting me dating him, he won't. But then he says he'll wait until I'm eighteen, but- it's like he doesn't love me now. . ."
"Oh for the sake of all that is painful and unholy! Do you even get what that means, you fucking retard?!" Deidara screamed. "He's trying to be a civilized human being and keep you out of trouble with your parents, and he's giving you a fucking choice of getting back together, yeah!"
". . .but-"
"Hidan, listen to yourself, yeah! I'd tell you to call him back, but you broke my phone, hmm." Deidara sighed. "You're a bad person, you know? You are a very, very bad person." Deidara sighed. "Not like you could tell, un. Kakuzu has extremely bad taste in men, yeah."
"What?"
"First Orochimaru, then you, yeah."
"Why bring that sick fuck up?"
"Oh, I don't know, seems you're not much better than him, un."
"What?" Hidan cried, wishing he could punch Deidara. "How could you even compare me to him?"
"You both seem to take Kakuzu for granted, yeah."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Hidan demanded. "I love-" Hidan paused, blinking. "I love him. . ."
"So why do you treat him like trash, yeah?" Deidara asked tiredly. "You remember when Orochimaru was screwing around with, like, everyone? Remember how angry you got, un? You're still a jealous bastard, hmm. You care about him just as much as when you punched out Orochimaru and the slut he was with, and just about anyone else you could get your hands on, hmm. You like him just as much as when you screamed at him for five minutes straight because you thought he killed himself. So why say such mean things, hmm?" Hidan stayed quiet for a long moment. "If he's going to go away, might as well be because of you, un, right?"
"You're starting to freak me out, Dei. . ."
"Hey, I was always a good guesser, un. You don't want to loose him, do you, yeah? You either want him gone for good, or here forever, yeah?"
"So? You'd want Tobi around, wouldn't you?" Hidan shot.
"Why are you dragging him into this, un?"
"You brought up Orochimaru. . ."
"Whatever. I'd probably just give up, yeah. If Tobi was even the least bit unhappy with me, I admit it, I'd just back down, yeah. But getting Kakuzu to abandon you isn't the answer, hmm."
"What?"
"You know what you're doing, yeah. You're so attached that even the slightest hint of him leaving sends you into a tantrum, yeah."
"Well, what if Tobi wanted to wait until you were eighteen? How would that make you feel?"
"Depends on why he's doing it, yeah. If it's because of something my parents said, I'd probably be too overjoyed that I had a family to really care what they thought, hmm." Hidan sighed.
"But how would you feel?" Hidan pressed. Deidara sighed, now, rubbing his temples.
"Jesus, Hidan, yeah! If Tobi was bothering to be that polite, then I'd be damn lucky, yeah!"
"So you're saying I'm lucky?"
"Hell yeah!" Deidara looked like he was going to continue into an angry tirade, but suddenly the door burst open and Ino was standing there with a phone.
"Mr. Pregnant! Kakuzu!"
"I thought I told you not to call me that, yeah," Deidara muttered, reaching for the phone. Ino held it away.
"Does it matter?"
"Give the phone, Ino, yeah."
"What's the magic word?"
"Circumcision."
"Eh, good enough," Ino said, tossing him the phone.
"Yeah?" . . . "Um. . . he threw my phone at the wall, un." . . . "Yeah. Long story." . . . Deidara was glaring at Hidan now. "Oh, I don't know, un. Seems like someone fucked up big time, though, yeah. And someone owes me a new phone, hmm." . . . Now Deidara had a sadistic smile on his face. "Oh no, I wouldn't dream of it, un. I'll get Hidan's parents to fork over the cash, yeah. Hidan doesn't work, so it'll just come out of his college funds, yeah." . . . Deidara was looking purely evil, that is, until Kakuzu said something. "Hmm?" . . . "Holy shit, un. Tell him he's a fucking bastard and should go home this instant, yeah!" . . . "What?" Deidara snapped, not enjoying being laughed at. "Sure, un. Want me to tell him anything, yeah?" . . . "What? Who says he'll do that, un?" . . . That was ominous. "Bye. . ." and Kakuzu hung up. Deidara sighed and closed the line.
"What did he have to say? Did he want to talk to me?"
