I—I have no excuse. I went totally wild with this chapter. I wrote one draft of it, which was ridiculous and had no point, and then changed my mind and wrote this. I gave up on deep, meaningful plot. This is humor, through and through. Or possibly crack. I had way too much fun with this chapter, although this fic is, honestly, going nowhere at this point. ah well.

By the way, Twilight movie! I had to pay some homage to it.

Disenchanted
Sometimes it's difficult to be so hot.
Especially when it gets you the wrong attention.

"No! Don't say that! We're together now. Everything will be fine!"

"At least I...got to see you...one last time..."

"Oh boy. You've lost it."

Kiba blinked, looking away dazedly from his laptop's screen. Naruto stood in the doorway, looking sympathetic.

"A wha?" he asked, over the sound of Belle's heartfelt confession to the beast. Music trilled from his laptop speaker's and he cursed, turning back to hit pause. "Aw, you idiot, you made me miss it!"

Naruto rolled his eyes and entered the room, kicking the door closed behind him. "Why are you watching Disney movies?"

"Uh. Research for my Bio paper."

"…Wait, what?"

Kiba waved him off impatiently, already turning to fiddle through his desk drawers for his headphones. "You forgot your phone."

"Ah, damn. Any calls?"

"Just one. Sakura. She wants you to call her back," Kiba said, trying to keep his tone and expression neutral, and failing miserably, if the way Naruto was smirking at him was any indication.

"You only have one class today, right?"

"…Yeah."

"And you've been in here since you finished?"

"…Yeah."

"Watching Disney movies?"

Kiba sighed, swiveling his computer chair around to face Naruto. "Yeah," he admitted, resigned.

Naruto's grin was wide enough to split his face in two. "In-teresting."

"Oh, shut up," Kiba said irritably, chucking a pen at his forehead. Naruto winced. "Wimp," he said, not without a sick sort of pleasure.

"So violent. So what's the connection?" Naruto asked, jerking his chin at the screen, where Belle was frozen, sobbing, over the Beast's body.

Kiba hesitated, then help up a notepad. "I'm taking notes. On how to be chivalrous. Don't laugh," Kiba warned hastily. "You probably don't even know what the word means."

"I know it's something you're not," Naruto said easily. He wasn't laughing, but he did look amused. "What're the results?"

Kiba ran a hand over his face, then looked at his notes and cleared his throat. "Prince Charming is brave, chivalrous, and kind. He holds open doors and bows. He knows how to waltz, he's blond, and he's a virgin." He tossed the notepad back onto his desk. "How doomed am I?"

"If you're gonna live by Cinderella, then very. But lucky for you, you don't have to." Naruto rolled over onto his back, stretching and yawning hugely.

"Eh?" Kiba said eloquently.

"Well, Sakura's favorite fairy tale isn't Snow White or Sleeping Beauty or whatever." Naruto grinned, as if remembering an old memory. "It is, and always has been, Shrek. And you make a pretty good ogre."

Kiba didn't know whether to be relieved or perturbed: just what kind of nut was he into?

"Anyway," Naruto waved him off, pressing a button on his cell phone. "Let's see what the princess wants."

Kiba turned back to his laptop so he could pretend he wasn't eavesdropping.

"Sakura-chan! you called? … Yeah, I forgot it… I know, I'm sorry. You made Kiba's day, though." Kiba swiveled around to shoot Naruto the deadliest glare he could muster. "And now he's pissed I told you… Yeah, sorry. What? … Sure, I'll take you. When? Saturday? Cool. No, I won't forget! Relax! Tell Sasuke he owes me – I like those little fudge brownies…. He what? What an ass! I don't like him anymore. Tell him we're so over…. Just tell him! … hah! He can try! … Alright. See you soon. Bye, Princess! … Heh, ask Prince Charming. Bye!"

Naruto hung up and dropped his phone beside him, before looking up. Kiba was watching him, all decorum abandoned. Naruto grinned.

"Hey, Lover Boy. Keep Saturday free."

"Huh? Why?"

"Sakura needs me to play chauffeur since Sasuke's driving down to Suna. You can come with."

Kiba was skeptical. "You really think Sakura would appreciate that?"

