Has anyone noticed no one on The G.N Fanfic really ever writes disclaimers? I feel like breaking the mould…
Disclaimer: All the good bits (i.e. Dave, All the other characters, Dave, Dave) belong to the Fabby Louise Rennison (I've tried buying Dave of her but he's not for sale), only the plot is mine.
2 Seconds later
Huh? Did she…and I…what…she…I…said…and…
1 Minute later
I should probably say something, but this snog is turning my brain to soup and it'd probably come out as some big drivelly, arsey type fandango. And it would be a shame to stop this snog…
5 Minutes Later
She pulled away from me and sighed, stop with the stopping!
'Dave you are so…Just, Dave like!! I tell you I love you and you carry on snogging me, well Dave she who laughs last laughs the laughingest, I'm going, forget it' She said and she started getting up. Quick Dave, say something!!
'Shock, it was shock that made me do it, officer' …and it was going so well, why did I call her officer?
'Dave you don't half fill me with confusosity,' I love it when she says –osity 'One minute you tell me you love me, the next you call me officer.'
'Sorry kittykat, it's just usually when people meet my family, they run away screaming, not tell me they love me. And I didn't mean to call you officer, it's a jerk reaction.'
'Isn't it Knee-jerk reaction?' She asked.
'No, just Jerk, I'm just a jerk' I said, doing my best puppy-dog eyes. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, make 'em feel sorry for you, that's what I always say.
1 Second later
Ok, I don't always say it, but I do sometimes…
1 Second later
Ok, I never say it. I just made it up. Shoot me!!
2 Seconds later
Ooh Spuds in hell, she's looking in my eyes, it's like she's looking into my soul…
5 Seconds later
What the blazes did I just say?! How soppy can you get!!
1 Second later
And what sort of saying is "What the Blazes"?
3 Seconds later
I don't think I've recovered from my soup brain.
4 Seconds later
I leaned in to give her a kiss and she leaned back and threw her hands up like they do in crappy police films and said 'Dave, stop, please, I've got to go, my Mutti will probably hit number 10 on the losing it scale if I'm late, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?'
I smiled and nodded like I had a clue what she was on about, last thing I heard number 10 was…
1 Second later
Gross!!
2 Minutes later
So, she's gone…
30 Seconds later
I Really wish I had a clue what just happened. Where does this put us now? Am I her Boyfriend type fandango (Wow, that sounded Gee like!), she told me she loves me for Pete's sake!
5 Minutes later
Went downstairs to get something to eat. My Mother is so totally useless, it's unbelievable! She only buys anything if it's on offer, we have about 28 tins of Tuna (Buy 2 get 1 free), but bread? No, the loaf of bread we've got went out of date last week and has a layer of furry mould on it! How am I meant to sort my love life out on an empty stomach? I'll tell you how, I'll go to Toms, he'll help me.
15 Minutes later
Outside Tom's
Damn!! They're still in school, doing voodoo or whatever it was with Miss. Wilson. I'll have a quick peek through the window at the clock and see what time it is, then I can decide whether it's worth waiting for Tom to get home and feed me or whether I should go back to McDonalds for the 2nd time today.
30 Seconds later
Had my face pressed against the window when Robbie appeared at the door. Oops…Maybe he didn't see me, quick Dave, make you're escape!!
2 Minutes later
That went well. I started running off but tripped on some stupid stone, well, I say stone but it was more of a boulder if I'm honest, and anyway Robbie came to the door and was watching me sitting on the floor shouting at a rock. I looked up at him like Norman normal and said 'Oh, Hi Robbie…'
10 Minutes later
God, I forgot how boring Robbie can be!! He's been going on about endangered rat snot or something. Then he said the magic word; Georgia. 'So Dave, you seen much of Georgia lately?'
'Yeah actually, just been talking to her, that's what I wanted to see Tom about.'
'Why? Is everything ok between you?' He may be a complete bore and a marsupial man but that didn't stop me spilling my guts to him.
1 Second later
Oh my Days, you didn't think I literally spilled my guts did you?! I mean I told him everything.
2 Minutes later
Whew, finished.
'It's obvious, Dave…' Robbie smiled. I'm glad he thought it was obvious because I don't have the slightest clue what to do. And I'm still hungry…
I just said 'What?'
'Dave, I've known Gee ages and it was me that introduced you two and I think you're perfect for each other. I can tell by the way you talk about her like the sun shines out of her bum and even though she's done some awful things to you over the years you still Love her.'
'Ermmm, Thanks Robbie. For everything. I'm gonna head home now, tell Tom I stopped by.'
'Yeah course. Dave, don't screw it up with Gee, will you?' I could have sworn Robbie looked really sad when he said that. He's still not gotten over her I bet, well that's what you get for leaving her for wombats. And what does he mean screw it up?! I've never screwed anything up!
1 Second later
Don't laugh, it's true…
1 Second later
Ish…
20 Minutes later
Back Home
I went to Tom's for something to eat and came back hungrier than before. Hopefully my useless mother will remember to bring something home, I don't think I can stomach any more tuna.
2 Minutes later
I was just sat in the kitchen, dreaming of a snickers bar or ever a packet of Malteasers when Lottie came in and sat next to me.
'What do you want Bimbo-Brains?'
'Shut up Ass-wipe, you owe me a favour, remember, because I let you and your new Girlfriend in…' I nearly said something about her not being my girlfriend but I bit my tongue (it hurt actually), she ,may well be my girlfriend after today. 'Dave, meet Darian, I need you to hide him for me, oh and by the way he's Spanish…' And 'Darian' walked in, he was about 17, tall, tanned, Spanish, you know the sort…
2 Seconds later
What the hell does she mean "Hide him"?!
I'm a very bad person, I make you wait forever and a day for this chapter, then it's mega short. I thought this was a good place to end though, sorry. If any of you read "Has the pants ship really sailed" by laughkittykatforever, I have started working with the her and we are now writing it together. I'm going to write chapter 3, she'll write 4, I'll write 5 etc…So please give it a read. Hope you like the chapter and maybe it was worth a little bit of the wait? Please review, and feel free to shout at me for being such a Meany-Poo. Emily xxx P.S My brothers friend is Spanish and he's called Darian, it's not completly random lol