"Nope, un. Thought you were the one who didn't want to talk to him, un. And I wasn't joking about the phone, yeah. You better buy me a new one, hmm." Deidara looked serious now. "But honestly, you're acting like a spoiled brat. I think-" Deidara suddenly paled, and slapping a hand to his mouth he ran out of the room. Hidan, worried, followed him. He found Deidara in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet and spilling his intestines into it. Carefully, Hidan pulled back Deidara's hair to keep it from getting in the puke. After a few shaky breaths and dry splutters, Deidara got up, washed out his mouth, and turned back to Hidan. "You're a brat, yeah," he said, sticking out his tongue.
"And you're jealous."
"So? Least I can admit it, yeah." And sadly, Deidara was right.
Kakuzu looked down at his little brother. "What do you want, Obito?" he asked tiredly. Obito looked like something Hell had spit back up. He was dressed in what looked like a dog he sat on, all threadbare and gray, grease collecting in a grimly layer over his skin and clothes. The worst of all was the large, inhuman smile splitting open his face, showing off his crooked, all too white teeth.
"Just a bit of money, Kuzu-kun," Obito cooed. Kakuzu sighed angrily.
"I don't have any money, I'm spending it all on your rehab," Kakuzu growled. "What the hell are you doing on the streets?"
"They got no soul there," Obito said, enchanted. "They don't understand about the free spirit! I can't be bound by rules or-"
"Get in the car, Obito," Kakuzu growled, grabbing his little brother's arm and throwing him in the backseat. He then slammed himself into the driver's side, clutching the steering wheel madly. Finally, after taking a few relaxing breaths, he started up the car and headed off. "Which way?" he asked Tobi.
"Um. . .right," Tobi replied.
"Ooh, Tobi?" Obito asked, smiling wider and leaning forward, his mouth near Tobi's ear. "What a sweet name! Where do you come up with that?"
"Obito! Hands to yourself!" Kakuzu snapped. Obito didn't listen, feeling Tobi's shoulders roughly.
"I bet you're just a cutie, ne?" Obito's rancid breath filled Tobi's ears, and he panicked, slapping at Obito's hands. "Ooh, feisty! I can deal, I can deal!" Obito chuckled darkly and let his rough, dirty hands pinch at Tobi's chest.
"Get off me!" Tobi cried.
"Obito! Get off him!" Kakuzu commanded. Obito paid him no heed. "Here, Tobi, just tell me where to turn. Obito! Quit feeling his chest!" Obito didn't pay attention, letting his mouth grow closer to Tobi's ear.
"Obito, please, get off me!" Tobi squeaked.
"Obito! Knock it off!" Kakuzu snapped. When he didn't listen, Kakuzu jerked the car over to the side of the road. Angrily, he got out of the car and opened the passenger's side of the front seat. "Come on, get out," he growled. Tobi got out shakily and Kakuzu opened the door to the back seat. "Get out, Obito," he commanded. Obito stayed put. "Obito! Move your ass!" Sighing dramatically, Obito took his time sliding out of the car. Kakuzu grabbed Obito's arm, dragging him into the passenger's side of the front seat. "Tobi, move to the other side." Tobi nodded, and moved over to the right side to get away from Obito. Sighing, Kakuzu slammed the passenger's door, almost catching Obito's fingers in the hinges. Finally, Kakuzu got into the driver's side and continued. "I'm sorry about my brother, Tobi. I didn't expect him to show up."
"It's all right," Tobi replied.
"Such a waste to let a cutie slide away. . ." Obito sighed.
"Keep your mouth shut, Obito. I'd chew you out if Tobi weren't here."
"Aw, but Kuzu-kun-"
"Shut up, Obito. I am seriously not in the mood," Kakuzu growled. A tense silence descended upon all three of them. Finally, Tobi broke the silence.
"Um, just left up here," he said quietly.
"Kay," Kakuzu grunted. He turned left.
"I'd give you my number if I had a phone," Obito said.
"Are you on Ecstasy?" Kakuzu sighed.
"What do you care? It's artistically inspiring!"
"Next thing I know, you'll start saying 'yeah' after every sentence," Kakuzu mumbled. "Which of these is yours?"
"Uh, the red one up there. . ."
"Right." Kakuzu turned into the driveway and stopped, getting out and opening Tobi's door for him. Tobi got out, thanked Kakuzu, wished him luck, and went into the house. Kakuzu sighed, getting back in the car and drove off.