"Probably not." Naruto shrugged, not looking too bothered. Then he grinned slyly, and Kiba squirmed. "I'm impressed. You're actually considering the girl's feelings for once?"

"Don't I always?" Kiba snapped. "They just… always happen to coincide with mine."

"You both wanna make out?" Naruto clarified.

"…Pretty much."

"Sucker," Naruto laughed. "Sakura's never even been kissed. I can't wait for Saturday. You're gonna have to get her attention the old-fashioned way. You know, no tongue?" Naruto paused. "Well, except for talking, I guess, but you know. No kissing. Oh wait, you don't need your tongue if you don't french…"

While Naruto broke his brain trying to understand himself, Kiba closed his laptop thoughtfully. He looked at his sparse notes. They were no help anymore. Prince Charming wouldn't do, and he was no Shrek. He'd just have to wing it.

Well, he once did just that for a Psych exam and got an 'A' – this couldn't be too different.

He hoped.

-x-

They picked Sakura up from a Starbucks. She stood on the corner, just outside the door, sipping from a large frappucino, and she brought the scent in when she slid into the backseat.

"You're late," she informed Naruto, before catching sight of Kiba. "Oh," she said, clearly surprised, "Hi."

"Hey," Kiba greeted. Naruto snickered quietly to himself. Kiba ignored him. "Sorry we're late. Naruto's fault, of course." Naruto's fault for forgetting to fill up on gas and already messing up Kiba's plans. Idiot.

"Of course," Sakura said, so flatly that Kiba wasn't sure if she was agreeing or not.

Awkward silence fell in the car, punctuated only by the voice of Marilyn Manson coming through the speakers.

"is this my CD?" Kiba demanded of Naruto suddenly. Naruto glanced sideways at him.

"Maaaaybe?"

"I've been looking everywhere for this!"

"Naruto steals stuff a lot," Sakura piped up from the backseat. Kiba glanced back. Her arms were folded across her chest, one leg crossed over the other. She was wearing a skirt, and it took a lot of effort for Kiba to not appreciate (read: gawk at) the view. "He once 'borrowed' my English essay and never gave it back. The only time I failed to hand in an assignment on time," she added, kicking the back of Naruto's seat for emphasis. He protested this vehemently.

Kiba winced sympathetically. "Thanks for the warning."

Sakura smiled then, quickly, as if she didn't really mean to do it. "Anytime."

Before silence could settle over them again, Kiba asked, "So, where are we going?"

Sakura cocked an eyebrow. "You don't know? Uh, why are you here?"

Naruto grinned from ear to ear and said, before Kiba could cut him off, "Isn't it obvious? She's five-two, a super-genius, and outrageously female."

Sakura rolled her eyes. Kiba wanted to strangle Naruto. He had actually been doing well until that idiot blond had to go and—

"Daycare," Sakura mumbled. Kiba snapped his attention back to her. "I volunteer there," she explained. "Naruto goes with me sometimes. Sorry, I'm sure you didn't want to—"

"Cool," Kiba said hastily. "Kids are great. And I have nothing better to do."

Sakura stared at him. "It's three hours."

Seriously? Didn't kids take naps anymore? "I love kids," Kiba repeated, nodding emphatically. Then, realizing something, he asked, "You volunteer there? How often?"

"Uh, once a week," she replied, caught off-guard. "Every Saturday."

"You volunteer once a week, and work, what, three days a week?" Sakura nodded warily. "And you're doing pre-med at Oto?"

"How do you—"

Shoot. Way to creep the girl out. Hastily, he cut her off, "Do you ever sleep?"

Sakura smiled. "I volunteer at the hospital, too. Every Thursday."

Kiba exhaled gustily. This girl was insane. No wonder everyone kept telling him she was out of his league.

"You're completely nuts," Kiba told her sincerely. Well, she had the beauty and brains. Something had to be wrong with her, he supposed. Well, besides the fact that she was in love with another guy and didn't really approve of him.

"Sasuke says the same thing," Naruto commented from beside him.

Kiba stifled a sigh. Thanks for that, man. "Well, he's supposed to be smart," he said wryly. "You should listen to him."

Sakura cocked an eyebrow challengingly. "Sasuke can't make me change. What makes you think you can?"

