Deidara gulped as he got off the bus. He had been having strange cramps for the past ten or fifteen minutes, and he was starting to get a bit worried. He wasn't due to give birth for another week, but he was still a bit paranoid. Quickly, he got off the bus and started for home. Tobi was visiting with his parents that night, and wouldn't be home until morning. Deidara wasn't with him because of a meeting he had had with the headmaster of a college.
Deidara almost made it home. He was outside the apartment building, when a cold hand descended ominously on his shoulder. Jumping, Deidara turned around to find himself face to face with Obito. "What do you want?" he asked. Why, oh why, did he end up against the wall? If only he had been quicker about the door, he wouldn't be cornered. Obito loomed over Deidara.
"I need money," Obito said quietly. Deidara sighed. So he wasn't stoned or drunk.
"Obito, you know how much money I have. I can't give you money, un."
"What about for food?"
"Don't they feed you at the clinic, yeah?"
"I left. Look, I just need a bit, like 380 pounds."
"If you want to eat, go back to the clinic, un," Deidara said, trying to inch towards the door. Obito blocked him.
"Just 380, Deidara," Obito pleaded. Deidara rolled his eyes.
"No, Obito. Why don't you go to your brother, yeah?"
"He hates me. He'll just send me back there. But I need to be free! You understand Deidara, as a fellow artist, right?" Deidara's eyes widened as Obito pulled out a knife. "I need to be free. Will you be free with me?" Obito lifted up the knife. Deidara felt a shooting pain in his stomach, the cramps were getting worse.
"Obito, put the knife down," Deidara said kindly yet firmly. "You're going to put the knife down, un." Obito shook his head, messy hair bouncing everywhere.
"No, Deidara. You're an artist too, you understand, right? We have to be free."
"Obito, you can find freedom in this world, yeah." Deidara was weighing his options. He might be able to make it into the building if he pushed Obito hard enough, but if he didn't, the consequences were rather severe. The baby moved awkwardly. Deidara gulped. He didn't know if the people in the building would hear him if he screamed, but even if they did, by the time they came to investigate it might be too late. He should focus on somehow getting over to the door and getting Obito to put down the knife.
"I've tried, Deidara! There is no peace in this world!" Obito wailed, flourishing the knife. Deidara gulped. All right, these most definitely weren't cramps.
"Obito, please, just put the knife down and we can talk, yeah," Deidara said, trying not to show his fear.
"I'm through with talking! Everyone just wants to talk! They think talking can solve everything! Well it can't! It's time for some action!" And Obito brought the knife down on Deidara. Deidara screamed, but the blow never came. Deidara, once he realized he was more or less safe, glanced up.
Kakuzu grabbed Obito's arm, stopping him from stabbing Deidara. Obito growled, whirling on his older brother and slicing at him with the knife. Kakuzu stepped back, narrowly dodging the knife. Obito lunged again, nearly catching Kakuzu on the jaw. Kakuzu, with quick, deft movements, grabbed Obito's arm and twisted it behind his back, pressing his own arm into Obito's neck. "Drop the knife, Obito," he growled. Obito dropped it. Carefully, Kakuzu released Obito. Instantly, his little brother turned around and lashed out at Kakuzu, clipping his jaw. Kakuzu, without another word, grabbed the front of Obito's shirt and punched him square in the face. Obito fell limp, completely unconscious. Kakuzu was about to cart him off to the car, when a whimper reminded him of Deidara.
Kakuzu dropped Obito and walked back over to Deidara, who had slid down the wall, sitting with his legs curled and spread, a look of terror on his face. "Deidara?" Kakuzu asked, and then he noticed the liquid seeping between Deidara's legs. Kakuzu's heart sank, and he bent down to Deidara, wrapping the blonde's arm around his neck and hoisting him to his feet. Quickly, they both got in the car, and Kakuzu drove off, leaving Obito in the bushes.
Deidara was biting his tongue, trying not to cry out in pain. Was labour supposed to be this bad? But as long as he had to go into labour he was glad it was Kakuzu he had with him, not someone who would freak out. "We take a right up here, right?" Kakuzu asked. Deidara nodded, not trusting his voice. It wasn't long before they finally made it to the hospital.
Deidara had an arm around Kakuzu's neck, the other around his own stomach. "Your name?" the receptionist asked.
"Deidara," Kakuzu replied.
"Ah, I have some special orders for you. I'll call your doctor immediately." After a quick phone call, Tsunade rushed down the hall, accompanied by Sakura.
"Oh my, Deidara. You sure know how to do things wrong," Sakura said, giggling. She stopped once she realized the expression on Deidara's face.
"Come on, we can take him," Tsunade said, sliding Deidara's arm over her shoulders. Kakuzu, now being deprived of a job, simply followed them to the birthing room. Quickly, the doctors had Deidara in a hospital gown and on a bed. Deidara was panting, face twisted into a mask of pain. Kakuzu allowed Deidara to grab his hand, digging his nails in harshly as the pain seemed to escalate.
"Deep breaths, Dei-chan," Sakura instructed. Deidara nodded, screwing his eyes shut in agony. Tsunade and Jiraiya bent between Deidara's legs.