Kakuzu drove in silence, wondering where to go. He couldn't take Obito to his apartment, that would be just wrong. Their parents' house? That would be suicide. Maybe a clinic? But that would mean paperwork, signing, explaining. . .was it worth it? Sighing, Kakuzu turned around and headed for the clinic. "You still haven't explained what you're doing on the streets, Obito," Kakuzu said softly.
"I told you, they don't understand me!"
"They're trying to help you, Obito. Why don't you want help?"
"I don't need help!" Obito screeched. Kakuzu remembered how out of control Obito could get.
"Obito, please. Just be-"
"I don't want to hear it! Everybody's only ever told me that I need help! I don't need help! I'm fine!" Kakuzu stayed silent. "Are you listening to me?"
"Obito, if you won't listen to me, what makes you think I'll listen to you?"
"I always listen to you!"
". . ."
"Kakuzu!"
"Hmm?"
"Are you listening?"
"Haven't we been through this?"
"Kakuzu! Where are you taking me?"
"You'll see."
"Kakuzu! Tell me or else it's kidnapping!"
"No it's not, Obito, and you know it."
"I'll jump." Obito put his hand on the handle of the door. Kakuzu pressed the lock on his side, making sure Obito couldn't get out. Obito unlocked the door. Kakuzu locked the door. Obito unlocked the door. Kakuzu growled, locking the door again. "I will jump, Kakuzu, and you know it."
"Don't. We're almost there, just stay in the car." Luckily for everyone, Obito did stay in the car until they got to the clinic. But once they pulled into the parking lot, all hell broke loose.
"What are we doing here? You can't be serious!" Kakuzu locked the doors and got out, hurrying around to the other side before Obito could get out. Flinging the door open, he grabbed his brother's arm and dragged him out of the car and towards the clinic.
"Obito, will you please stop biting my arm?" Kakuzu growled. Obito, deciding he too would rather not bite Kakuzu's arm, opted instead for kicking and screaming. Kakuzu sighed, and finally managed to get Obito into the clinic. The receptionist didn't bat an eyelash.
"Oh, Mr. Obito is back? Great. Are you his brother?"
"Yes. Ok, Obito, let go. . ." Kakuzu growled, trying to pry Obito's limbs and jaws off of himself. Finally, Obito fell to the ground, yelling and glaring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu sighed. "Come on, Obito, get up."
"Oppression of the mind!" Obito screamed, trying to make a break for it. Kakuzu easily caught him and dragged him back to the front desk.
"What the hell have you guys been giving him?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know, I'm not in charge of that. My, he sure does have a set of jaws, doesn't he?" The receptionist leaned over the desk. "Hmm. Well, I'll call in one of the doctors in charge of people like him, so just hold tight for another minute, kay?" Kakuzu sighed, hoping Obito didn't have any strange diseases like Herpes.
"Come on, Obito, the nice people are going to take care of you," he said half-heartedly. Obito lashed out at Kakuzu, nearly clipping his older brother's jaw. "Damn it, Obito, you're such a pain," Kakuzu muttered. The doors to the rest of the clinic burst open, and a strange man with a weird bowl cut came out. "Oh dear, is that Obito?" he asked, walking quickly over to Kakuzu and detaching Obito from his arm.
"Does he have any diseases?" Kakuzu asked, checking to see if Obito had broken the skin. Well, all the blood running down his arm should've been his first clue, but he had rather hoped it had come from Obito's swollen, infected gums.
"Oh my, do you want some disinfectant for that?" the doctor asked, and while keeping a hold on Obito's arm, he took a good look at the large bite out of Kakuzu's arm. While the doctor was doing this Obito fainted, going completely limp.
"Ah, what the hell. Sure," Kakuzu replied, following the doctor back into his office as he dragged Obito with him.
"I have to admit, Obito is the one patient I've come closest to just giving sedative and leaving it at that," the doctor said.
"Hmm," Kakuzu hummed. "Any clue why he hates it here?"
"He has a great fear and hate for any form of authority. I can't explain it."
"Oh?"
"I've analyzed everything- Is he really out for good?"
"Probably," Kakuzu grunted.