Ah, opportunity. Kiba smiled and answered, surprisingly honestly, "I don't want you to change. I like you just the way you are."

And then he turned in his seat to face forward with a warning glance at Naruto, and raised the volume on the stereo to drown out the stupid blond's stupid snickers.

Sakura was silent for the rest of the trip.

He wasn't just good. He was so good. Move over, Edward Cullen.

-x-

Immediately upon entering, Naruto was attacked by about six screeching demons—er, children. He laughed and allowed them to lead him away to play Pokémon Barbie, or whatever it was kids did. Half an hour later, he was still with them, carrying a little girl on piggyback and looking absolutely thrilled. Well, Naruto had always been a kid at heart.

Sakura, meanwhile, was hopelessly popular. Kiba was, of course, watching her, though he tried very hard to be subtle about it, and every two minutes a new kid seemed to walk up to her to tell her their life story. For her part, Sakura seemed enraptured, asking questions and offering them seats and toys and even cookies.

Kiba wondered why she didn't treat him so nicely. He didn't even have snot coming out of his nose!

But, he conceded, he was being ridiculous. He was here, wasn't he? Sasuke never joined her at the daycare, Sakura had told him earlier. She sounded nonchalant, but Kiba knew better. Sakura loved kids; Sasuke didn't. Sakura also loved animals; Sasuke did not. Kiba loved animals, and he was tolerant (read: baffled by) kids, so he already had something over Prince Sasuke.

Now he just had to show Sakura that.

Kiba raked a hand through his hair, glancing around disinterestedly. Or, what he hoped seemed disinterestedly. Yeah, she was still looking.

A little girl with black pigtails that poofed straight out from either side of her head wouldn't stop staring at Kiba. It was kind of creepy. The little boy beside him – who looked scarily similar to Sasuke – was staring at her. Kiba tried to nudge them together. They could amuse each other so he didn't have to show Sakura how horrible he was with kids. They weren't very responsive to his not-at-all subtle suggestions for them to "Go chill together."

Instead, the little girl stood up from her seat by a Mr. Potato Head and tottered over to Sakura. The mini-Sasuke's head swiveled round to watch her. Kiba's head swiveled round because he had a reason to check Sakura out, and he wasn't going to waste it.

She was kneeling down in front of two little boys. A plate of chocolate-chip cookies sat between them, and she was sucking some chocolate off her thumbs. Kiba noticed the boys watching her closely and had the craziest urge to cover their eyes. That wasn't cool. they were like five – they had ages to find their own women!

One boy held out a napkin. "You can use mine," he told her earnestly. Sakura laughed but declined, and Kiba closed his eyes. Why was he so paranoid? That wasn't attractive, and Kiba was, so he was never paranoid. Right.

Sakura looked up to smile at Little Miss Pigtails. "Want a cookie, Akina?" Pigtails shook her head and said something in a low voice Kiba didn't really care to try and make out. Her back was to him, obscuring his view of Sakura, so he turned back to the building blocks in front of him.

"Hey, kid," he said, poking Mini-Sasuke. "Build something." Mini-Sasuke turned his head briefly enough to glare at him. Kiba gulped. Whoa. The tiny one was even scarier than the original.

"Hey, Kiba," Sakura called suddenly and, because he was obsessed and an idiot, he whipped around to look at her. She was smiling at him, and in an actually sweet way, the way she smiled at Naruto and Ino, and beckoning for him to join her.

He stood, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and noticed Mini-Sasuke doing the same. Kiba paused, staring at him, and Mini-Sasuke looked up expectantly, his hard expression from earlier melting into a shy smile. Well, okay. That was kind of creepy, considering how much he looked like El Broody.

Still, Kiba allowed the kid to trail behind him as he made his way to Sakura and Pigtails, who was turning bright, fire-truck red.

"You called?"

"I did. Sit," she said, patting the space beside her. Kiba tried not to look too pleased as he complied. "Hi, Sousuke," she added, vaguely surprised, to Mini-Sasuke.

Sousuke? Really? God, even the name was close.

"This is Akina," Sakura went on, pulling Pigtails closer to Kiba by the hand. Her eyes were wide, and she had her other hand bunched around the fabric of her red dress. Kiba smiled at her.