"Where's all this blood coming from?" Jiraiya asked. Tsunade bit her lip.
"Hopefully just an abnormal amount of regular vaginal bleeding. It'll stop in a minute or two," she replied. "He's not nearly dilated enough."
"Fuck," Deidara whimpered as another wave of pain washed over him. "H-here, get m-me my pants." Sakura handed them to him, and with shaking hands, he pulled out his cell phone, handing it to Kakuzu. "C-call T-tobi, yeah," he shuddered. Kakuzu nodded and left the room, quickly finding Tobi's cell phone on speed dial and sending the number.
"Deidara?" Tobi answered, sounding like he was swallowing something.
"No, sorry, Kakuzu. Deidara went into labour."
"What?" Tobi cried, the sounds of dropped silverware accompanying his voice.
"We're at the hospital. Think you can make it?"
"I'm on my way!" Tobi cried. "Thank you for calling!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes, smiling.
"Just get over here quickly," Kakuzu muttered, hanging up. Sighing, he prepared himself for the harder call to make. But with the air of a man resigned to his own death, he flipped open his own phone and dialed a number he knew by heart.
"Yeah?" Hidan answered on the first ring, slightly anxiously. "Did you find him?"
"Yes and no," Kakuzu muttered. "See, I found him, but he found Deidara."
"What?"
"Apparently he was armed with a knife, but I don't know what he was doing to Deidara. As soon as I came up, he attacked me with the knife and I. . ."
"Well?"
"I punched him and he fell unconscious."
"Reasonable, Kakuzu. Get over it."
"Right. But then Deidara went into labour-"
"You have got to be fucking kidding! He went into labour?"
"Yeah. So I dumped Obito and took Deidara to the hospital. But Hidan, listen, I need you to do something for me."
"Do you want me to find Obito?"
"What? Of course not, he's an armed and intoxicated suicidal person with no boundaries. I don't want you anywhere near him. Just call Dr. Might and tell him where he was last seen, all right?"
"Ok. I'll call everyone and let them know what's going on. Did you call Tobi?"
"Yeah. He's on his way. Who's paying for the long distance call to Pein?"
"I am. Keep me updated."
"Will do."
"Bye."
"Bye." Kakuzu hung up. He then, taking Deidara's cell phone, dialed one more number that he didn't actually know.
"Akasuna residence, Chiyo speaking," an old woman's crisp voice came from the other end.
"Hello, my name is Kakuzu, may I speak to Sasori-san please?"
"He's in the shower. May I take a message?"
"Yeah, sure. Just tell him Deidara's in labour."
"Deidara-kun? Labour?"
"You didn't know Sasori got him pregnant? That's all I really have to say, actually. Bye."
"Bye."
By the time Tobi got there, things had gotten much worse. Deidara was trying his hardest to keep quiet, but crying out in extreme pain quite regularly. The doctors were rushing and trying to figure out where all the blood was coming from. "Deidara, can you describe the pain you're in?" Tsunade asked. Deidara whimpered, sweat running down his face. "Deidara, listen to me," Tsunade said firmly.
"Ah, dislocating and breaking my arm at the same time didn't feel half as bad as this!" Deidara had long since screwed his eyes shut.
"Piercing or aching?" Tsunade asked.
"Piercing, ah!" Deidara cried, digging his nails into Kakuzu's arm. Kakuzu barely felt it, seeing Deidara in this much pain hurt him much more. Tobi flew into the room, followed by his mother. Shizune sighed, stopping him.
"Just keep calm, Uzumaki-kun, Uzumaki-san," she said, nodding to each in turn. "Deidara isn't exactly fine, but he's going to pull through. Just take a few deep breaths and calm yourself." Tobi did so. "All right." Shizune stepped aside and allowed Tobi past. Kakuzu looked up and allowed a relieved smile to cross his face. He pried Deidara's fingers from his arm and stepped back, allowing Tobi to step up next to Deidara. Deidara glanced up and gave Tobi a shaky smile. Tobi extended his hand, allowing Deidara to grab it as another wave of pain washed over him.
"Shit," Deidara hissed, eyes shutting again. Tobi brushed his hair back from his forehead, kissing it sweetly.
"Hang in there, Deidara," he encouraged. Shizune smiled at Kushina.
"Tobi's quite grown up," she noted. "He's acting like a real husband."
"I wish he would get up his guts and become a real husband. But then, of course, there's the gender issue."
"Ah. I'm sure they'll last, though. They're not the types to fall apart over that sort of thing."
"Goodness, no. It would take a lot more to strike them down. I'll be in the waiting room, then?" As Kakuzu and Kushina both exited, Deidara screamed in pain.
"Where is the blood coming from?" Tsunade finally sighed. Shizune was by Deidara's stomach, while Jiraiya and Tsunade were between his legs. Lightly, she probed the right side of Deidara's stomach.
"Does that hurt any more than it should?" she asked. Deidara shook his head. Slowly, she moved her hand across his stomach, until he cried out and stopped her hand.
"Right- ah- there," he forced out. Shizune nodded.
"There's something wrong right here," she said to Tsunade.