"What did he get himself in to?" The doctor went over to his desk, getting a cotton ball out of a jar and walking over to the cabinets on the right.
"I don't know, I have a feeling my parents' stash, but that's just a guess," Kakuzu replied, too tired to lie.
"Really?" the doctor glanced over his shoulder at Kakuzu as he got out a bottle of alcohol.
"Where do you think he gets half the stuff he smoke?" Kakuzu sighed. The doctor didn't say a thing as he bent to examine the deep bite marks in Kakuzu's arm.
"He certainly did some damage here."
"Nah, it ain't that bad. He's given me some worse shit I needed stitches for," Kakuzu replied.
"Oh dear. . ." The doctor glanced over to Obito's fainted body. Kakuzu's phone went off suddenly, and with a start Kakuzu answered it.
"Hello?"
"Kakuzu, un? Is Hidan going to kill himself, yeah?"
"What the hell? Not that I know of. What's going on?"
"Um. . .wow. . .uh. . ."
"Deidara, I'm serious. What the hell is going on?"
"It's just that Hidan left, and he was saying some weird stuff that's not really like him un."
"What kind of 'stuff'?"
"Just some things, like he wasn't good enough, and that he wasn't worth it, yeah." Kakuzu sighed.
"No, he's not going to kill himself. And if you freak out on me, I swear it'll send you into labor."
"What? I'm just five months along! The baby isn't due till mid August, yeah!"
"Does the baby care?"
"Hell yeah!"
"Shut up or your water's going to break."
"Whatever. Where are you, yeah?"
"At a hospital."
"What? You've got to be kidding, un!"
"No, Obito showed up, and was on something because he couldn't keep his hands off Tobi."
". . .you let Tobi get molested?"
"I stopped it, don't worry. But I had to get Obito somewhere he wouldn't get himself arrested."
"Right, right. Well, if you're sure Hidan't ok. . ."'
"Did you call him?"
"He won't answer."
"Crap. . .call him again, and if he doesn't answer, I'll call him when I get home, got it?"
"Yeah, un. Call you back?"
"Yeah. Bye."
"Bye." Kakuzu closed his phone, sighing.
"Oh my, you have a pregnant friend?" the doctor asked, attempting a conversation.
"Yeah, he's almost out of high school," Kakuzu answered, not really realizing what he was saying.
"He?" the doctor looked up, and Kakuzu prepared himself for explaining Deidara's 'special case'. "My son has a friend who's a pregnant male as well."
"Oh? Your son would be?" Kakuzu asked.
"Lee. Rock Lee," the doctor replied.
"Ah, I know him. . ." Kakuzu wracked his brain. Rock Lee. . .hadn't Hidan complained about him being perfect or something? "Weird obsession with green, has a haircut like you, actually, looks a lot like you. . .right?"
"Yes, that would be him. He doesn't have many friends. Would your friend also be Deidara-san?"
"Um, yeah." Wow, Deidara was friends with someone with such a nice dad? Impossible.
"Ah, you'll have to excuse me. I'm just a bit worried about my son's social life. You don't still go to school, do you?"
"I graduated last year. Obito should be a senior, but. . .he dropped out as a Sophomore. He said he couldn't handle the structure of it all."
"Really, now. What did your parents think of that?"
"Um, by then they were calling him Tree-hugger-san," Kakuzu said, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.
"I see." There was a long, almost painful silence. Finally, the doctor was finished cleaning the cut, and stood up. "It might not be my place, but not many people would do so much for a little brother like him," he said softly, inclining his head towards Obito.
"What can I say? He's my brother."
"Are you-" the doctor coughed. "Are you planning on going to school?"
"No. There's no way, even if Hell froze over, I'd be able to pay," Kakuzu sighed, standing up. He bowed politely to the doctor. "Thank you for all you've done for my brother," he said softly, then straightened, turned, and left.
Hidan didn't pick up his phone.
A/N: Hey, I'm back! The more reasonable Deidara becomes, the more British he sounds! Probably because my voice of reason, Nona, is British. And yes, this all has a point, and the plot gets moved along with my next scene! XD Deidara's baby gets parents (finally)! Oh, I bet you're all wondering about Hidan. . .well, you won't find out for a LONG time! (this implies that no immediate damage was done.) I got Tobi molested. . .I'm such a bad person! Review please!