"'Sup?"

Akina flushed even deeper scarlet and backed away, plopping down beside Sousuke, who looked disappointed. Kiba raised his eyebrows.

"Something I said…?"

Beside him, Sakura giggled. When Kiba looked over at her for an explanation, she waved a hand. "You two talk. I'll get some juice. Sousuke, help me?"

When Sakura spoke, boys listened, Kiba supposed. Sousuke immediately stood to follow her, and Kiba and Akina were left.

Alone.

A rather disturbing thought occurred to Kiba, and his eyes widened. Why did it seem like Sakura was trying to set him up with a five-year-old?

Said five-year-old was blushing and trying to sneak inconspicuous glances at him. Kiba groaned. Talk about awkward.

He cleared his throat. "So. How's it goin'?"

Akina smiled widely at him. Dimples formed in her chubby cheeks. Really, Kiba thought, she was a pretty cute kid. Just not – he cringed – his type.

This was so typical of his luck. He tried to be charming for Sakura, and he had a baby swooning after him!

Dammit.

He really couldn't be expected to break this tiny girl's tiny heart, could he? But he couldn't… lead her on, either.

Ah, hell, what was he thinking?

Kiba sighed, pasted on a friendly smile, and took a cookie, offering the plate to Akina. "Dig in," he said, and she hesitated, then took one.

"You can talk, you know. I don't bite."

Akina giggled at that, then said, in a high-pitched, childish voice, "Nee-san said you're nice." She looked skeptical – for a kid, anyway. "Are you?"

"Sakura said that? Really?" Kiba suddenly really, really loved this kid. "What else did she tell you?"

"That you liked girls and that you were very funny." Akina paused, thinking. "I asked if you were nee-san's boyfriend. She said no." She smiled, suddenly shy, and Kiba grinned back. Ridiculous, how this bit of information put him on such a high.

"Wanna hear a secret?" Akina asked, standing up. Kiba nodded, holding his hands out to hear when she started to walk towards him. It was instinct – he opened his arms to Akamaru whenever he trotted towards him, too.

Akina whispered in his ear – loud enough for half the room to hear – "I like you, Mr. Kiba."

Kiba didn't know what was more mortifying: the confession, the name, or Sakura, just returning from her juice run.

Very aware of this last fact, Kiba pulled Akina down to sit beside him. "Tell you what," he said, offering her another cookie. "Come to me when you're legal, okay? We'll get married."

Akina burned red. So did Sousuke – but out of anger, not embarrassment. Dear God. The boy was jealous. Kiba was in a love triangle with babies. It was like freaking Passions for the toddler set!

What was wrong with his life?

Sousuke growled and stood, grabbing Akina's hand. "Come on. We're playing with the blocks," he barked, yanking her away. Akina didn't protest, only turned to wave happily at Kiba, probably to assure him she hadn't forgotten about him. Great.

Sakura dropped down in front of Kiba. Her eyes were bright with amusement. "Very romantic," she commended.

Kiba flicked a cookie crumb at her. "Shut it, you."

She only laughed, propping her chin up in her upturned palms, elbows on her knees. "You're her first love. It's cute." She cocked her head, smile dimming. "Though you get that a lot, I'm sure."

"Don't be, 'cause I don't. You know," he mused aloud, "My first love was my babysitter. Her name was Kurenai." He sighed mournfully. "She went and got a boyfriend on my eighth birthday. It broke my heart."

"Ouch."

He shrugged. "I got over it. I break hearts. I get mine broken. It's life. You just keep going." Kiba's smile was wry. "What's that saying? 'It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'? Well, why not?"

Sakura looked impressed. Kiba tried not to look smug. "Very deep. You should write a book."

"On what?" Kiba laughed. "The enchanted fairy tale journey of love?"

"More like disenchanted," she replied dryly. "But yeah. Why not? You know enough about it."

Kiba refused to rise to the bait. He looked her dead in the eye so she'd get the point when he said, "I know a fair bit. Wanna hear?"

-x-
Hey, the fairy tales have a lot to say.
But even though Cinderella is 'The greatest love story ever told'…
Well, who says it can't be beat?
-x-