"It could be the baby," Jiraiya said slowly.
"Let's get an image up of the baby," Tsunade ordered. Sakura got right on it, fiddling with the machines for a moment before an image of the baby appeared on the screen.
"Oh my," Tsunade breathed. The baby had somehow lodged under Deidara's ribcage and get the cord wrapped around its neck, twice.
"I say c-section immediately," Jiraiya said firmly. Tsunade glanced at Deidara.
"We'll give it an hour or an hour and a half. If the baby hasn't made any progress, we'll operate." Deidara whimpered, sweat pouring down the sides of his face. "but first we have to stop this bleeding. Any ideas?"
"Maybe it's the uterus," Sakura said slowly. "Maybe something happened when the baby became an acrobat, it also managed to do something else."
"But if it's really coming from inside, we can't do anything. We'll have to wait for the baby to do something," Tsunade said, grinding her teeth. She had only had one case like this, and that had been nearly twenty years ago.
"It's not in torrents, we can wait a bit," Shizune said reassuringly.
"You're- ah!- just going to let me- ngh- bleed?" Deidara asked through gasps of pain.
"Where's the pain medication?" Shizune asked. "Sakura, could you take care of that?"
"Will do, boss!" Sakura said, jumping into action. Tobi wished he could do something to help, but all he could do was stand there, holding Deidara's hand.
.
An hour and a half later, Kakuzu's phone rang. "Hello?" he answered.
"Kakuzu-san, I need to talk to you."
"Might-san? What is it?" Kakuzu asked hurriedly, glancing at Mrs. Uzumaki on the other end of the row of chairs. Mrs. Uzumaki smiled.
"I found Obito."
"Thank God. Where?"
"Well, um, I didn't exactly find him physically. But I was called in because. . ."
"What?"
"He's been arrested."
"You're kidding," Kakuzu groaned, head falling into his free hand. "You are fucking kidding."
"I'm sorry, but I'm not. He's been arrested on assault and attempted rape, along with possession of illegal substances."
"Attempted rape?" Kakuzu, for the next ten seconds, went through ever curse he could remember in Arabic.
"From what I could tell, almost after you left him he attacked a young woman."
"She wasn't hurt, was she?" Kakuzu asked.
"Not really, she had pepper spray. I was called as his psychiatrist. But, Kakuzu-san, um. . ."
"There's more?"
"Oh yes. They traced your parents. It seems as if they're all going to be held in prison for many, many years." Kakuzu sighed tiredly, not saying anything for a long moment.
"So what else? Are they going to call me in because I knew and didn't tell anyone?"
"Your parents wouldn't be able to disclose such information. But from what your brother tells them about you, it seems impossible that you'll be in any trouble."
"What?"
"I'd like to say he did it out of the kindness of his heart, but he was trying to make the police sympathetic. He told them about you doing everything you possibly could to keep him in the clinic, and how much he hated it." Kakuzu remained silent for another long moment.
"They're all in jail?"
"Obito has been arrested, but they're still trying to get your parents. Kakuzu-san, for what it's worth, I'm so, so sorry. . ."
"Don't be. It was inevitable, I guess. It should've happened years ago, I guess," Kakuzu said softly, voice dejected. "No one has a lawyer, but Obito living in an insane asylum for a few months should count for something. I should probably see him. Has he already used his one call?"
"Yes, to call me. Kakuzu-san, where are you?"
"At a hospital, my friend Deidara went into labour."
"Still there?"
"Of course. Like I would bring him here and leave?"
"No, I suppose you wouldn't do that. How are you feeling?"
". . .rather worried, but also resigned. How about you?" Dr. Might chuckled.
"I was worried, but since I know you're fine, I suppose I shouldn't be worried anymore. And I'm tired. You should be in bed, it's 9:30."
"Ah, I doubt I'll sleep until I know Deidara and the baby are all right."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, there was excessive bleeding and such. But I'm sure everything will turn out all right."
"You seem oddly optimistic."
"Yeah. Wonder why. . ."
"Well, I hope you figure out what it is. And I hope everything turns out fine."
'Arigato, Might-san."
"No problem, Kakuzu-san." Kakuzu hung up, glancing again at Mrs. Uzumaki.
"Is everything all right, dear?" she asked politely. Kakuzu sighed.
"Mostly," Kakuzu sighed.
"You're Kakuzu-san, right?" Kakuzu nodded slowly. "I'm Uzumaki Kushina, Tobi's mother." She extended her hand, and Kakuzu shook it cautiously. Kushina laughed. "You're a lot like Deidara. He didn't know how to react to me at first, too." Kakuzu blinked.
"I apologise if you took it offensively, but I just got a call saying my brother and parents just got arrested."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be. They all had it coming."
"I'm sure that doesn't ease the pain, though." Mrs. Uzumaki scooted closer. "But at least we get to meet Deidara's baby." Kakuzu said nothing, but he was greatly heartened by Mrs. Uzumaki's words.
A/N: I wanted to get the baby borne, but then complications set in! And can someone please explain to me what 'Thanksgiving' is for? No one seems to be able to give me a fucking straight answer.